Hey Rage

this is great.

alot of the lyrics of country songs as well,you change some wording that are nonsense and you really got some poweful stuff.guys like lee greenwood.and a song by clay davidson about a son leaving his dad after telling him he hates him ect...

these guys got something special there-they just dont always know what to do with it, so you get sometime stupid stuff about and an old jeep and how much I miss that creep,and how good those stupid blue jeans look.

you get what I'm saying? 

I haven't sunk my teeth in the Stand yet but you have to tell me what you felt about the Dome book(that I haven't read either)

I may have time for a short story

does the "just after sunset" collection have some good stories ?

i don't expect the yechida variety there, but maybe a little surprise somewhere in King Land, no?

another very powerful poem

His Faithful Steward by Jason Westlake

He once had a dream he would be trusted
While those close to him doubted his strength
They’d even remind him most of his life
Just how feeble his capacity was
He longed for the day and prayed for the night
When a soul at last would believe in his power
When entrusted he would finally be
With something that would measure his might
He begged and pleaded from those around him
If only they’d see the worth in his eyes
He was ready to serve with his talents
Why couldn’t they see his capacity?
All of his life he could never receive
The confidence and trust of another
When he grew up, his hope faded away
Into the listless realms of reality
Until one day he saw needs unfulfilled
He saw people in pain and knew he could help
At first, from habit he shied away
Keeping his place off in the background
But then a quiet miracle occurred
And a still small voice from heaven he heard
“I have a position that needs to be filled
“A stewardship so sacred to me
“I need a steward to watch my vineyard
“And you’re the one I’ve reserved for this job
“You have my trust with these lives so precious
“I know my vineyard will be safe in your hands”
He wept in tears as he’d never conceived
That God, Himself, placed His trust in him
From that day forward, he never doubted
For he had found what he always possessed
He just never knew he was trusted
And while others always doubted before
He saw he didn’t need their approval
For he had become God’s faithful steward
Nothing much mattered any more
His life was simple, his orders were few
From then on his life was about
Following through with his Master’s plan

The Awakening 
by Sonny Carroll


A time comes in your life when you finally get it...
When in the midst of all your fears and insanity you
stop dead in your tracks and somewhere, the voice
inside your head cries out - ENOUGH!

Enough fighting and crying, or struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and through a mantle of wet lashes, you begin to look at the world through new eyes.

This is your awakening...

You realize that it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change, or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon. You come to terms with the fact that he is not Prince Charming and you are not Cinderella and that in the real world, there aren't always fairy tale endings (or beginnings for that matter) and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with you and in the process, a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.

You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are ... and that's OK. (They are entitled to their own views and opinions.) And you learn the importance of loving and championing yourself and in the process, a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval.

You stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you (or didn't do for you) and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected. You learn that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for you and that it's not always about you. So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself and in the process, a sense of safety & security is born of self-reliance.

You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties and in the process, a sense of peace & contentment is born of forgiveness.

You realize that much of the way you view yourself and the world around you, is a result of all the messages and opinions that have been ingrained into your psyche. You begin to sift through all the junk you've been fed about how you should behave, how you should look and how much you should weigh, what you should wear and where you should shop and what you should drive, how and where you should live and what you should do for a living, who you should marry and what you should expect of a marriage, the importance of having and raising children or what you owe your parents. You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. You begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for.

You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you've outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with and in the process, you learn to go with your instincts.

You learn that it is truly in giving that we receive and that there is power and glory in creating and contributing and you stop maneuvering through life merely as a "consumer" looking for your next fix.

You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a by gone era, but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life.

You learn that you don't know everything; it's not your job to save the world and that you can't teach a pig to sing. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake.

Then you learn about love. Romantic love and familial love. How to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving and when to walk away. You learn not to project your needs or your feelings onto a relationship. You learn that you will not be more beautiful, more intelligent, more lovable or important because of the man on your arm or the child that bears your name.

You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes.

You learn that just as people grow and change, so it is with love; and you learn that you don't have the right to demand love on your terms, just to make you happy.

