hamaven yavin

Me3 wrote on 07 Dec 2010 21:33:
Yeah, what was it? I looked in the mirror, and I didn't see no courage. I even turned to the side, to see if I had profiles of courage, but all I saw was a dead president .

Blabbermouth and thoughtless "tongue in motion before brain in gear" but hardly courage. Am I missing something?

by regular i mean most people wounldn't notice at all but for some reason i pick up anyways.... what gay community would call 'straight-acting'.
actually you know what i don't exactly really know what i meant by regular i wasn't picking or choosing my words, which i probably should have been,


i did not mean to cause offense at all i was just mentioning a fact about myself and my intuition.

lfor all we know there;s some people out there who can look around the room and detect who prefers chocolate ice cream, or who is more likely to enjoy florida vs. alaska, or whatever.

if i have crossed a line here by saying this, i'm sorry

not changing in front of someone i think is gay for the SAME reason i wouldn't be changing in front of a GIRL, like i said TZNUIS. nothing to do w/ thinking i'm going to be assaulted or not and lets get real here why WOULD i be assualted same way a girl wouldn't attack me if i was naked. it's just what i feel is a sensitivity.

Don't worry, DT. Everyone probably believes in some version of "gaydar." I certainly do.

Also, understand there's no offense taken here -- I enjoy a healthy exchange of views like this.

But, I won't concede the point about undressing in front of someone who sets off your gaydar. You won't know if your gaydar is accurate, and the obligation to stay out of trouble is on THEM and not you. It's sorta like saying you won't bring your hostess a box of candy because she might be diabetic.

true, but if i knew my hostess was probably diabetic or on a diet i'd just bring flowers.

ive always been the type of person who tries to make it easier for others even if it means going out of my way. if i'm making plans w/ someone i'd rather do what they want to do then what i want to do, if i see someone needs help i try even if not asked....

and not getting undressed, while sure part of it might be i don't want to cause the guy discomfort, mamesh the main reason is TZNUIS. i don't feel it's TZNUIS. would you get changed in front of a girl?

desperate_teddybear wrote on 08 Dec 2010 01:59:
A girl nurse? YES, that's sometimes appropriate. A girl boss? NO. So, the answer seems to depend on the context of 'appropriateness.'

Frankly, I think a guy who won't change in a locker room is a little bit over-the-top, especially if the reason is that some guy "might" be looking at him with the wrong eye. It's not fatherly concern for the f*ggot, and it's not "simply tznius." It might be a combination of heaping gay feelings onto a stranger plus a decent amount of homophobia hiding as a torah mitzvah.

Sorry that I'm neither backing off nor couching this language in the appropriate level of sweetness here. It's fair that we have different views on the scene, though, so I'm happy to let this "duck season, rabbit season" discussion end in a draw. Thanks.

it's not a draw.

what ur saying is that since i can't be sure if a guy is gay or not it might be over the top. then perhaps i would concede u r right.
perhaps i do rely too much on my gaydar and i am being over the top. in that regard, i admit i am wrong and that you are right.

if i did know for an absolute fact a guy was, then it is perfectly normal behavior.
i am not talking about a girl doctor where there is a tachlis.
if, just stam, there was a random girl in the locker room, nobody would get unchanged.

so today is 20 days of no slip-ups and perfect shmiras einayim.

it's weird for me. thought i'd feel a lot better about myself then i do. about 1/2 a year ago i was falling couple times a day, now i'm not but i just feel miserable.

and i don't know about this forum place - sometimes i'm thinking 'hey this place is awesome' and then sometimes i'm thinking 'wtf am i doing on here?'

why dont i feel good about my cleanliness- is this my YH?

ur right rage i need to take this 'deeper' to the next level

achsuv i'm still clean but i've been slipping slowly  into this bummer of a depression.

i feel all alone, empty, miserable, frustrated and stressed.

this sucks.

no matter how hard i try, my abusive past weighs me down, makes me feel yucky sometimes. trying to smile through it all, distract myself from misery.

i may just act out - but that won't fix my issues, will it?

ooooooooooooh boy.

gotta stay strong.

i WILL stay strong.

Keep on trucking.

There was a point when it hit me - just because things were stressful, didn't mean I "should" act out. It didn't suddenly make sense to act out, nor would it be "understandable." It's all a trick, this random connection in our minds that says, "in this situation, we need to act out." It's just a slick marketing gimmick - don't fall for it!

thank you ninja-dude for always being there for me...

i realize yesterday, thanks to you,  just b/c i was feeling weak didn't constitute acting out. why act out? b/c i'm an addict? b/c i LIKE to act out?

so what.

i can choose instead to just live a normal life like an every average yoili shmoili - it's my choice in attitude.

in my mind, i don't have to be a person w/ problems. i can be a person w/ an issue.
there's a world of a difference between the two.

the person w/ problems is always stressing about it, miserable, fighting. the person w/ problems is MESHUGAH. 'oh no poor me' he bemoans 'there is no way out there is nothing to do NOTHING Nothing nothing (*echo*). he wallows in his own melodramatic misery and then gives in to the madness inside him.

the person w/ the issue is somebody who is a pretty normal, decent regular guy hwo has some things to sort out that might be bigger than him. so, nu, he goes and figures out how to handle the issue.
i have an issue with my sink i call a plumber.
when i have an issue w/ my behavior i go to a shrink or a rav.
when i have an issue w/ my avodas HaShem the first thing i do is i pray to the One Above for guidance, i take out a sefer, i learn how to deal.

i don't have to cry and bemoan the fact my sink is leaking. i just do what needs to be done, call who i need to call, use the tools i need to use.

so it happens that this sink is an old one. there's always a danger it might spring a leak at any time. so i'm always reinforcing it. i speak to specialists. i keep an eye on it for weaknesses that i can fix so it doesn't just explode any time too much water goes through it. i don't overwork it though or test it with putting too much water through it- no i treat it delicately... repairs are expensive.

Nobody likes me, everybody hates me,
I think I'll go eat worms!
Big fat juicy ones,
Eensie weensy squeensy ones,
See how they wiggle and squirm!

Down goes the first one, down goes the second one,
Oh how they wiggle and squirm!
Up comes the first one, up comes the second one,
Oh how they wiggle and squirm!

I bite off the heads, and suck out the juice,
And throw the skins away!
Nobody knows how fat I grow,
On worms three times a day!

Nobody likes me, everybody hates me,
I think I'll go eat worms!
Big fat juicy ones,
Eensie weensy squeensy ones,
See how they wiggle and squirm

i have been clean for a while. i had one fall about a month ago but aside from that it's been about a 1/2 year of basic cleanliness

i want to, i feel ready to do Teshuva. to turn around and face my own actions and rectify the past.

but how?
how do i begin
what do i DO for G-ds sake?!!
how do i go about all this?

You are doing great dont change anything!

Do NOTHING!!

U are doing just fine

Don't worry about feeling

Who cares


Don't test your YH

Yes he still works

Don't open a site just to "see" if you can close it without "seeing"

Don't  dont

Ok

That's what "keep on trucking" means

B