and the "inverse" of "Onoas Devorim"

what should have been said .... and wasn't

Living Words
by Vickie Yannuzzi

In life many times opportunity is lost in not speaking or writing thoughts, and feeling into words, or spoken


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Words that are never spoken…
Or written…..
Locked away never to give Life…
The dreams that could have been…
The love that was not shared…
Only empty spaces…
That could have touched a heart…
Reach inside that place…
To tell another..
That life was born anew Today

Stone and the Flower

Spiritual Story by Unknown


"You have hardened", said the flower, bending her petals downward toward the half stone at her roots. "These rains should have softened you, made you more fertile and receptive to the seeds of the fields; but no. You have accumulated minerals and have become more silent and full of calcium. Why do you stay here? Why do you resist the brook that gives us water?"

The stone said nothing.

A number of clouds passed by, the sun set and the night arrived with an immense bronze-coloured freckled moon with acne scars upon her worn face and in this manner reflected down upon the silent stone which still had not fallen asleep. The flower, by now, had tucked-in her petals and slept profoundly, and at this time the stone began to answer:

"I stay here because your roots have made me yours. I stay here because it is no longer about my feeling the earth rather because I have become part of that which functions as a support of your stem which resists the wind and the rain. Everything changes, my sweet flower", said the stone, "but I stay here because love is that microscopic space between your feet and my salted skin. You would only be able to feel it if destiny were ever to separate the two of us."

The moon followed the fade of the stars. Dawn gave a yawn as the sun began to burn its horizon on the lower lip of the mouth of a new day. The flower awoke and extended her beautiful petals. "Good morning", she said, "I dreamt that you were singing to me. How foolish of me, don't you think?"

The stone said nothing.

dear brothers and sisters

have a wonderful and inspiring Shabbos

Hope to appreciate among the Infinite kindnesses of our Creator the great great chesed of a cup of coffee



Carrots, Eggs, or Coffee
by Unknown


A young woman went to her grandmother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one would pop up.

Her grandmother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire, and soon the pots came to boil. In the first pot she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil; without saying a word. In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl.

Turning to her granddaughter, she asked, "Tell me what you see."

"Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied. Her grandmother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The grandmother then asked the granddaughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled egg. Finally, the grandmother asked the granddaughter to sip the coffee. The granddaughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma then asked,

"What does it mean, grandmother?"

Her grandmother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity: boiling water. Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.

"Which are you?" she asked her granddaughter. 

Yesterday, Memorial Day afternoon, I was learning a piece from the Bais Aharon (whose Yartziet was Sunday ,and no, I’m not a Stoliner Chassid either, As a matter of fact I was learning this in a public Bais Midrash, and a Stoliner Chossid sees what I’m learning and asks me “You learn Bais Aharon ?You don’t look like a Stoliner Chossid” and I had some explaining to do, you see, yechida learns Tanya &  Likutai sichos but does not look like a Lubavicher )((although maybe my weekday hat does---my wife is begging me to make it disappear she may make it disappear in the near future), learns Likuttai Maharan but does not look like a Breslover, learns Sefardic seforim and is not a sefardi, learns Litvishe seforim but is not a Litvak. Learns Chidushai Harim,Sefas Emes,Penai Menachem but not a Gerrer, reads Kierkegaard but am no philosopher, Reads Jung and Rogers and Victor Frankl but am not a pschycologist, ((though I may need one)) Reads Dickens and Twain, Hemingway and Faulkner  but am not a English major, Read Sherlock Holmes and tried to figure everything out about a person by the tie they were wearing, Read Rise and Fall of the Third Reich to see the Hasgacha Peratis of how that disaster unfolded despite the fact that some parts gave me nightmares ,even read a  thesaurus from A thru G once for the fun of it.(never read the phone book though-I’m not Rain Man,though I saw that too, and yes, Dusten Hoffman deserved an Oscar for that one, Cruise was good but over rated, but the guy is nuts in real life though I read a few chapters of Dianetics too)  I guess in a sense yechida has some strange strain of multi-personality disorder. It’s a blessing to learn such diverse seforim, but on the other hand yechida doesn’t really fit anywhere comfortably, which is probably good for me, but sometimes no fun at all ) Those piece is at the end of Parshas V’Eschanan (that’s where I was up to because there are many seforim that I don’t learn by Parshah but rather cover to cover,I reached Devorim,but then put it away,was made aware of His Yartziet on Sunday which caused me to pick of this holy sefer again )I saw a line there that inspired me to write what I wrote here. It’s worthwhile to learn the second piece in Eikev (V’Hayah Eikev) as well as “Be’Ever Hayardain” in Devorim because those pieces give a lot of Chizzuk for Yidin like ourselves who struggle to remain pure and good in this very dark Galus. He gives us great hope. Again, it is one line in there that triggered what I wrote here. He does not talk about most of this specifically

