And this is from Aish.

Pearl Simmons, died unexpectedly on August 21, 2002, four days after contracting a bacterial infection, leaving behind her husband and three young children .

Pearl's life passion was helping children develop their potential. She taught a "Positive Parenting" series at Children's' Hospital in Pittsburgh, and wrote the "Parenting Today" column in the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.

She believed that every child was special, and that by treating children right you would get the best from them.

Pearl's passing at age 42 leaves a great void in her family, her many students, and the Jewish community in which she was so active.

She wrote the following inspirational poem in 1997.

* * *

"Letting Go"

I can't protect you any more.
I can't make your hurt go away.
I tell you I love you and show you I care.
I try to help out when things don't seem fair.

But my power as a mother goes only so far.
I can't always reach the places you are.
I want to be close like we were before,
But you want to move on -- to discover what's more.

When you were a baby, I'd hold you tight,
And keep you forever within my sight.
I could satisfy your every need,
It was an easy time for us indeed.

And when you were a toddler and scraped your knee,
You'd hold out your arms and run to me.
I'd kiss where it hurt and make it feel fine.
A hug and a kiss worked every time.

I was always the one you turned to then.
I wish it could be like that again.
But now when you're sad you turn away,
And I don't know what words to say.

You're my little boy, but you're growing up fast.
I feel you slipping from my grasp.
I want to hold on, but I know it's time
For me to let go of this child of mine.

I long to protect you, to shield you from pain.
But I have to remind myself time and again,
That you have to experience life on your own,
While I stand back and leave you alone.

You're still so young, but you've already found
How kids can be mean when I'm not around.
School kids tease you and call you names.
They make fun of you and play cruel games.

I tell you not to worry, that it'll be alright
I tell you to be brave, yet I can't make things right.
I try to listen and to hold you near,
To give you solace and allay your fear.

I try to be there when the going gets tough.
Sometimes growing up can be so rough.
But I also feel proud of the person you are.
I know that you're strong and that you'll go far.

I realize it's time to start letting go.
I've taught you so much of the things that I know.
As you step forward, I'll take two steps back.
It's not easy for me, but I'll soon get the knack.

I'm letting go, but I'll never be far.
You can always reach me, wherever you are.
I watch you proudly as you start on your way.
My love goes with you as we start a new day.

Hey Yechida,

I really liked one of the quotes that you posted in the forum, and which Guard used in chizuk e-mail 629.

It was, #105: "All of your world is G-d speaking to you. Listen carefully."

Could you please clarify what the Rabbi meant by this? Do you mean that if we have hit rock bottom, are covered in shame and ignominy and are despised by our friends and family, that all this comes as a punishment from God?

In other words, we shouldn't hate those people who laugh at us, but should rather accept this as God's wake-up call, so that we can mend our ways?

Thanks Yechida,

Desertlion

yechida wrote on 20 Nov 2009 18:29:
Dear sweet yid,
Thank you for her poem. It kills me, really. I had a very hard time reading it. I have a 20yo son who has somewhat slipped away already, and an almost-9yo one who hasn't yet figured out that he can lead his own life, and will. It is so precious to hold your own child. Then there are the girls, who still see me as something strong and good. Somehow. What can I say. I am crying now. It has always been terrifying for me to recognize that these people will go their own way. That they are already, though we don't realize it... What I am giving them is only a start. But that is huge, really huge.
Thank-you Tatty for giving us these people.
The greatest real present threat to my fatherhood and all it meant to these kids was and is: lust. As far as the character defects of fear and self-obsession are concerned, I'm just about as bad off as most people, I guess. OK, maybe a bit worse, but he knows how to take care of me, as long as I let Him. Thank-G-d I am sober today.
Thanks.
You are a precious, precious yid, period.

