Th Klausenberger Rebbe ztl yahrtzeit today

I will write what I read this past Shabbos

I will say what he wrote about tricking the yetzer horah,we can do with our struggles as well

the Rebbe ztl said as follows :

In my youth I was considered a bright and diligent student.How did I accomplish this? I tricked my yetzer hora.Other children had great plans at the beginning of the school year for the whole year ,and in the end they failed.I said to myself "I am going to plan just for today and set goal for this day only" The Satan,not being interested in a single day,left me alone.The next day I again just made plans for that day,and so on until the end of the year

hi yechida, i hope you don't mind me adding my two cents here, i think you will enjoy.

The Klausenberger Rebbe zy"a after the war was in the DP camps and it was Purim and he was at the seudah surrounded by many people, each one with a tragic story, this one lost a wife, this one his parents, this one his children and so on. the matzav ruach was very low.
the Rebbe started speaking, "Venahapoch Hu Asher Yishletu Hayehudim Haimah Besoinayhem", it will come a time when Venahapoch Hu, the opposite will happen, instead of the yidden being downtrodden and persecuted, they will be given the upper hand and they will be sholet on soinayhem when Moshiach comes. But when Moshiach comes he will look around at the yidden and he will ask "Hayehudim Haimah?" these are Jews? they do not look like the ideal Jew.
The Rebbe stands up "Then I, Zalman Leib, will say Hayehudim Haimah Besoinayhem, if in Hitler's eyes they are good enough to called a Jew and be tortured and killed for being a Jew then for you too they are Jews!"
zechuso yagen aleinu

beautiful

and then the time he was almost beaten to death for missing roll call on Shmini Atzeres because he did not want to work

the yidin that witnessed the beating thought he didn't make it

the next day,half dead,Simchas Torah,he takes a broken stool in the barrack and hobbles in a circle around it,saying tefillos-that was hakofos. 

extremely important article from meaningfullife.com and 1 of the visitors comments

this is especially important to know and absorb especially for many of us here who because of the struggles they have,and the darker part of ourselves that we cannot seem to shake off entirely,causes us to believe that we are damaged goods that would have been better not to have been born and screw things up

and we must learn that despite the excruciation pain of our feelings of failure and despair that could sometimes come over us,we must know that we are indispensable and uniquely special in the eyes of the One who created us.

He made no mistake

He want all of us to feel special and to know we have a unique mission in life,sometimes not despite the darknes,but because of it........


Do You Think that You Matter?


  by Simon Jacobson

Would the world be any different if you weren’t born? Do you wake up in the morning feeling like you have an important role to play in the grand scheme of things?

Most of us grow up in a world where life is dispensable, where our individual contributions go unrecognized, where there is no real sense that life - ours or anyone's - is significant or meaningful.

At the root of this restlessness and discontent is the deep-deated conviction that "I Don't Matter." A belief that if I were to show up someplace or not, or make some kind of contribution or not, it would not fundamentally affect the world or the people that live in it.

Think about that for a minute. If you don’t feel like you make a difference in the world, how excited can you be about the things you do and the choices you make? When you wake up in the morning and you feel like what you do that day doesn’t matter anyway, how committed or passionate can you be?

But here is a message that will change your life forever: Birth is G-d’s way of saying "you matter."

This means you are absolutely necessary. You are indispensable to G-d's vision of the world, chosen to fulfill a mission in this world that you and only you can accomplish Like musical notes in the grand Divine composition, each of us has our unique music to play.

If you think this is a simple message, let me share with you a letter that I received from a woman who read my book Toward a Meaningful Life:

"I am a 47-year-old executive—very successful and accomplished; admired and respected. Yet beneath this fine veneer lies a woman in shreds. You see, my soul was murdered as a young child when my parents abused me physically, emotionally, sexually. Every day of my life is essentially a struggle against suicide. I feel no self value, actually no self at all. I am a sum of my parts, and my value is based on how others value me. I have tried many therapies but essentially have remained the same. Intimacy doesn’t work in my life, relationships are either unhealthy or nonexistent.

"In order to compensate for this deep void and lack, what I have done, as do people in this situation, I have become superambitious and hyperproductive in order to create some semblance of outer control in place of no inner control. It helps distract me somewhat and helps get me through the day, but it doesn’t really change anything. Inside I am a wreck, and every day, sometimes every moment, is another struggle.

"I had long given up hope and resigned myself to this life of misery. But then a miracle happened. Someone gave me the book Toward a Meaningful Life as a gift. I am Jewish but non-observant, and I was glancing through the book with a measure of skepticism until a line jumped out at me and struck me like a thunderbolt, like a silver bullet between the eyes:

"The line said: ‘BIRTH IS G-D SAYING THAT YOU MATTER.’ I read it again. ‘BIRTH IS G-D SAYING YOU MATTER.’ I read it over and over at least 500 times. And I will continue to read it every day of my entire life.

"I suddenly realized, after 47 years, that no matter what my parents told me, no matter how they said I was an accident and a source of misery in their lives, that no matter how society tells us that we are just a statistic in someone’s balance sheet, that our value is measured in buying power, productivity, looks, youth, contacts, and money—none of matters because I matter to the One who matters most. To G-d, who created me and said, ‘I want you on this Earth. I need you.

"The mere fact that I was born, that I exist, regardless of my mood, my performance level, my looks that day. The mere fact that I am here is a vote of confidence from G-d that I am indispensable, absolutely necessary, irreplaceable. No one can replace me. I matter. I truly matter.

"Do you know how that made me feel? That I have permission to matter. I am commanded to matter.

"So though I still have many years to heal, now, for the first time in my life, I have hope. And I know what I need to do. I need to create bypass surgery to bypass the infected arteries that my parents gave me when they touched me, criticized me, hit me, for the first time, and reconnect to that first, pure, innocent moment of birth, when G-d said YOU MATTER, you are indispensable.

"So thank you for giving me back my life."

This letter left me in tears for some time. It is a letter that changed my life. I grew up in a relatively healthy home and was nurtured and made to feel valuable. But hearing the heart-wrenching story from a woman who did not have that luxury, I was challenged to ask myself: "Do I matter because my parents valued me and because of my achievements, or do I matter in a more permanent, cosmic way?"