To make God “One”,
We must make ourselves “One”
Tie, bind, connect everything,
To the “One”
And thru this,
We reveal,
The “Oneness” of God

We naturally reject this task,
Believing it to be impossible,
Unless you lead a celibate and solitary life,
But one who eats, drinks,
Sleeps, cries, laughs,
Involves himself ,or herself
In the world,
Cleaning, baking, working, shopping,
Being intimate with ones soul mate,
Sometimes physically as well,
Many times in other deep powerful ways,
Raising a family,
Bathing, dressing,
Calling, driving,
Through all diverse situations,
Moods, feelings, thoughts, aspirations,
Moments, events,
How can I
Bind it all,
To the “One”?

Yet the “One”
Tells us we can,
Because we have
A part of “One”
Within us

Impossible to comprehend
But true nonetheless


He tells us
We do not need
To create anew
This “Oneness”
Within us

It’s already there

We need to pray to Him
To show us how
To tap into the “One”
That is within us,
Collecting the shattered
Fragmented pieces
Repairing them
As a compassionate doctor
Gently heals the wounds
Of his patient

For when we are told
“I am God, your Healer”
This is what /He means
I heal,
I repair,
I can take your hurt, damaged, lonely
Bleeding and tired, exhausted soul
And make you whole again

The first step is
To ask this of Him
With sincerity

My “office” is not
At the other end of the world
Not even across the street
It’s within your heart,
And even if you think
I’m not there
I am

And besides….

I’m very old fashioned…

I still make house calls

from aish

Excellent advice for every couple.

by Rabbi Dov Heller, M.A.  1.CHERISH YOUR WIFE. RESPECT YOUR HUSBAND.

The core emotional need of a woman is to be cherished. This is the husband's number one responsibility. That means making her feel loved and appreciated, that she's your number one priority.

A man's core emotional need is to feel respected by his wife. When he comes home, he wants to feel that there is at least one person in the world who thinks he's got what it takes. That means getting off the phone when he walks in the door.



2.TREAT EACH OTHER LIKE GOOD FRIENDS

Under the marriage canopy one of the seven blessings given to the bride and groom is that they should become "beloved friends."

The hallmark of friendship is that each person validates and respects the other person's feelings and needs. Validation means: What's important to you is important to me. It's a key way to make your spouse feel loved.



3. REMEMBER THE FOUR GOLDEN WORDS: LISTEN, COMPROMISE, REPAIR, AND GRATITUDE.

Agree to keep one basic rule at the beginning of your marriage: No matter how upset you are, never launch a verbal attack. Fighting with insults only makes problems worse and erodes the relationship. Instead, implement the four golden words:

Listening: It's essential for working together and solving problems. Allow your spouse to speak without interruption and then repeat what has just been said. This reassures your spouse that he or she was heard.

Compromise: Strive to solve problems where both of you are happy with the solution. Neither one should feel coerced into accepting the other person's point of view.

Repair: When you hurt each other emotionally, repair the breakdown and remove the lingering feelings of anger and resentment. Aim for 100% reconciliation. A little resentment multiplied 50 times can create a wall of bitterness.

Gratitude: You can never say thank you enough to your spouse. Try to notice everything your spouse does for you and acknowledge it with sincere gratitude.

4. ESTABLISH STRONG BOUNDARIES

Your spouse is your number one priority - not your parents, relatives, friends, children, work, or hobbies. Set strong boundaries that show you value your marriage and don't allow anyone or anything to weaken your relationship.

That means meeting your spouse's needs before your parents' needs, coming home with enough time left in the evening to have quality time together, and inviolate date nights.



5. GIVE EACH OTHER PLEASURE DAILY

Marriage is ultimately about making each other feel good and striving to give your spouse pleasure on a daily basis - on his or her terms. If she says she likes lilies, don't bring her roses because you think they're more romantic.

Learn how your spouse prefers to be given to - whether it's physical affection, words of affirmation, receiving gifts, acts of service (like helping out in the house, running errands) or spending quality time - and get in the daily habit of doing it.

You'll enjoy giving more than receiving.

yechida wrote on 01 Jun 2010 12:47:

So, nu, are you gonna give us the Bais Aharon's gevaldige torah "inside," or will we need to satisfy ourselves with your gevaldige poetic license?

Briut,you have a valid point

loose translation

"Hashem is One.Is is possible to make Him One?Rather the main thing is to create Oneness within ourselves,binding everything to Hashem,and through this, the Oneness of Hashem is revealed...even physical basic needs such as eating,drinking,sleeping,we must tie to His Will and accept the Holiness that is within it..Hashem helps you bind all these physical acts to Him,and Oneness is revealed in all the Worlds,and thereby revealing His Oneness in this world.....