Beautiful post Yechida. And beautiful words Dov. Thank you for sharing with us. I read your words twice and i just felt all the emotion all the love all the power behind those words it just read to my heart. Devarim hayotzim min halev. Thanks Dov. I hope i can remember these precious words when the time comes. Thanks R dov, Thank you.

desertlion,Reb Dov,Imtrying,

Thank you all for your very kind words

Dov ,your post is very powerful.and this is a very hard part of parenthood,to see my children,each their own unique world,that are connected to me but also separate from me.We pray to Hashem that they "slip" away into a safe and good place,but I think especially in this generation, we must love and respect the separate world of our children,even if different than ours,and to forgive ourselves in our mistakes in raising them.We are human.We make mistakes and often big blunders,but if despite it all we love them, and their world unconditionally,then we still have hope that the 2 worlds meet and that the warm sun shines upon all of them.and on us.and mostly it will shine because we allow it to.and that one PM from several months ago remains true.no question about it.

and DesertLion,yechida knows that the world is God speaking to me, but I am forced to admit that often,I am unable to understand what is being said to me.But one thing is clear.we hit rock bottom,He is not telling us "Serves you right,you lowlife".He loves us.We may not figure it out,we may think sometimes"This is a very strange way to show Your love for me" but He does,and I think what He is doing is waking us up,and you don't need to be ashamed of anyone one other than ME.and I WILL FORGIVE YOU,because I see you are doing your best to pull out of this.And when you do I WILL BE PROUD OF YOU ---and that is all that really counts.Let your inner compass be aligned with Me and the outer shame or disgrace or whatever it will fall to the wayside.because I see you are climbing up-and I will help you every step of the way.     

(R. Hillel Goldberg wrote wonderful books about the Mussar Movement and Thought, one called “The Fire Within” and the other “Illuminating the Generations” and some of what is written here are what I read there, as well as other sources. Incidently, he wrote a book called “From Berlin to Slobodka” that is out of print, and shouldn’t be. It is sadly comical that there are those who talk about EMES,EMES,EMES and then proceed to bury it, the missing parts of these biographies that we can learn the most from, mysteriously not there -but this is another story altogether)

Dear friends,

Rachel Leah 1


And Rachel envied her sister,
Loved her and envied her,
At the same time.

Rachel was the known tzaddekes,
Her qualities more apparent,
A good catch, A good shidduch.

Leah’s qualities were more hidden,
More internal, more within herself,
Not revealed-but just as pure
Perhaps even more so,
Because of it’s hidden nature.

The Alter of Kelm explains this envy of Rachel,
Coming from a pure source,
As it says in Tehillim (33-15)
“He created their hearts together,
He understands all their actions.

Because all actions interrelate,
One clarifies the other.

A man says that he cannot learn,
Because he is sick and weak,
And then he drives to the Giant Game,
That game clarifies the reason of his not learning,
Not that he is sick,or weak,
But rather he pursues his football,
Because Eli Manning interests him,
More than Yaakov Avinu

He purchases the Lexus,
And then the Yid collector knocks on the door,
I cannot give,
It’s a mitzvah not to give,
Because I’m in debt,
The first deed clarifies the second,
The “debt” excuse is false.

Rachel was envious of her sister.

Now, let’s see who is this “jealous” Rachel?

Oh yes,

That Rachel

The one who helps her sister as she is ushered,
To the marriage canopy,
Secret password that only she and her husband knows,
Saving her sister from Shame,
And from Esav,
Allowing her to ultimately become,
A Beloved Mother,
Of most of  Klall Yisroel.

Jealous.
Was she?

Rachel’s first act-her selfless devotion to Leah,
Clarified her second act,
Her envy,
This was no conventional envy,
Because she strived to connect her sister to Yaakov,
Never ever undermining that relationship,
Which  reverses the whole simple of
“And Rachel envied her sister”
seemingly jealous of her,
but truly devoted to her,
and yearning for those sterling qualities
that she saw in her hidden, less popular sister..

Rav kook

Holiness in Action and Holiness in Thought

Holiness in action and holiness in thought anchor the holiness of nature and will in its very foundation. The sexual act is sanctified in the strength of a pure and holy nature. This was the human experience before the sin. This all-encompassing holiness and, even higher than that, the longing for this holiness refine your entire connection to your soul. Familial relations are bound with the threads of the holy of holies, so strong and powerful, bringing a flow of long life to your descendants.