You learn that alone does not mean lonely. You look in the mirror and come to terms with the fact that you will never be a size 5 or a perfect 10 and you stop trying to compete with the image inside your head and agonizing over how you "stack up."

You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring your needs. You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK and that it is your right, to want things and to ask for the things that you want and that sometimes it is necessary to make demands.

You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love, kindness, sensitivity and respect and you won't settle for less. You allow only the hands of a lover who cherishes you, to glorify you with his touch and in the process, you internalize the meaning of self-respect.

And you learn that your body really is your temple. And you begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin eating a balanced diet, drinking more water and taking more time to exercise. You learn that fatigue diminishes the spirit and can create doubt and fear. So you take more time to rest. Just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul; so you take more time to laugh and to play.

You learn that for the most part in life, you get what you believe you deserve and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen, is different from working toward making it happen.

More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline and perseverance. You also learn that no one can do it all alone and that it's OK to risk asking for help.

You learn that the only thing you must truly fear is the great robber baron of all time; FEAR itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears, because you know that whatever happens you can handle it and to give in to fear, is to give away the right to live life on your terms.

You learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom. You learn that life isn't always fair, you don't always get what you think you deserve and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people. On these occasions, you learn not to personalize things. You learn that God isn't punishing you or failing to answer your prayers; it's just life happening.

You learn to deal with evil in its most primal state; the ego. You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you. You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls.

You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted; things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about; a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower. Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself, by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never ever settle for less than your heart's desire. You hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind, and you make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.

Finally, with courage in your heart and with God by your side you take a stand, you take a deep breath and you begin to design the life you want to live as best as you can.

Dear brothers and sisters

Have a Shabbos filled with Simcha.

No "fall" has a right to take away that inner Simcha you deserve

This paragraph is in this short piece

It cannot be emphasized enough

"Therefore, if awe of God and repentance are depressing us, we must set aside those thoughts until our mind grows stronger. We should be opening ourselves to holiness and the fear of heaven with a joy and gladness that are appropriate for good-hearted people whose service of God is genuine."




A Bedrock of Joy by Rav Kook

We sometimes have to step away from thoughts of holiness and repentance, if those thoughts cause us to be depressed.

There is a bedrock of joy connected to the depth of holiness, which far outranks any other holiness and repentance.

Therefore, if awe of God and repentance are depressing us, we must set aside those thoughts until our mind grows stronger. We should be opening ourselves to holiness and the fear of heaven with a joy and gladness that are appropriate for good-hearted people whose service of God is genuine.

Orot Hateshuvah 14:11

from chabad.org


Why Is Torah Law So Restrictive of Contact Between the Genders?

By Manis Friedman


Question:

I understand that Torah law forbids all physical contact between a man and a woman -- or even for them to be alone in a room together -- unless they are first-degree relatives or married to each other. This applies to any man and any woman, regardless of their ages or whether or not  they are sexually attracted to each other. And then there are all those rules about "modest" dress. Isn't that carrying it a bit far? Are we really such animals?

Answer:

When a man and woman are together in a room, and the door closes, that is a sexual event. Not because of what is going to happen, but what has already happened. It may not be something to make novels of, but it is a sexual occurrence, because male and female is what sexuality used to be all about.

It is true that in our world today, in the "free world" certainly, people have, on the whole, stopped thinking in these terms. What happened was that we started putting up all these defenses, getting steeled, inured, against the constant exposure and stimulation of men and women sharing all sorts of activities -- co-educational school, camps, gyms -- is that we started blocking out groups of people. We can't be as naturally sexual as G-d created us to be. When a man says, "I have a woman friend, but we're just friends, nothing more, I'm not attracted to her in any sexual way, she's not my type," you've got to ask yourself what is really going on here. Is this a disciplined person? Or is this a person who has died a little bit?

What does he mean "she's not my type?" When did all this typing come into existence? It's all artificial. It's not true to human sexuality. And it really isn't even true in this particular context because given a slight change of circumstance, you could very easily be attracted. After all, you are a male, she's a female. How many times does a relationship begin that is casual, neighborly, and then suddenly becomes intimate? The great awakening of this boy and girl who are running around, doing all sorts of things, sharing all sorts of activities, and lo and behold, they realize -- what drama, what drama -- that they are attracted to each other. These are grown-ups, intelligent human beings, and it caught them by surprise. It's kind of silly.

