:'( :'( :'(
that made me cry

so true...

true with our neshama, and true with our own physical wife/husband,or in Diamond's case,the husband to be,with mazal,in the right time,

the dress or money may indeed help

but they truely need our love

the neshamah with a feeling of love towards Torah and Mitzvos

the husband/wife with a feeling of love in all aspects

physically,emotionally,spiritually

we are in a physical word

so that aspect cannot be neglected or forgotten

no matter how highly spiritual we feel ,we may be, or may become.

but is goes much deeper than that

much much deeper 

alot goes much deeper than the surface
this chessed goes deep
so why go for cheap imitation
when you can tap into the real thing


Eyes are the window of the soul
by Uriah J. Fields


O soul, I want to see you, I exclaimed!
The soul said, "Look into your own eyes
and see your own soul and then look into
the eyes of another person and see
his soul."

"Eyes are the window of the soul," I was told.
I asked, "What is the soul?" The answer
resounded, "The soul is the spiritual and
eternal part of human beings, separate in
existence from the body. It consists of
consciousness and personality and can be
synonymous with the spirit, mind and self."

The emotions are stored in the soul's matrix.
Unlike words, pictures and actions, feelings
appear in the eyes. The eyes speak what
the soul feels.

I looked at his body and I saw only his body,
I listened to his words and I heard only his words.
I watched his acts and I saw only his actions:
But when I looked into his eyes I saw his soul.
And seeing his soul I had empathy for him and
knew that he was my soul brother.

So do not miss an opportunity to look into another person's eyes and take time to look in the mirror and into your own eyes.
Know that thoughts can change your emotions
and that your eyes are the look-out window for
emotions that are nestled in your own soul and
the souls of others.

and this relates the the post regarding Rivka from last week from the Alter of Kelm

  An Act Of Kindness
by Trixie Love


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

We all have such love
and kindness to share.
Just open your heart
and let it flow.

~*~

Show everyone just
how much you care,
With a simple smile
and a friendly hello.

~*~

Small things in life
could mean so such,
To those who are lost
and so alone.

~*~

Someone's life you
truly could touch,
With a litte kindness
that you could show.

~*~

For it does not take
much to make one smile.
To brighten up ones
darkened day.

~*~

Whether it be the elderly
or even a small child.
A simple act of kindness
does go such a long ways..

kindness by makalah shay

Kindness, can be shown in many ways
a gift you buy, or debts you pay.

A sweet word to someone blue, or just
listening, to someones point of view.

Acts of kindness, should come naturally
to you.Never noticing what you've done,
until its through.

Flowers picked right from the yard, or
something you've worked for, very hard.

Just taking time to let a loved one know,
just how far, for them you'll go,

A complete stranger, in dangers way, your
act of kindness they've no need, to repay.

Whether its something your asked to do, or
just because, you wanted to.

You never know when you may be in need, of
a sweet and kindly deed.

When an act of kindness comes your way, it
brightens up a gloomy day.

If the chance should come your way, show an
act of kindness today!

This one is very deep and moving and powerful


Mark Rickerby
 
The Memory That We Were Kind

Does anyone know where the little boy went?
The little boy who used to be me?
He’s still alive somewhere inside this shell
Though the shell is all you can see.
Can you still see him reaching out for love
From behind these time-worn eyes?
The child with a heart as bright as the stars
Hiding beneath this thin disguise?


What a cruel trickster Father Time can be
Changing our costumes as we age.
From infant to child, and from young to old,
A new character with every stage.
We might as well be four different people.
The adult barely resembles the child.
The external transformation is so complete,
Young and old are rarely reconciled.
But there are some whose eyes still twinkle,
For whom the child within never dies.
The outside world can see only the surface
But they know how the surface lies.


What can we learn from all this changing?
From the fact that nothing is real?
How can we judge by a deceptive fa?ade
That hides the way we truly feel?
The only path to true knowledge, it seems,
Is to think of everyone that we see
As the child they were, who they are today,
And the old person they soon will be.
We should also see them as dead and gone,
Their short life on earth finally done,
With all their trials rendered null and void,
All their battles either lost or won.
Whitman wrote, "The powerful play goes on
And you may contribute a verse."
The same is true for every person we meet.
We make their lives better or worse.

