Hey buddies, I'm checking in, I agree to this problem, & the reason for our ignoring the newcomers is cuz we are addicts & addicts care only about themselves, especially if we are in a funky mood, so being that we try to recover from our addiction, we should stop to act that way, & get out of isolation & help other people , just as we were helped, I know sometimes we r scared to respond to a wired thread, cuz we don't know how to comfort the poster, but even if we can't respond with a solution to his problem, we can be kind & welcoming to make them feel like a "Yesh"
I admit here in public that I too acted like a addict till now, but I will bli neder change my ways, & do to the best of my ability to help other lost souls in this struggle

PS holy yid is on target with his worry about the "I'm about to fall" thread, those of us who have handheld devices should plz check in there from time to time to make sure that no call goes unanswered, (u can request to be notified when a message is posted)
In zchus of helping other hashem will help us with our recovery

jewinpain wrote on 06 Oct 2010 01:52:


Oh no...  Here we go again.....




isolation rhymes with causation and is in need of cessation

hurry up before deflation, log on and get an education.

by which i mean emulation and elevation

come out of hibernation come join your nation in this operation

in summation that's the situation.

kol tuv.

JIP just saw your post on "I am about to fall thread" tzizku lamitzvos.

I think there is another problem. We need to be in touch often and feel connected so we wont need "I am about to fall thread" We need to be friends, make jokes, bond, make music etc. Then we wont have to do crisis intervention.

Any ideas how to do that?

What do you guys think about asking Guard if we can organize smaller groups who commit to reading each others posts and trying to comment and also to set up a "welcome committee" to make sure new members get greeting properly and are directed in the right direction?

Hey the Boys are all here!!!

Yosef Hatzadik where were you hiding did your schach bury you on Sukkos?

Me3 how's it going? Figured out RID?

JewinPain, Have you been hibernating for while? Glad to hear from you again...

Holy Yid, Zemiros Shabbos, World, and Bards...

Regarding the original topic of this thread: One solution might be to keep up via Personal Messages with a few guys that are up your alley. I always advise this to newcomers...

Dear Holy Yid, Bardichev, Yosef Hatzadik, Zemiros Shabbos, Me3, Jewinpain, and Tried,

It's so good to see you all!!!!!



Holy Yid wrote on 06 Oct 2010 05:14:



A geshmakeh idea.

Like every idea, it will need to be fine tuned to meet the challenges that will inevitably come up.....  but despite any hesitations anyone may have.....  It's a great idea.....
I'm sure it will work!

PMing R' Guard right now!

Holy Yid wrote on 06 Oct 2010 05:14:


I like this idea. Anyone volunteer to organize groups?

I'm willing to help out.

I think the groups should be kept small.  This way everyone can keep close knit and feel they're connected.

Also, do you think the groups need to be organized in a way that groups like with like?

Or perhaps we should just get the ball rolling already?

How do you organize groups without offending anybody?

I know that accountability groups were organized in the past.  This isn't quite the same thing, but it kind of works along similar lines no?

i'm also willing to help.

i think it might be hard to organize a group for a newcomer or someone who does not have any connections already on gye, what do you say to a guy? if you like vanilla and are a Yankees fan go to group a, chocolate and Mets go to group b? it might have to come from each individual, who they feel connected and comfortable with. also depends on level of addiction. might depend on type of addiction as well, P or M or others. just thinking out loud.

Well if you like vanilla you can join my group.




It's true.  That is one of the issues that will need to work out.  But it can be worked out.

Also, this is not an accountability group.  It is simply a group of chevra that are on call to share chizuk.  It can therefore have a somewhat easier structure I think.

I suggest groups have some old guys some new guys. Also might want to think about splitting up people who are full blown addicts and those who are not.

Also we should make a bein Hazemanim group and a weekend group for people who can't post as often.

Another point to keep in mind:

Some newcomers just post a few times & are never heard from again 

Maybe we should wait until someone posted for a (short) while before he is included in a group? How about waiting until he has posted a set number of posts? (20 posts?)