So closing a door should be recognized as a sexual event. And you need to ask yourself: Are you prepared for this? Is it permissible? Is it proper? If not, leave the door open. Should men and women shake hands? Should it be seen as an intimate gesture? Should any physical contact that is friendly be considered intimate? Hopefully, it should.

These laws are not guarantees against sin. They have never completely prevented it. There are people who dress very modestly. They cover everything. They sin. It's a little more cumbersome but they manage. All these laws are not just there to lessen the possibility of someone doing something wrong. They also preserve sexuality -- because human sexuality is what G-d wants. He gave us these laws to preserve it, to enhance it -- and makes sure it's focused to the right places and circumstances -- not to stifle it.

We have become callous about our sexuality. Even in marriage, a kiss on the run cheapens it, makes it callous -- then we run to the therapist for advice. And do you know what the therapist who charges $200 an hour for his advice says? He tells the couple not to touch each other for two weeks. Judaism tells you that free of charge. Yes, there are two weeks each month during which a husband and wife don't touch. This therapy has been around for 3000 years. And it still works. It's a wonderful idea.

When you don't close the door on yourself and that other person, you are recognizing your own sexuality. You are acknowledging the sexuality of the other person. Being modest, recognizing our borders, knowing where intimacy begins and not waiting until it is so intimate that we're too far gone, is a very healthy way of living. It doesn't change your lifestyle dramatically, but enhances it dramatically, and you come away more capable of relaxing, better able to be spontaneous, because you know that you can trust yourself. You've defined your borders. Now you can be free. It takes a load off your mind and it makes you a much more lovable person.

Very interesting and helpful again Yechida and thanks so much!

Wow - I like that!

Another insight by Kierkegaard


of Good Intentions


There is a parable  that is seldom
considered yet very instructive and inspiring. “There was a man
who had two sons. The father went to the first and said, ‘Son, go
and work in the vineyard today.’ And he answered, ‘I will not’;
but afterward he changed his mind and went. And the father
went to the second son and said the same and he answered, ‘I
will go, sir,’ but did not go. Which of the two did the will of his
father?” We could also ask in another manner:
which of these two was the prodigal son? I wonder if it was not
the one who said “Yes,” the one who not only said “Yes,” but
said,“I will go, sir,” as if to show his unqualified, dutiful submission
to his father’s will.

Now, what is the point of this parable? Is it not meant to
show us the danger of saying “Yes” in too great a hurry, even if it
is well meant? Though the yes-brother was not a deceiver when
he said “Yes,” he nevertheless became a deceiver when he failed
to keep his promise. In his very eagerness in promising he became
a deceiver. When you say “Yes” or promise something, you
can very easily deceive yourself and others also, as if you had already
done what you promised. It is easy to think that by making
a promise you have at least done part of what you promised
to do, as if the promise itself were something of value. Not at all!

Beware! The “Yes” of promise keeping is sleep-inducing. An
honest “No” possesses much more promise. It can stimulate; repentance
may not be far away. He who says “No,” becomes almost
afraid of himself. But he who says “Yes, I will,” is all too
pleased with himself. The world is quite inclined – even eager –
to make promises, for a promise appears very fine at the moment
– it inspires! Yet for this very reason the eternal is
suspicious of promises.

Now suppose that neither of the brothers did his father’s will.
Then the one who said “No” was surely closer to realizing that
he did not do his father’s will. A “no” does not hide anything, but
a yes can very easily become a deception, a self-deception; which
of all difficulties is the most difficult to conquer. Ah, it is all too
true that, “The road to hell is paved with good intentions.”

