Welcome, Guest

Ki Nafalti , Gam Kamti
(0 viewing) 
A platform of recovery for Jews who find themselves struggling with addictions to pornography, masturbation or other sexual problems. Post anonymously about your struggles without fear of anyone finding out who you are. Ask questions, post answers and be inspired! Get tips and guidance from the experts who moderate this forum, as well as from fellow strugglers.

TOPIC: Ki Nafalti , Gam Kamti 27325 Views

Re: Ki Nafalti , Gam Kamti 16 Mar 2011 22:25 #101245

  • ben durdayah
  • Current streak: 49 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • No, that is not a mouse...
  • Posts: 1253
  • Karma: 5
Thanks for the warm words realsimcha.

May we all be zocheh to find real simcha.

E
For Dov and the other two guys who care,
My real name really is
 Eli
Like the original Bendy, Ein hadavar talui ela bee




 
Last Edit: by .

Re: Ki Nafalti , Gam Kamti 16 Mar 2011 22:32 #101248

  • Yosef Hatzadik
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • A GYE'er since 2010
  • Posts: 2986
  • Karma: 10
ben durdayah wrote on 16 Mar 2011 22:25:


May we all be zocheh to find real simcha.

E

Amen!!!
Last Edit: by .

Re: Ki Nafalti , Gam Kamti 16 Mar 2011 22:47 #101255

  • ben durdayah
  • Current streak: 49 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • No, that is not a mouse...
  • Posts: 1253
  • Karma: 5
And now for the un-real simcha, a milsa deb'deecheesa, we will try to answer Zemmy's shailos:



inquiring minds want to know what dapper authors drink on purim (outside the US, otherwise it would be Cabernet Woodford from the Bardstown region appellation vin de pays)


I'm still trying to figure out what we will be drinking, but it will definitely be red, dry, and alcoholic...



and if the rumors of flying green elephants appearing at your seuda are true


depends how much you've had to drink... though I've never had a singing giraffe trying to break my door down for a donation now matter how much I've imbibed...


and if you serve possum flavored liquer as an appetizer

No, for three reasons:
1. It's not available commercially.
2. The Rabbanim don't let because of te'imas ha'peh (that's sort of like mar'is ha'ayin or as dad a"h use to say Morris Eyne).
3. I'm a conservative eater, and we start the meal with roast possumstuffed cabbage (no I won't tell you what kind of stuff is in there, but it's not road kill, and it's got a b'datz... B'teyavon!)


and if the Bardichever shteeble with the Book Club in the back is having a Purim Extravaganza Trink Seuda and if so, when?

You bet your boots. However, the extravaganza is contingent in funding, and the rebbe with his gabbaim and chassidim spending peerim in EY!


and what are the requirements for admission? 500 posts or 5000 words of posts?


Even newbies are welcome. The only requirement is BYOB...

E
For Dov and the other two guys who care,
My real name really is
 Eli
Like the original Bendy, Ein hadavar talui ela bee




 
Last Edit: 16 Mar 2011 22:49 by .

Re: Ki Nafalti , Gam Kamti 17 Mar 2011 07:45 #101273

  • tzaddik90
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 668
  • Karma: 1
"And now for the un-real simcha, a milsa deb'deecheesa",-Durdaya
Now, look up at the light and slowly pour mustard and pepper into your eye
next, rub it in for half an hour

Real simcha is created by mili dibdeechusa, bec. it gets us on a rythm to stay in simcha direction to get to real dveykus god conciousness simcha
as a missionary for bards simcha secret, i do declare
that this is %100 known and tested minisayon

Rava wld start shiur w/ mili dibdichusa, see Tanya fifth-6th perek

and what abt. R' Nachman in likutei eitzos
and adi ran?

