i've got webchaver installed on all my computers- you just need one account and you can install the program as many times as you want on whatever computers you use.
it's very cheap and charges you automatically every month- you don't have to even think about it.
and it's super effective- basically breaks the Yichud of your surfing.
i suggest you tell whoever you choose to trust as your chaver that the wife goes on celebrity sites so ignore that just keep an eye out for anything- you don't have to act like you'd expect anything to be up. you can be all casual, saying something along the lines of 'i heard it's halachically Yichud to  be on the web recently so i installed this Chaver thing on my computer, can you just be my monitor and scan the list every week real quick?"

webchaver's good stuff.

Hello Joe, sorry I pop in so late in ur thread, but here I am anyways,
A few thoughts that come into my mind regarding disappointing ur wife once again, I know exactly what it feels & I'd say if u feel that's gana put too much weight on u guys now, than here is my solution, Do NOT say anything to her yet, which means no filter installed, (which will anyways not help being the computer geek its very easy to break it) unless u have an ISP like we have here Jnet, but I dono what u guys have in EY, so the best & only option in my eyes would be to get accountability software and report should be sent to either ur wife by using the reason for it that u heard a shier of someone who spoke about the danger of internet and since u know urself that u had problems in the past, u took upon urself this geder, (seems to me pretty reasonable) or a friend who knows nothing about ur addiction & someone u will rather die than revealing ur secret, or a rav, rosh yeshiva u have respect for, all 3 options will help u avoid this bad sites
Than start going to live SA meetings, people say they wouldn't be alive w/o that, so I take their word, I haven't gone personally so I dono how it looks like, but if u have the courage to go, than kol hakavod to u, and once u go for a mont or 2, I can bet that wife will see a major change in u if u really work the program, and than u can lay the cards out in the open again, and this time it will have a different taste, I promise
I ask u 1 thing if I offended u in any way plz forgive me and throw away what's not for ur use , but I'm sure some of my words do make some sense,
Wishing u lots of luck in ur recovery, life feels million times better in recovery than any porn site, tried them both
Gut yom tov & a git kvital

Hi Joe,

I was afraid of installing a filter for a very similar reason to you. My wife also caught me red handed once.
Recently, for some unknown reason, some stuff showed up in my google search history that I haven't looked at in many months - That wasn't pretty.

What I told her was that the filter is there because sometimes I stumble across the wrong thing, banner ads, etc. It's unintentional and it really helps if that type of thing can be kept out-of-site.

That's where filters really work, to stop you stumbling into the wrong site. No filter will ever stop you if you are actually trying to find something though. I found it helped a great deal because sometimes I would see something innocent, like on a joke site and next thing I'm head deep in stuff I wasn't actually looking for.

I use K9, which allows me to specify exceptions - I've added those joke sites that were triggers to the block list and the sites my wife visits are on the safe list.

ToAdd

Hey Guys,

Its good to hear you all!

HS - Thanks! Actually the accountability filters seem like the best bet, I think I will seriously look into that.

Frumfield - Totally understandable, you know sometimes an addict needs the hard truth in his face. Although I do fantasize that someone will always answer me 24/7 whenever I'm down, but I know that thats naive and it takes just as much effort if not more on working on ourselves, while seeking help as well. I like the hard truth, although somewhat softened perhaps

DT - Thanks, I will look into that as well, although I can't really go with the direction of the "Halachik speech" as it would just sound weird considering that we are both modern Orthodox and well......it would just be weird .

JIP - Thanks for the support. Yes I keep on hearing about the accountability software "I think we have a winner!!!" My current plan is attending SA meetings together with accountability software. I believe these are key tools in eradicating my addiction. Though I am kind quite unsure on how to play it, as I haven't mentioned to my wife that I will be attending SA meetings (too embarrassed to let her know that my after-hour "IP" surfing has turned into a full fledged psychological disorder which requires counseling) and I would prefer to only mention it after I have been clean for some time (so that I could mention it as an achievement of some sort - kind of like "I have been clean" instead of "I will be clean", you know what I mean?). But then again I don't want to be dishonest with my wife - it feels like crossing some sort of line (since we talk a lot and are quite informed of each other - or perhaps as it seems, I am more  informed of her that she is of me). So I'll have to wait and see when would would be the best time if at all to mention about the SA meetings. Any ideas anyone?

ToAdd - thanks for the advice, buddy!

Joe, sounds like u have a pretty clear picture, & I find myself in ur thread in many ways
Regarding ur feeling about crossing a line, by attending SA meetings & not informing ur wife right away, so u call urself "dishonest" I'd say don't bother thinking too much on that cuz that's the YH speaking out of u, all this times u/i acted out we weren't honest either & that was a much bigger dishonesty,& that would last a lifetime if not for ur stumbling across this holy site, so now u gana wear that dishonest hat once again for the last time for a few months,& when u feel clean enough u can share it with wife than, I too share a lot with wife (she shares much more, just exactly as in ur situation, cuz women need to be listened more) & wife knows that I'm working some sort of program, but I never told her about it being related to SA, but she clearly sees a huge difference in me, so she's not pressuring me too much, she knows about my seeing a therapist, she hears different terms from me that she never heard & she sees a guy who wants to let go & surrender to hashem, & that's were I get her support, so my advice to u is, find a local SA meeting, get a partner/sponsor, whatever they decide, see a therapist if possible, to help u sort out things, & with hashem's help u will be sober very soon, it takes a lot of strength to work it, but if we don't wana die, we just have to do it, no shortcuts, & when u r clean for a while u will be able to decide if the time is right to come clean to ur wife about the meetings,
Hatzlucha raba with whatever u decide to do, if u ever need chizak, support, advice feel free to buzz me
Ur friend JIP
(Once Jew In Pain, now Jew In Progress, soon to be Jew In Paradise)

Hey JIP (I love your definitions! )

You know I was actually just thinking myself about what you wrote and its true, I had been so sick with my addition that my past behavior (which was clearly dishonest) was totally brushed aside and was viewed by me as acceptable "collateral" damage. So here I am worrying about being supposedly "dishonest" while trying to B"H finally clean up my act when all along, I have lived my whole married life in dishonesty. Wow, its unbelievable in how how warped of a way can our addictions transform our logical and moral though processes.