It is the most dangerous thing for a person to go backwards
with the help of good intentions, especially with the help of
promises; for it is almost impossible to discover that one is really
going backwards. When a person turns his back on someone
and walks away, it is easy to see which way he is going. That is
that! But when a person finds a way of turning his face towards
him who he is walking away from, and in so doing walks backwards
while appearing to greet the person, giving assurances
again and again that he is coming, or incessantly saying “Here I
am” – though he gets farther and farther away by walking backwards
– then it is not so easy to become aware. And so it is with
the one who, rich in good intentions and quick to promise, retreats
backwards farther and farther from the good. With the
help of intentions and promises, he maintains the honest impression
that he is moving towards the good, yet all the while
he moves farther and farther away from it. With every renewed
intention and promise it seems as if he is taking a new step forward
but in reality he is only standing still, no, he is really taking
another step backward.

The good intention, the “Yes,” taken in vain, the unfulfilled
promise leaves a residue of despair, of dejection. Beware! Good
intention can very soon flare up again in more passionate declarations
of intention, but only to leave behind even greater
desperation. As an alcoholic constantly requires stronger and
stronger drink, so the one who has fallen under the spell of
good intentions and smooth-sounding declaration constantly
requires more and more good intentions. And so he keeps himself
from seeing that he is walking backwards.

We do not praise the son who said “No,” but we need to learn
from the gospel how dangerous it is to say, “Lord, I will.” A
promise with respect to action is somewhat like a changeling
(an infant secretly changed for another) – one needs to be very
watchful. In the very moment a child is born the mother’s joy is
greatest, because her pain is gone. When because of her joy she
is less watchful – so says the superstition – evil powers come
and put a changeling in the child’s place. In the crucial initial
moment when one sets out and begins, a dangerous time indeed,
enemy forces come and slip in a changeling promise, thus
hindering one from making a genuine beginning. Alas, how
many have been deceived in this manner, yes, as if cast under a
spell!


The only thing I would add to
Keikergaard’s insight is that better than the 2 sons described above, there is a third that says “Yes” and then proceeds to do just that.

Yet was he says is so true.

There is a danger in saying yes, especially if at that moment you do not really intend to follow up on it. Or even if you intended to do so and changed your mind later (not due to what we call a unexpected emergency or impossibility, or because in some cases you realize the original decision is ethical wrong ) is a sign of weakness in your character

part of article on aish

please go there to read in full.

in retrospect we will see that our struggles in this area will be the source of great blessing

"I Can't Go On" by Benjamin Blech

A personal story will shed some light on the matter. Thirty years ago in the middle of giving a lecture to my class at Yeshiva University I was suddenly called out due to "a life-and-death emergency.” One of my students was threatening to commit suicide in his dormitory room and desperately needed some counseling.

I rushed over and found the young man wailing and moaning. “This is the worst day of my life!” he screamed, “I don't want to go on living anymore.” Slowly the story poured out of him. His girlfriend had just broken up with him and he was inconsolable. “You don't understand, Rabbi. I'll never ever find anyone like her. I'll never meet someone as perfect as she is. I can't go on, I just want to die.”

I stayed with my student all day, as well as the following night. I tried to reassure him that his life was not over. By morning I finally got him to promise me not to give up on his future. He agreed that suicide is a sin and that he'd struggle to go on, even though it pained him to lose what he was certain was his only possibility for happiness.

There are times in life when we mistake blessings for tragedies.A little over 20 years later I was teaching in my very same classroom when there was a knock on the door. A young man asked permission to enter and then, with a smile, asked, “Rabbi, do you remember me?”

It took but a moment for me to realize who it was. “Of course I recognize you,” I told him, “and you still owe me a night’s sleep.”

The young man returned to tell me the end of the story. “You know that day when I wanted to commit suicide and I told you it was the worst day of my life? In retrospect I now realize that day was really the luckiest day of my life. The girl I thought I couldn't live without -- she's been involved in drugs and a series of scandals that even hit the newspapers. My life would have been a horror had we stayed together. I came back to thank you Rabbi, because today I am married to a woman who is truly the best in the world and we have four amazing children who give me joy every single day. I guess what you taught us is true. There are times in life when we mistake blessings for tragedies.”

But that's not the end of the story.