I began to pose this question to audiences across the country - and I ask you, dear reader, the same: Do you think that you really matter? The knee-jerk response is usually : Of course I matter - I feel that I am important. My family, friends and work colleagues value me. But let me rephrase the question: Would it make a difference if you were never born? Remember, before you were born, it would not be a catastrophe if you did not appear; no one would miss you because no one was expecting you.

Of course, we can justify our existence once we are born. But does our existence have any merit beyond our justifications?The only absolute reason why you truly matter is because you were chosen by G-d to come to this world. The words "Birth is G-d saying you matter" are not my own. They are taken from the Torah,which states the single most important truth you will ever hear:


Yes, you matter, not because you think you are important, or because others tell you that you are, or because of your buying power, monetary value, looks, performance or productivity level. But because G-d put you here. You are an indispensable musical note. Irreplaceable. Period. The world would be different if you were not here or if you do not fulfill your calling. You have been allotted a certain section of this globe, with certain talents; people you will meet; experiences you will have; places you will go; objects you will obtain - all are allocated to you in order for you to transform them, to leave them differently from how you found them. And this change lives forever. Eternally.

When you know that you and your contribution are crucial, it infuses all that you do with a compelling sense of urgency.

I believe that this simple, clear message is preventive medicine for much of the tragedy and suffering that plague our world today-the shootings, the hatred, the suicides, the wars. We need to reach to every person, to every child, every parent, every educator, every leader, with the message: You matter. Your life and what you do with it matters. You are indispensable to G-d and to this world.



and here is one response to it


Anonymous,
No, of course I don't matter
Hi Rabbi,

I have been reading your articles off and on for many years, now. I agree with almost all of them, many have touched me and some have affected me greatly.

Mattering to the world, myself, Hashem; this is a subject I agonize with all the time. I could have written that letter from the woman, except for the fact that I suffered no (remembered) sexual abuse. I was subjected to the soul death she describes, for my whole life my mother scorned, screamed at and belittled me, told me I was a piece of #$@$ (poopy) and that I was so bad that she prayed she would die, which she did when I was 18. That was just my mother. My sister and school peers weren't much better. I do not know how to trust and love only my son and my cats unreservedly.

I finally found a brilliant therapist who has been helping me, a (second) wonderful therapist who helps me cope with the brilliant therapist, and a good friend who mentors me Jewishly.

This line is all I have to convince myself that I matter to G-d. I heard it from Shimohah Tzukernik some months ago. By now I had forgotten the meaning. Thank you for bringing it back to me.

It is true, there are many many more wounded, seriously wounded people out there than we can comprehend. Thank you for being here and writing and striving to make sure we never forget that someone loves us. I can assure you, that NO ONE is taking your place and doing what exactly WHAT you do in this world. Tizku l'mitvot. I wish all brachot to you and your family.

Thank you.

concept I read from Thich Nhat Hahn

SEX

14. .. Sexual expression should not take place without love and a long term commitment. In sexual relationships, be aware of future suffering that may be caused. To preserve the happiness of others, respect the rights and commitments of others. Be fully aware of the responsibility of bringing new lives into the world. Meditate on the world into which you are bringing new beings.

Precept #14 needs clarification: “sexual expression should not take place without love and a long term commitment.” If only it were that simple. Love is not always distinguishable from lust. Lust can create the illusion of ‘we’ll be together forever’. In some religions or cultures where sex is only appropriate when married – people make a long term commitment to satisfy their lust. This is not done consciously, they don’t say to themselves: “I’m going to get married so I can satisfy my lust.” Instead they say something like, “I feel this incredible chemistry with this person, I feel so amazing when I’m with them – I want to take our relationship to the next level. I could see us together forever.” Only to regret their decision later. They might stay together because they made the commitment when in fact they would be better off separated.

Irresponsible sexual relations are unsafe, deceptive, manipulative and not only cause pain to the participants but perhaps more importantly may bring life into the world that is not guaranteed a ‘long term commitment’ by its parents – which is something nature presupposes (Have sex, rear children long term).

But responsible sex between two self aware, individuals can actually help them define biological lust over a more soulful love. The experience of sex can actually create more clarity in the relationship.

and from manis friedman


An Intimate View on Intimacy


By Manis Friedman

Conventional wisdom says that sexuality is a natural instinct. It's a very common and innocent human activity, it's what happens between a man and a woman, it's what people do and all we need to do is relax and enjoy it, right?

To be intimate means to go into a place that is private, that is sacred, that is set aside It seems so simple. But if it were so simple, why do we need to be reminded over and over again that it's natural, it's innocent, it's pleasurable, it's what we do, it's what happens, relax and enjoy it? In fact, the media has bombarded us with that message for so long and in so many different ways with such ingenuity that you have to wonder why the message hasn't been accepted. Why are we still so uncomfortable, so unsure, so mystified by our own sexuality?

In the world that the Almighty created, there are three conditions. First, there is the secular, weekday, mundane condition--ordinary, common things that we possess. Second, there is the holy, Divine condition--so heavenly that we don't have these things at all. These two parts, so far, are pretty easily accepted and understood. The difficult part is the third condition, the sacred. Although sacred means set aside and unavailable, the sacred is not totally unavailable. The sacred is that which is holier than the ordinary, but not so holy that we can't approach it at all. It's something in between what we have and what we cannot have.

Confused? Let's use a simple example. The Almighty grants us the blessing of children. So, we have children. Your children. My children. But when we say "my children," is that a possessive "my"? Do I own my children? The answer, of course, is no. They're not really mine. They don't belong to me. When I say "my wife," is that a possessive thing? Does "my husband" means that which belongs to me? Of course not. And yet, we can use a term so familiar as "my" in referring to these things in life. That's the sanctity in life, and if we're not careful, in our arrogance, we can lay claim to things that will never belong to us and lose their sanctity.

