I'm glad that your "Frum" radar picks up nivul peh, but doesn't kick in telling you to apologize for false accusations.

what we have here might lead to a bunch of hurt feelings.

tzvi feels invalidated and mocked for something he feels strongly about.

me3 on the other hand is feeling fenced in by the thought of someone attempting to establish extra chumros on his struggles.

part of growth and coming to a conclusion on this topic can only be when all sides of the topics are heard.

regardless of whether we agree with someones opinion, there is no need to hurt others or be hurt by them.

in order for us to have a discussion there needs to be respect for what others has to say. there is no need to tear anybody else down or cause an argument.


both your opinions have been read, and there is nothing much more that can be gained from your continued debate between each other aside from hurt feelings and sin'ah.

please, let's RESPECT.
we are all part of the same chevra, and we all, when it boils down to it, are reaching for a common goal.

Woah everyone, let's calm down. There are some valid points being brought up here by both sides. Do we need to edit/add/change the following GYE Forum Rules?

7.) No one may post anything that may insult, embarrass or offend another member of the forum. If this happens by mistake, the offender should be quick to apologize.

8.) Posts should not contain details (about personal struggles or otherwise) that others may find triggering, or contain links to websites that some may find triggering. If a member wants to submit a detailed post that may need to be edited, he should send it to the administrator or to the moderators as a private message.

Tzvi is right. We have to use seichel when posting our struggles and fantasies. This forum is NOT like an SA group, since it caters to all different levels of addiction - or pre-addiction. (See Reply #2 on this page, where I brought a piece from Dov explaining why this forum needs to be treated different than an SA group). MosheF has a good point too though, that expressing our fantasies in detail can help. But for that, I suggest getting a partner or joining Dov's virtual SA group on the forum (or a live group, for that matter). Posting it here for everyone to see, may be detrimental.

And lastly, we have to be very careful not to hurt anyone's feelings on this forum. The members here are bloodied and hurting enough from this struggle... Respect and achdus is what GYE is all about. (I know that Me3 is just humoring Tzvi and he doesn't mean anything personal. But I know this only because I know me3 so well, however, others like Tzvi do not and could be a bit hurt. So let's try and be friends everyone, ok?  ;D)

FYI, Guard is a gilgul of Aharon Hakohen. With a little Pinchas mixed in...
Says so b'fayrush in Shaar Hagilgulim.

guardureyes wrote on 23 Sep 2010 17:06:

But just to show how easy going and forgiving I am i'll be the first one to apologize. Truth is I really have nothing against Walmart.

Me3... no, you met in one of his previous gilgulim...

And I'm not telling you which one...

look it up for yourself in Shar Hagilgulim...

Me3 wrote on 22 Sep 2010 14:41:


kutan shel hachabura wrote on 26 Sep 2010 00:55:

;D ;D ;D

That is called really learning up a thread!

Overall, I think most of the people here in the GYE forum do a good job at not being too explicit in their posts.  I don't think there's a huge problem.  I once heard a fellow who couldn't SAY the word "lust," he had to spell it out.  So, if that's your level of trigger, EVERYTHING is going to trigger you and you can't expect everyone to cater to THAT level of sensitivty.  Also, I think that if people hint TOO MUCH when describing their problem, readers of that post don't really know what they're talking about, and then they can't really get help that's most appropriate and effective.

It's a fine line.

If someone makes a bad judgement call, what do you do?

The EASIEST way to deal with the situation is to send them a private message, something like this:

============================================

Dear Mr. I.M.Recovering,

I noticed you on the forum, and I appreciate your sincerity in your posts.  It's very good that you can admit your problem and be so open about it.

However, for me, I find that your descriptions are a bit too explicit.  For me it's a trigger, and perhaps for other people too.  I would appreciate it if you could MODIFY your message to make it a little safer for me to read, and if you could please be careful to be a less explicit in the future I would appreciate it.

KUTGW,

  --ME

=========================================

I've written messages such as this in the past, and likewise I have received messages like this in the past.

No hard feelings necessary.  I don't think anyone here is trying to cause any harm.

Good luck,

  --Eye.