This raises such mixed emotions,

Oy, ad matai Tatte?!

Dear brothers and sisters

Look for your good points,

especially after a shattering fall

you find that good nekudah in yourself

(maybe you saved a starfish)

and build on it

and you will see the loss is not so great.

The Loss Is Not So Great
Edgar Guest

It is better as it is: I have failed but I can sleep;
Though the pit I now am in is very dark and deep
I can walk to-morrow's streets and can meet to-morrow's men
Unashamed to face their gaze as I go to work again.

I have lost the hope I had; in the dust are all my dreams,
But my loss is not so great or so dreadful as it seems;
I made my fight and though I failed I need not slink away
For I do not have to fear what another man may say.

They may call me over-bold, they may say that I was frail;
They may tell I dared too much and was doomed at last to fail;
They may talk my battle o'er and discuss it as they choose,
But I did no brother wrong--I'm the only one to lose.

It is better as it is: I have kept my self-respect.
I can walk to-morrow's streets meeting all men head erect.
No man can charge his loss to a pledge I did not keep;
I have no shame to regret: I have failed, but I can sleep.

Cheshvon-the great special so called “bitter” and “bland” month that has nothing yet everything

Us-the great special bland “nothing” that has everything

Dear friends,

I had brought in a previous post  insights from a lubavitcher woman named Nechama Greisman zl who gave shiurim who was niftar in 1992 at the young age of 39.

Another precious gem from  this special Yid who visited us for 39 years.

Here is one that relates to anyone who does not feel that they have anything special within them.

I think many of us who struggle with a strong yetzer horah, and lose a lot of bitter battles feel this way very strongly.

Like Cheshvon-the month of anti-climax compared to the giant Tishrei of the recent past.

Back to the ordinary, mundane and boring life  

Even the month of Av has Tu Bav. Tisha Baav will become a Yom Tov. So will 17 Tammuz.

Cheshvon has no visible holiday.

Because it is precisely the return the  mundane world,to infuse it with holiness-this is the uniqueness of this month.

Uncovering  the holiness of this seemingly “bland” month.

To bring out the best in ourselves through our own hard work, transforming “mar”(bitterness) into “massok”(sweetness)  

Nechama Greisman zl then tells us this story.

Consider the case of Hendel Lieberman, for example. Reb Hendel was a well known chossid , who tragically lost his entire family, his wife and 5 children. Here he was ,having lost everything, left alone and in mourning!!

He couldn’t imagine how he could continue

For a long period of time, he was very very gloomy and no one was able to cheer him up.
What could you say to such a person-get married again? Have another family again? He was not 18 anymore. It was very depressing.

The Rebbe wrote him a long letter and spoke to him about what had happened.The Rebbe mentioned that through art and painting ,a person could find what he was seeking.

Now Reb Hendel had never drawn or painted in his life. What could the Rebbe possibly mean? However,he thought, if the Rebbe says something he must know what he is talking about. He was well into middle age when he tried his luck at painting. SURPRISE!! He discovered he had a great gift for painting. With the passage of time he became a great artist. In his later years, it must have been in his 70’s,he was still giving exhibitions. His paintings have depth and now hang in many homes. He had a unique style. He often painted scenes of Russia,of Chassidim ,of life in the shtetl.

After he discovered his artistic talent he became a very cheerful person

He never remarried, he never had another family.

He lived alone in his home on President Street, corner of Kingston, but he became a warm and welcoming host for many guests. His house was never empty, he was never alone. That’s why so many people called him Fetter Hendel, Uncle Hendel, even though he had no relatives, because that was the person he was.He was warm,he was alive.He was transformed into a different person altogether.

This is one example of a person who had potential and talents which he didn’t know about.

But when he discovered them,he became a different person.

If the Rebbe  had not pointed him in the direction of art, you would never even think that this could become a new direction in life

The same is true with all of us

We have hidden talents.and vast spiritual resources waiting to be tapped.

Do you hear this, our dear precious rough diamond??

We have hidden talents and vast spirititual resources waiting to be tapped.

It does not need to be music or art or dancing or acting or designing

It could be a myriad of things-endless great things.

And I wish to point out something

Reb Hendel was depressed and gloomy

Did the Rebbe say “Hey cheer up, Gam zu leTovah!!?

Did he say “Cheer up, learn Tanya and all is well?”

Or “Daven harder?”

Or “say more tehillim”?

Or “look at the bright side-many have it worse than you?”

Or ”Cheer up, you will see your dear wife and children when Moshiach comes?”

He may have said some of the positive in the above in the long letter. I don’t know.