I don't have hebrew fonts or I would put the 3 precious torahs here in the way it was printed

from Reb Shlomo

It was said that the Radoshitzer performed miracles in one day that the Ba'al Shem Tov didn't even do in a year. When someone needed a refuah shleimah (a complete healing) they would go to the Radoshitzer. Offiically, Radoshitz and Kotzk were enemies. Once, the Kotzker was very sick, and the Rebbetzin went to Radoshitz. She didn't want to say who she was, so she said that she needed a refuah shleimah for Menachem Mendel ben Esther. The Radoshitzer, however, upon recognizing her, said, If you think I don't know, why do you come to me, and if you think I know, why don't you tell me who your are. ' He blessed the Kotzker, who had a refuah shleimah.



The Radoshitzer went on to delineate the source of the differing schools of thought: The Kotzker wants Yidden to listen to Hashem, and I want Hashem to listen to Yidden. 'Gevalt. It's awesome. In Kotzk the miracle was that he takes the Yid who doesn't want to be a Yid and makes a Yid out of him; and the Radoshitzer does a miracle that he makes Hashem listen to his children.' 

It hurt very much to write this.

Unfortunately what is written here is not fiction

How I wish it was

It’s called “Wife Attack” but is exists as  a“Husband Attack” “Parent Attack” “Employer Attack” or even “Self Attack”.- this cancer comes in many forms.

It must stop.

Why do I write this at GYE?

Because not only are we sensitive to  how destructive things we do  hurt us. We are also very sensitive to how what we do can hurt those that are very dear to us.

Which is what motivates us greatly to become a healthy human being

so as not to hurt anyone by what we do and say-or even think.

Wife Attack

He slaps me, suddenly,
With hurtful words,
Stabs me, viciously
With his sword
Of poisonous nouns
Writhing in agony
Whimpering,
I curl up in a ball,
As he kicks me
Frantic, trying to
Block myself from
His adjectives of fury’
hurling me into
despair,
defenseless, a woman,
a little girl
I’m a mother
But I’m still a little girl
Not comprehending
The senselessness of it all
I’de rather be dead
For death cannot hurt
As much as this

I gave my heart
My whole being
Only to be crushed
By one who is kind
To all-but me
Thief he is
Stealing kind words
That are mine
Spending it on others
Who do not see
What he is
When the door closes

Imprisoning me in a place
That is meant to be my true home
But isn’t
Because this “home”
Is full of deadly weapons
Of words ready to unleash
A holocaust
Maiming, inflicting torture
And worse than a direct savage attack
That I am prepared to expect
Is the “subtle” one
Psychological warfare,
The knife just touching
He smiles
Speaks softly
As the knife silently releases
One drop of blood
No major damage yet
But I know what’s coming

Our children barely sense
Those attacks on me
Such “gentle” chiding
Leading to revealed assault
I block it out
Not to scare my babies
Even my teenager
is my baby
can’t scare him
I pray they should never see
The butchery
That is about to begin
May they never see me helpless
At the mercy
Of words
That will ultimately kill me

You single girls out there
Think you are lonely
You will never be as alone
As I feel now
When I am alone with him
This beloved one within our community
Alone with me
As the bedroom door shuts
Ringing in my ears
As the metal clanging of a prison cell
That is when
I envy you the most

Who in their right mind
Wants to be touched
By one who cripples me
Telling me how frustrated he is
Sick and tired
of sleeping with
a mere shell of a woman
but it will just have to do
poor me
to end up with a poor excuse of a wife as me,
he tells me this
as he tears at my blouse
using me to release his tension and anger
he will never comprehend
that it was he who made me
into what he sees in me,
he thinks he is seizing me,
doesn’t he see, in his sick desire,
that he is groping an empty shell,
I’ve left a long time ago
When I couldn’t bear the pain anymore
Of him not knowing
Who I truly am

I cannot forgive
One who desires my body
But not my soul
He never tried to love that
And now it’s too late
So I do not show him my soul
I hide it from him
For I have been hurt enough



I was ready, eager, full of life
As a beautiful rose
In a special garden
Instead
Crushed
Rotted
Decayed
Here is my grave
My tombstone
I read it in my head
Beautiful Rose
Buried together
With words never spoken
Never told her
Of her beauty
Her pure goodness
Lost forever
My husband
Who could have loved me
Cherished me
Instead killed me

When you see me
In the grocery buying milk
Or smiling brightly
At a dear friend’s simcha
You do not realize
That you are observing
The walking dead.