So, where does sexuality fit in? By its very nature--not by divine decree, not by religious belief or dictate--sexuality belongs to the arena of the sacred. We experience it, but we cannot own it. We can go there, but we don't belong there. We can be sexual, but we cannot possess our own sexuality. The reason for it is very natural and very basic. To be intimate means to go into a place that is private, that is sacred, that is set aside. Sexuality means one person entering into the private, sacred part of another human being's existence.

You cannot own another person's intimacy. It's not available. Even if the person wants to give ownership. Can't do it. It's not sharable. It's one of those things in life that the Almighty gives us that we can never possess. I cannot possess my children. I cannot possess my spouse. I cannot possess my Creator. I can't even possess my life. I, certainly, cannot possess the other person's intrinsic, sacred and unsharable part.

Well, if it's that unavailable, if I can't possess it, then what connection, what relationship do I have with it?

This is the sanctity we can experience, but cannot own. And that is why the pleasure in intimate relations is more intense than any other pleasure. You can enjoy a good meal. You can enjoy good food, and it's great pleasure, but it's not the pleasure of sexuality because you possess the food. It's yours. You planted the vegetables, you grew them, you plucked them and you ate them. They're yours. With the sacred, you cannot afford to become familiar There's no awe involved. The pleasure of sexuality is that it's a combination of having and not having. It's a combination of ordinary and other worldly at the same time. It's something that you are granted, but you cannot own and possess. And when you feel that combination, the pleasure of being in another person's intimate space while at the same time remembering that you don't belong there--it's not your place and can never be your place--that's what makes sexuality different.

The key word is familiarity. With the sacred, you cannot afford to become familiar. With the truly divine, there's no danger. It's out of your reach--forget about it. With the secular and mundane, well, you should become familiar. So where does familiarity breed contempt? Where is familiarity really destructive and unwelcome? In sanctity. If you become familiar, too familiar, with the intimacy of another person's life, whether physical, emotional or mental, then you've compromised the sanctity.

In our tell-all world, visualizing the destructiveness of familiarity might be difficult. But you don't call your parents by their first name... because that's too familiar. We don't use the Almighty's name in vain... because it's too familiar. And for our grandparents and our great-grandparents, intimate relations was a sacred thing not to be talked about... because that would be too familiar. The relationship between a husband and wife was restricted to behind closed doors. It was a sacred thing, something you don't squander, share, or even speak about. That's why our grandparents could not talk about their relationship. They weren't keeping secrets--they were keeping something sacred.

Today, human sexuality is something you're supposed to become familiar with. We claim to already be familiar with our sexuality and we are ashamed to admit that we are not. We've removed the sanctity, all because we thought our uptight parents were keeping a secret from us. The media continues to bombard us with these brilliant, subtle messages of the "naturalness" and "openness" of human sexuality, and it's not convincing us. Try as we might, we cannot ignore what our bubbes and zaides knew: the marriage bed is a sacred thing and the only way it works is when you treat it with sanctity.

Still need proof? Look at those same bubbes and zaides a little closer. Those two people, who have been married fifty, sixty, seventy years, are still a little bashful with each other. They still blush with each other. They still excite each other. That is human sexuality. That is sanctity. And that is the last word on intimacy.

One more thing

There is a very very strong connection between addiction issues including lust, and the lack many of us may had of an early education and training concepts of Emunah

I went to a very very good Yeshiva-but Concepts of Emunah were taught "AGAV" very incidental the the main focus of the day which in many cases had nothing to do with God

And if many of us would have been taught properly to feel and experience God at an early age,and talk to Him about what is in our hearts,always asking for His counsel and guidance I believe that many of us would have coped better when the struggles came up and we would have adapted better and would have been more inclined to escape our pain by running to God and not to drinking,or sex or money or violence or envy or any distraction that we feel compelled to run to,because, you see, a deep relationship with God is for tzaddikim,not for really flawed individuals like myself,that is what many of us tend to believe,not realizing that God really wants us little guys to get to know Him,and have a very intimate relationship with Him

and  marriages in Klall Yosroel would be in much better shape if we were taught this.

Let me make myself clear

My purpose of writing the comment I just made ,is not to make excuses for bad behavior,not to blame or point fingers at anyone nor is it of any use to cry over spilt milk

but it is the truth,and going foward something has to be done,and more awareness has to be made public on this issue

and this article from Jonathan Rosenblum brings out this awareness 


Shortchanging Our Children

By Jonathan Rosenblum, on September 11th, 2009

Elul is a month devoted to deepening our connection to HaKadosh Baruch Hu. Ultimately, that process must take place on the individual level. But, as the Baal Shem Tov and Rabbi Yisrael Salanter each recognized, in response to spiritual crises in their times, it also has a communal aspect.

A short book by veteran mechanech Rabbi Dovid Sapirman, A Mechanech’s Guide to Why and How to Teach Emunah deals with one such contemporary communal aspect. Published by Torah Umesorah, the booklet carries the haskomos of two of North America’s leading poskim, Rabbi Shlomo Eliyahu Miller and Rabbi Moshe Mordechai Loewy.

Rabbi Sapirman begins with a startling statement: “Emunah is not usually included in the curriculum of our educational system. Yeshivos and Bais Yaakovs rarely address the thirteen ikarim (principles of faith), and most students don’t even know what they are.”

These subjects are not taught, he asserts, because it is assumed, wrongly, that our children have somehow absorbed emunah by osmosis, as a consequence of being raised in “homes permeated with emunah, trained in Torah institutions, and immersed in a frum atmosphere.”

The result is that our children “accept the doctrines of emunah superficially, because this is all that they know.” But they have not internalized those doctrines and made them their own. “A large percentage of our youth are religious only because they were brought up that way, and they believe only because that is what religious people do,” writes Rabbi Sapirman.

To the extent that our children lack firm convictions in the basics of our faith – Hashem’s existence; Divine Providence, the truth of every word of Torah – they are handicapped. Even if they sail along perfectly comfortable as frum Jews – we are denying them the excitement of an intense relationship with HaKadosh Baruch Hu.

