I like the line from the bardichever...

I think that in our search for the true torah, though, we need to grab whatever torah we can, but not give up our search to constantly get closer to the truth...

You rock! Your fire burning lights the way for us all!

"ki ner mitzvah, v'torah ohr" - you've got both there!

Most of us would prefer a different softer kind of friend that what is described here

But we all need one like this one.

where we know that the love of this friendship is real

and because we are secure in that love,we can listen to some unpleasant things about ourselves

to explore together and touch the sublime within ourselves



My Friend by Yacov Mitchenko 

 
  Because I love you, I won't poison you with praise.
Because I love you, I'll hold a mirror to you,
And show all vices crippling your ways.
To be in this room made of honesty and trust,
To be with me, get ready to see your poison and scar;
To radiate such light as might frighten a star,
You need the medicine of ruthless truth.
I'll never be your pillars; pillars are for youth,
Or for age that hasn't let go of yesterday.
You may go, as you please, or you may stay.
I won't chase you, I won't ask others where you went.
You're free to seek out others who would confirm
Your opinions or beliefs: all your fears can bring
Into being feathers of comforting.
You may imagine your prison is a sky;
You're free to erode slowly, slowly die.
To climb and climb as questions courting the peaks
With me, you must be honest and very strong,
Let go of rationalizations singing their tired song,
Let go of excuses, and let questions lead you where they will.
If you stay, if we explore together, my friend,
Maybe we'll brush with the sublime that's sorrows' end.

Pain reveals the character that comfort hides  (Yacov Mitchenko) 

yechida wrote on 20 Jan 2010 18:21:


Absolutely...although I think he takes it to an extreme...

This Torah is from Rav Kook

Extremely important

some here being challenged with addiction, may feel some of this excess humility because of your honesty with yourself with the problem you have.

Beware of this danger.

Know of your greatness,despite your struggle with addiction.

And sometimes,know your greatness because of  it

Knowing your greatness is not arrogance.

It is true humility

because you know where it is coming from.


Bo: Training for Greatness


Before the Jewish people left Egypt, God had a request:

"Please speak to the people, and let each man request from his friend gold and silver articles. Let every woman make the same request of her friends." [Ex. 11:2] 


The language in the verse is surprisingly gentle. God usually commands the Israelites. Why the solicitous request, "Please speak"?

The Sages noted the unusual wording. According to Rabbi Yanai, God was asking the Jewish people for a favor: Please request gold and silver from your Egyptian neighbors, so that Abraham will not be able to claim that I failed to keep My promise to him that his children will leave Egypt with great wealth [Berachot 9a-9b].


If God wanted the Israelites to leave Egypt with riches, surely He could have arranged it without any effort on their part. Why did God want them to borrow from the Egyptians in order to fulfill His promise to Abraham?

Presumably, requesting handouts from their Egyptians neighbors was embarrassing and demeaning. Why put the Jewish people through this ordeal?

Bontsha the Silent
I.L. Peretz tells the story of Bontsha the Silent, a simple Jew who accepted all of life's humiliations - and he suffered far more than his fair share - with quiet resignation. His life and death went unnoticed in this world. But in Paradise, the arrival of Bontsha the Silent was a major event. Trumpets blew, important angels rushed to greet him, and he was crowned with a golden crown.

Bontsha reacted to all this commotion exactly as he would in this world: with silence. His silence was due to his great trepidation; he was certain that a terrible mistake had been made. However, when Bontsha's trial began, and the defending angel related the long tale of misfortune and mistreatment that had been Bontsha's daily lot, he slowly began to take heart. It is me they are taking about!

"Despite everything," the defending angel concluded, "Bontsha never complained. He never protested, not against his fellow man, and not against God." The prosecuting angel conceded that just as Bontsha had always been silent, so too he would be silent. Then the heavenly Judge turned to Bontsha, and informed him, "Your reward is not just one little portion of Paradise, but everything! Whatever you want!"

All turned to Bontsha, eager to hear what great reward he would request. Bontsha meekly responded, "What I would like, Your Honor, is to be served every morning a warm roll with fresh butter."

There was shocked silence in the court. The angels bent their heads in shame, and the prosecutor laughed a bitter laugh.

Emancipation of the Spirit

Slavery is not just a legal status; it is also a state of mind. It is not enough to emancipate the slaves. They must be trained for independence, for courage and greatness. A lifetime of oppression can create a poverty of spirit, where the greatest good imaginable is a warm roll with fresh butter. The Torah relates that the enslaved Israelites were incapable of accepting Moses' message of hope due to "smallness of spirit" [Ex. 6:9]. Even in the desert, the former slaves would remember Egypt nostalgically, fondly recalling 'sitting by the pot of meat' as they ate fish, onions, and melons [Ex. 16:3; Num. 11:5].

Asking the Hebrew slaves to borrow gold and silver from their neighbors was an educational exercise. God wanted to raise their ambitions above fish and onions. Of course, gold is not the true goal. Therefore the Israelites only entreated, not commanded. Only regarding spiritual goals and mitzvot does God command us.

