No need for you to apologize :D

The hardest thing for me is that I have no outlet, and because I'm not married or dating, there is no end in sight. I was looking at the 'wall of hashem's honor' and I noticed that everyone on that wall (over 90 days) is already married. The ones struggling the most on the 90 day chart are the unmarried ones like me. What should my attitude be toward this? Should I start looking to get married soon? I'm almost 20. Thanks for all the help!

Did you see this holy Jew's post? He's not married and he's clean for a year already!

If you can start going out, it's always a good thing. Chaza"l say we need to be thankful for our wives that they save us from sin. But if the time is not right, and / or if you are not ready, then it means Hashem is expecting a little more Messiras Nefesh from you. Who knows if in this zechus, Hashem is waiting to give you the most special girl?

Yitzchak got married at 40 years old, and Yaakov also got married late, and yet he says that Reuven was "Kochi ve'reishis Oini" - meaning my first power - explain the mefarshim that he never had keri before that time. Now we are not on that Madrega, so "do your best and accept the rest".

“Adam L.” posted:

I have a great deal of hakaras hatov for this site and daily email. i'm a single 23 year old baal teshuva. i'm at a point where i have not been deliberately pogem habris through my own hand since before Elul, that's over two months. that's a big deal for me. yasher koach to you…

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Another Bachur posted:

I am a bachur and I was hooked on pornography for a few weeks about two years ago, then I hit rock bottom and sincerely regretted it. A few months later I fell again, and was hooked for a few days, then was sorry, and now it's been a long time that I'm guarding my eyes and am careful even in the streets were I look.

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SurferYisroel posted:

Hi ,
I am new here so please be understanding as I am not sure how this works. At 19 I stopped being motzi zer'a li'vatola (masturbating). At year 6 of purity from this sin I got married and I am still clean 2 years later and B'"H happily married.  I have been in control and free of this sin!! it is very possible…

What really counts, is not how long you can stay clean, rather how consistently you keep trying your hardest!!

                                                      CHAZAK VEEMATZ!!!!!

battleworn wrote on 09 Dec 2008 11:50:


This is the most important thing you can tell anyone. Thank you :D

This is the real truth how hard (not how long)
Nevertheless we can't assess the effort
וה' יראה ללבב
However Hashem is the one who does observe and comprehend our hardship
May he Bless us with what we need and prevent our Nisyonis

I heard a veey nice Mashal for the Yetzer. Here it is:
There was a giant man on a road, holding giant stick. People tried to pass him, but when they got close to him, they got whacked with his stick. A wise man wanted to pass by, so he stood and watched. As he watched two people get hit, he realized that the giant had no legs! He could not move from his position in middle of the road. So the wise man simply walked right around him. The yetzer hara fools us into walking down the road where he is standing, and then he slams you. If you walk around him, he can't touch you.

"Be Holy", please forgive me for praising you.
I notice that the last previous streak you were clean for a 1.5 years and now you are 71 days clean.
I simply have one question how did you do it? How did you manage to get up again after you fell. Instead of feeling rotten for yourself which I most probably would of done under that situation, instead you got up and started recounting right away, its beyond inspiring to see that you got right back up and pretended that nothing happened. This is a character of a real Jew.
May your action be a lesson for everyone.

Ano Nymous wrote on 07 Dec 2008 20:56:


1. Please keep in mind that regardless of the eitzos presented, which are very good and important, there is another klal that I don't think that anyone would dispute: The longer one goes without being pogem, the easier it is to stop period.

After re-reading this post, I remembered something.

2. YES, Chazal do emphsize that marriage is one definite way to help. I am personally disgusted that this is not "pushed" more than it is, although in the torah world it seems to be done more now. One must understand the reasonings and limitations behind this eitzah and commandment, but if you take a look at a sefer called, "Shulcon Hoeizer", you would  wonder why we don't get married a lot faster and younger. (His was a Chassideshe approach, but the lomdus seems to be irrefutable.)

A real addict may not benefit from marriage, according to the experts on this site. If someone feels that he has to "act out" fifty times a day every day, marriage wouldn't help unless the spouse also wants this kind of thing. Of course that would be sick, and impossible about half of the time.

If it helps, I stopped completely about 8 months before I got married.

Wow Me, that means you really have it in you. You won't be able to ever live comfortably with yourself until you are totally free once again. Once you have already seen that you can be free, it's a whole different "ball-game" (than someone who still doesn't "believe" deep down that he can really do it).

Phillip wrote on 30 Jan 2009 18:45:


Isn't it much better if someone fell once in 18 months than if he falls once every day or week? The entire measure is not only in how long he went without falling at all, although that is the ultimate goal. This post is not meant to encourgage falling at all of course.