The effects of the absence of a deep connection may only manifest themselves later in life. The much discussed phenomenon of “adults-at-risk,” generally results not from any particular trauma, but from waking up one day in mid-life and suddenly discovering that one has no idea of why one is doing the things that one has been doing all one’s life. Rabbi Sapirman describes speaking to many people of various ages who are tormented by fundamental emunah and hashkafah questions that could and should have been answered shortly after the age of bar mitzvah.

If our children have not internalized the fundamentals of emunah, they are vulnerable to the myriad temptations with which they are bombarded. The average bochur in his late teens, for instance, says he believes, “but truthfully he neither believes nor disbelieves. He is simply moving along the conveyor belt that leads him from cradle to kollel.” While he may continue on the belt indefinitely, “woe to him . . . if he is every confronted with fundamental questions. . . . Woe to him, too, if [he is] ever faced with a serious nisayon, like the temptation for something immoral or dishonest.” Confronted with temptation, the simplest path is to succumb and console oneself that he doesn’t really believe – especially if, in fact, such belief as one professes is not the result of any serious reflection.

The accuracy of Rabbi Sapirman’s analysis was recently confirmed by a maggid shiur in one of the major yeshivos in Eretz Yisrael. We were discussing a recent controversy concerning the impact of of learning in Eretz Yisrael on American bochurim. He stressed that the negative consequences of the freedom afforded many bochurim in Eretz Yisrael is almost always a reflection of their weak grounding in the basics of emunah and hashkafah. They have heard many shmuessen on ameilus b’Torah (striving in Torah learning), he told me, but have only a very hazy knowledge of the principles of our faith.

As they grow older, many students feel that they are actively discouraged from asking questions, and fear that they will be labeled apikorsim (heretics) if they do. That perception, writes Rabbi Sapirman, is unfortunately often correct. He devotes much of his book to refuting various justifications for this defensive attitude on the part of teachers and principals.

That defensive attitude exacts a great toll. An angry response to a student’s question leaves the particular student at whom it is directed suspicious that the rebbe or mechaneches does not really have an answer, perhaps even that there is no answer. And it raises similar suspicions in those who did not ask as well.

There is no justification for rejecting questions just because the one asking is no longer a child. Certain questions only arise with increased intellectual sophistication, and sometimes answers that were satisfactory for one age are no longer satisfactory for older students. As the great mashgiach of our generation Rabbi Shlomo Wolbe used to say, “There is no such thing as a heretical question, only a heretical answer.”

Even the classic expression of Jewish faith given by our ancestors at Sinai – na’aseh ve’nishmah (we will do and we will understand) – only came after Hashem had revealed Himself, His Divine Providence, and the truth of Moshe Rabbeinu’s prophecy to them through the awesome miracles in Egypt. Our children have not witnessed those miracles, and it is unfair to expect such affirmations from them without having given them the means to absorb the lessons of Egypt.

Any question that will be asked has already been discussed in one of the classic Jewish texts. If the greatest Torah thinkers thought it necessary to respond to these issues, why should they be considered beyond the pale? (Just knowing that the questions have been considered worthy of response by the greatest Jewish thinkers, the Steipoler Gaon writes, is often an important element in strengthening the questioner’s faith.)

Reb Shraga Feivel Mendlowitz taught in Torah Vodaath all the classical works dealing with the basic issues of belief, including The Kuzari, Chovos Halevavos, Sha’arei Teshuva, and the major works of the Ramchal. He knew, following Rabbi Yisrael Salanter, that the only way to defeat negative forces is with a more powerful positive force.

The good news, according to Rabbi Sapirman, is that the vast majority of our young people expect to be frum all their lives and are eager, even desperate, to believe. If we fail to provide them the tools to do so at a deep level, we are seriously shortchanging them.

Published in Mishpacha Magazine, 4 September 2009

have a wonderful Shabbos everyone

we know the power of words.one good example are the words of the handbook here.or chizuk mail.or many of the words posted on this forum by so many precious Yidin.Each individual can build an whole universe,or even more important then that,can help a fellow Yid,if he or she knows how to use words in the right way.


by Emile M Tubiana

The Power of Words

We don’t know the value of the words we are using
For some the words they say are quite confusing
Words have their own value and their own power.
Words illuminate our souls with their light like a shower
Every atom of our being is sensitive to the words
Which can make us sad, or as free and happy as birds
Words with a profound meaning are as precious as gold
Unlike a fountain, where only similar drops we behold
Words can awaken our brain and our body’s force
When we feel that they come to us from the real source,
Clean and pure as crystals of light and of love
When we embrace them, they take us a step above. 
Words that we use with love, care and measure
Are the precious substance of life, and our treasure
Words that express the beautiful and the good
Can make us feel every sense the best we could 
Sometimes words express darkness and bad
Showing us the wrong and the right, making us sad
Words express justice and injustice, full and hollow,
Words recognize the deep and the shallow
Words give us direction, like the south and the north
Words expressing discord or harmony may come forth
Words can give us cold feet or the warmth of the heart
Words may come to our mind by themselves, as a start
Words can reach us in solitude, under the blue sky.
In the wind, in the snow, in the rain, we don’t know why
Whichever way it comes to us - the Word is pure light, And makes our life worth living, sweet and bright.

Have a wonderful Shabbos

R’ Shlomo on Parshas Pinchas…

This week Parshas Pinchos, Hashem gave the Blessing to Pinchos “Kehunas Olam” the blessing of Kehuna “forever”, so Pinchos becomes Eliyohu Hanovi who lives forever and ever Motzei Shabbos by Melave Malke we pray and sing that Eliyohu should come and give us the great blessing that Moshiach is coming, now we will see the deepest connection of Melave Malke to the bone Luz that every person has that is indestructible, and with this bone Techiyas Hamesim, the waking of the dead will happen.

