Like everyone else, I need help.
That sentence, I think, contains 3 crucial elements that I have never fully come to appreciate.
(1) I am not alone in this struggle. It is not some unique concept that G-d's thrown at me. I don't have some freak addiction. It's tough, it's a test, but it's doable; and it's been done.
(2) I can't do this alone. I need external forces to help me - I need to bring in reinforcements - there's a fire in Amram's house!
(3) Asking for help implies it's worth it: it's something that can be helped. It is worth it.

I have been struggling with this difficulty for years. Over a decade, in fact. I finally joined GYE a few months ago, told a rabbi/friend about all my difficulties, was sober for a while, thought it was all over... and was then greeted by my Troubles like an old friend. I'm back where I was, having lost control, and I need HaShem's help - and yours. I put off writing on this forum for several weeks, but I thought I would join to air my thoughts and try to force myself into getting help.

Rather than "introduce myself", though, I thought I would cut straight to the chase. I want to be honest enough to admit to my Rebbi/friend when I have fallen. I want to take falling seriously. Because this cannot go on. I know it - veyoda'ta hayom. But I need to be meshiv it to my heart. The intellectual voice of reason gets increasingly quiet in the din of instant gratification.

What do I do?

-Shilat
(My life's ambition is to live up to my screenname)

Welcome to the GYE community.
The more you post, the more people will reply to you with chizuk.
GYE is like an international airport.
When you first land here it can be overwhelming with all the options.
Let us know what you're looking to do.

shilat wrote on 25 Nov 2010 21:50:


shilat wrote on 25 Nov 2010 21:50:


This, my friend, is the sign of an addiction.  But, the sooner we admit we have a problem, and the sooner we can admit we have a serious problem, the sooner we will recover.  Even if things don't seem bad, it's a downhill ride if we don't change; "Hit bottom while still on top."

Welcome to the forum,

Lots of luck.

The first tip is to keep posting regularly.  Every day, even if you don't have much to say other than "Hi."  It may sound stupid, but lots of times you start our "Hi" and then suddenly you get hit and didn't even realize what was on your mind, and then thought after thought comes pouring out.  And each thought about this struggle that comes out of your head and into the open is yet another step forward.

--Eye.

There's even a special thread in the break free forum titled "just wanted to say hi".
It doesn't get easier than that.

shilat wrote on 25 Nov 2010 21:50:


welcome shilat!

i like the way you summed things up so succinctly in that first sentence. very true and very important to internalize.
i will go dig up the welcome package for you...
zs

Dear Shilat,

Welcome to our community! Once you've arrived, there's no turning back. Everyone here will just grab a hold of you and pull you up, up, up!

Scientific studies have shown that it takes 90 days to change a neural thought pattern that was ingrained in the brain through addictive behaviors. Did you join the 90 day chart on-line? Sign up over here.

Make sure to install a strong filter. It will be almost impossible to break free of this while having all the garbage within a mouse click away. See this page for one good filter option, along with instructions on how to install it best – and give away the password to our "filter Gabai"… See this page for another 20 (or so) filter ideas and information…

We get cries for help every day, by e-mail and on the forum. Tzuras Rabim Chatzi Nechama    And that is why we created the GYE handbooks (links below). If you read them well, from beginning to end, slowly, and try to implement what you read, you will find the answers within them to enable you to completely turn your life around. You're worth it.

Also, join the daily Chizuk e-mail lists to get fresh chizuk every day, and post away on this forum. You will get tons of daily Chizuk and support. This disease can't be beat alone. It works best when you get out of isolation!

GuardYourEyes also offers various free anonymous phone conferences, where you can join a group of other frum Yidden, along with an experienced sponsor. See this page for four different options. Our conferences are taking place daily, throughout the week… This would be a tremendous step in the right direction for you and help you learn freedom from this addiction. Not only will you learn the secret of the 12-Steps – which is known to be the world's most powerful program for beating addiction having helped millions world wide, but joining the group will be another way of GETTING OUT OF ISOLATION and connecting with others who are going through what you are.

Let me tell you a little about the two GuardYourEyes handbooks. They lay down the cornerstone and foundation of our work, and they make our network much more effective and helpful for people.

You see, until now, people would often get "lost" when coming to our website, not knowing what tips and techniques to try. For example, a beginner wouldn't jump straight into therapy or 12-Step groups, while on the other hand, someone whose addiction was more advanced wouldn't be helped by the standard tips of "making fences" putting in "filters" etc… So it was essential to develop a handbook which details all the techniques and tools to dealing with this addiction in progressive order. Now with these handbooks, anyone can read through and see what steps they've tried already, and if those steps haven't worked, they can continue on through the handbook where the steps become progressively more powerful and "addiction-oriented".

And the second handbook, called the "Attitude" handbook, can also help anyone, no matter what level of addiction they may have. Often people write in to us saying that had they only known the proper outlook & attitude that we try and share on the GuardYourEyes network when they were younger, they would have never fallen into an addiction in the first place! So we hope that through this handbook, many addictions will be prevented.

The handbooks are PDF files, set up as eBooks, and they have bookmarks and hyper-links in the Index, to make them easy to navigate.

