I hear the question Cords has on understanding the Chovos Halevavos. After all,relationships with our wives and Shalom Bayis is huge. Here on the forum there is constant talk on how to be selfless in this relationship. It is used as a fundamental tool of recovery.  We also know all too well especially from Sheva Berachos speeches there is no shortage of Torah to prove its importance.Yet, the wording in the quote sounds so simple and direct, it appears to be almost Chas v’Shalom coarse.

I think we can say that  the focus of the quote -as said by Gevura Shebyesod and lovingpapa is simply on the general idea of using our physical relationship with women like all aspects of Olam Hazeh - l’Shem Shamaim. In fact, because the temptation in this area can become strong and even overwhelming, the chovos Halevavos needed to use language that would be clear without question.

Let me explain. You know the feeling you get after a fall. You were just running like a crazed beast over a bissel shmutz. Then you fell. You feel like the ultimate loser. A real mixture of foolish and filth. Worst even, you knew you were gonna feel like that as you were engaged in the garbage. At least, that’s the way I have experience it. after we fall we are as clear a s can be that the whole temptation is a cloudy mirage.

Think of it as a balloon filled with helium. It’s riding so high, only the ceiling is keeping it from flying up to the sky itself. Then it gets a little tear and it falters to the ground, lifeless and irreparable. The chovos halevavos is just telling us, in matters of our physical relationship with our wives as well - use it l’shem shamaim. However, since we tend to fill our desires with plenty of useless hot air on this subject, sometimes making it larger than life which in turn leads to a  loss of focus and perspective- he uses extremely simple and direct language.