O.K., good voch, mine zisa yidden. Everybody knows shabbos is three meals, Avraham, Itzchak, Yaacov. And now Melave Malke is the time of David haMelech, David Melech Israel, You know what the saddest thing is? Imagine I love this girl very much. And then she says, "You know something, tell you the truth. I'm sorry, I have to leave." And I argue with her a little bit, but I let her go. How sad! Why did you let her go? I want you to know, shabbos is my soul-mate, shabbos is my soul-mate. After shabbos, shabbos says to you, "Sorry, I have to leave." You argue a little bit. Keep shabbos a little bit longer. Make havdala. Why do you let shabbos go? You know what will happen one shabbos? All of Israel will refuse to make havdala. Say to the rebono shel olam, "Don't take this shabbos away from me. I'm begging you, rebono shel olam, don't take this shabbos away." And you know something, deep, deep, deep inside all of us. What can we do, we're living in a world. I can not suddenly say, "O.K., I'm not part of the world anymore. I'll be shabbostick." You can't, right? I want to but I can't. But deep, deep, deep inside, I want to keep shabbos forever.

And do you know what tonight is? And here I want you to open your hearts. What's messiach all about? You know, when messiach is coming it will be the same world. People will wake up in the morning. They'll drink coffee. They'll have orange juice, right? They'll go to daven. Friends, the outside of the world will not change. There will still be trees. There will still be clouds. You know what will happen when messiach is coming? The inside will be shining. Suddenly the inside will be so clear to us. Gevalt, right? Now we're living in the world. Everything is hidden. The inside is hidden. You know what G-d is all about? We can't see G-d because we can't see the inside. We are only seeing the outside of the world. What are the tzaddikim? What are the holy people who are close to messiach? What are they all about? They can see with their physical eyes that there is One G-d. Because they see the inside. What's the difference between a good friend and not a good friend? A good friend has messiach eyes. They look at you and they see your insides. You know, not a good friend sees me smiling, they think I'm smiling. A good friend says, "Oy, gevalt, covering it up, right?" They can see the insides.

So this is the time of David haMelech. You know what we say, "Rebono shel olam, David Melech Israel chai v'kiam." I'm having a feast. I say, "Rebono shel olam, master of the world, you know what the truth is? I wish shabbos was there with me forever. And inside, inside I want to be shabbastic the whole week. And you know friends, it's up to you and me. We have choice. On the outside I have to make a phone call and I have to go to the bank. I have to do my business. But you know what yiddishkiet is? The question is, how much are you shabbistic inside? And you know the real tzaddikim...

You know, there's a whole thing. The Chozeh of Lublin sent a letter to the Zidachover. Told him, don't say tachanun anymore because you're shabbistic all year long, right? So he can't say tachanun, because it's shabbos for him, it's yom tov. And I want you to know in a nutshell. Everybody knows that we eat Saturday night malava malka. There is a little bone, the Luz, in our spine which is indestuctive. Now I want you to open your hearts. That little bone inside is only fed by what we eat at malava malka. That's a fact. I'm not a doctor and I don't care to ask a doctor. It says so in the gemora and the Zohar Kodesh and all the sefarim. Now listen to this. You know why Adam ate on Friday the Tree of Knowledge? Obviously that bone wasn't fed because this bone only lives from what you eat on Saturday night. So that little bone was never touched by the Tree of Knowledge.

Now I want you to know the deepest depths. I want you to open your hearts. It's so deep. O.K., keep your hearts open in the deepest way. Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit on Friday. O.k. you remember they were driven out from paradise and they're mamash coming to the gate of paradise and suddenly mamash it's getting dark. And it was the first day they were alive, right. They didn't know there's such a thing as night. I want to share with you an unbelievable medrash. If we had all night, I would sing this medrash because it's so deep. But I want you tp hear it. The medrash says that they came mamash to the end of paradise and suddenly it was dark. Chava and Adam thought it's the end of the world. They never saw dark. It's the destruction of the world. So Chava began crying and she says, "Rebono shel Olam, Master of the World, I brought so much destruction into the world." So suddenly she could hear a voice from heaven and the voice says, "If you believe that you can destroy the world, why don't you believe that you can rebuild the world? If you believe that you can bring darkness, why don't you also believe that you can bring light?" And if you remember the unbelievable medrash at that moment two angels came with two candles and Chava mamash kindled lights by the gates of paradise. Gevalt, right? O.K. so Shabbos they were the guests of G-d in paradise. And everyone of us, shabbos, we are in paradise, right? Shabbos is somewhere else. Gevalt is shabbos good. See, the world says shabbos is a day of rest. Yea sure it's a day of rest. That's the outside of shabbos, the outside of the outside of the outside of the outside. You know what shabbos is? I don't drive in a car. That's what shabbos is all about? Shabbos I don't go to the bank. That's what shabbos is? It's not even the outside. Shabbos I'm somewhere else. Shabbos I change my address. Maybe not outside. Inside. Shabbos is parasise, right? Shabbos I'm in another world.

I remember one time I was in Beunos Aires and there was a lot of interviews. Suddenly, Friday night I was sitting with hundreds of young people. Suddenly the door opens and a very sweet lady comes in and she says, "I'm a writer for a Catholic magazine and I came to interview you. What do you feel about all the persecution we Catholics are putting up against you Jews?" I said to her, "I'll tell you the truth.

On shabbos, in my world there is no persecution. If you want to talk to me about persecution you'll have to me on Sunday, not on shabbos. On shabbos the whole world is good. The whole world is beautiful. O.K., shabbos Adam and Chava are in paradise. Now open your hearts. One second after shabbos they are back out of paradise. And here I want you to open your hearts in the deepest way. When was the first time that Adam and Chava really got close to each other? When did they get close to each other? At that moment when they were mamash driven out of paradise. I want you to know, there's a medrash which is so deep. When two people walk on the street and it's day light, they don't have to hold hands. They walk. Everybody knows where they are going. When do people have to hold hands? It's suddenly so dark! I don't know where I'm going. I don't know where I`m going.

You know, I bless everyone with children. Sometimes with children you hold there hands, sometimes not. When you walk on a dark street what's the first thing you do? You hold your children's hands. I want you to know, when did Adam and Chava hold hands for the first time? When they were driven out of paradise. And you know what Chava said to Adam? "Sadly enough, Friday I gave you the wrong apple. But now I love you so much. I'm mamash close." And here if I can tell you the deepest depths. Why did she give him the wrong apple? They weren't close yet. They were married but they weren't close yet. You know who can give you the wrong apple? Someone who's not so close to you.