I finally installed yesterday a web filter on my computer and put in my wife's email address. I mentioned to her that in general every home should have one so so that Google searches (and the like) shouldn't pull up unwanted photos or links and she was actually pretty cool about. Although the official reason for the filter is due to "Google search issues" I know that she knows the real and unofficial reason for it and if she's cool with it, the more so am I!

But ya, I like your advice, I'll just wait till I feel the time is right, which I know will come naturally at one point and then share with my wife about the meetings.

Yashaarkoach! Have a good one!

Joe

Hello everybody,

Just though I would share some of my progress with my fellow brothers out there.

Wow.....what a crazy 2 years I have had with so many challenges and tests that I was sure I would never pass (employment, family etc). But B"H I did manage to pull through and surrealisticly enough, I'm really starting to finally see and understand how all of these challenges led me to where I am today.

B"H I am 51 days clean which is the second most amount of clean days in the past 20 years, Number one spot goes to 80 days which was about 3 years ago. Please G-D, "one-day-at-a-time" I will reach that number 1 spot and beyond.

It hasn't been easy, but witth self-determination, prayer to Hashem and last but not least a really strong internet filter that sends emails directly to my wife's mobile within seconds of any "attempt" to any fishy business, I am slowly coming along.

A lot has changed in the last 2 years or so, I went public with my wife and we regularly talk about my addiction and progress. It's funny, if asked a few years ago If I could share my addiction problem with my wife, my first response would have been "No Way, Impossible, Never". The end result turns out that my wife, G-D bless her soul' is my biggest fan/supporter/pillar.

Anyways, I look forward to what the future holds and to what Hashem has in plan for me. I wish us all sobriety of the body, mind and soul and may we keep strong "one-day-at-a-time". Amen!

Welcome back to the forum, Joe!
A real privilege to welcome an oldtimer like yourself.
What are you doing this time that you think will make it stick?
Also, how long did it take for your wife to have a change of heart? Did you do anything to help her in the process? Did she ever join S-Anon?
You can prolly tell I'm a little anxious. This has been a very tough year for me, just like you describe: family, employment. And I am still not out of the doghouse with my wife.
Glad that GYE has a veteran re-join our force.
Mottel

Hey Obor,

Thanks for the welcome, Bruchim Hanimtzaim as the saying goes. Okay.....so lets see what is different..hmm....

Well for one thing I installed not 1, but 2 strong internet filters which, within seconds of any "attempt" to view a forbidden site, sends emails directly to my wife's smartphone. For me the Internet Filter has been the biggest help. Even after 55 clean day, If I didnt have a filter, I would probably be going places that I should not go.

Second is telling my wife for long list or reasons. First and foremost is plain and simple shame. You see at first I tried to be an "Oyverchuchom" and I would test the filter to see how well it worked and if I could beat it somehow, to which I found out that it worked great, by my wife also found that it worked great and would bring it to my attention first thing in the morning. "Joe, I noticed you tried to access so-and-so site, as well as so-and-so site and so-and-so site", she would make sure to inform me. In a wierd sense, my wife seeing me "try" to access a site (eventhough I really couldn't access any sites) that made me feel perverted and silly. So eventually I just stopped trying becuase A) I can't access it anyways and at least I'll be able to have a normal conversation with my wife the next morning.

Honestly it didn't come easily with my wife (Rome wasn't built in one day) and it probably took about a year or so for her to come around. The first time I told her was when I had reached 60 days sobriety, my first ever which, was only a few months after I first realized myself that I had a problem. After spilling the beans, I asked her what she thinks and she just looked at me and said "Wow, you're a pretty perverted guy". But that was the beginning of my healing, the ice-breaker. Then I had some on and off periods managing sobriety for no more that 2 weeks at a time. A few months down the line I realized that telling my wife was not enough and that I really need help, which was when I joined an SA group. The group helped and also taught me the importance of sharing our problem with our wifes and not just telling them. I didn't tell my wife about my SA meetings for at least a few months in, becuase heck I was just too imbarresed. But after manging 30 days of sobriety, I sat down my wife and told her that I had been attending meetings because I trully and honestly want to kick the habbit. I also showed some professionaly material to my wife and explained to her the most important thing in my eyes, "we are in this together". I told my wife that I am the man she married and I didn't choose to have this problem, but its my Tikkun in this world and "our" jobs are to conquer it together.

Once my wife realized that, then she opened up to me and we just started talking about getting though this problem "together" and not just "me" alone.

I wont lie, it wasn't easy telling my wife nor was it easy sharing my problem with total strangers in an SA meeting. But that was my part in convincing myself that I was so fed up with this problem, I'm willing to go "the extra mile", whatever it takes, to cure myself.

I wish you lots of hatzlocho and please keep me posted on your progress.

Remember, we can do this!

Joe