It was not easy for the Hebrew slaves to borrow from their former masters. The Midrash tells us they would have happily foregone the Egyptian gold and leave Egypt right away. But they would require courage and greatness of spirit for the difficult journey ahead. Maimonides wrote in the Guide for the Perplexed that the forty years of hardship in the wilderness instilled in the former slaves those traits of independence and courage that a free nation must have.

God desires humility - but the true humility of Abraham and Moses, great men willing to argue against Him - not the passive meekness of a Bontsha.

[adapted from Ein Eyah vol. I, p. 44]

If I understand correctly, part of what you're saying is that we need to be bold enough to ask for what's real, and what we want - we shouldn't have so much humility that don't go for the gold, and do our best to succeed to the highest heights...

yes silent

some say that was the root of the problem as the spies

thinking that they were percieved as grasshoppers

and feeling that way too.

when in reality,

if God tells you you can do something,

then you can do it

from www.meaningfullife.com

Rav Kook adressed excessive crushing "humility"

Rav Jacobson adresses excessive debilitating fear




The Anatomy of Fear


 
  By Simon Jacobson
January 3, 2003


And G-d said to Moses: “Come to Pharaoh…”  – Exodus 10:1

Said Rabbi Shimeon: Now it is time to reveal secrets that are bound above and below. Why does it say, “Come to Pharaoh”? It should have said, “Go to Pharaoh” .... But G-d brought Moses into a chamber within a chamber, to the... supernal and mighty serpent from which many levels evolve...which Moses feared to approach himself because he saw that he was rooted in supernal roots...
Zohar, part II, 34a

Fear is perhaps our greatest enemy. Not because it is loud and aggressive, but because it is invisible. Is there a person alive that does not suffer from some fear, known or (even worse) unknown? And what effects do our fears have on our lives – what impact does it have on our choices and ambitions, on our behavior, pride, jealousy, anger and so many other emotions? Can it even be measured?

Is our drive for success a way to mask or compensate for some of our fears? What critical mass effect does fear have on society?

Above all, what are we exactly afraid of and what is the root of fear? Without getting to the core of our fears we can hardly expect to alleviate them.

This question is more compelling today than ever as we face fears of all sorts, as national and international tensions continue to escalate, unleashing our underlying emotions in this climate of global uncertainty.

Though our fears today have obvious roots (fear of attack, fear of death), yet we see that there are individuals – as has always been the case in history – that do not get paralyzed by fear and have the ability to grow through it. What is their secret?

This week’s Torah portion, parshat Bo, teaches us the secret to both the root of fear and to its antidote.

The chapter opens with the following words: And G-d said to Moses: “Come to Pharaoh…”  The Zohar [classical mystical text] asks the question: Why does it say, “Come to Pharaoh”? It should have said, “Go to Pharaoh” ... But G-d brought Moses into a chamber within a chamber, to the... supernal and mighty serpent from which many levels evolve...which Moses feared to approach himself because he saw that he was rooted in supernal roots...”

Moses had already visited Pharaoh many times before this commandment, “Come to Pharaoh.” What suddenly frightened Moses this time around? And how did G-d’s response “Come to Pharaoh” assuage his fear?

Up till this point Moses dealt with Pharaoh in his various manifestations, not his essence. But now he is told to enter into the core essence of Pharaoh’s evil, the ‘great serpent.’ This terrified Moses. To which G-d responds: “Come to Pharaoh,” Come with me. G-d is saying that you don’t go alone. I come with you and help you eradicate the evil at its source.

And here we see the true nature of fear.

Fear’s true power is in the loneliness that it imposes upon us. We feel we are alone in our predicament. We feel that no one can understand our pain and suffering. And even if someone can empathize, we still feel that they are not with us, not one with us and therefore ultimately we remain isolated.

Life inherently has a built in existential insecurity. Upon birth, the Talmud tells us, we are made to forget the teachings ingrained into our very psyches and souls. Existence, the mystics teach us, is an effect of a cosmic detachment. As a result of the ‘great tzimtzum’ we feel all alone; we feel we are on our own – isolated in a desolate universe, disconnected from any source of sustenance.

This existential loneliness is the root of fear. And this is what Moses – even the great Moses – was so terrified of as he prepared to confront the core evil of Pharaoh, the ‘supernal serpent.’ He was afraid and felt that he was going alone.

Obviously, Moses’ fear is relative to him and to the unprecedented challenge he was facing: Encountering and purging the root essence of evil. Fear is relative to each person and his/her situation, the difficulties each of us faces and the strengths each of us has. What frightens one person may not even stir another. Yet, the common denominator between all of us is – and this is the relevant lesson we derive from Moses – that fear (on the level relative to us) results from our sense of isolation.

And therefore G-d’s response to Moses’ terror is, “Come with Me,” I go with you.

This is the powerful message that each of us must take from parshat Bo – “Come with Me.” No matter how lonely we may feel, especially in our loss and pain, we are not alone.

The only answer to the invisible power of fear – the fear of being alone – is to recognize that you are not alone.

You are never alone.

This hurts because we know we do this to our wives sometimes

In one form or another.