From this saintly basis flow life and refinement, power and strength, the greatness of life. All of your life is filled with strength: for those who are with you, for the generation, for the entire world.

Strength adds to strength, life draws forth life. Honor and beauty cause beauty and the glory of holiness to shine upon all.

I posted this chilling poem because of it’s painful truth.

I have seen Smiles that hide an inner Devastation

Outward Appearance often masks a Hidden Reality,

We must learn to see what is behind that smile,

Is it singing to us,

Or crying out to us.

The key to this mystery is in the eyes

If we know how to read them

Or if we care to look.

Events such as described here

Happen daily,

all the time,

taking up a different shape,

But it’s all the same



A smile to remember by Charles Bukowski

We had goldfish and they circled around and around
In the bowl on the table near the heavy drapes
Covering the picture window and
My mother, always smiling, wanting us all
To be happy, told me “be happy, Henry!”
And she was right :it’s better to be happy if you
Can
But my father continued to beat her and me several times a week
While
Raging inside his 6-foot-2 frame because he couldn’t
Understand what was attacking him from within.

My mother, poor fish,
Wanting to be happy, beaten two or three times a
Week, telling me to be happy” Henry, SMILE!!”
Why don’t you ever SMILE?

And then she would smile,to show me how,and it was the
Saddest smile I ever saw.

One day the goldfish died, all five of them,
They floated on the water, on their sides, their
Eyes still open,
And when my father got home he threw them to the cat
There on the kitchen floor and we watched as my mother
Smiled.



yechida gets this sick feeling in his stomach because he sees in his mind a lot of very dead goldfish strewn about many kitchen floors, and blood streaming across those spotless ones, as the heartbreaking smiling continues on and on and on.

Rachel Leah 2

A voice is heard in Ramah,
Wailing, Bitter Weeping,
It is Rachel weeping for her children (Yirmiyahu 31-14)

Not the Sleeping Beauty,
The Weeping Beauty

It’s a burden she is forced to bear

Prior to that,
She was not the weeping one.

Leah was the one that was weeping,
Fearing her lot with Esav,

Then Leah has children,
Rachel is barren,
So she is the weeping one now.

And Yaakov wept when she met her too,
A spark of prophecy,
He weeps because she will weep,
As her children are forced in chains,
On the road to a very long and bitter exile.

But this weeping is not in vain,
It is precious,
Priceless tears,
Saving her children,
From the wrath of Hashem,
As Menashe erects an idol in the Holy Temple.

Avraham, Yitzchok, Yaakov, Sarah, Rivka, Leah
Nothing  doing.
Hashem is not appeased.

Rachel steps forward,
And Hashem isn’t swayed by good looks,
It’s deeds that count.

“Your Mercy should be greater than mine,
I brought my rival in my household,
All the work that my husband Yaakov,
Did for my father,
Was to build a home for ME,
And not only did I passively allow my rival to come,
But I actively gave the password to her,
You too,
When your children bring a rival, an idol,
Who really is a dead nothing rival,(not like my special sister),
Into Your house,
Hold your peace,
And Hashem is appeased.

Rachel saved us

But she is still weeping

For us, her children

Her children?

We may be sons of Yehudah, or a Kohen or a Levi,

Her children?

She is not only weeping for her children.

She is weeping for her sister’s children

Because they are her children.

It’s all the same

Rachel and Leah are One.

That is why

The heart of Klall Yisroel is One.

As understanding and supportive a wife or husband or parent can or should be,they must not feel guilty about the condition of an addiction of the one they love.

they can help with love and support

but they must know they are powerless to heal

that must come from the addict himself or herself.

even beyond discussion of addiction

any harmful trait or behavior.

yes,it's true,a spouse can have a great influence,can give chizzuk to promote a healthy change.

but the change itself is not in their hands.