so while "having fun" threads are not real simcha, nonetheless they propel us and navigate us on the right path, the gesher tzar meod away from the shark infested waters of chareidi midiocrity and atzvus

i will share, i once went to two chasunas in one week, both were family
one was modox
the other was lakewood yeshivish she-ain kimohem
this stroy shld not reflect on any place or group, but listen to the ma'aseh:
the yeshivish wed. was at one of ritziest hotels in j-lem. No kids were allowed to come, inc. family. There was a menu like an amerikana wed. with poached salmon in loochnik sauce, and egyptian perch perched up your nostril in vine sauce.
there was a chashuv lookin sefer by each plate
the bencher was an atrscroll eng. heb variety and expensive
the men all sat at there seats and put their hands over their face and pigged out

the dancing looked like someone was on auto de fe
by the chuppah to yichud room, of chasan's 15 friends, 5 did lazy dancing at best

sorry to say but it actually looked like no one cared that he was getting married

even the family, just wanted everyone to see their triggering and really pretty yeshivish clothing, often worn by ppl in certain amerikana neighborhoods
and no one did shtick except a juggling brisker
_____________

the modox wedding, while i have only seen pritzus like that on the internet, was full of simcha
true, chassans other girlfriends came to men's side and danced and......sent me back in recovery a month
but everyone had tons of achdus
real simcha
im not kidding that everyone there was so happy inc. me that we all kept on coming up with shtick for the middle
the chassans family all wore green wacked out socks for a joke
the chassans dad and bro rapped a rapsong in his honor
shlomo katz was there on guitar, with wild carlebach
a rebbi of hassan spoke under chuppah. not a dry eye in the room, all abt. im eshkacheichand beis hamikdash and mikdash mi-at

AND I SAID BY MY NOSTRIL,what God is going on here?

and then i realized the truth, and lots of wisdom, abt the "not singing licha dodi" and
the fear of displaying emotions in certain communities

they are afraid
afraid to give some one a russian kiss on two cheeks
or a sfardi kiss on the hand

or to sing licha dodi

or to dance in the street

i s/times dance in the street

my wife gets irked

but i and Hashem dance together, and he really enjoys

last night when wife went to sleep

i turned on peerim music
and danced with hashem for twenty minutes

ITS STILL THERE

INSIDE

LOOK!  and then....
Last Edit: 17 Mar 2011 07:54 by .

Re: Ki Nafalti , Gam Kamti 17 Mar 2011 07:58 #101274

  • ben durdayah
  • Current streak: 49 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • No, that is not a mouse...
  • Posts: 1253
  • Karma: 5
Tzaddik!

Good luck on your test!

We're all rooting for you!

E

PS For those who do not know, the big test is today! If you are in our time zone, please say a kappitel tehillim.
For Dov and the other two guys who care,
My real name really is
 Eli
Like the original Bendy, Ein hadavar talui ela bee




 
Last Edit: 17 Mar 2011 11:48 by .

Re: Ki Nafalti , Gam Kamti 17 Mar 2011 08:10 #101275

  • tzaddik90
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 668
  • Karma: 1
oy, to honor and mention me on your thread is quite an honor, sir

Hashem, you are so nice to us
you do so much for us
thank you so much for everything that you give us
it is so good
we have so many gifts
we look at our children and say thatnk you hashem for this precious gift
we look at our wives and say thank you for such a spaecial gift
we have such good health
thank you hashem for everything that you give me
you are so nice to me

please hashem involve yourself in my becoming happy, and recovery, and becoming a tzaddik, and a talmid chacham

Hashem, please invovle yourself more in helping me do your will the way that you want andto do tshuva the way that you want
please Hashem involve yourself more in helping me do your will and in counting all the special things that you give me, and to be filled with love for you and to enjoy my life with you
Last Edit: by .

Re: Ki Nafalti , Gam Kamti 17 Mar 2011 14:06 #101284

  • realsimcha
  • Current streak: 1 day
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 425
  • Karma: 22
Amen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A Gantz Yur Purim!

Imagine if the world [umm... I mean we ... umm I mean me!] could learn how to "loosen up" the right way...what a world it would be.

