Hi all, i have not properly posted, at least not in this section for a long time, but i need your help and i really want to stay this time.

I have done close to 100 days last year but this year im a wreck, i have been getting worse and worse without realising it, where as before the acting out rarely resulted in mzl now r'l that is not the case. I have even justified it to a degree, that it makes things last much longer with my wife which is so much better, and that is true, but i know how terrible it is.

I opened my email today and read Dovid Chaims email about starting today like a baby, how would i want to do things for the first time. The holidays are approaching, potentially disaster time, i really want to be strong and know more then ever that i cant do this alone. I have come back before a couple of times, mostly just to the married men forum, and said i want things to change again, but i hope this time, especially with your help that things will be different.


Please help me...im a baby remeber, i cant do anything myself, yes iyh i will do the calls where i can read the emails, give the passwords of filters to friends, and hopefully post regularly this time, hopefully i will spend the time i was using for bad to read and post on here, as well as the many other things i have to do which i let fall by the wayside.

I wish today could be day one but unfortunately its too late for that, so i will settle for afternoon one......lets hope its one of many.....

pls help me

Hey andrewsh,

Isen't it crazy that we keep on taking that Loaded gun and putting it to our heads. Are we nuts? the answer is yes- and we need help. It's not little chizuk that we need. We need help! 

Dont come and go. Make a decision to stick here and on the calls every day for the duration of the program. So you dont just join and then fall off the track again. Remember - this is like a guy that takes a loaded gun to his head. even if its once a year we need real help. We know this has potential to ruin our life, our wifes divorce us, kids find out :o and all our friends find out who we really are >.

My friend we need to realize where we are going with this- I cant believe what i have been doing??!

Sorry for voicing my feeling on your page but i hope my new realization can help you too.

David.

Thanks, it does feel good to be this babe, try doing things differently, in everything, but yes you are right more drastic steps are needed, given over the code for my ipod so thats stage 1...

Ok so now it the night time, danger time, wife out but bh so far so good, didn't use the time the best way but bh nothing at all bad. Listened to second half of R' Dovid Chaim's call so that's a big step for me, dejavu to the last time I was properly clean for a while. Heard a lot of good stuff. Bh managed to have at least a bit of kavanah in davening for the first time in a while. Want my wife to come home and jump into bed! Not going to happen so have to stop wanting which will lead to disappointment and falling. Day one afternoon, check, hopefully evening will stay good so tomorrow can be complete day one.

I know this has been addressed so many times here, but I am sick with worry about what lies in store for me due to all my falling, I know that doesn't help the staying clean process, but how can I do real teshuvah, is it possible to really make up for it??

Rage that was sooo
Profound

It debunks almost every argument

Fo example the reform/conservi/even modox. Say its all about being good

Not hurting people. Not leaving a carbon foot print kissing up to the umos ha-olam


No no no

Its about listening to the instruction book


Don't make cheshbonos "why" does Hashem want ex why or zee

Forgot the why. Do the what!!

andrewsh wrote on 21 Dec 2010 11:43:


andrewsh wrote on 21 Dec 2010 22:55:


andrewsh wrote on 21 Dec 2010 14:46:


Sounds like an overall productive day and a pretty smart baby.  Welcome back and continued hatzlacha . . . for tomorrow.

Dear Andrew,

Doing Teshuva is not the problem - Hashem will accept our Teshuva, and if you avoid the sin in a moment of great Taavah even once, because of your Teshuva, that is considered Teshuva Gemura (Rambam Hilchos Teshuva 2, 1).  Rav Yisroel Reisman explained this concept at length in a recent Shiur.

The real issue is working on our addiction - one day at a time.

Thank you everyone for you help and chizuk.

Kedushah is that the shiur on Yirmiyahu which has been online for a few years or is this a new one that i should be listening to, if so pls let me know which one

Last night and this morning were v tempting to fall but bh held back.

Already feeling resentment towartds the unsuspecting wife who doesnt help at all with basically no physical connection, but know deep down this is part of the lusting and i just have to give give give and leave the physical stuff out....but its v hard.

Bring on DAY 1

Thank you David, appreciate the comments.

Although some people say they find it harder when they are in lust mode if wife doesnt play ball, for me its much harder if i am working on things.

Rabbi Reisman is getting close to finishing Sefer Yirmiyah.  The Shiur I'm referring to is called "The Mystery of the Vanishing Sins" (or a similar title), given just a few weeks ago.

Kedusha, thanks jsut downloaded it from ishiur, will listen later.

David haha you made me laugh with your comment, i can relate to the powder treatment, but i dont think i ever get the role play, so at least be grateful for that!!

Hey i made it to 100 posts!! yay im a full memeber, lets hope I dont let you down!!

in this my 101st post i would like to offer a big lachaim to everyone who has helped me since i have joined, its thanks to you i am at Day 1 today!! no seriously you guys are a life saver, here is to many more posts!!

I hope soon i wont think of myself as a sick guy, perhaps jsut a guy with a sickness i am working on curing!!

andrewsh wrote on 21 Dec 2010 22:55:


See this post in the thread Tov veyoshor Hashem al kein yoreh chata'im baderech!

Tonight has a few factors that would have led to fall recently, have to stay strong, at least finish day one!!

Stick around this great GYE Forum. Every minute that you are here = one minute less where you have the opportunity to fall prey to the Yetzer Horah's evil designs.  >