I want you to know. I was once interviewed in a magazine and they asked me, "What's your favorite food?" I say, "I don't care what they give me. Depends who's giving it. You can give me the best cholent from someone I don't like, the cholent doesn't taste good. And you can give me the lowest herring from someone I love, it tastes like paradise. O.K. the first real emesta feast, that feast which keeps us going forever and ever was David Melech Israel. I want you to know friends, when do we yidden get close to each other? While we were in eretz Israel we hated each other. Sadly enough, we hated each other. The gemora says we were driven out because we didn't love each other. And you know when G-d hopes us to love one another? Now listen to this. The first time in the world there was really a feast of the tree of life was right after havdala, after we were driven out of paradise. And there is the deepest torah in the world. Do you know what it means to live forever? Hopefully we'll live forever. But the question is not how long do you live, whether you live 200 years or 1000 years. You know, there's a lot of yidden who are here for 200 years. They don't live forever. You know what it means to live forever? Moments! Great moments! Do you know what makes us yidden live forever? We were in the beit haMikdash 2000 years ago. Crazy! 2000 years ago you and I were in the beit haMikdash.

Maybe in the last lifetime we were one time in the beit haMikdash. It keeps us going forever. It keeps us going forever. One moment, gevalt. Now listen to this. Shabbos is 24 hours. Melava Malka, David haMelech is a few minutes, but those few minutes are chai v'kiam, forever and ever. I want you to know something. I meet yidden who become a little bit frum, a little bit Jewish and then they get lost. Then there are some people who stick to it. What's the difference? The question is do you have a malava malka? Do you have David Melech Israel, chai v'kiam? Do you have one moment, one moment which touches that inside of you which is forever? You know, my spine keeps me up right? And in the spine is another spine which keeps the spine up, and that is the bendaluz. This one bone keeps the insides of me up if it is touched. And this bone is only touched by something which is forever. You know friends, we meet so many people. Hopefully we like each other, we love each other. But then there are some people you meet and mamash you love them forever and ever and ever, for all eternity, for all life times. The question is where did they feed you? Did they feed your head, your heart, your kishkas? Or did they feed your bendaluz, that one, that spine of your spine?

aish article-very important

Why we avoid the real work of marriage.

by M. Gary Neuman

Unconscious Assumption: Our Marriage Will Run by Itself While We Deal with Everything Else

It's the number one myth of marriage: "After you fall in love, you don't have to work at it anymore." Countless couples have told me, "If it takes so much energy, we must not be made for each other." Somewhere we have been improperly taught that true love is supposed to come easy. Once we've committed to each other through marriage, our love will take care of itself while we get on with life. We can now focus on jobs, kids, and acquiring things.

I think many want to resist having to work so hard at love. It takes enormous energy to create and maintain a wonderful marriage. Great marriages are about a fully engaged connection that requires constant attention, a deep, soul-searching understanding of yourself and how it affects your ability to love. Giving it everything you've got sounds exhausting and disquieting.

Being sensitive to another human being is harder than most things we do.We may say we want that wonderful marriage, but deep down we recognize that being sensitive to another human being is harder than most things we do. If all you're giving your spouse is the energy left over from balancing work and family, you're cheating your marriage.

Putting your marriage first is about a state of mind. It's believing that everything else that you feel is important is dramatically impacted by your marriage. Whether you feel in love or lonely will affect every decision and action you take today. Marriage is a foundation for your world. With love in your heart and a sense of someone who cares deeply for you as your partner, you have greater energy and greater abilities to handle all of life's tasks. Aren't you a better parent on the day you feel close to your spouse than when you've just had a fight? Aren't you more focused and energized at work the day after a romantic, loving evening with your spouse? Don't you want to live more passionately when you feel loved and able to give love?

For every ounce of effort you put into your marriage, you will benefit tenfold, not only from the direct love you feel but from the energy and focus you'll have for everything else in your life.

The idea that you need to focus more on kids, work, or friends than your marriage is an excuse for running away from having an exceptional marriage. You didn't marry to be absorbed by everything else but your marriage. You'll never lose from any other part of your life when you make marriage your priority. Obviously you may have less time for your kids today if you go out to dinner alone with your spouse. But you will be offering them a supremely better parent on your return, Start at the top -- the love in your marriage -- and allow that intense love to flow into the rest of your life.

Unconscious Assumption: If I Don't Invest in My Marriage, I Can't Be Blamed If It Fails

Another reason why so many people avoid the work that marriages need is that being in love demands that we be true to our spouse and give. We unconsciously hold ourselves back because if we make this ultimate commitment and fail at it, it might truly break our hearts and push us into a deeper understanding of ourselves and our shortcomings. It's easier to simply "give love a shot" without the intensity of deep love. That way, if things go wrong you can blame it on things like, "I was young," "I married the wrong spouse," "We didn't know what we were doing," and avoid looking deeper within.

Once you open up to yourself and see some of your deeper issues and frailties, you can never pretend them away.There is little else as hard as confronting who you are and why you act the way you do. Once you open up to yourself and see some of your deeper issues and frailties, you can never pretend them away. Too many of us deny our innermost feelings and don't give to our spouse the way we could precisely to protect ourselves from that deeper understanding of ourselves, which can be painful. However, you can't possibly know or truly love another human being without learning a great deal about yourself along the way. It's a spectacular, albeit difficult, journey that takes bountiful energy and concentration.

And it isn't even easy once you do understand yourself. Ask couples who have been genuinely happy in their marriages for 25 years or more and you won't find one who says, "It was easy." Sound depressing? We would prefer not having to work at it. We'd like it to just flow easily. But is there anything else worthwhile in your life that came easily? We don't expect parenting or creating a thriving business to be easy. We don't even treat important friendships with ease. We know that we will have to be there physically and emotionally for our dearest friends, our children, and our family if we want to reap the benefits of a loving relationship. But when it comes to our spouse, too many of us don't believe we need to put forth the same energy. We think our relationship should be able to thrive on what's left of us after we've given to everyone else.