But the main healing and opening up and rebirth of sunlight in this Yid’s heart was that hidden talent buried deep within, that came forth.

In his case, painting, art.

This hidden talent opened the neshoma-not the conventional method of learning and davening

The painting will open the heart for the learning and davening.

But he needed that painting-that art that was within him.

Every Yid has a special hidden talent

A special inner expression that needs to come forth.

It is that “average” or so called phony term of a “below average” person

“talent” does not have to mean something that people right away say “WOW!!AMAZING” to.

It is something that is unique to essence of a person that is there as a gift for himself or herself

And to those around them

Why does Hashem want us to see the goodness within another Yid

Just to be patronizing?

Just to be a nice guy and not a creep?

No.

Hashem wants you too see it because it is really and truly there.

Look at what greatness I put into your friend.

See Me when you see him-or her

And tell them about it too

Because it’s the truth

So we plead with Hashem.

Please Hashem, within all my defects, my sins, my warts, my hurts, my huge mess,  lies a specialness that you put in me. Why did you create me? Because you say I have value. Otherwise I would not be here on this world.

because I do not see any value, any specialness within me----- I yearn to leave this world

because what do you expect me to do?

I’m telling you Hashem there is nothing good in me.

Nothing.

Emptiness.

Only sick stuff that I don’t have the energy to fight anymore.

I’m the month of Cheshvon

Nothing There.

We cry bitter tears, the diamond is a hoax, a course stone.

And then suddenly a glimmer of hope, a sparkle ,a gleam, a speck of light,

That talent coming out of hibernation-I am here. I was always here.

Waiting for you to see me.

My child I’ve always loved you.

From that love that warm light will spread

Like a flower that slowely opens

Like an orphan that  starts smiling for the first time

A smile that brings light and warmth to the world,

Because once the neshomah starts opening up,

We are on the path of true simcha.

So please Hashem,I do not have a Rebbe to tell me what I have within me that needs to awaken within me..

I’m clueless.

I’m alone

I need Your help.

I cannot do this alone.

Have a wonderful Shabbos my friends,

May we all feel a special closeness to Hashem,

And may He open our inner holy eye to allow us to see this that He loves-the inner essence of each and every one of His children.

yechida does it again.
and just in case you don't know, yechida, you have a Major Talent in writing!
KUTGW!!!!!!
and have an AWESOME Shabbos!

I have respected and admired  Rav Twersky for a long time, ever since I read his book “Let Us Make Man”

He brings a mashal in that book

A man is in an asylum

A visitor asks approaches him

“Why have you been committed?”

“Because I like pancakes”

The visitor is puzzled

“What is wrong with that? I like pancakes too”

The patient’s eyes light up

“You like pancakes. You must come to my house. In my room I have piles and piles and heaps and heaps of towers of pancakes”

I do not remember the context of the “nimshal” because many years ago I lent this book  to someone who loved it and enjoyed it so much that I told him he can keep it as a present. so what I am writing next may not be what the book says.

(Guard, please find out if that book is still in print. I have not seen it in a long time)

But you can look at physical pleasures as these pancakes.

It is very normal to like them

Even to like them very much.

But when it becomes so important to you that you cannot live without it, like an obsession, then you are like this patient who stores these pancakes in towers up to the roof instead of just eating it once in a while for breakfast
 
But what really sealed the deal with my great respect for Rav Twersky was when I saw that he likes “Peanuts”

He may also likes Peanuts the food too

But I mean Shultz’s Peanuts.

with the wonderful Charlie Brown

Because there is a lot about life in there.

(Similar in a way that Chorlottes Web has a lot about life in there too)

I had taken out of the library a volume of the Complete Peanuts (1973-1974)

And I admit that this is not one of the deep influencing ones

(the deep ones have the visual comic playing an important role so it’s hard to describe in writing)

Snoopy is on top of his little dog cottage there typing up a story he is writing.

And it goes like this

“Do you love me” she asked

“Of course” he said

“Do you REALLY love me” she asked

“Of course” he said.

Do you REALLY REALLY love me?” she asked

“No,” he said

“Do you love me”

“Of course” he said

So she asked no more

And then a  little later it continues


“Our love will last forever,” he said

‘Oh .yes, yes. yes!” she cried

“Forever being a relative term” he said

She hit him with a ski pole.