A shattered shell of a woman
Can use her smile
to mask the horrible pain
deep inside
my neighbors see me
and see nothing

 

Good Shabbos,dear friends

Shelach-we are all down here sent by Hashem.Sometimes the very tendencies that are very troubling to us are are greatest gift if we learn how to always be connected to the One who sent us.

it can be depressing when it sinks in that one is tied to physical desires that we do not yet know how to deal with properly

some need to be like Yehoshua and receive a bracha and guidance from his Rebbe or mentor.Others do not have this luxury.They need to be like Calev and cry to Hashem by the kevorim of the Avos i.e. connecting to them,and beg to be helped

If we do so,we will succeed in our mission,and what others see as bad we will see as good.we will understand why we have these tendencies and learn how to elevate them and use them in the service of Hashem.

Once we do this , with proper teshuva, all our previous mess-ups retroactively become positive forces, bitter but important "training" that helped us become what we can become.Very rich and very deep human beings that learned how to turn darkness into light.

May you all have wonderful Hatzlacha in your shelichus

This is the Tikkun of the Spies
to know our true essence and and know that Hashem is sending us,we may not know where exactly,we may not know why,but we know with clarity that Hashem is sending us and he needs us to deal with what is and do our best every given moment

May you all experience the joy of being what you are meant to be-a true ben or bas Yisroel.

sincerely

yechida

True Love is deep and private

this not only is by love between husband and wife as this poem reflects but also the love of us to Hashem.

there is alot to contemplate here

because our culture very much stresses the external public  expression of things


Private
by Raymond v Morrow
   



              Love cannot be worn

              Like a diamond ring

              Or a ribbon in your hair

              Or your favorite eveningwear.



                Love dwells in our hearts

                Passion just for two

                That is the way love must be

                Tender secret you and me.



        Raymond Morrow

3 quotes by Eric Hoffer

(Rabbi Wein on his tapes spoke very highly of this person,which influenced me to read some of his works.Unfortunately,most of his writings are either unpublished or out of print)

the first quote is the root cause of addiction in many cases

the second quote helps alot on the road to recovery-or for every person to practice in life-it's a worthwhile investment

the third is something most of humanity do not have the courage to face

but we must....


1- To believe that if we could have but this or that we would be happy is to suppress the realization that the cause of our unhappiness is in our inadequate and blemished selves. Excessive desire is thus a means of suppressing our sense of worthlessness.




2-The hardest arithmetic to master is that which enables us to count our blessings.

3-We lie loudest when we lie to ourselves.

Beautiful Mind
by Kate Burnside


Knowledge
without understanding
is dead
and hard-edged as stone:
unfeeling,
unseeing,
unyielding.

Understanding
applied with feeling
has wisdom's true beauty
and a touch
as soft as
love itself.

Wisdom
is to be valued
more than beauty
that fades,
or gold
that diminishes
the more it is spent.

The love of wisdom
forever grows
a gracious bounty
that overflows
incessantly
to bless the lives
of many.

A beautiful mind
casts rainbows
into the skies
of others,
colouring their heavens
with an iridescent treasure;
bestowing
priceless wealth
beneath their feet.

from Reb Shlomo

I admit I don't understand exactly what he is trying to say

but I know there is something beautiful here


Nishmas kol chai tevereich es shimcha," the soul of everything alive blesses YOUR NAME." The truth is, as long as we're alive -- and hopefully we'll be alive forever -- we don't stop praying.  Each time we take a breath it's the deepest prayer before the One, the Only One.

There's another level, though. I would like, one time in my life, to pour out my heart in the deepest way before the Only One. You know, my dearest friends, at a business meeting we discuss what we need to discuss and we say to each other everything there is to say. But when I meet somebody I love very much, even all of eternity wouldn't be enough to tell them how much I love them and how much I miss them every second of my life.

There is a story about two holy masters: Rebbe Mendele Vitebsker and the holy Kalisker Rebbe. They went to the Holy Land, to the land of all holiness. The Kaliszer moved to Tzfat and Rebbe Mendel settled in Teveriah. The Kalisker wrote a letter to the holy Vitebsker, and this is what he wrote:  "To my holy friend Rebbe Mendele, may your light shine forever "Until I came to the Holy Land my mind was so small. I asked of G-d each time I prayed, three times a day, that my prayer should be with all my heart. Now that I'm in the Holy Land I understand things so much more deeply, and the truth is shining into my heart. I know that such prayer is beyond me, far beyond me. Now all I'm asking of G-d is, 'Don't make me leave this world yet; please don't let me leave before I have prayed just one prayer."

Rebbe Mendele wrote back to him: "You touched me so deeply with your words that I know you can ask G-d for one prayer.  As for me, though, I'm not even on that level. I'm not asking G-d even for one prayer. All I'm asking is, 'Let me say just one WORD of prayer before YOU. Don't let me leave this world without praying one word to YOU. Let me pour out my heart before YOU with a single word."

It's gorgeous. He wants with all his soul and kishkas to have a relationship with Hashem that is real and just plain real. And that's all he wants. Gorgeous.