Thus, we should measure disheartening words
And make sure they need to be spoken
So we won't be among those who caused pain
If they reach the end of life heartbroken.

And when those we've known are old and gray,
Remembering years they left behind,
Comforting words we said might return again
With the memory that we were kind.

I read this story this past Shabbos

It’s Sunday

The line of people waiting to see the Rebbe is very long. After hours, I finally find myself face to face with the Rebbe. At first, I just see the Rebbe’s penetrating eyes.(yechida knows those eyes. He looked through me with those eyes and within the next few days I was in a car accident. The front of the car was completely destroyed and I came out without a scratch.).Everything I had prepared to say escapes me. Finally, I say “I have a problem…I have begun to become more observant, but I am involved in an inappropriate relationship…”

I have anticipated the response. THE REBBE WILL LIKELY BECOME UPSET AND TELL ME WHAT TERRIBLE SIN I AM COMMITTING. He would speak of Heaven and Hell…But the response I get is completely different. The Rebbe’s face is very serious, yet I think I detect a hint of a smile on his lips.

“I ENVY YOU” the Rebbe says.

(here yechida says that though he is not a Lubavitcher per say, he has studied Chabad Chassidus and the Rebbe himself. and as nice and kind as the Rebbe was , he would speak the truth. so it is absolutely clear that when the Rebbe told this Yid “I envy you”, he was not pulling his leg. He meant it.)

At first I don’t grasp what the Rebbe just said. The Rebbe, the pious Jew, the revered rabbi and Torah genius ,world-renowned Jewish leader, envies me?!

The Rebbe continues, “In life there are many ‘ladders’. Each person has his or her ladder to climb.”

(yechida here points out that with the Rebbe  it was always ‘his or her’-he once said that men and women have to remain separate in the this world due to modesty, but know that all together stand before the Melech Malchai Hamlachim-the King of Kings as One-no separation at all. many of his letters use the phrase ”L’Chol Echad V’Achas M’Yisroel”-not exactly a ‘Rebbeshe’ style of talking or writing but I could not care less. That’s one of things I loved about him. The total lack of interest of conforming just for the sake of conforming. and he conveyed that point too Know your neshomah and be true to it. No matter what the world may say or think)

“I was never faced with the challenge that you are. God has given you a choice, a ladder, the top of which reaches the Heavens. The test is the challenge by which will raise you to the greatest of heights”

I don’t remember what happened afterwards. several minutes later, I find myself in the synagogue, sobbing like a baby. someone approaches me and asks if he could get me some water, and before I could respond ,a glass of water is handed to me…”

Yechidah is like a Mayan Hamisgaber of wisdom and love...

Thank you Guard for your kind words

and here you see how the Rebbe saw love and wisdom in baseball 

Another story I read about the Rebbe this past Shabbos relates to baseball

Once, during his years working with his father-in-law, the Previous Rebbe, the Rebbe visited the yeshiva down the corridor from his office. He noticed a student entering the study hall in middle of a session and asked him where he was coming from. The student cheerfully admitted that he had taken time out from his studies to attend a baseball game. He had left early because his team was down by a wide margin.

“Did you learn anything at the game” the Rebbe asked  him

The student shrugged with a smile.

(yechida notes that in his yeshiva of old-not Torah Vodaas- a slap across the face would have slammed him into the wall, but that is another story-sorry I mentioned that…on second thought, I am not sorry I mentioned that..)

The Rebbe continues “In baseball, there are 2 teams ,each with 9 players-and there are thousands of fans who sit in the crowd. As long as their team is ahead, the fans cheer. But as soon as their team falls behind, the fans are let down and eventually, when they see that their team has no chance of winning they even leave.”

“The players, however, all stay to the end, no matter what”

“That is the difference between a fan and a player”

(I had my 14 year old son read this.I ask him what he thought this meant.He said that alot of people want to throw away their Yiddishkeit when things don't go so well,so you can learn from baseball to be a player,not just a fan.You stick with it no matter what)

Mister Menachem

"Editors note: In 1995, William Morrow & Company published the first widely-distributed book of the Rebbe’s teachings, Toward a Meaningful Life, by Rabbi Simon Jacobson, editor-in-chief at Vaad Hanachot Hatmimim/The Meaningful Life Center. Among the many responses received at our office was a letter from a woman who, as a child of five had met the Rebbe, Menachem Mendel Schneersohn. That letter described her first meeting with the Rebbe in 1946, “When he was not yet the Rebbe and ... walked freely around the neighbourhood (of Crown Heights).”Below is an extract from a second letter that describes subsequent “sidewalk conversations” with the Rebbe.

