andrewsh wrote on 22 Dec 2010 22:21:


Excellent.  As I wrote elsewhere, that means if you can stay clean, you will be Zocheh to a Teshuva Gemurah.  See Rambam Hilchos Teshuva (2,1).

Day 2, last night was very hard but bh battled through, i can see the tests that i am being put through, but can also see the yad of Hashem helping me in remarkable ways, trying to help me stay out of trouble....thanks guys for your support.

Read the chizuk email about the guy telling his wife.....wow...i dont think mine would ever understand or recover...so for me its not going to be for a while..............

decided to lie low for a bit...see if i can go somewhere without falling after a few days.

Bh today is day 15.

I must admit i have been very tired over the holiday season which in a way helped, but also made it harder sometimes as that has been a trigger in the past.

Now to try sort out some other things in my life at the same time...

Past day 20....bh!!

Only problem is in most ways i am just numbing through it, i am finding that even the slightest 'distraction' ...a pretty face, a bit of skin gets my lutometer shooting up out of control. What use is it to stay clean if i will fall at the first real test, is it even counted as a success if i have not had any bad situations? If i looked out the window and the women in the house opposite was getting undressed, or if someone bent down revealingly, there is just no way i would be able to just look away?! I need to make these days count, and build on them , know they mean something...................Have i achieved anything?

Have you acheived anything??

Please answer your own question

Man! You beat back years and years of bad behavior. There is no magic. But in the initial stages it is normal to be ultra hyper super triggerable.

I have a method

Called

She's a problem but not my problem

It is a cocky gavvadikker way

Of not building up what I see

Read blind beggars story of the shalom zachor

It is great

Keep on trucking


20 days you are rocking the houz!!

B

Day 30 today....yeh!!

The still in autopilot, but bh slowly coming out, managing to concentrate in davening a bit etc, and not just be numb to everything

Good shabbos all