Unconscious Assumption: Being Vulnerable Is Dangerous
Yet another reason you may shy away from putting in the daily effort to develop a wonderful marriage is that it makes you extremely vulnerable to your spouse. Your spouse knows you better than anyone else. You can hide somewhat from your children or from your parents. But your spouse will know every detail of your weaknesses and strengths. Your spouse will know what you really think about your parents, boss, friends. He or she will know the truth about who you are deep down, even when you've been able to fool the rest of the world.

Being close to your spouse means being an open book. Perhaps you're not as comfortable with yourself as you think. Perhaps you're hiding from yourself emotionally and are therefore avoiding the closeness of a loving bond, as it will force you to deal with your issues. Perhaps you're afraid to become so close to your mate. Closeness will make both of you depend on each other. Maybe you can't handle that, or you're afraid you'll disappoint your spouse. Maybe you feel deep down that you're just not good enough to deserve a wonderful marriage. When we love deeply, we lose control, and we're apt to get hurt and suffer deep emotional pain.

We always find time for the things we see as a priority.I'm not suggesting any of us consciously uses these fears to sabotage our marriage. I don't believe you get up in the morning and say, "I'll put time and effort into every other relationship except my marriage because that closeness makes me uncomfortable." I am merely pointing out the potential push-pull struggle of being close to your spouse. In front of your spouse you are naked, plain and simple.

People are surprised to learn that they may be shying away from the very thing they say they desire. But we are complicated beings. We say we want to work harder but find ourselves leaving the office early. We say we want a fabulous marriage but don't do a whole lot to make that happen. You can only challenge this contradiction when you see it clearly.

When I explain to couples how much work marriage takes, they respond with comments like, "Who has the time?" You do have the time to dedicate if you want to. We always find time for the things we see as a priority. If your child had an accident that required hours of physical therapy, you'd find the time to do whatever you needed to do to care for your child. Make marriage the priority it deserves. You're not as busy as you think.

Excerpted from Emotional Infidelity by M. Gary Neuman

How Important Is Physical Beauty?
Written by Evan Bailyn

Even though most of us recognize the fallacy of placing too great a value on appearance, our desire for physical beauty is so ingrained in us that we cannot disassociate ourselves from it. Why is physical beauty so important?

I discard the easy answer that the media has branded the idea on our minds. While magazines and television certainly heighten our consciousness of looks, they are merely harping on insecurities that already exist. Our desire for physical beauty, while shaped and polished by the superficial media culture, actually has deeper roots in who we are.

Our desire for physical beauty is an original human feeling, like the desire for food, nurturing, or happiness. Just as those other things drive us toward survival, physical beauty is programmed into our brains as a means of staying alive and furthering our family line. After all, if males and females weren’t attracted to each other, none of us would even be here: humankind would be a fatally flawed experiment. Instead, nature has given us impulses that drive us towards procreation. Every creature, from the lowest organism to the most complex, desires sex. A natural precursor to that desire, which also exists in every society, is indicators of attraction. Dogs are attracted to each other’s smells. Peacocks are attracted to each others’ plumages. Human beings are attracted to many things about each other – one of which is physical beauty.

Because of the natural role of appearance in human courtship, I can say with certainty that physical beauty does have some objective importance. However, this conclusion does not justify our society’s obsession with looks, for appearance is only the first layer of attractiveness.

Once a superficial connection is made between two people, they then have the opportunity to display other characteristics that could positively or negatively affect the possibility of their union. After they have had enough experiences together, that first layer of beauty becomes far less important than the other, less visible layers of attraction. In fact, it seems as if our original set of human impulses guides us not just towards procreation, but also towards compatibility.

Compatibility is essential to human survival in an absolute sense, for a positively-working team is better equipped to live than a negatively-working team. If physical beauty were the only important factor in bringing people together, the divorce rate would be much higher than it is today and people would be far less happy. Instead, physical beauty is actually only a small component of attractiveness, and in fact, those people who are good at being compatible have a distinct advantage against those people who possess beauty alone.

Physical beauty, in sum, maintains a marginal significance in our lives. Like all superficial things, it is a basis for immediate appraisal; but like a diamond out of its setting, it requires context and compatibility in order to truly instill it with value.

to contrast with above,beauty alone could be  a nightmare

Her Game  by Unknown

 
  There is no soul in her eyes.

All words that fall from her mouth are lies.

Her mind is a dark place.

She would never show her feelings on her face.

As she taps her finger nails on the picture frame,

You roll the dice and play her game.

You know that she will never play fair,

but your heart will melt when she begins to stare.

Her eyes burn as if she is opening closed wounds on your skin.

With a whisper and a smile she says 'I Win'

Your body is an empty slave...

so you will never know...

That the blood in her body will never flow...

how the stone she calls her heart will never skip a beat when she sees you...

How when your eyes met ans you were soaring through the sky,

she never flew.

now even though you've learned all the tricks up her sleeve..

by the time you reach her all her words you already believe.

She sits and fights back like a cat with a scratch...

She leans over and whispers 'Rematch'

and this article is very insightful as well

all you single guys out there

it's important to think about what is written here as you are dating


When one considers a beautiful person, the first thought is to imagine someone that is displayed all over television and movies. They spend all of their time in front of a camera and the rest of the world is envious of them. The rest of the world would love to have the beauty that these of the Hollywood few have. Yet, this is not always true.

There are two types of beauty. There is inner beauty and there is outer beauty. People see these two types of beauty as very different from one another.

A person that has outer beauty is typically someone that is considered physically attractive. He or she is usually considered to be skinny or average weight. Very rarely is a person that is overweight considered to be outwardly beautiful. If it is a woman, her hair and makeup is flawless. Whether her hair is short or long, blond or brunette doesn’t matter, but there is not a hair out of place. Her makeup is perfect. Eye shadow, blush, mascara, all exactly the shade it should be and nothing out of place. Her wardrobe could come from the most highly paid designers, or from the resale shops and it wouldn’t matter. The way she wears those clothes is very attractive. She is always dressed very neatly. There is not a wrinkle on her, nor is there a hint of wear on her clothing. If she’s dressed in black, it’s the deepest black; nothing on her has faded to gray.

