Before I begin, it is necessary for me to make something very clear.
I feel that this site is very beneficial and is a big zechus for the people involved.

There is a big problem here that the oilam should address.

people write about their latest fantasy here, their latest fantasy there....  oy and what should i do when this lady says to me  :-* :-* :-* :-*....

and what should i do when i fantasize about this and this and this....


STOP!!!


don't you realize that many others who will read your post will likely end up fantasizing about your very situation?  Do you not realize you are putting other people in a big nisayon by describing your dilemma in detail?

I hope you don't.  I hope my post will cause you to realize this.

You can post that you are having a problem and need chizuk.
You can ask for advice about a specific situation.

JUST FOR HEAVENS SAKE don't describe the tempting situation in a way that will tempt the reader.  Use seichel.

Thank you.
Your comments are welcome.

1. The general point here is certainly a good point.

2. I have personally seen very posts that were problematic in this way.

3. If you do see problematic posts, alert a moderator and/or email Guard.

second the motion. .
i mean the statement 'i was fantasizing' sometimes is enough of a trigger for me, personally although really that's my issue.
but sensitivity would be nice

How is it that I always miss all the good posts?
Next time can somebody point out all these graphic posts to me please!

But seriously the moderators are there to remove posts that are deemed to explicit. And they do so quite well.

But if you are trying to find things to fantasize about I imagine you can. You can hear much more exciting stuff if you attend an sa meeting.

One more thing.....

Rage, if you make me handle this myself, you're a real jerk!

I agree. I used to feel a certain derhuiben keit in the discussions of even the lowest things. Recently i have noticed a glamourcation of certain nisyonos by certain members. If more details are needed by a adm pm me

Me3 wrote on 22 Sep 2010 03:54:



Dear Me3,

I come on this site to try to break free from my y"h.  I believe that's why others do as well.
not to look for something to fantasize about!  The fact of the matter is that the way some people write (some of the time) is simply triggering.

That doesn't mean these things will be a trigger for everyone.  You do have to acknowledge that they will however be a trigger for a lot of people.  You can't just ignore this problem.

Once again, i believe this site is a lifesaver.

It has the tools and the power to help make the difference.

We must use seichel. 


Also, I am aware that there are devoted moderators out there to help with this problem.


This is however similar to saying that there are rescue workers available to clean up after a couple of planes hit the world trade center.

It's great that they're there.
We certainly need them.

Would it not be better if the planes didn't hit the WTC in the first place.

My intention is to creat an awareness amongs the members of this very worthy site to be careful in how they express their nisyonos.

A few points. I agree, posts can be triggering. Perhaps mine are - if so, I apologize, and please let me know.

As Desperate Teddy pointed out, though, different people have different "trigger thresholds." So it becomes a balance between people posting about their struggles (and not just writing "I had trouble"), and people being triggered.

You're absolutely correct, we all do need to use seichel. But that means finding that right balance for ourselves. Yes, that includes all of us trying our best not to use triggering language, and not being more graphic than we have to. And yes, I've held myself back from saying things because they might be triggering to others. But it's not always so clear-cut.

A side point - even writing about your own struggles can be triggering for you - even just thinking about them! I believe it's R' Dessler that points out that we have to be careful during viduy not to get nostalgic about our past aveiros..."al cheit shechatanu b'lashon hara...hashem, I'm so sorry I did that....like the time I told moshe about what I saw yanky do...wow! That felt so good, um, I mean, awful! I feel terrible about it!"

So I think there are two sides here - we all need to be careful to avoid triggering language whenever possible. But we also need to, ourselves, work on not being triggered.

And now a rant: In america, as in much of the western world today, the idea of personal responsibility has fallen out of style. If something happens, it must be someone else's fault, there must be someone to sue. If someone has a problem or a disability, society must shoulder the entire cost. The focus has become one of "my rights," instead of "my responsibilities."

Fulfilling our responsibilities to others is important. But we must also take responsibility for ourselves.

Me3 wrote on 22 Sep 2010 03:54:


Clever...

OK. In all seriousness, this point is a good one. It has been raised by some very upstanding people before.
Gosh, once upon a time in the days of olde, the forum was mixed!
It became clear at one point that this is more destructive than productive, and Guard changed that.

If anyone has a concrete suggestion(s), bring them up!

In general, though, the logic is that there is no shortage of triggers out there.  And this site is definitely not for those who were successfully ignoring those triggers before coming here.

The goal here is recovery, not perfection, and not causing a yerida either. Each person should really be evaluating, is the forum helping overall, or hurting. But look at the overall picture, not at the trees.

The daily phone calls, by the way, are sometimes less explicit, since people are talking, not typing, and the natural 'busha' keeps people in check more....

k

One more point - it could be that certain people's threads are particularly triggering for you, through no fault of their own. And in that case, it might be better for you to avoid their threads. Not because they're bad, or wrong, but simply because that's what you need.

There is another side to the argument that has not been mentioned:

1. It helps someone who is struggling, to post exactly what happened, how he is feeling and what triggered it.  It's a fact, it helps.

2. It helps to read and identify with others who have the same struggles as you and the same triggers as you.  I'm not sure why, but it does.  When I can identify with someone who is going through the same thing I am, it helps.

Obviously, one should not describe all the explicit details but just posting “I was triggered” or “I'm having trouble” is not good enough, doesn’t work (well) for the person who posted it and doesn’t help anyone who is reading it.

silentbattle said it best; different people have different "trigger thresholds” and if a post is triggering, leave that thread.  Also, use your seichel when posting. 

I personally have never been triggered by any posts, the women’s posts was a problem but that was not the posts it was the just the idea of it, but that’s gone now.

DISCLAIMER writing disclaimer at the beginning of a post is not a license to spew forth idiocy.

Please try to refrain from mentioning Walamart in your posts I find that store particularily triggering.

(What time does Yom Tov start in Israel?)

(Here goes one of my Yom Kippur Kabbalahs, Oh but so worth it).

Tzvi

If your posts is successful in preventing one person from seeking the help he or she (sorry if that was triggering) needs, was it worth it?

This whole site is a bdieved, I wish it wasn't needed, but it is.

So let the moderators and Guard (who by the way consults with Daas Torah on a regular basis) do their jobs. And if you have an issue send him an email but try not to burden the whole forum with your personal "need to be frummer then thou" hang ups.

Dear me3,

Thank you for your continued input.

Nivul Peh?

It wasn't me who mentioned Walmart, it was that other guy.