Dear Rov Jacobson,

Kol hakavod on Toward a Meaningful Life. The book is a beautiful kiddush Hashem,and does full justice to the Rebbe himself.

As a yiddishe maidele who was born into a traditional family in Crown Heights in 1940, and who had the great zchus and mazal from Hashem to know the Rebbe as a beloved childhood friend – whose name was Mister, or so I thought then - the book brings tears to my eyes and overwhelming feelings both of joy and loss to my heart. Since I read Toward a Meaningful Life, I have been deluged with memories of events that I’d forgotte"


I knew the Rebbe first as Mister, and then when I learned that Mister was not his name (as I thought it was when I was 5) I asked him his name. But I just couldn’t get the name that he told me – he must have been saying Schneerson – so he told me that we had similar names, and could I say Menachem. That I got immediately, and so he told me to call him Mr. Menachem. Which I did.

It was not until I saw a picture of him, taken about 1950, that I realized that my beloved Mr. Menachem was also the Rebbe. I had been praying for the Rebbe forever, or so it seemed, but I never knew that I was also praying for one of the dearest friends I ever had…

Mr. Menachem always asked me what books I was reading. When I was seven – Spring of ’48 I think – I discovered Science Fiction in the library on Schenectady. I loved it. I gave him rave reviews of two authors, Robert Heinlein and Isaac Asimov. He was intrigued by the idea of teaching children science through fun-to-read novels. I always told him he should read them, that he would love them. He always told me that he only read Jewish books. Then one day, a year or more later, I told him about Asimov’s book “Foundation”. If you haven’t read Asimov’s Foundation Series then I should tell you it’s about a secret foundation set up by a psychohistorian name Hari Seldon. The purpose of psychohistory and the Foundation was to perfect the Universe. Which is basically what I told him.

Anyway, Mr. Menachem later told me he read the book – which floored me – and told me to concentrate on Asimov, not Heinlin. [And he was right.] He then went on to tell me he’d written to Asimov and had gotten a reply. I was thrilled – that Asimov thought enough of him to write back [Told you I didn’t know who I was talking to. At that point I had no concept of what he truly was, much less what he would become.] He was corresponding with Asimov, and as far as I was concerned that was even better that writing to Jackie Robinson, which I think I told him.

Then he asked me what I thought of the idea of setting up a foundation. I thought it was better than Asimov and Robinson combined and told him so. He then told me he was setting up a foundation. I was so excited I started jumping up and down, telling him I wanted to join, please, please please. He said I could. Well, he did set it up, and I did join for a while. He was talking about Chabad and his shluchim. Maybe other things that I haven’t found out yet. Who knows?

Kol tuv,

Nechama Cohen
Tamiment, PA

Times have changed in America

hasn't it?


How to be a good wife – THEN & NOW



The following is from a 1950's Home Economics textbook intended for
the High School girls, teaching how to prepare for married life.
************************************************************
1. Have dinner ready: Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a
delicious meal - on time. This is a way of letting him know that you
have been thinking about him, and are concerned about his needs. Most
men are hungry when they come home and the prospects of a good meal
are part of the warm welcome needed.

2. Prepare yourself: Take 15 minutes to rest so you will be refreshed
when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and
be fresh looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people. Be
a little gay and a little more interesting. His boring day may need a
lift.

3. Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of
the house just before your husband arrives, gathering up school books,
toys, paper, etc. Then run a dust cloth over the tables. Your husband
will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give
you a lift too.

4. Prepare the children: Take a few minutes to wash the children's
hands and faces if they are small, comb their hair, and if necessary,
change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to
see them playing the part.

5. Minimize the noise: At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise
of washer, dryer, dishwasher, or vacuum. Try to encourage the children
to be quiet. Be happy to see him. Greet him with a warm smile and be
glad to see him.

6. Some DON'TS: Don't greet him with problems or complaints. Don't
complain if he's late for dinner. Count this as minor compared with
what he might have gone through that day.

7. Make him comfortable: Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or
suggest he lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready
for him. Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in
a low, soft, soothing and pleasant voice. Allow him to relax and
unwind.