A person that has inner beauty is considered to be a good hearted person. He or she is always interested in helping others. Everything he or she does is for the good of someone else. He or she may focus on recycling and other “green” matters that will help to preserve the earth we all live on. He or she may volunteer at local missions or hospitals in order to help others. He or she may be the person that everyone he or she knows turns to when they need advice or help through a hard time. He or she is usually reliable. If he or she says he or she is going to do something, you can bet that he or she will do it. He or she may not have outer beauty, but that is rarely focused on. His or her inner beauty usually shines with such a light as to make the lack of outer beauty unrecognizable.

It is possible to have both inner and outer beauty, though that is a truly rare find. Many that have outer beauty are so busy trying to keep it that they usually don’t think about the things a person with inner beauty may think about. Those with inner beauty are so busy trying to do good for others that they rarely think about themselves or when they do, their focus is not on how they can improve their outer appearance.

Beauty is a wonderful thing. Inner and outer beauty is something that people should work to achieve. Too much of any one thing is never good, but some of each is a definite positive. Not only will you portray a positive and attractive appearance to others, but others will also appreciate you for all the good that you do for those in need.

and here is one more on this subject.

one disclaimer

outer attractiveness has its importance.

Rav Pam ztl advised some of the boys close to being engaged to break it off because the girl's appearance was bothering them,so it is true that in looking for a wife,you have to be comfortable completely with the way she looks.but that does not mean you have to go nuts with this.Too much focus on the outer looks will blindsight you from seeing some very serious character flaws that will cause you alot of heartache later on when you start looking deeper than the surface

so it pays to focus on those deeper, behind the surface things prior to deciding on getting engaged


Heart is filled with happiness when it sees or feels something beautiful. There is magnetic magic in beauty. In general, any person gets attracted by beauty. It might be an object, nature or a person. If a person goes for beautiful object or nature, it will not change that person's life but if the same goes for a person of beauty, then comes the situation of his or her life being changed.

Regarding binding our lives forever, it is our pleasure and a matter of satisfaction to look for beauty in the other person but it is not always good and healthy to go for outer looks alone. As we often hear the saying, "Beauty is skin deep", we need to look for inner beauty also. When there is outer beauty, one's mind is happy. When there is inner beauty one's soul is happy. Only when there is a balance between these two can there be harmony at a place or between two hearts.

It is not always true that a beautiful person is beautiful at heart too and that there will be peace at home. In the present era, youngsters very easily get infatuated and deceived by outer looks and they go ahead without pausing and they very quickly get married prefixing this term 'Marriage' with 'Love.' Later when they get used to that beauty, they start looking for inner beauty rather than outer looks. They repent for what they have done without giving much thought. But all this repentance is in vain as they are already bound with another person.

In order to lead a happy life, inner beauty is very important. One can live with a lame or a dumb person. But one cannot lead a happy life with an insensitive and heartless person. For any life to be satisfactory or fulfilling, understanding is essential and primary. So if you plan to marry a person just by getting attracted to that person's looks, pause a little. Observe his or her qualities, mentality, behaviour for a while and then proceed. Never blindly take important decisions in haste.

Last but not the least, never judge or compare with any person. No one on this earth is perfect. If you see a beautiful person, you think that person is gifted with happiness. If you see a person who is not that beautiful, you tend to feel sorry for that person. But what do you know? She or he might be leading a very happy life though not beautiful. Though a beautiful person, that being's life might have been a big chaos. So, it is wise to ponder on the truth that true happiness and satisfaction lie in a 'Heart' rather than in 'Skin.'

from www.meaningfullife.com

have a good shabbos everyone

Matos Massei: The 42 Journeys of Your Life




  Is your life made up of a many disjointed pieces, or is there a continuum to it all? Are your choices being made by other people's expectations of you and the circumstances around you, or do you feel that there is an underlying script beneath the surface of your life? Are you being torn in different directions by all types of forces demanding your time and attention, or do you determine what direction your life takes? Is your life a journey from one point to the next, leading to a destination, or is it a bunch of disconnected fragments?
Do you ever feel that your life is like a roller-coaster? With unexpected twists and turns, highs and lows? Sometimes you feel all motivated and enthusiastic; a moment later the inspiration dissipates. What is going on? Why can't we find an equilibrium?

This week’s Torah portion – which closes book four of the Bible -- is called Massei, Journeys. This chapter reviews in detail the forty two journeys that the Jewish people traveled on, from the moment they left Egypt, until they arrived (40 years later) to the Promised Land.

The Baal Shem Tov teaches that these forty-two journeys in the wilderness reflect the forty-two psycho-spiritual phases that each person experiences throughout life. “These are the journeys of the Israelites, who had left Egypt” on the way to the Promised Land: All the 42 journeys are about freeing ourselves and transcending the constraints and limitations (Mitzrayim) of our material existence which conceals the Divine, subduing and sublimating the harsh “wilderness” of selfish existence, and discovering the “Promised Land” – a life of harmony between body and soul.

This idea – that your life is a journey consisting of 42 steps – can literally transform your entire life. By examining the cycles of your life you can discover the 42 different phases you have experienced and will experience. Imagine being able to trace the steps of your life and connect the otherwise random dots – seeing how they all are part of one journey leading you to your promised land?

The definition of a journey is: Movement with direction. Like the captain of a ship, each of us needs a compass that allows us to navigate the twists and turns, the ups and downs, the swells and storms of our lives. By studying the 42 journeys in this week’s chapter, you can learn how to align your life, with all its ups and downs, to the compass of a higher rhythm, and create a strategy that rides and taps into these rhythms. It allows you to discover how to synchronize your life journeys to the Divine coordinates that “lead the footsteps of man.” It’s like having an inner compass that senses life’s internal tempo, being able to pace your outer movements by your inner rhythms.

When we feel that every detail of our lives – both the highs and the lows, both the trivial and the important experience – are part of a larger journey, it infuses life with a new exhilarating feeling; you wake up each day knowing that you are on another leg of your journey and that you can determine the trajectory of your own destiny.