A wife or husband who tried their best to support as much as they humanly can to help,to promote healing,to be the best that they can be.

and yet,it did not work.

they must know that they have not failed.

the healing itself was never in thier control

and as painful as the situation may be

they should be free of that pain of false and needless and heavy heavy guilt that sometimes can come crashing down upon them.

No one should need to feel that pain.





The Battle by Julie

The words that have yet been spoken
the things I need to say.
To voice what's within my heart
I just can't find a way.

I've fought with my emotions
I've held them deep inside.
I didn't want to face what for so long
you've tried to hide.

I've been lost within the dark
for so long I've seen no light.
Holding on to the memory
of a time when things were right.

I've looked upon your face
and seen the sadness in your eyes.
The battle of addiction
you no longer can disguise.

I've prayed to find the answers
of what I myself must do.
And I've prayed for the strength to fight
through the hell that I go through.

I've held on for so long
but I can no longer watch you die.
I cannot fight this for you
but lord knows how I've tried.

It's just so hard to watch the ones you love
slowly slip away.
That's why I just blocked it out
and held on to yesterday.

I don't have all the answers
or the power to save your soul.
Your broken, lost and lonely
and I cannot make you whole.

This fight is yours and yours alone
no matter what I do.
For I cannot save you
the only one who can
is you.

please read aish article "shy girl" and the link about her brother who died

this is only a small part

dear friend,read the last sentence,read the last sentence,read the last sentence

After years imprisoned in a world of my own silence, my heart now seemed to be barricaded behind locked doors. My throat clogged up and my tongue stuck to my palate every time I tried to speak about my past.

High, invisible walls erected themselves around my aching heart, and though I had many friends, I was unable to express any of my deepest thoughts or feelings with them. I could not let anyone get truly close no matter how hard I tried.

Luscious gardens with beautiful roses encircled the wall, giving the illusion of a happy, cheerful girl, always smiling. But on the inside, I was crying.

It was not until I met my husband that I was finally able to become my true self. He saw the wall behind the roses, and brick by brick, he helped me to pull it down. And for the first time in my life I was able to open up. And after much persistent effort on his part, and much crying on my part, bit by bit I was at long last able to share a part of my soul with the other half of my soul. He listened, he cared, he cried, and he helped me to see that even though my brother was no longer here with me, he will always be a part of me.

He was always there

A year later I gave birth to our first child. It was a baby boy. He was the most beautiful boy, with his soft cheeks and blue eyes. We named him in the memory of my brother.

And now I look back on those years with increased wisdom. For so many years I cried to God. I put all my hope in Him. But then, as time passed and I grew older, I saw that God was never going to bring my brother back, so I stopped asking. I stopped speaking to God altogether. It seemed that He had abandoned me and so I abandoned Him in return.

It was my very calling out to God that kept me from falling apart. It was 12 years later when I started to rebuild my connection with God. It was then that I realised that the foundations of my relationship with Him were in fact formed during those painful years. The whole time I had felt so alone in the world, but I was wrong. God was always with me. He was my hope. My life line. It was my very calling out to Him that kept me from falling apart. Because now I see that He was always there, holding me in His loving arms and kissing away my endless tears as I cried myself to sleep.

Though I may never know why this had to happen it does not mean I have to turn my back on God. I may not understand His ways but there is one thing I do know; God loves me, He loves my brother, He loves us all.

It only seemed like He deserted me when I give up on Him.

He didn't answer my prayers the way I wanted, but He never left my side. He never did abandon me. He stroked my cheeks, He held my hand and He caught my tears. He was my comfort. I poured my heart out to Him. I held onto Him and He held on to me. He never let go, and as long as I keep on holding on, He never will.

Hey Yechida,

Thanks for the reply.

Desertlion

your welcome desertlion

and here is something on that theme

Hello God
Submitted by Jennifer

 
Hello God, I called tonight
To talk a little while...
I need a friend who'll listen,
To my anxieties and trials...

You see, I can't quite make it
Through a day just on my own...
I need your love to guide me,
So I'll never feel alone.