Just one year after this moving experience I was invited to serve as scholar in residence at a synagogue in Los Angeles. For my Sabbath sermon I chose a theme based on a verse in Exodus in response to Moses’ request to see God. God told Moses, “You cannot see My face, for man cannot see My face and live... you will see My back, but My face shall not be seen” (Exodus 33:20). Of course God has no body. It was not His physical appearance that was being discussed. Moses wanted to “see” -- to comprehend -- God’s ways and His interaction with His creations. What he was told is that with our finite intelligence we can't understand events as they unfold; it is only retroactively that “You will see My back” and grasp God’s infinite wisdom. I quoted Kierkegaard who expressed the same idea when he said, “The greatest tragedy of life is that it must be lived forward and can only be understood backwards.” And then, as I was speaking, the story of the suicidal student suddenly popped into my head and I told it as an illustration.

The following Sunday night, one of the congregants told me that my speech had unwittingly saved a life. It seems that in the audience on the previous day for the Sabbath service was a young man just 24 hours before his wedding. He was scheduled to fly out to New York late Saturday night to join his bride for the wedding ceremony they had been happily anticipating for the last six months. No sooner was the Sabbath over when he received the phone call that shattered his dreams. His fiancee at the last moment decided she couldn't go through with it. She called to regretfully inform him that it was all over.

The almost-to-be-groom later described to his friends what happened next. For a moment he felt suicidal. He wanted to rage, to vent his anger, to scream. But one thought kept repeating itself in his mind. Why was it that on that very morning he heard a sermon describing an almost similar event? He had not intended to go to that particular synagogue. It was a last-minute decision that brought him to a place where, almost as a Divine message, he could hear words that in the aftermath of his own tragedy might offer him some solace.

Little did he know that my inserting that particular illustration was also totally unplanned. A higher source put into my mind and my mouth -- a gift from God to allow someone to survive incredible pain just a few hours later.

And this story, too, has a happy ending. This past July my wife and I were strapping ourselves into our El Al seats on the way to Israel. Passengers were still filing by on the aisles when one of them began to stare at me and suddenly shouted, “Aren’t you Rabbi Blech?” When I responded that indeed I was, he identified himself. Five years before, he told me, he was sitting in a synagogue in Los Angeles on the day before he was supposed to get married. He proceeded to share the part of the story I already knew.

With tears in his eyes he asked me to come with him so he could introduce his wife and three children. “I'm just like that student in the story you told us that unforgettable Shabbat. Today I'm the happiest man in the world. I can honestly say that the curse of that Saturday night has turned out to be my greatest blessing.”

Tezaveh-Purim

Haman told the truth.

“There is one nation scattered and divided”

Indeed this is true.

Yet one nation

This is the miracle of our existence in exile

Scattered & Divided

And One.

We must not create further scattering and dividing by our own actions.

But this is part of Galus.

But it will end.

Rav Kook puts it this way: True, the malady of exile has scattered and divided us.But the eternal does not lie. The exile and all it’s terror must come to an end…in the final analysis, we are, and shall be, one nation, and Israel shall once again rise to the eternal words “Go gather all the Jews”

As the Menorah, made of One, our eternal flame will burn forever, as One,

The way  is was to be all along

This is a painful subject to many

and sometimes entering an unhealthy relationship comes from a strong emotional need that later could turn into a physical relationship.

yet one must train oneself (or get professional help) to deal with issues in a healthy emotional way.

Tomim had a post about the root of alot of addiction comes from a deep feeling of void
or lonliness or emptiness which gets filled up by food or lust and many kinds of unhealthy escapes.

For a married person,it is a danger to run away from an issue with one's spouse because it drives a greater rift between the two.

running to food or movies or fantasy land or alchohol connected with another of the opposite gender in a deeper way are all forms of escapes and it is running away from the issue which is to connect with your wife or husband.

when I feel this void,I daven to Hashem to help me not fall into any of these "escape" traps,and to help me deal with my emotions in a healthy way.

If I am not yet ready to deal with an issue,I atleast take a walk or listen to music,which can also be an escape but atleast it is a healthy one.

these emotional states hurt alot and one has to be strong and not fall prey to escape into connecting with things or people that can ultimately destroy your life.