Will each member of the group have a list of thread that he checks up on >> & replies to << regularly?

Yosef Hatzadik wrote on 06 Oct 2010 16:26:


We can ask newcomers if they want to join.

Plan is to have group who will check daily, if possible, and post if possible.

We will need a gabai to run this well. will be in touch with Gaurd. Would you have an interest?

I would like, at this point to review some of the main points in this thread.

I will start from the beginning.




1.  Many of us feel that once we post a few times the crew moves on to new people.  How can we help this situation?  (Holy Yid)


2.  You need to keep on posting.  It's a two way street.  (bardichev)


3.  We can post short replies all over the forum like R' Bardichev.  (Yosef Hatzadik)


4.  Often we read a thread, but don't have any practical theories to add, so we just go on to the next post.  We should keep in mind that even a short comment or encouragement can work wonders.  (Yosef Hatzadik)


5.  Short replies and comments is a good idea, but many people need to share their struggles and get feed back. Although quick posts like "KOT" can give us a boost they will not help people stay focused on their struggles.  (Holy Yid)


6.  Also there is a group who is in Yeshiva and do not have internet access during the Zeman. Although they might post allot bein hazemanim they do not have the ability to develop and maintain relationship the way people who are here regularly do. They may also feel out of the loop and this can hurt them.  (Holy Yid)


7.  Many people could progress much more if they would be open and they would get constant feedback and ideas.  (Holy Yid)


8.  The site B"H is bigger than it used to be and it is hard for everyone to know each other or stay on top of each other. We might want to think about making groups of some kind.  (Holy Yid)


9.  CHEVRA, please stay on topic.  (Holy Yid)


10.  How real is the issue? Bards says some people stop posting before they are ignored. Do you agree? What was your experince?  (Holy Yid)


11.  There is benefit in a "KOT" too. It lets the 'receiver' know that others are out there following his progress & reading his posts. That he is not 'talking to the wall'.  (Yosef Hatzadik)


12.  Also, after someone gets into the habit of replying, even if only with three letter words, he will probably write longer posts when there is a need.  (Yosef Hatzadik)


13.  Many post that are written in a style of 'journalizing' don't lend themselves to replies. Oftentimes, there is not much to say other than just letting the guy know that we are standing by and rooting for him from the sidelines..  (Yosef Hatzadik)


14.  BTW, I purposely wrote " Even a short one sentence comment, complement, or encouragement can work wonders!!!"  I did NOT mean "KOT", "KUTGW", etc.  (Yosef Hatzadik)


15.  Also there are many calls for help which don't make it to the "I am about to fall" thread.  (Holy Yid)


16.  I think there is another problem.  We need to be in touch often and feel connected so we wont need "I am about to fall thread"  We need to be friends, make jokes, bond, make music etc. Then we wont have to do crisis intervention.  Any ideas how to do that?  (Holy Yid)


17.  What do you guys think about asking Guard if we can organize smaller groups who commit to reading each others posts and trying to comment and also to set up a "welcome committee" to make sure new members get greeting properly and are directed in the right direction?  (Holy Yid)


18.  One solution might be to keep up via Personal Messages with a few guys that are up your alley. I always advise this to newcomers...  (Tried-123)


19.  I like Holy Yid's idea. (#17)  Anyone volunteer to organize groups?  (R' Guard)


20.  I think the groups should be kept small.  This way everyone can keep close knit and feel they're connected.  (world)


21.  Also, do you think the groups need to be organized in a way that groups like with like?  (world)


22.  How do you organize groups without offending anybody?  (world)


23.  WE ARE WILLING TO HELP  (world, zemiros shabbos, ... )


24.  I suggest groups have some old guys some new guys. Also might want to think about splitting up people who are full blown addicts and those who are not.  (Holy Yid)


25.  Also we should make a bein Hazemanim group and a weekend group for people who can't post as often.  (Holy Yid)


26. 

Great post! KUTGW!