8. Listen to him: You may have a dozen things to tell him, but the
moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first.

9. Make the evening his: Never complain if he does not take you out to
dinner or to other places of entertainment; instead try to understand
his world of strain and pressure and his need to be home and relax.

10. The Goal: Try to make your home a place of peace and order where
your husband can relax.

*********************************************************



Now the updated version for the '2000s woman…



1. Have dinner ready: Make reservations ahead of time. If your day
becomes too hectic just leave him a voice mail message regarding where
you'd like to eat and at what time. This lets him know that your day
has been crappy and gives him an opportunity to change your mood.

2. Prepare yourself: A quick stop at the "LANCOME" counter on your way
home will do wonders for your outlook and will keep you from becoming
irritated every time he belches at the table. (Don't forget to use his
credit card!)

3. Clear away the clutter: Call the housekeeper and let her know
you'll need her for an extra day this week. Tell her that any
miscellaneous items left on the floor by the children can be placed in
the Goodwill box in the garage.

4. Prepare the children: Drop them off at grandma's!

5. Minimize the noise: When he arrives at home remind him that the
washer and garbage disposal are still not working properly and the
noise is driving you crazy (but do this in a nice way and greet him
with a warm smile...this way he might fix it faster).

6. Some DON'TS: Don't greet him with problems and complaints. Let him
speak first, and then your complaints will get more attention and
remain fresh in his mind throughout dinner. Don't complain if he's
late for dinner. Simply remind him that the last one home does the
cooking and the cleanup.

7. Make him comfortable: Remind him where he can find a warm fuzzy
blanket if he's cold. This will show you really care.

8. Listen to him: But don't ever let him get the last word.

9. Make the evening his: a chance to get the washer and garbage
disposal fixed.

10. The Goal: To try to keep things amicable without reminding him
that you make more money than he does.

A few insights from A.Y. Heschel

The last one posted here is a very powerful one

1-Peace

The seventh day is the armistice in man’s cruel struggle for existence ,a truce in all conflicts, personal and social, peace between man and man, man and nature, peace within man; a day on which handling money is considered a desecration, on which man avows his independence of that which is  the world’s worst idol

The seventh day is the exodus from tension, the liberation of man from his own muddiness, the installation of man as a sovereign in the world of time

2-Always

I takes 3 things to attain a sense of
significant being:

God

A Soul

And a Moment

And the three are always here


3-Defiance of Despair

A religious man
is a person who holds G-d and man
in one thought at one time,
at all times,
who suffers in himself harms done to others,
whose greatest passion is compassion,
whose greatest strength is love
and defiance of despair.

4-Our Task

God is hiding in the world.
Our task is to let the divine emerge from our deeds

5-Belonging to Israel

Belonging to Israel is in itself a spiritual act.
It is utterly inconvenient to be a Jew (yechida feels we should not feel this way)
The very survival of our people is a Kiddush Hashem
We live in a state of peril
Our very existence is a refusal to surrender to normalcy, to security and comfort
Experts in assimilation, the Jews could have disappeared even before the names of modern nations are known

6-WE ARE A HARP

We have arrived at the beginning; the night often looked interminable.
Amalek was Fuhrer, and Haman prevailed.
For centuries we would tear our garments whenever we came into sight of your ruins.
In 1945 our souls were ruins, and our garments were tatters.
There was nothing to tear.
In Aushwitz, and  Dachau, in Bergen-Belsen and Treblinka,
They prayed at the end of Atonement day,
“Next year in Jerusalem”
The next day they were asphyxiated in gas chambers.
Those of us who were not asphyxiated continued to cling to You
“Though He slay me, yet I will trust Him”(Iyov 13-15)
We come to you, Jerusalem, to build your ruins, to mend your souls and to seek comfort for God and men.
We, a people of orphans, have entered the walls to greet the widow, Jerusalem, and the widow is a bride again.(not quite, almost a kallah but not yet, but may it be soon, says yechida)
She has taken hold of us,and we find ourselves again at the feet of the prophets.
We are the Harp
And David is playing

