this is only a portion of a op-ed piece in
www.meaningfullife.com called Shemot-the Stutterer
read the whole piece there-it is very profound and powerful
Sensitivity, Leadership and the Secret of Communication
Russian Translation
He spoke slowly and deliberately. Every word seemed carefully measured, as if he was being charged by the syllable. Nothing more than necessary was said and nothing less. Rarely did I hear a speaker so focused and precise.
Even more impressive was his refinement and humility. He spoke about the challenges each of us face – some of us are coming off personal loss, others hurting from psychological scars and yet others challenged by physical handicaps. The familiarity and empathy with which he expressed the inner loneliness associated with these wounds showed that he had suffered much in his life.
“Be patient with yourself,” he said, “don’t rush things and don’t get caught up with the whizzing forces around you. Let yourself be – and always know that you have a beautiful soul inside of you, despite the outer scars you may carry. When your skin gets burned it hurts, but it doesn’t make you feel inadequate or unworthy. The same is with our emotional pains and insecurities. They are what they are, and do not reflect are your inherent value.”
As he concluded his moving talk, suddenly and quite deliberately, he quickened the pace of his words. “Now let me share with you my… li-li-li-li-li-little s-s-s-secret,” he stammered, barely able to finish the sentence. “From the time I was a li-li-li-ttle child, I s-s-s-stuttered. But,” and he slowed down again, “with hard work and patience I have learned to control my inclination. You can too.”
He slowly walked away from the podium. The entire audience sat stunned.
I felt so sad. I remembered a classmate who stuttered. It would always break my heart to witness his stammering voice, the facial contortions, struggling to express himself. But then I remembered that this man just spoke for 40 minutes expressing from the depths of his heart a most powerful and needed message. “What a display of courage?” I thought to myself. “What strength of character to be so vulnerable in front of a crowd!”
* * *
Stuttering is a reflection of a misalignment. In our distorted world, where spirit and matter have yet to fuse, where our material investments do not necessarily mirror our soul’s needs, we all stutter.
We stutter in our search for love and intimacy, we stutter through our fears and insecurities, and we stutter when we are called upon to speak truth to our children and students. We stutter when we need to show kindness to friends and when we need to welcome and respect strangers.
The only difference is that some of us have mastered the art of concealing our stutters beneath an elegant “fa?ade” of words. Whether it is the “gift of gab” or excellent “sales skills,” “spin,” “buzz,” “hype” or “hooks” – we know how to convincingly “sell” something even if it has no true benefit (or we know how to convince ourselves that it has benefit even if it doesn’t). Not to suggest that every “sale” is worthless, but it’s a far cry from transparent selflessness.
We live in a world of politicians, actors, models and performers – who pride themselves in their ability to project all sorts of images and standards with not the slightest stutter or blink.
Stuttering reflects the dichotomy of existence, the split between the inner and the outer.
But stuttering has another side to it. Every stutter is also a challenging opportunity to discover selflessness (bittul), and a brilliance that transcends mere words (as it was with Moses), as the stutterer in our opening story demonstrated with his profound empathy.
This may also explain why stuttering affects four times as many males as females. Brain scans show that in women the connective tissue that allows communication between the two hemispheres of the brain tends to be thicker, perhaps facilitating interchange. In a study made by Simon Baron-Cohen, the director of the autism research center at Cambridge University and the author of “The Essential Difference: The Truth About the Male and Female Brain,” he tries to explain that the brain structure in women may be the reason why one study from Yale found that when performing language tasks, women are likely to activate both hemispheres, whereas males (on average) activate only the left hemisphere.
He goes on to argue that psychological tests also reveal patterns of male/female differences. On average, males tend to score higher on mechanics tests than females do. Females, on the other hand, average higher scores than males on tests of emotion recognition, social sensitivity and language ability.
Many of these differences are seen in adults, which might lead to the conclusion that all they reflect are differences in socialization and experience. But some differences are also seen extremely early in development, which may suggest that biology also plays a role. For example, on the first day of life, male and female newborns pay attention to different things. On average, at 24 hours old, more male infants will look at a mechanical mobile suspended above them, whereas more female infants will look at a human face. Girls tend to talk earlier than boys, and in the second year of life their vocabularies grow at a faster rate. One-year-old girls also make more eye contact than boys of their age.
Cohen summarizes these differences by saying that “males on average have a stronger drive to systemize, and females to empathize.”
Perhaps with their extra measure of empathy, women can counter some of the stuttering effects of a systemized universe out of touch with its soul.
Moses on the other hand, because of his absolute empathy, actually absorbs and reflects the dichotomy of the universe, in order to help repair it.
By introducing the soul into our lives and its profound empathy we can redeem the forces that lock our speech in “exile.” We can reveal the brilliance that often lies concealed within the “stutters” of our lives.
There is something compelling about silence. Take silent films: With no sound to rely upon, actors have to communicate with facial expressions and body language. This is the first language that we all – as young children – are exposed to. Only later do we learn the language of words. Another way of putting it: Just as white space is more important than the actual letters of the printed word, the spaces and silence between words are more critical than the spoken sounds.
“Just as it was in the days when they left Egypt [so too in the future] I will show you wonders.” Let us learn sensitivity from Moses how to heal a fractured world.
The lessons are simple but profound:
Never be complacent. Care about those around you. Take a stand against injustice. Protect the innocent. Fight those that are ready to hurt others. Show concern and act forcefully in face of terrorism. Stand up against any form of divisiveness.
Above all: be humble and sensitive.
Allow Moses into our lives and just as then, so today, we will experience wonders.
