According to Halacha, every father is required to teach his son/s the issur of Hotzaas zera levatolo. The same is true for everything else involved. In my opinion, the main problem is, that in the last few generations, people have trouble speaking about these things like never before. The proof is that in previous generations, every father prepared his son for marriage (Halacha and Hadracha) and every mother prepared her daughter, and now most people just can't do it.
The proper way to do it, is not as complicated as it may seem. Learning the Halachos in Shulchan Oruch with your son, is the best way to start.
I assume that the problem that MDM is alluding to, is that being that we can't know what is going on in the boy's mind, no one would want to give him ideas. We should not belittle this fear. The more Yiras Shomayim and emotional maturity a boy has, before he has to face the taivah, the greater his chances of success are. So of course we don't want to bring it on early. On the other hand, if there is stuff going on in his mind and you don't talk to him about it, chances are he won't come to you to talk. So the question of what to say in addition to the Halocho may be tricky. It may depend, among other things, on which group you belong to.
But again, teaching him the issurim is a clear obligation on every father. About this there is no question at all. (Of course the father may have someone else do it for him.) People don't do it, either because they don't know that they're supposed to (maybe the father thinks it's the Yeshiva's Job, and the rebbe thinks it's the father's) or because it's to hard. Some fathers do teach it, but to late (that's my personal experience). I assume it's because in the father's own life, that's when it became an issue (perhaps at age 15 or later) and it doesn't occur to him that his son may be different. I recently heard from a very chashuva Rav, that the right time is at 12. But it's more than obvious that a boy needs to be taught not to touch their bris from the beginning (age 2 or 3) I don't believe there's any argument about it.
Ano Nymous, I'm just awed by you. It seems that you've had so much going against you, but you still just want do the right thing. Every person needs to serve Hashem according to the personality he was given. Only then will he find fulfillment. It's very sad that in today's world, every child is forced in to a mold. This is not at all limited to the frum world. [If someone is not cut out for classroom style learning he is considered disabled. If you're open-minded enough, stop and think how ridiculous that is.] It is also not an easy problem to solve. With the winds of hefkeirus blowing so strong in the world, it becomes very tricky to leave room for individuality without taking great risks.
Now it's time to concentrate on the present and future.
The matzav that you are in now is precisely where you need to be. This is the only starting point, from which you can -with persistent work- become the great person that you were meant to be.
Congratulations! you made the best move you possibly could have made, by posting on this forum. We love you dearly, we feel your pain, we're with you in your struggle and we will rejoice with you in your success. There is a tremendous amount of chizuk on the site and forum. Please be sure to look around and find what speaks to you.
CHAZAK VEEMATZ!!!