The Danger of Emotional Affairs
Betrayal of Trust
Aug 21, 2007 Cherie Burbach

Can men and women really ever be friends? Or will a close relationship with the opposite sex be the downfall of your relationship?
   
There is a movement that exists in dating today that is redefining the true boundaries of infidelity. Not that cheating was ever okay on any level, but today people are more aware of limitations than ever before. It used to be that men and women were discouraged from forging friendships. As time went on, however, people began working together and close relationships followed behind. Under most circumstances, this is fine, as men and women can have perfectly platonic friendships. But there are times when the association between friends crosses the boundary of what’s acceptable.

What Is Emotional Cheating?
•An emotional affair begins when one partner has an extremely close relationship with a person of the opposite sex that transforms from regular friendship to something more. Instead of just hanging around platonically, the partner begins having feelings of attraction for the other person. Generally they begin talking intimately about things they should only be discussing with their significant other. They flirt with the other person, and behave inappropriately. They may withdraw from their partner. Unlike a cyber affair they do see the other person, sometimes having lunches or dinners or even just meeting somewhere for coffee. They behave in a manner that is secretive and hurtful, keeping information from their partner and sneaking off to have private email or phone time with the other person.
Why Is It Bad?
•Some may argue that since emotional affairs fall just short of physical cheating they aren’t really all that bad. But this is incorrect. Emotional affairs can hurt just as much as physical cheating and sometimes even more. When one partner replaces time, feelings, and intimacy with someone other than their partner it hurts the relationship between them and their partner. Emotional affairs involve all the lying and mistrust that physical affairs do, and their damage often takes much longer to overcome.
How Do Emotional Affairs Begin
•Often emotional affairs start between coworkers. What may start out innocently enough as time working on a project may evolve into a deeper emotional relationship. The two see each other for long periods of time during the day and develop a strong rapport. If one partner is having troubles in their relationship they may confide in their coworker, and things develop from there. But there doesn’t have to be problems in a relationship in order for an emotional affair to happen. There may have been a previous relationship that one partner never quite got over and then decided to remain friends with the person, thereby setting themselves up for an eventual emotional affair down the road.
How To Spot Emotional Affairs
•If your partner exhibits traditional signs of cheating such as sneaking around, behaving differently toward you, or flat out lying, this could be the beginning of an emotional affair. Generally emotional affairs involve emails that your partner doesn’t want you to see, or they may take a phone call in another room and shut the door without telling you what it was about. If your partner begins to pull away from you and seems distant, they may be engaging emotionally with someone else.
How To Handle Emotional Affairs
•If you suspect your partner is having an emotional affair you need to confront them about their behavior. Point out specific activities when bringing up your concerns. Tell your partner how the relationship they have with this person affects your feelings, and ask that they end it immediately. Don’t be surprised if your partner gets defensive or denies they have done anything wrong. Often one partner may convince his or herself that by refraining from physical intimacy they have not crossed a line. By making your feelings clear, however, your partner will have no choice but to deal with your concerns. You both may need counseling in order to work out the issues between you. It is possible to be happy with your partner again, but it does take time and effort and is only possible when your partner understands the appropriate boundaries and works on repairing the trust issues they’ve caused for the relationship.

A Matter of Trust
by John Smith Williams


Without TRUST we are nothing


A MATTER of TRUST


As we live out our lives from day to day
We come to realise there’s only one way,
To meet life’s challenges, as we surely must,
It comes down to one thing, it’s a matter of trust,

We rely on our faith in all that we do,
Without it there’s no hope left for me or you,
Just think on how much , on others we really rely,
Without faith in them, we’d never get by.

Think of the driver of our local bus,
He takes us around without any fuss,
` The pilots of planes that fly through the sky,
Without trust in them we never would fly.

The postman each day who delivers the mail,
If there was no one to do that, we’d raise such a wail,
The doctor who treats us when we are ill,
We depend on his knowledge, to prescribe the right pills’

Just think for a moment as the days fly on by,
How much on others we we always rely,
We have faith in our cars each day that we drive,
That they’ll transport us quickly, and we safely arrive.