Note: You might want to print them out to read away from the computer. Keep in mind though, that if you do this, you won't be able to click on the many web links in the articles. But you can always come back to them later. The truth is, it's anyway good to go through the whole handbook once without clicking on links, just to get an overview of all the tools available. Once you did that, you can start again from tool #1 and read each tool through more carefully, click the links and study each technique and assess whether you have tried it fully yet or not…

Right click on the links below and select "Save Link/Target As" to download the handbooks to your computer.

1) The GuardYourEyes Handbook

This Handbook details 18 suggested tools and techniques, in progressive order, beginning with the most basic and fundamental approaches to dealing with this addiction, and continuing down through increasingly earnest and powerful methods. For the first time, we can gauge our level of addiction and find the appropriate tools for our particular situation. And no matter what level our addiction may have advanced to, we will be able to find the right tools to break free in this handbook!

2) The GuardYourEyes Attitude

The Attitude Handbook details 30 basic principles to help us maintain the proper attitude and perspective on this struggle. Here are some examples: Understanding what we are up against, what it is that Hashem wants from us, how we can use this struggle for tremendous growth, how we can deal with bad thoughts, discovering how to redirect the power of our souls, understanding that every little bit counts, learning how to bounce back up after a fall, and so on and so forth…

May Hashem be with you!

GYE is like an international airport.

DID HEMINGWAY SAY THAT??

GREAT!!

SHILAT ALL I CAN TELL YOU IS

IF YOU STAY HERE AND BE PART OF THE CONVERSATION

YOU WILL FIND HELP

NO U WONT FIND MAGIC

YOU WILL FIND PEACE

BUT IF IT IS JUST A HIT AND RUN

GOOD LUCK

IV'E SEEN SOOOOOOOOOOOOO MANY NEW MEMBERS

COME IN LIKE LIKE A LIONS AND WERE OUT LIKE SHEEP

SO STAY HERE AT LEAST FOR 2-3 WEEKS

YUPP UITS LIKE AN AIRPORT

Bards, 2-3 weeks ain't enuff u know that, we gota be here forever, or at least till our mind is somewhat adjusted

OP, listen to the wise guys here , lots of chizak and tips for us addicts around here, just post, share, care and work on urself, u will be freed if u r ready to work
Good luck

shilat wrote on 25 Nov 2010 21:50:
I wish I had words of advice or even comfort for you. Others here will do better at that! I see they already are doing so! But, I have to tell you what a strong physical reaction I had to the words "Troubles" and "an old friend" in the same sentence. (With a capital 'T' even!)

You know that in reality, troubles are our enemies. It's like the drug dealer offering us our first hit "for free." Or that first cigarette. Or that first shmutzy movie (do you still remember that first scene you saw; does it seem is it etched in your life forever? That is NOT your friend!).

Next time Mr. P*rn appears in your thoughts, or Mr. M*bn comes up to visit, remember that they're not "Mister" at all. Don't even give them the energy that a battle demands. Just move on.

A million times easier said than done, of course, but the very thought that Trouble would feel like an old friend means, get yourself a new friend.

Just one old guy's opinion.

welcome welcome.
so much that there is to say...has already been said by everyone who got here before me.
just one quick point. over-confidence is the worst. obviously we have to be confident, but dont think that after just a few weeks clean that youre done with it, it takes a lot of work. but at the end of each day, seeing that you had the day clean, its sooo sooo worht it!

It's important to call your rebbe when you fall. But it's even more important to call when you're feeling weak, tempted, when you feel yourself start to slip, when you catch yourself starting to think, as Dov says, goofy thoughts.

For me, posting regularly was a big part of my recovery. It allowed me a chance to share, but also to keep track of how I was feeling, what my thoughts and emotions were regarding staying clean and my struggles. it helped me focus on what i needed to work on.

Hey Shilat!  How have you been?

(BTW, are you named after an intersection near the Modi'in region?)

--Eye.

Every little step you take in the right direction is worth worlds!!!
May you see much success!!!

Thank you so much, everyone, for your chizzuk.

I have been well, bH (as in "healthy"); thank u for asking, Eye.nonymous.
In terms of this struggle, I've been up and down. Sometimes lasting longer and holding out before falling, then finding myself back with shorter clean periods (24hrs or less), then holding out again for a few days or weeks. I never seem to get much past 3 weeks.

But I'm starting again with renewed vigour now. I've started a new post - http://www.guardyoureyes.org/forum/index.php?topic=4012.0 "This time it'll be different". It's all my feelings at this moment. Hopefully someone will reply and get me feeling accountable to a friend.

Britt - thanks for the mussar. I didn't quite mean "old friend" like that but I certainly know what you're getting at. (It was meant more in an ironic sense of frustrated resignation, ? la "Hello Darkness my old friend" for those Simon/Garfunklers out there.)

SilentBattle - Yes, that's exactly my thinking! Thanks for sharing!


http://www.guardyoureyes.org/forum/index.php?topic=4012.0

Shilat--
Welcome!
Let me ask you, why do you want to stop your Troubles?
Alex