I read once that the word “intimacy”
Means “profoundly interior”
“inter” is “within”
“within-est” or “most within”

Not self-absorption, but the
Contact of the depth of ones own soul,
Because intimacy begins at home,
Within oneself

One cannot find intimacy with another,
Unless you are not alienated or divided within yourself,
And being a friend to yourself is not a metaphor,
Not some sentimental idea,
Because this is the fundamental recognition of soul

We may feel lonely,
Because we have no friends,
But we are really lonely
Because we have no relationship with ourselves

We are afraid of this intimacy,
Putting in a lot of effort to avoid it,
Scared to connect with our neshamah,
Scared to talk to Hashem

Because it takes courage to open up your soul,
To express itself, to receive another,
To invite Hashem within,
To let Him talk to you from the inside

I’ve read this,
and it’s true,
the stretching of the soul,
is like the painful opening of the body at birth.

It is so painful,
We will often attempt to avoid it,
Even though such an opening,
Is full with pleasure and reward

Consider this passage, from a letter,
By Ralph Waldo Emerson,
Written September 30 1842,
Experiencing a soulful conversation.

“Hawthorn and I set forth on a walk,
Our walk had no incidents,
It needed none,
For we were both in excellent spirits,
Had much conversation,
For we were both old collectors,
Who never had the opportunity before,
To show each other our cabinets”

Friend and Friend,
Chosson and Kallah,
Husband and Wife,
Rebbi and Talmid,
Father and Son
Mother and Daughter
Take a nice walk,
let  the cabinets open,
the one’s where all the good stuff are stored in.

because of a prior rejection,
of a cruel word said,
of scorn thrown your way ,
of one that told you,
there is nothing there,
only the ugly I see,
what’s in those cabinets
is nothing -because the nothing is what you are
so those cabinets were locked
sealed and soundproof,
will never risk opening it again.

But Hashem tells you to trust yourself
I made that cabinet,
I like what is there.
It’s there to share,
It’s there to shine forth,
True some will reject you,
But to tell you a secret,
My favorite Dovid,
Was thought of as a crackpot,
For singing these beautiful songs to Me
That  were never sung before,
How glad was I,
When he opened that cabinet,
For all to  know and feel and see.

So you may say to Me,
Hashem,
I never perceived you as a Jokester
Are you kidding me?
Well that was Dovid Hamelech,
Malchus,
Moshiach,
4th Regel of the Merkava,
That was a great cabinet in there.
You know I’m not on the same planet,
Screwed up nut that I am,
It’s plain out and downright embarrassing.
Simple not worth Your time and Your attention

But Hashem tells us,
And we all know this is true,
Never mind.
Dovid’s Tehillim was for you,
I created him,
I created you,
He is needed,
You are needed,
And I put that cabinet in there,
Don’t make light of it,
Because I certainly don’t,
So you think you have nothing to give,
That I created you for nothing,
I make no mistakes,


Your neshamah is part of Me,
So sin can take that away,
I see you doing Teshuva,
Fighting every minute,
What more can I ask for,
True you still need to fix and correct,
But what is in that cabinet is Good.
I put it there.
Infinite Warranty on the stuff in there.
What’s in there will always be Whole,
Never broken,
And you must share it,
because it is not yours excusively
You must share it with all those I love
Mi K’Amcho  Yisroel

The neshama of this YECHIDA is so, so, deep.

A wellspring of humble gadlus from

one of Hashem's most special and quietest soldiers.

We are truly blessed to be

on the receiving end of yechidas

This piece of Divrei Yisroel (First Modzitzer Rebbe) I saw several years  ago

It pays to learn this sefer

The language is relatively easy and it gives tremendous chizzuk especially to people who struggle with parnassah, who have to deal with the physical world and yet yearn for spirituality

It says the 4 kings went to war against the 5 kings

Rashi says the 4 were small but stronger, but Avrohom still defended and helped the 5 

The 4 kings represent the body (Air, Water, Fire, Earth)

The five kings represent the soul (Nefesh, Ruach, Neshomah ,Chayah ,Yechida)

The 4 kings are inherently stronger

But do not despair.

Hashem is with Avraham on the side of the 5 kings

And they will win at the end

the neshama is eternal and pure in its essence

yechida wrote on 27 Oct 2009 13:13:


All right, mystery solved!  Now we know where your forum name comes from!

dear kedusha,

I am embarrassed to say this

but personally have not lived up to the name

but it's something we yearn to reach

to reach a place that no sin can touch

pure,untainted

a place where all of Klall Yisroel is One

the Noam Elimelech calles this level "Kol Yisroel"

sincerely

yechida

(who is honored just to borrow the name,knowing that it does not intrinsically belong to him)

yechida wrote on 27 Oct 2009 14:33:


Nothing wrong with using a name that you aspire to live up to, which is what I'm doing too!