So take time to ponder , whatever we do,
Trust is the elelment that see’s us get through,;
But above all things else, as through life we plod,
The greatest of all, is to have trust in God.

Although it seems like this rhyme is referring to Hashem, i think we can apply it to all of the people who affect our lives each and every day!! As Dov would say the heck with me, what can i do for you. I have noitced that when we focus more on doing for others we have an easier time with all the struggles of life.

Once again thanks yechida for sharing.

sometimes sholom bayis issues come up not from an situation but in the manner of communication regarding a situation,and the inherent differences(generally speaking) between men and women.

Men and Women - Miscommunication

By Dave Barry


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CONTRARY to what many women believe, it's fairly easy to develop a long-term, stable, intimate, and mutually fulfilling relationship with a guy. Of course this guy has to be a Labrador retriever. With human guys, it's extremely difficult. This is because guys don't really grasp what women mean by the term relationship.

Let's say a guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is seeing anybody else.

And then, one evening when they're driving home, a thought occurs to Elaine, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: "Do you realize that, as of tonight, we've been seeing each other for exactly six months?"

And then there is silence in the car. To Elaine, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself: Geez, I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he's been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I'm trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn't want, or isn't sure of.

And Roger is thinking: Gosh. Six months.

And Elaine is thinking: But, hey, I'm not so sure I want this kind of relationship, either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I'd have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are, moving steadily toward . . . I mean, where are we going? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person?

And Roger is thinking: . . . so that means it was . . . let's see . . . February when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer's, which means . . . lemme check theodometer . . . Whoa! I am way overdue for an oil change here.

And Elaine is thinking: He's upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I'm reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed -- even before I sensed it -- that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that's it. That's why he's so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He's afraid of being rejected.

And Roger is thinking: And I'm gonna have them look at the transmission again. I don't care what those morons say, it's still not shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What cold weather? It's 87 degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a goddamn garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves $600.

COMMUNICATIONS GAP

And Elaine is thinking: He's angry. And I don't blame him. I'd be angry, too. God, I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can't help the way I feel. I'm just not sure.

And Roger is thinking: They'll probably say it's only a 90-day warranty. That's exactly what they're gonna say, the scumballs.

And Elaine is thinking: Maybe I'm just too idealistic, waiting for a knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I'm sitting right next to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person I truly do care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A person who is in pain because of my self-centered, schoolgirl romantic fantasy.

And Roger is thinking: Warranty? They want a warranty? I'll give them a goddamn warranty. I'll take their warranty and stick it right up their . . .

"Roger," Elaine says aloud.

"What?" says Roger, startled.

"Please don't torture yourself like this," she says, her eyes beginning to brim with tears. "Maybe I should never have . . . Oh God, I feel so . . . "

(She breaks down, sobbing.)

"What?" says Roger.

"I'm such a fool," Elaine sobs. "I mean, I know there's no knight. I really know that. It's silly. There's no knight, and there's no horse."

"There's no horse?" says Roger.

"You think I'm a fool, don't you?" Elaine says.

"No!" says Roger, glad to finally know the correct answer.

"It's just that . . . It's that I . . . I need some time," Elaine says.

(There is a 15-second pause while Roger, thinking as fast as he can, tries to come up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with one that he thinks might work.)

"Yes," he says.

A BEFUDDLED BEAU

(Elaine, deeply moved, touches his hand.)

"Oh, Roger, do you really feel that way?" she says.

"What way?" says Roger.

"That way about time," says Elaine.

"Oh," says Roger. "Yes."

(Elaine turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it involves a horse. At last she speaks.)

"Thank you, Roger," she says.

"Thank you," says Roger.

Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed, a conflicted, tortured soul, and weeps until dawn, whereas when Roger gets back to his place, he opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a tennis match between two Czechoslovakians he never heard of. A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that something major was going on back there in the car, but he is pretty sure there is no way he would ever understand what, and so he figures it's better if he doesn't think about it. (This is also Roger's policy regarding world hunger.)