Lets think about that this Purim. Why do people have to drink just to be the person they want to be the whole year? To say the things [the good things] that stay locked inside because we don't "feel" we can "let them out"

Tzaddik - - Keep reminding us to have REALSIMCHA the right way.

p.s. I gave myself the name realsimcha because I feel that it is the only way to climb out from under this thing...
Last Edit: by .

Re: Ki Nafalti , Gam Kamti 17 Mar 2011 14:46 #101292

  • ZemirosShabbos
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • pass the compote
  • Posts: 6153
  • Karma: 72
ashrecha Ben Durdaya that you have such beautiful gevaldiger words of simcha and chizuk from realsimcha, tzadik90 and yourself on your thread

a gantz yur purim!!!!!!
what a beautiful idea
שכורת ולא מיין
we should be drunk with simcha
halevai we could bottle up some of the simcha and love of purim for a whole year to use when needed...
Sometimes life is like tuna with not enough mayonaise
~Inna beshem ZS

Give, Forgive
~Cordnoy

The reason I'm acting as if I'm pregnant, is because I'm expecting. I should be accepting.
~TZ
Last Edit: by .

Re: Ki Nafalti , Gam Kamti 21 Mar 2011 23:19 #101498

  • tzaddik90
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 668
  • Karma: 1
ben,
i know you are saying hamapil know bec. you just told me

but i wanted to pop up this vintage 40% thread, and hope to see an isra-usa dilihorizontal and get back some ohr
ohr yashar or ohr choizer
will we merit to see a nice post from the dapper author when he sees this tomorrow?
i think so
i have much faith in him
keep those dum dums licked and moist,
froggy
botty
doggy
ooh, look at the cat in the dumpster! how cute and disease ridden...full on spoiled fish yoich and chicken necks from the soup
now i'm getting nawshussss
Last Edit: by .

Re: Ki Nafalti , Gam Kamti 22 Mar 2011 08:42 #101517

  • ben durdayah
  • Current streak: 49 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • No, that is not a mouse...
  • Posts: 1253
  • Karma: 5
It was a nice Purim.

I followed my friends' advice and just did simcha, whether I felt like it or not -and b"h it worked...

I left the cd player blaring and danced the day away.

My wife was very happy -she said that she doesn't remember such a nice, happy, calm Purim ever.

And then last night, I couldn't sleep...

My truck hit some vomit (left there apparently by some drunk), skidded, swerved for a few hours, and glitched...

Now what?

I'll tell you what...

FeLL ShmELL!!!

More to come...
For Dov and the other two guys who care,
My real name really is
 Eli
Like the original Bendy, Ein hadavar talui ela bee




 
Last Edit: 22 Mar 2011 08:44 by .

Re: Ki Nafalti , Gam Kamti 22 Mar 2011 08:53 #101519

  • tzaddik90
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 668
  • Karma: 1
god almighty, thank you for putting in durdaya's mouth the words "more to come"
please help him to continue this healthy pattern of self healing and sharing with us his high wisdom

and god almighty, thank you for helping put my friend durdaya this purim.
by his putting the words "fell shmell" in colorful characters, i see that he is truly gaining speed in living a life of hapiness and fulfillment
god almighty, may you continue to reveal to him ohr from the ain sof to dispel his sadness and despair until he becomes a merkava for shchina, ain hashchina shoreh elah mtoch simcha
justplease dont shine it for priods too-long, because otherwise he will go c'v from yeish li-ayin and explode, like it says many times in likutei moharan

god almighty, durdaya has much to share from which we will really gain alot, so please help him share it with us and help us all grow together in hapiness and good health (garon dizair anpin v.a.k.m.l)
Last Edit: by .