Rabbi Arush’s sefer “Bisdei Yaar” has been translated into English, and is called”In Forest Fields”

From page 31 a review of the Chovas Halvovos on the basics of Emunah

Hashem has compassion on you

Hashem doesn’t ignore your needs, nor does His contant Divine Providence ever neglect you

H is strong and invincible, and no one can stop Him from fulfilling your request

He knows all your needs, even those you are not aware of

His Divine Providence never leaves you; from your first day on earth through your last day on earth, He is with you

He alone determines your fate, and no one other than Him can help you or hurt you

His generosity and loving-kindness know no bounds ,both for the deserving and for the undeserving.

This is the simplicity of Emunah

You are a creation and the Creator is with you all the time.He listens to you, heeding every word you say. Therefore, a person of emunah must live his emunah, namely he must know he can always turn to Hashem.

EVEN IF ONE IS SO CALLED “RELIGIOUS”,WITHOUT A CONNECTION TO HASHEM,ONE LACKS THE MAIN ELEMENT OF SPIRITUALITY

Talking to Hashem in your own words is a declaration of faith that surpasses all logic, intellectual arguments, proofs and explanations.

When you  speak to Hashem,He is surely with you

will not be on-line tomorrow

Hatzlocha Rabbah my friends 

The Miracle of a Moment by Howard Simon

A week?
A day?
An hour?
Time enough
For excellence
A moment?
Too little!
Too swift!
Too short!
Too brief!
Not so
Not right
Not true
A moment?
It’s enough!

Pregnant with possibilities
A moment
Overflowing with opportunities
A Moment
Saturated with significant
A moment
Rich with reality
A moment
Bursting with beauty
A moment
Loaded with life
A moment
Encoded with eternity
A moment
Maximize every moment

these are 2 beautiful poems by R' Kook

stunning

worth reviewing

and internalizing


TECHIYA - Renewal
Give me, give me
rays of light,
Too much for me, too much
these pits of darkness.

Give me the gift
of purity of thought,
Enough for me, enough
these prisons of confusion.

Gift me, gift me
with the power of desire,
Extend to me
balls of fire.

I'll explode with them
the false towers and structures
And the vanity of vanities
that dwell within.

I proclaim liberation
for my words and my pen
Without keeping
my wine in its barrel.

And without fear
the anxiety of the enslaved
We will announce together
words/matters of unity/uniqueness/unification.

Our words like arrows
will hit their marks,
And to our quarreling brothers and sisters
speak of our wrongdoing.

To raise ourselves beyond the divisions,
for the greatness of the people,
To expand our consciousness
as broad as the ocean.

To shake the dust
from the lands of our exile
That are cleaving
to our sickly hearts.

To understand the principle
that is everything,
The Torah, our destiny,
the power of the Divine.

To be concerned for the soul,
the soul of our people,
Turned over desolate,
in its exile from its home.

To awaken life,
for the renwal of the people
On the earth and in the heavens,
As they are there.

ME'OLAM RACHOK - From A Distant World
And from a distant world, full of illuminations,
The suns there are as broad as the ocean,
And the stars, like the light of our sun,
On the face of the sapphire stone, ...there.

The news reaches me,
Like dew full of overflowing delight,
Guiding me to the hidden Eden,
There...the treasure is stored.

All the faces there are joyful,
Every mouth sings songs of praise,
The highest feelings fill each heart,
And... all legs dance in jubilation.

The past and the future are scrolled into one,
Nothing hidden, everything known,
Every soul full of love for all,
Feelings for the multitudes
And...the light is sown.

All the pasts flow like rivers,
Purity, illumination, strength and light,
Life renewed, freedom and liberation,
Fills ...all our thoughts and activities.

And without teachers, guides, judges or politicians,
Everything is good, everything is clear,
There is no corruption or injustice, everything is with integrity,
And... the night shines like the day.

To a world such as this my soul longs,
In life such as this my spirit soars...







 

Real Shame/Courage

(learned this the hard way, and yes Mom, mother and friend to all of us, I’m a very slow learner but I’m finally beginning to get it)

Parts of this I did not want to write,
And after writing it,
I did not want to post it,
But if it helps one Yid here even a little bit,
Then I know that at least one Yid understood and felt,
Something that is one of the hardest things to handle
In this life.

Dear brothers and sisters,

In the honor of our beloved Mother,
Mameh Rochel,
On this day of remembering her,
Died young, Lives forever,
The 11th day of Cheshvon,
The modest one, 
That would give up the deepest part of herself,
Because she loved her sister,
Whom most of her beauty was hidden within,
Hidden behind the tears in the eyes
Not allowing her to be put to Shame.