IT'S ANALYSIS TIME

The next day Elaine will call her closest friend, or perhaps two of them, and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours. In painstaking detail, they will analyze everything she said and everything he said, going over it time and time again, exploring every word, expression, and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering every possible ramification. They will continue to discuss this subject, off and on, for weeks, maybe months, never reaching any definite conclusions, but never getting bored with it, either.

Meanwhile, Roger, while playing racquetball one day with a mutual friend of his and Elaine's, will pause just before serving, frown, and say: "Norm, did Elaine ever own a horse?"

We're not talking about different wave lengths here. We're talking about different planets, in completely different solar systems. Elaine cannot communicate meaningfully with Roger about their relationship any more than she can meaningfully play chess with a duck. Because the sum total of Roger's thinking on this particular topic is as follows:

Huh?

But the point I'm trying to make is that, if you're a woman, and you want to have a successful relationship with a guy, the No. 1 tip to remember is:

1. Never assume that the guy understands that you and he have a relationship.

The guy will not realize this on his own. You have to plant the idea in his brain by constantly making subtle references to it in your everyday conversation, such as:

-- "Roger, would you mind passing me a Sweet 'n' Low, inasmuch as we have a relationship?"

-- "Wake up, Roger! There's a prowler in the den and we have a relationship! You and I do, I mean."

-- "Good News, Roger! The gynecologist says we're going to have our fourth child, which will serve as yet another indication that we have a relationship!"

-- "Roger, inasmuch as this plane is crashing and we probably have only about a minute to live, I want you to know that we've had a wonderful 53 years of marriage together, which clearly constitutes a relationship."

Never let up, women. Pound away relentlessly at this concept, and eventually it will start to penetrate the guy's brain. Some day he might even start thinking about it on his own. He'll be talking with some other guys about women, and, out of the blue, he'll say, "Elaine and I, we have, ummm . . . We have, ahhh . . . We . . . We have this thing."

And he will sincerely mean it.

The next relationship-enhancement tip is:

2. Do not expect the guy to make a hasty commitment.

By "hasty," I mean, "within your lifetime." Guys are extremely reluctant to make commitments. This is because they never feel ready.

"I'm sorry," guys are always telling women, "but I'm just not ready to make a commitment." Guys are in a permanent state of nonreadiness. If guys were turkey breasts, you could put them in a 350-degree oven on July Fourth, and they still wouldn't be done in time for Thanksgiving.

Tezaveh

Our flame burns eternal

We are the menorah, all one, pure oneness, no part, as the wicks represent our bodies giving and absorbing the oil, the light of the neshamah.

Oil must be absorbed in the wick to burn and give light.

Wisdom must be absorbed in our physical life to give light and warmth and beauty.

We were placed into fire, and we came up as the menorah, pure and as one. Divided? well yes, it’s not lust a block of gold. It has flowers, base, branches etc.

Separate in its uniqueness, yet One.

We have this oneness in us. Our soul binds with the soul of Am Yisroel, our light combines and comes together as one with the light of Klal Yisroel.

Esther is hidden. The Yid is Esther. The Yid is hidden, hidden, hidden, and she must reveal herself, that is Megillas Esther, the revelation of Esther,

How does she reveal her inner essence?

“Go, gather all the Jews” ,gather all the Jews WITHIN YOURSELF, unifying your soul with the collective soul of Klall Yisroel, as we all are one, as one, we unite as the menorah, revealing that it is only one, and now it can shine brightly and warmly, now the hidden beauty of the Yid is believed, Esther is no longer pale or greenish or ugly or frightened or fasting or teary eyed, because we listened to her heartrending plea—Go gather all the Jews, within yourself, and the truth is, your own inner self is scattered ,turning to different sources, different directions, gather all the Yid in you as a unified soul, no reason why the needs of your body cannot align with the needs of your soul. It is one.

As a unified whole, Go gather all the Jews, the one as you really are, and that is the eternal gift of Purim, never to be abolished, because it’s essence is the revelation of the beauty of our nation and by you, the individual, that we cannot be without.