Rav Kook

I love him

He speaks to me

about this subject and about many important things,

that my soul needed to know

and needed to be taught in a gentle,kind way

by a soul who knows and feels my own


The Plague Will Not Enter Your Tent by Rav Kook

You can profoundly rectify your misspent sexuality by sanctifying your will and illuminating it clearly, until the light of holiness will stream through even your strongest physical drive. That drive is rooted in holiness that is incredibly strong, because it contains the expression of life: the sexual drive. The light of holiness will stream within it to such a degree that its holy aspect will rule your life and direct its action and expression. Then sexuality's secular aspect, and certainly its unclean aspect, will be totally nullified before its holy aspect. Then, in truth, the plague will not enter your tent; you shall be righteous and guarded from stumbling.
Orot Hakodesh III, p. 298

Intimacy 2

Manis Friedman continues the theme of respecting borders,
A husband and wife as close as they may be,
The best possible and most intimate marriage there is,
Reality is that both of them have a right and need for that Curtain,
“Yes, you can come into my life, for better or for worse,
Till death do us part,
But don’t peek where I don’t want to be seen.
Don’t look at what I am not comfortable exposing about myself,
And don’t expect from me what I don’t want to give,
And we do not need to know everything.

Because the need to know may not come from a good place,
Maybe we are insecure,
Maybe we are so bored with ourselves that we feel we need to borrow,
From somebody else’s life,
Maybe it’s the drive for control and power,
A voyeur ,or a unethical private detective,
Gets a sense of power when he can see,
What we don’t want him to see.

And some people just get a thrill of tearing other people’s masks off.

This happens often

You are not helping your wife by tearing down that curtain,
You tear that down,
You tear down the marriage at the same time.

Don’t worry that she isn’t letting her true emotions show

Leave that to the therapist.

No one is perfect

Everyone has something that they are ashamed of

Let them be.

If there is something your husband or wife does not want you to notice, you don’t look

I know my spouse is not perfect, but I don’t notice anything wrong, I’m not a martyr, I’m not putting up with anything, I’m not long suffering

I like what he or she is.

When I read this I realized something

Dovid Hamelech did not understand any upside to insanity until that behavior actually saved his life.

Here too, even though we may be sharp, on the ball , observant. ”with it” noticing everything like Mr Sherlock Holmes, there are times that it is important to act like the opposite

Deaf and Dumb.

Wife burns the supper and mysteriously your taste buds go dead.

“Delicious, delicious”

And then he brings up the concept of the Chidushai HaRim regarding Yom Kippur

Remember?

Do not dwell on the sins and do not spend the holiest day of the year in the mud,

Rather think Who is Hashem, how great He is, How good He is to you, How could you have forgotten Him, How could I forget why He made me?

Same with marriage

You can focus on the mud and dirt (every human being has some of this) or you look at what is good and build on making that better.

Some wives complain that their husband is not romantic enough.

But if the husband becomes more romantic, the wife will send him to the psychiatrist.

She mixes up romance with intimacy

It’s two different things.

As long as the husband is sensitive to his wife’s needs and the wife to the husband then they are on the right track

No need for roses on pillows all the time.

A while ago I was in the hospital for a few days recovering from a surgery from  serious ankle surgery

There was this tough serious 55 year old guy that came to visit his wife there who had either gall bladder or appendix surgery, I don’t remember what he told me.

The doctors said that she needed to walk around so he walked with her around the halls with the metal pole with the IV bag hanging from it.

I observed through the door (my bed was to the door and the door was always open to the hall) how these two walked and talked, and talked and walked, him making sure she does not get dizzy and fall, and pacing himself to her slow steps.

And this was a hospital

Not a fancy resteraunt

Not a beautiful 5 star hotel in Florida or LA,

A dreary hospital

There were 1000 places they would have rather taken their walk then in a hospital with metal poles and IV bags

It was clear they were enjoying each other’s company

I was very moved by this

They were married for over 30 year,s and physically they may have looked so as well, but it was clear as day that their marriage was very young and fresh.

This gift does not fall from the sky.

It is attainable, even if currently things may be stale, it can awaken again

Everything is in Hashem’s hands

But there are things that Hashem wants you to work for.

This Yid heard Hashem tell him, your wife will feel better, and I know that botanical gardens on a May Spring day is much nicer than this, and your own bedroom is nicer than this, but for now enjoy her in these hospital halls, with the metal pole and with the IV bag. I have a surprise for you. You may actually enjoy this.

And that is exactly what this Yid did.