Re: Ki Nafalti , Gam Kamti 22 Mar 2011 10:36 #101521

  • ben durdayah
  • Current streak: 49 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • No, that is not a mouse...
  • Posts: 1253
  • Karma: 5
WARNING: MY NEXT POST IS GOING TO BE A PAINFULLY LONG POST, ONLY PEOPLE WHO ARE REALLY INTERESTED SHOULD CONTINUE READING. THIS WOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER PRESENTED IN INSTALLMENTS, BUT ANYTIME THAT I WAS TOO LAZY TO TYPE EVERYTHING WHICH WAS ON MY MIND, I NEVER GOT AROUND TO IT LATER ANYWAYS.
For Dov and the other two guys who care,
My real name really is
 Eli
Like the original Bendy, Ein hadavar talui ela bee




 
Last Edit: 30 Mar 2011 09:57 by .

Re: Ki Nafalti , Gam Kamti 22 Mar 2011 11:13 #101522

  • ben durdayah
  • Current streak: 49 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • No, that is not a mouse...
  • Posts: 1253
  • Karma: 5
Okay,

Now I've learned a few things from this fall, and of course I will share them with you -whether you want me to or not -after all, this is my thread.

Good.

Thing One
I realized that over the last two weeks or so, I have been living the problem -instead of living the solution. I've been concentrating on -or to put it differently, letting the YH distract me with despite tzaddik/avi's most livid threats of violence fervent pleas that I get out of my little mopy corner and see the world -my difficulties, and letting them blindfold me. I've been letting depression eat me up from the inside. The blunt truth is, that as frustrating as my problems (financial, health, chinuch) may be -when I look at the big picture - none of them is insurmountable, there's way worse out there -in quality and quantity.

Nuhr Vuss? (for those of you who are Yiddishly challenged that means Nu? So what?) As guard wrote to Uri some light ages ago


All of us here,or at least most of here, struggle greatly with depression.
We are depressed that we are depressed.
And we are depressed that we are in this cycle of depression.

Firstly,I would like to clarify a major misconception.

Many think that we are depressed cause we are sinning.
Our neshama is depressed.Therefore we are depressed.

This is not true.
I strive to serve Hashem as much as I can (for the most part)
I still suffer greatly from depression.

Depression can come from several reasons:

1)Chemical imbalance-This happens.Some people are just biologically prone to be depressed.
2)Emotional discontent-Lack of feeling of security and the occurrence of bad circumstances.

There are obviously more reasons,but these are two major ones that I think are the basic reasons for depression for people like us here at the forum.

We are not to blame for our depression!
We are not bad people!
We do not "deserve to be depressed"!

Depression is not something to fight.
It is something to heal.
If it is chemical imbalance,medicine helps greatly for this.
We can accept what Hashem gives us with love.
He gives us happiness soemtimes,and He makes us depressed sometimes.
Reb Tzadok says that this is to be mechaper avonos.
Because as we all know,depression is like hell sometimes.
So Hashem thank You!

More often,it is discontent inside of us.
All of us here have this.
That's why we're here,isn't it.
This is something we are working on.
It takes time.
It will be healed.
Do not worry.

So when you are depressed,don't say to yourself:
"O man!Why can't I just be happy?!"
This is where Hashem put us right now.


I have no control over my circumstances, I can control how I deal with my circumstances. But the truth is that for me it's an uphill battle because I am a pessimist by nature (yes I know I'm a lousy pessimist, and yes I know that nobody will read this anyways, can you guys just shoot already and get me out of my misery? I knew that you wouldn't! I can't do anything right! just kidding! I know that if there's anything I'm good at -there most probably isn't, but if there is -it's pessimism). The truth is that -even without my addiction -Hashem hasn't dealt me an easy hand this past year, vakm"l, and I am waiting for many yeshuos (as unworthy as I am... which brings me to thing two...


Thing Two
I love hate quoting myself, but I needed to remind myself of at least two points which I posted at the very beginning of this thread:

ben durdayah wrote on 30 Dec 2010 09:26:

D. I will bl"n l try to stop focusing on the damage that I'm doing to my parnossah, learning, children's chances for hatzlachah etc. -all of that isn't really dependent on me at the end of the day, rather it's dependent on Rachmei Hashem -which is Eyn Sof. I will try to start focusing on the damage I'm causing to my relationship with Hashem and to my Neshamah.