Know A Man by Yehuda Amichai (Translated by Chana Bloch)



I know a man
who photographed the view he saw
from the window of the room where he made love
and not the face of the woman he loved there.

Ouch.

I think that kinda represents our lives, though, in a broader way, especially when we spend our times lookign at the wrong "views," instead of living the beautiful lives that we have.

Tanya 27-part 4

It is clear that the Bal HaTanya told these weeping and crushed Chassidim as follows.

And this , if told by a caring madrich that a young Ben or Bas Yisroel trusts and leans on, can save some lives.

Because many teenage boys and girls, I think we would be shocked to know how many, truly aspire to be close to Hashem ,and understood in this aspiration and goal, is the very powerful decision and conviction to rid yourself of the destructive and ugly thoughts and emotions within themselves.

And to their utter dismay, that ugly stuff is there to stay.

Not talking about actual sins now.

We are talking about the sick and demented tendency towards sin that requires a fight on a daily, and at times hourly, and even minute by minute basis.

Even while learning Gemorah

Even during Mussaf of Rosh Hashana

Even during a funeral

Or while lighting candles Friday night

Or when your Rebbe just greeted you with a warm and wonderful smile because he thinks you are a tzaddik or tzaddekes and you know with bitterness that you are miles and miles way from being that.

And he speaks to his Chassidim

So you are upset that you have a dark side within you.

Why do you think you are upset.

You think it is because you are really really sensitive to spirituality and it hurts deeply that you fall so short, and you are totally fed up with these indecent and immoral thoughts that come up.

Not true. (Ouch, when I hear that) 

This despair does NOT come from spiritual sensitivity.

It comes from a deep seated arrogance (Double Ouch, when I hear that ,and I am inclined to scream NOT TRUE,NOT TRUE, NOT TRUE)

ואדרבה, העצבות היא מגסות הרוח

On the contrary, such sadness is due to conceit.

שאינו מכיר מקומו, ועל כן ירע לבבו על שאינו במדרגת צדיק

For he does not know his place, and that is why he is distressed because he has not attained the level of a tzaddik,

שלצדיקים בודאי אין נופלים להם הרהורי שטות כאלו

to whom such foolish thoughts surely do not occur.

כי אילו הי׳ מכיר מקומו, שהוא רחוק מאד ממדרגת צדיק

For were he to recognize his station, that he is very far from the rank of tzaddik,

והלואי היה בינוני ולא רשע כל ימיו אפילו שעה אחת

and would that he be a Beinoni and not a rasha for even a single moment throughout his life (i.e., this is what he should be striving for at present, rather than vainly desiring to be a tzaddik),


For he does not know his place, and that is why he is distressed because he has not attained the level of a tzaddik,

You do not accept you place in life.
You do not accept that you are not inherently a tzaddik.

You feel you OUGHT to be a tzaddik if I TRY HARD ENOUGH
You feel you OUGHT to destroy that yetzer horah if I TRY HARD ENOUGH.
And I failed to do this despite all my efforts which means that I fooled myself and I really didn’t try enough but I feel like I did , I really did ,so I must be one real sick sick soul.

You are deceiving yourself.


and would that he be a Beinoni and not a rasha for even a single moment throughout his life (i.e., this is what he should be striving for at present, rather than vainly desiring to be a tzaddik),

Don’t expect to be a tzaddik NO MATTER HOW HARD YOU TRY, NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU WEEP AND CRY, NO MATTER HOW MANY FASTS YOU FASTED, AND NO MATTER HOW MUCH CHARITY YOU GAVE THAT NO ONE KNOWS ABOUT, NO MATTER HOW MANY HOURS OF SWEAT AND TEARS IN PRAYING AND LEARNING.

You will never be a tzaddik.

EXPECT, EXPECT, EXPECT THOSE UGLY URGES TO COME

THEY WILL COME

IN STREAKS,IN WAVES,IN STORMS,AND AT THE MOST UNEXPECTED TIMES.

NOTHING BAD HAS HAPPENED HERE.

You are upset because your expectation is not based on reality.

That’s the EGO talking

I I I I I I I

I I I SHOULD BE A TZADDIK.

Go fly a kite.

Nothing Doing.

You are a Beneni ,with the instincts of a Beneni.

Urges will come

Selfishness,Pride.Jealousy,Lust.Laziness,etc etc

That is part of you

Face reality.

Accept reality.

You face this , the sadness goes.

Because you accepted the Reality that Hashem has given you.

Not a reality of sin

But a reality of that tendency towards sin.

It can lie dormant for years and years.

And suddenly it will fly back into your face.

Don’t grieve

Don’t panick.

Because you calmly and peacefully knew all along that this will happen.

And now comes the great simcha that we will discuss next.

one married woman expressed her pain this way:

    groped and wanted,
   
    but never received

:'(

yechida wrote on 22 Jan 2010 13:56:
It is gorgeous to be a Yid and able to appreciate this so deeply, thank-you Tatty and thankyou yechida!!!! Whatever the simcha part is next, ilu basi lekan just for this it'd be enough for me. The simcha of makir a bit of mekomi is so freeing and accepting of HKB"H's life for me, that I need no more!

Dov-thank you for the thank you