One day at a time isn't just a trick. It's a fact. Because of the way hashem made the world, time runs in one direction only (at least, as far as we can perceive), and we only face one day at a time. So, hashem gave us the ability to deal with nisyonos as they arrive. Which is, that every day has it's nisyonos.

The yetzer hora tries to get you to fight a whole year's worth of nisyonos all at once, though, by making you feel like you have to deal with it all right now. Which is exactly the point - the only thing you have to deal with right now, is right now. Tomorrow, you can deal with tomorrow.

time moves painstakingly slow when you just focus on one day

Teddy,

Thank you for your post.  I LOVE the honesty!!!

I have all sorts of fears about what people will think of me but rarely do I ever even admit it to myself much less bring it to the light to share with others.

This is why I need other addicts to recover.  I have a lot to learn.

I don't care how timmimusdik a guy is, if hes on the internet he knows there is a whole universe of lust.  Granted he may not be the discerning connoisseur of lust that I developed into but he knows there is lust there and that it can be a challenge for any normal person not just addicts.

Being someone who is doing something about can be a point of pride.  Anecdotally, many lust addicts who have had their issues discovered have come to have great appreciation for the incidents as it has helped them open up to others and get even more support and help.  In my own case, my wife discovering my pornography addiction has been a real blessing.  For 20 years I was too ashamed to seek real help for it, but once the secret was out, though painful, it was much easier to eventually get help.

Hatzlacha!!!

i just listened to a shuir that gave me a lot of chizuk. it's about the opposing desires of a person to do what's right, and his animilistic instincts, how they battle eachother. i've always been frustrated, telling myself-this is MY hand, so why can't i control it? this shuir explained that to me

www.theshmuz.com/  #13 Free Will – Part 1: Nefesh Habahami, Nefesh Hasichli

One day at a time is very fast. We only have one day. We dont worry about tomorow  thats gods problem. The goan said you gota learn like this is the only blatt in shas. Same here if  you are clean for ten years and you messed up today You messed up. So everything is today.
Wish me luck and daven for me to stay clean today.

thank you FTF and Jooboy.
i've always had issues living in the NOW i guess b/c of my abusive upbringing. but i really like the thought of making each day a Matanah for H'. it makes me feel happy inside ---->  ;D , see?

new subject: i've noticed i've started having these...i dunno..anxiety attacks? like i'll get to thinking- oh my gosh i've lasted this long it's not going to last, or start thinking 'i have to control myself i have to control myself' and all of a sudden my heart does this weird dropping-thingamabob and starts fluttering, feels like its trying to escape out of my throat and i have to breathe really deeply to calm myself down.

it's really strange for me actually i'm pretty chilled out most of the time i've never experienced anything like it. besides for which i've held out for long periods of time before and never got stressed out.

i think the reason i'm getting like this is because usually, even when i was holding out, i let myself touch as long as i didn't go over the edge. this time around i realized i needed to change my method, so i don't let myself fool around at ALL.

it's really putting me on edge, and the fact my heart keeps fluttering is freaking me out majorly- is that even normal?

Yup. This isn't just a pleasure thing, to be honest - when we self-medicate, we're sending surges of pleasures, and pleasure-inducing chemicals through our brains. It's our way of relaxing, on a physiological level. Losing that can take some getting used to.

When you start thinking, "it's not going to last," etc - that's why we need one day at a time. When I was single, and I started here, I would think, "what if it takes me a year to get married? 5 years? What if I never get married?" If I kept thinkin like that, it would've become almost impossible to stay clean.

Painstakingly slowly? You're right - that probably is connected to some of your personal isues, but it's also something that everyone deals with. We like to make big moves, jumps and leaps. No one likes the idea of consistent effort and growth, slowly and surely, making real changes. It's not as exciting, thrilling, "challenging."

But you end up with real change. Your job is to stay clean in the here and now. As a side bonus, you'll turn around after a bunch of "here and nows" and be amazed at how much you've grown.

Bh i made it through today. I aint sayin i got another eighty eight or whatever. I got today and i hope for tommorow. Teddy lets work this together.
Gut yom tov

If a day is too long do an hour, if an hour is too long do 15 minutes.

silentbattle wrote on 22 Sep 2010 03:45:


can't wait to be on the other side, looking back...can't hurt to dream a little *zones out for 15 minutes

Holy Yid wrote on 22 Sep 2010 04:48:


if i focus like that i'm seeing it becoming this montsrous obsession in my mind  :o -----> freak'd

nunu though i see what's being said. my grandmother a"sh used to delight in this little diet trick of hers. she never said no to herself- she used to just promise herself 'i don't need to eat that so badly today. tomorrow ill want it more. ill eat it tomorrow"

Frumfiend The star wrote on 22 Sep 2010 04:37:


i like that..."let's work this together"...it makes me happy. i'm not in this alone anymore. nuts. today all of GYE was in my tefillos.
i forget where i read this, but when a group of people in Klal Yisroel get together to discuss and work together on Avodas H' this causes an untold Roshem in Shamayim. I'm blessed to be part of this.

gut yom tov frumfiend.

i was listening to a shuir today, where the speaker asked a very interesting question:

how do people, good people, commit unbelievable chata'im?
justification and minimization. by the third time a person crosses a boundary, the sin will have become a Mitzvah in his eyes.

i look back to how i ever got to this in the first place. the first time it was horrifying. and then eventually i said 'at least im not out there doing the actual deed, so i'm a good guy'

this act must never become Kosher again in my eyes. it's how i always end up falling- my YH comes to me and says 'aaaaaaaaah. it's not so bad. you're not going to watch P or anything. you're not going to go all the way down. naaaaaw not that, NEVER AGAIN. but you want to. so instead you're going to be such a tzadik and just fall in this way and not all the way."

very tricky. it's interesting, latching onto the YH's tactics.
next time around, YH, i don't want to hear your winy compromises.

[/quote]

I don't mean to sound like the rest of the holy crew but do you ever feel crazy, out of control, freaked etc by not waiting 15 min?

Holy Yid wrote on 22 Sep 2010 17:45:


ouch. true.

i love being back on track.

i love not having that hopeless feeling of knowing im about to waste hours doing chatai'm and not being able to control myself.

i love being able to work on myself without feeling like a hypocrite

i love being able to learn and daven and feel focused

most of all i love that comforting feeling of having a boundary, a wall in my mind that says 'this you cannot cross'

G-d is great

KOT.

KOT!

KOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!