Hope your'e feeling happy 2ay, no yiush.
I didnt read your whole thread yet like i should, nonetheless i like s/thing that silentbattle may have reffered to.
The alter of Kelm is reported to have stated that the difference bet. the tzaddik and rasha was that the tzaddik utilized his imagination.
Like silentbattle said, we often follow the script of our reality. Since we are addicted 2day we project we will be so forever.
I can relate to you in this in another way-we feel that since we are single today, we project we will be sad and lonely. I once felt that feeling.
More so, remembering that you mentioned you often fight depression, i can relate in this way too. When we feel sick, we feel that we will the yuch forever.
We have to teach ourselves that these types of realities are not lasting, and can be changed. We can use the imagination that the alter of kelm reffered to to yearn for that change, and to develop a stubborn hopeful search, patiently, for our realities to change. All of this will change. Although your tzaros are your own and not experienced in the same way by anyone else, nonetheless, we all know that your potential, and ours is big. Life can be much bigger than the way we are living it.
our realiy is simply the way we see it now. We calculate our future based on the now. We think our now is doomed, unchangeable.
We can become free, and much bigger. We can widen our perspective. Can you imagine what youll have five years from now? I can. It happened to me. A marriage. A job. A little home. A few sefarim. A good chulint on shabbos.
i used to wander back and forth in a park during my depressions and sulk in my gloom. I went there for months. Years later, i began to daven in a shul right next door, on the way to work, now a better, happier person. And one day i walked over to the edge of the shul and i told someone i council in a depression "you see that park- when i was a broken person, i never dreamed id leave that sad reality. But now, i come to the shul right next door and daven with a little kavah, enjoy my connection with Hshem, and thank him in modim for the litle things that i have.
NY, you are in the drivers seat. Just (keep posting, and) keep on trucking. Don't ever stop. Thats what reb nachman is most famous for-to stop is the ultimate defeat. NO YIUSH-that's your name! You chose it because you believe in it.
Keep it up, and youll see that im right. and i dont mind being wrong s/times, but this time i really want to be right. for you.