F. I will bl"n try not to dwell on the past and worry less about the future. I will bl"n try to live this minute as well as I can.


I have not been practicing this. As a matter of fact, I have gotten right back on that roller coaster that I claim to want to be getting off. And if I want to get off, I need to get back on the truck/tricycle by reviewing the GYE Handbook -especially the attitude section!


Thing Three
I'm not a Breslover, but Chilik Frank's Purim disc is still echoing in my ears:

"Rabbeinu Tza'ak B'Kol Gadol: Ain Shum Yiush Ba'Olam Klall!"

This is a concept that all chassidishe sefarim emphasize -Breslov turned it into an art form.

After falling -mammesh moments after -I started thinking to myself: If Hashem expects us not to give up on ourselves, why do I love to torture myself after each slip or fall with the idea that "Maybe this is it and I've run out of chances by the RBSO! Maybe this was the last nisayon that Hashem sent me, and He was giving me 'one last try to prove myself'. Now I'm really in for it! etc. etc."?

Aderabbah -Chazal say Hashem keeps all of the Mitzvos. If we're not supposed to be me'yaeish -certainly He isn't me'yaeish from us.

I've got to concentrate on the 'Ki Sheva (and sometimes shmoneh, shmoneh esrei, shmonim, shmonah meios...) Yippol Tzaddik VeKum'! My life's not over...

Thanks Chilik!


Thing Four
Timing, timing, timing...

When did Amalek come?
After Krias Yam Suf.

When did the Yidden make the Golden Calf?
Right after Mattan Torah. (I want to add here a vort from the Kozhnitzer Maggid [Avodas Yisroel, Parshas Balak], besheim the heilige Bardichever [the zeide, not the einikel] but this is already much too long.)

This is the way that menuval works. He shows up when we think we're doing well, and then he attacks. Sometimes we win, sometimes we lose.

But from the timing of this last fall, I think I see with my very own eyes how much the YH wants the atzvus and yi'ush. I might have fallen -but he doesn't deserve such a present...

And so I posted a colorful "Fell Shmell" this time.


Thing Five
Thank you Guard (where's Yosef HaTzaddik?) for setting up the 90 day chart in such a fashion that it records cumulative clean days -not just the big 90 day streak.

In this kind of situation -it's a gevaldiggggggg!e chizzuk.

Since I've started my journey here, I've had 80 clean days. Okay, so they weren't 'retzufim' -but that's not the point. It helps me accentuate the positive.

The Menuval wants me to concentrate on the slips and falls -even though they can be measured in (maximum) hours (!). What's that compared to the clean seconds, hours, days and minutes? The cumulative count helps me focus on that.

The 90 day challenge is a proven tool which helps reprogram the addicted mind -but it's not the be all or end all. I do hope to reach 90 straight clean days. But the focus on the 90 can sometimes take away from the "One day at a time" which is crucial, and which is what will b'ezras HaTatty keep us clean beyond 90.

Okay, that's more than enough for now.

Defiantly yours,

E. ben Durdayah





For Dov and the other two guys who care,
My real name really is
 Eli
Like the original Bendy, Ein hadavar talui ela bee




 
Last Edit: by .

Re: Ki Nafalti , Gam Kamti 22 Mar 2011 11:18 #101523

  • bardichev
Tuvo imaoi vitkanech zoas bnuh

Ess kimt shabbos poroh

KOT!!

B
Last Edit: by .

Re: Ki Nafalti , Gam Kamti 22 Mar 2011 11:21 #101525

  • ben durdayah
  • Current streak: 49 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • No, that is not a mouse...
  • Posts: 1253
  • Karma: 5
Yeah, I thought of that one too...

But like I said, that post was long enough as is.

BTW -you know which vort of the Zeide I'm referring to?

E
For Dov and the other two guys who care,
My real name really is
 Eli
Like the original Bendy, Ein hadavar talui ela bee




 
Last Edit: by .
Time to create page: 0.85 seconds

Are you sure?

Yes