I want to ask you please to keep
My family safe and sound.
Come and fill their lives with confidence,
For whatever fate they're bound.

Give me faith, dear God, to face
Each hour throughout the day,
And not to worry over things,
I can't change in any way.

I thank you God, for being home,
And listening to my call,
For giving me such good advice,
When I stumble and fall.

Your number, God, is the only one
That answers every time.
I never get a busy signal,
Never had to pay a dime.

So thank you, God, for listening,
To my troubles and my sorrow.
Good night, God, I love You, too,
And I'll call again tomorrow!

on that aish article "shy girl"

I was thinking

sometimes the harp is put aside and silent

but the heart will grasp it again one day

and it's unique Shirah will be sung

and what was withheld

will one day open up

when the comforting sun of Spring

will shine upon it

and the soul will reveal what it truely isl


I Had Set Aside My Harp by R Kook

I had set aside my harp-but I did not break it.

I still see reason for hope.
It is a ray that streams from the East.
I know that I will return
To my song, which I had withheld.

Rachel Leah 3

I’ve always felt this,
But Hillel Goldberg expresses this,
In the most beautiful way,
Mostly in the name of R Chaim Shmuelevitz ztl

Leah had calculated that each wife of Yaakov,
Would bear 3 tribes,
So upon the birth of a fourth son,
Leah exclaimed “This time, I shall give
Gratitude to Hashem”

And she named her fourth son Yehudah,
The Hebrew root meaning gratitude,
Rashi adds “Now that I have taken more
Than my share, I am obligated to give thanks”

And the Talmud says, that no person expressed
Gratitude to Hashem—until Leah

Leah was woman in need
She was in big trouble
Had to cry her heart out to Hashem,
So that she should not end up with Esav.

And even after her zivvug ended up with Yaakov,
She needed assurance that Yaakov loved her

And she never got that assurance

Ever.

She went to her grave—unassured.

She wanted, needed that assurance,
That Yaakov loved her,
And the names of her first 3 children,
Reflected this yearning; Reuvain, Shimon, Levi,
Now my husband will love me,
I have done for him what I could,
I have given him three sons 

Leah’s feeling was wishful thinking

Yaakov continued to favor Rachel,despite the sons Leah bore

Yaakov favored Rachel

Period

There was nothing Leah could do

Nothing.

Some say that this preference of Leah over Rachel was not known
Externally to Yaakov,
It was subconscious,
But yet, this attitude caused Leah profound anguish
No one else saw this,
Not even Yaakov himself,
“Hashem” saw that Leah was hated
Only Hashem and Leah knew

The Midrash says that
At one point Yaakov suspected Leah,
Of having improper, even immoral motives,
And he wanted to divorce her,
This was a terrible test for her
Because she was suspected of inadequacy
In precisely the trait in which she excelled
Yiras Shomaim
This was Leah’s test
The misunderstood, unloved one,
Who forced herself to learn to be grateful
And happy with her lot.

It is possible that Leah did not thank Hashem,
Until her 4th child was born,
Because Yaakov’s rejection overwhelmed her,
But by the time Yehudah was told,
She had overcome her pain.
Accepting being “second fiddle”
And that was what Yehuda represented,
The Tribe of Kings,
whose mother was “second fiddle”

The names Gad, Asher, Yissachar, also imply gratitude,
But with Zevulun, Leah reverts back
Still yearning for her beloved,
That “my husband should abide with me”
But this yearning is not as anguish-filled,
As the first 3 names were.

And finally “Dinah”
She finally accepts the “Din” of Hashem,
She will never be number one in Yaakov’s heart,
And finally Leah accepts Hashem’s judgment,
Of being unassured
of feeling unloved,
Of being in the shadow,
The “second fiddle”
Heard but not heard,
In the background,
The hidden, less beautiful one,
Radiance contained within,
Not shining out, perhaps only a glimmer,
So that all around her, do not have a clue,
That there is blinding light inside.


She accepts Hashem’s judgement

And she was grateful for it too