I am new to this site and I love what I see. I feel stupid honestly talking with my friends about this issue. I am so over my head in this addiction. I used to not be shomer shabbos and after I went to Israel at the end of my shanna alef I started to keep shabbos and kosher. Now I am in my fifth year beismedrish but for some reason this one issue has been plaguing me ever since. I want to stop sooooooo badly (I am sure you all understand) but I just haven't been able to do it. I am not in one of the best yeshivas in America and I just can't speak to my friends or rabbis about this. Since I have gotten to yeshiva this zman I have been clean and I hope that this clean will stick but I honestly doubt it will. I get so much chizuk seeing so many people working through the same issues that I have but I have tried so many things in the past and its a scary thought but sometimes I feel I might always have this problem, and that's why I want so badly to really root out this problem from the bottom up. I hope ellul will be michazik me and to soon be clean of this taivah. I have recently begun shidduch dating and I don't want to ever have to tell my wife about this and at the same time I wouldn't want to keep anything away from her. I truly hope that with all of your help and of course above all seyatah dishmayah to overcome this challenge. I want to let you all know I have gone 2 weeks clean up until this point. The only things that scares me is that this past week I looked at inappropriate pictures (not the really bad stuff but they were very inappropriate) and I know every time that I do this it ends up getting worse and worse and worse and then I fall eventually (and fast). Please everything that is written to me will be taken to heart and I hope that I receive helpful advice because I am running out of options. I honestly can't face someone in person and this manner for me I find to be much easier.

Welcome aboard.

I thought I'm the only one up this late

You already have a good head start with 2 weeks under your belt, stay strong and Guard Your Eyes!

Have you read the handbooks and the 12 step material yet? There's lots of ideas there, you will probably find a lot of concepts that will motivate you. You can then decide if you want to do a phone conference, or just participate in the forum, whatever will keep you motivated to stay with the program and reaaly work on changing yourself from the inside out. And don't keep worrying about "someday i will fall" that can become a self-fulfilling prophecy CH"V. That's why we say "One Day At A Time".

Hatzlacha and Keep On Trucking^TM (do you know what that means yet?)

Gevura!

Welcome abcd1234,
that's a cool username, I wanted it for myself when I was signing up here, then changed my mind
This website offers wonderful tools, like Gevura mentioned, so stick around.
You said you tried to stop before, but it didn't work out. I had similar issues, until I found this website. It provides you with structure and a plan and if you stick with it you will be matzliah and you won't have to tell anyhting to your future wife.
Hatzlocho rabo

Thanks for the advice guys, and I will try and take a look at the 12 step program.

abcd1234 wrote on 11 Sep 2011 06:52:


I wouldn't discourage anyone from taking a look at the 12 step program.

Still, based on your original post R' abcd1234, I strongly suggest that your first step be looking at the "GYE Program in a Nutshell", available here.

As a Tibetan wise man once said: "One does not treat the flu with chemotherapy..."

Take a look at the program, and make a realistic cheshbon hanefesh of your current level. Then you can choose a plan of action to start with.

And now for the official greeting package:

Welcome to our community, you have finally come home!

We're all in the same boat here. Tzuras Rabim Chatzi Nechama   Once you've arrived, there's no turning back. Everyone here will just grab a hold of you and pull you up with them!

GYE Program in a Nutshell: (Right Click the link and press "Save Link/Target As" to save the PDF file to your computer).

'Guard Your Eyes' offers a unique approach to helping people by recognizing that there are many different levels in the struggle for "Shmiras Ainayim" and "Shmiras Habris". After studying the experience of hundreds of religious strugglers over the past few years, we put together the suggestions and recommendations that we feel are best for the various levels. We divided the tools, features and services that GYE offers into 8 different levels. This "GYE Program in a Nutshell can help people quickly identify at what level of the struggle they are at, and which tools and features would help them most at their particular level.

Here are some quick things you can do to help you jump straight into recovery:

1) Make sure to install a strong filter. It will be almost impossible to break free of this while having all the garbage within a mouse click away. See this page for one good filter option, along with instructions on how to install it best – and give away the password to our "filter Gabai"… See this page for another 20 (or so) filter ideas and information… We also highly advise installing "Reporting Software" such as webchaver.org to give you some accountability, because filters alone are usually not sufficient and they can often be bypassed.

2) Join the daily Chizuk e-mail lists to get fresh chizuk every day.

3) Scientific studies have shown that it takes 90 days to change a neural thought pattern that was ingrained in the brain through addictive behaviors. Did you join the 90 day chart on-line? Sign up over here.

4) Post away on this forum! You will get tons of daily Chizuk and support. This disease can't be beat alone. It works best when you get out of isolation!

5) GuardYourEyes also offers many free anonymous phone conferences where you can join a group of other frum Yidden, along with an experienced sponsor. See www.guardyoureyes.org > Tools > Phone Conferences for many different options. Our conferences are taking place every day, morning, noon and night… Joining a phone group would be a tremendous step in the right direction for you and help you learn freedom from this addiction. Not only will you learn the secret of the 12-Steps – which is known to be the world's most powerful program for beating addiction having helped millions world wide, but the daily call will be another way of GETTING OUT OF ISOLATION and connecting with others who are going through what you are.

6) If you need more general guidance, write to our e-mail helpline at gye.help@gmail.com or call our hotline at 646-600-8100.

7) Download and read the "Guard Your Eyes Handbook". This handbook outlines the GYE approach in detail, and makes our network much more effective and helpful for people. The handbook has two parts:

A) The first part, "Attitude & Perspective", details 30 basic principles to help us maintain the proper attitude and perspective on this struggle. Here are some examples: Understanding what we are up against, what it is that Hashem wants from us, how we can use this struggle for tremendous growth, how we can deal with bad thoughts, discovering how to redirect the power of our souls, understanding that every little bit counts, learning how to bounce back up after a fall, and so on and so forth…

The second part, "The 18 Tools", detail suggested tools and techniques, in progressive order, beginning with the most basic and fundamental approaches to dealing with this addiction, and continuing down through increasingly earnest and powerful methods. No matter what level our addiction may have advanced to, we will be able to find the right tools to break free in this handbook!

May Hashem be with you!

Elazar ben Durdayah

I wasn't saying he needs to do 12 step. I'm not doing it either, however I did find a lot of encouragement in the 12 step material and many of the steps and ideas are very helpful to me in my own way of dealing with my problem.