Thanks Alex. I didn't even consider clarifying my "goals" in this struggle; I thought the need to stop this was self-evident. But you're right: I think having a clear aim and somewhere to be heading is very healthy and useful in this struggle. R' Wolbe, in discussing yemai ahava & yemai sin'ah, talks about fighting yemai sin'ah by knowing where you're headed and why you're involved in the concerned project of avodas HaShem. So thanks.
I had 2 nisyonos today. The first I failed. I used the internet to look at what I should not have done. The second test was almost as difficult. I wanted to deny that it had happened and I certainly did not want to share it with everyone here. But I committed to doing just that when I fell: telling the Family of GYE of my fall, admitting it to myself and to others, and resolving that this cannot continue. (See my post -
http://www.guardyoureyes.org/forum/index.php?topic=4012.0)
Thus began my first fall on this journey - and more significantly, my first rising on this new and different Journey. Different because it is shared with others; a community of Fighters and Advisers.
I am still fighting, but I am fighting with external accountability and loyal Comrades who, too, hold arms next to me and encourage me to continue the battle.
All the difference in the world.
Sheva yipol tzaddik v'kom.
I am now back up again and fully resolved not to fall again - at least not today. I will stay sober for the whole of Tuesday (& whatever's left of today). This is my commitment. One day at a time.
Shilat