It is very true,
This that is sung in a favorite tune of mine,
By Avraham Fried,
That “Bayshonim” is one of the Simanim,
Of the “Umah, Umah, Umah Ha’Kedosha”

Yet this “Busha”, this shame, has to have within it,
A certain pronounced streak of boldness,
Of  what we call “Azus”,
So that the Busha does not cause us,
To hide from Hashem,
When He wants us close to Him.

So a person sins, and feels deep and great shame,
A great virtue and zchus to feel this,
For when the Possuk says ,
“So that there should be fear on their faces so that they should not sin”,
Chazal says that this “fear” means “shame”,
Because this shame tells you,
How could you continue this path,
Do you not see that harm being done,
To Hashem ,and to that pure soul He gave you.

But this shame,
the true beauty of K’llal Yisroel,
Can turn ugly,
Can be used as a weapon against you,
Shame on you!! Shame on you!! Shame on you!!
How can you daven, you filth,
How can you talk to your Pure Creator, you piece of dirt

And that sense of shame is so strong,
So powerful,
That you do not have the strength to open your mouth,
You cannot say a word,
Cringing inside,
Hiding from Him,
I cannot talk to Him,
Not in my sick deprived state,
He will be furious at me,
Flinging my heartbroken apologies back into me,
With stinging rejection,
Hurling my neshomah into despair,
The only yearning,
To dig a grave
Climb into it,
And bury, bury yourself into oblivion.
You cannot talk to Hashem,
You hide, you hide, you hide,
The Shame so Fierce, so Terrible,
Better dead than to feel that Agony even for a second longer.

So you cannot say “I’m sorry”,
You cannot ask forgiveness,
Because of that Shame that fills you,
and encompasses you,
It shuts you down completely
The sense of loss you feel,
Is that of both plane engines failing, shutting down,
High above the vast great Atlantic Ocean

But this is not what Hashem wants,
He does not want you to feel this much Shame,
To the point of no return,
Cutting off the communication from Him,
Never ever would He want you to do this

That extra deadly dose of shame
That closes the mouth from talking to Hashem,
is the ploy of the biggest drug dealer in the world,
the yetzer horah,
who gives you Death,
the drug overdose of Shame,
that has your pure heart stop,
and your neshomah wither.

Oh how we cry hard,
And feel devastated
when we hear of a good neshomah,
Whose life is cut short,
By a drug overdose,
But this is what we are doing to ourselves

That is where you need brazenness,
The most modest and bashful and pure and holy wife
Hugs her beloved husband fiercely,
In the most powerful and heartfelt embrace,
I love you so much,
I am not letting go,
Like it or not,
Shame or no Shame,
I am talking to you, my Creator, my Beloved,
And telling him how sorry I am,
For the way I have been.

This is the yetzer horah’s biggest shtick,
Your’e so screwed up,
Now, such chutzpah, you daven Mincha?,
The voice in your hear snickering,
Mr Pornography, Du Zugts Ashrei??
Miss Slut , Mrs Filth singing to herself “V’taheir L’ebainu L’Avdecha Be’Emes”?
So you shut your “filthy” mouth,
Or mumble,
Embarrassed to stand before the One who knows all,
To stand before Him in Shemonah Esrei,
What’s the use?
He has turned away in disgust of me.

Never mind,
Never mind,
Be Brazen,
Be Strong,
Inner Wondrous Chutzpah of a Yid
I will not get depressed,
My heart will not fall within me,
Because You will never turn away from me,
Listening with Love and Compassion to my every word.

Never mind,
Never mind,
Never mind what I did an hour ago,
A minute ago,
I am an Oved Hashem this second,
Please forgive me and help me,
I want to be your beloved son, your precious daughter,
A true Yid,
You will be proud of me.

This brazenness is actually true Shame,
Because this “chutzpah” comes from a pure place,
I am hugging You and not letting go,
Wipe away my sins,
Why?
I am embarrassed by them,
I do not want to do this anymore.

So when that song is sung again by Avrohom,
“Simanei Yisroel Uma,Uma,Uma Ha’Kedosha”
Keeping mind that brazen beautiful Shame that is Courage,
The Courage to talk to Hashem,
No matter how bad you feel inside.

Your’e face will turn deep red or deathly white,
But you will not back down,
You talk to Hashem
Keep talking and talking and talking,
Rivers and Oceans of endless Words,
Pouring out from your infinite Soul,
The intensity of it,
And the Courage of it,
Filling Him with Pride.

Mi K’Amcha Yisroel.

That is what He is whispering to you

Personally.

Mi K’Amcha Yisroel