actually the mashal of the painting I have heard several times over the years from various sources.(as well as over 90% of the things I say-may it go to the zchus of who I heard it from even if I don't recall the name)

But the experience of voice in you trying to derail you actually happened in me personally.I cannot go into that now but I will at a later time because it's very important to discuss-that a person deal with this choshech in the right way-that the belief in this concept has to be so strong that no matter how filthy a person feels inside he or she must be 100% clear that this will be transformed and will be channeled and you will be better because of it.If you just understand the concept in the brain but you don't apply it to yourself then your'e in for a big free fall straight down to Hell.This happened to me when I was 18.And I will talk about it soon but not now.

If it didn't happen to me personally I would have no right to write the things
that I wrote.It wouldn't ring true if I'm making an intellectual sermon.You can only talk about this stuff if you personally experienced it inside you.

Dear brothers and sisters,

The Bal Shem Tov says that the 42 locations that Klall Yisroel went through in the Midbar correspond to 42 stages that a Yid must go through in life.

There were places that we stayed for a long time,places we stayed for a short time.places of bitterness,places of sweetness,places of strife,places of peace,places where we sinned and places that we were as One,and were elevated to a great level.

Every location we had to go was with Hashgacha Pratis.It had to be that way.To emphasize this,Moishe Rabbeinu wrote all the travels and locations down.Moishe, the Anov,taught us that we too have to be Anavim,realizing that every place is Hashem's Place.He wanted us to be there at that particular time.

So a Yid,a precious Yid,like my brothers and sisters may say-why wasn't I born in a holy place with tzaddikim are all around me,tzaddikim with sweet pleasant dispositions,wonderful seforim,Shabbos candles like the Menorah in the Bais HaMikdash radiant on the Shulchon,the challos as Lechem Hapanim,the words coming forth to me and around me always are words of kindness and love,healing words that would never ever hurt,never ever cause pain?

But it isn't always like this.It wasn't always so.Why, a Yid asks,why was I at times,not even through my own doing,made to go into places of darkness? harsh places,places where kind words are rare,where it is very difficult to find Yiraas Shomaim in such places?And then I leave the 4 walls of the Bais Midrash,I know that's what Hashem wants,but it's hard.It's hard because I end up in a Manhattan bound train,which especially in July  & August is Hell on Earth.Cabins filled with men that are spiritually empty and women who look and act like prostitutes.I get encouraged by an old Yid learning in the corner so I too stick my head in a sefer,fighting and fighting,sometimes a losing battle,to stay clean and good,to keep my mind and heart pure.I finally get to work at 9 AM-very often subject to nastiness and hearing  4 letter words that are not G-O-O-D??

Why is my neshomah,what is inside me now,full of struggles,a vitual roller coaster that is no fun at all,a nightmare while awake-that this Yid's eyes fill up with tears because he has to go to work the next day.He is not lazy.He likes the work.But the viciousness,the coldness,the emptiness,the politics,the hatred,the resentment,the complex maze that this Yid has to go through is very difficult for him to handle.

But the Bal Shem Tov teaches us that everything is with Hashgacha Pratis.The train,the work,or wherever you are and need to be -is part of the 42 Masaos of life.Not always pleasant.But Hashem gives you pleasant places as well.Here,GUE,is one of those pleasant places.A place where a one Yid gives chizzuk to another Yid,who in turn gives chizzuk to yet another Yid.A fallen Yid is picked up,he doesn't go home to take a shower and rest, but he tries to pick up another Yid that needs help.This place,my friends ,is a Place of Refuge,of Ahavas Yisroel,of fighting the Yetzer Harah together.

And so when Bardichev or Dov or Noorah or Battleworn or anyone here is on one of his or her 42 Masaos in life,we are all rooting for him,we are all rooting for her.Strange it is,not knowing who anyone is and yet at the same time knowing them very very well,even more than people who see you and think they know you.Always davening that all you not known people with very known and special neshomos are doing OK and more than OK.

The Heart of Klall Yisroel is One.

When we realize this-and feel this way for real-Moshiach is here.

It's as simple as that.
 

Yechida, thank you so much for these wonderful words of wisdom. Your chizuk is really powerful, please keep it coming full-speed!

yechida wrote on 15 Jul 2009 20:57:


Heiliga Yechida,

It could very well be that all of us lived at the time of the Bais Hamikdash

But what we accomplished at that time, although very lofty, was not enough to bring Moshiach. But a Yid who rides the trains, and who constantly gets bombarded with Nisyanos like yourself and the heiliga chabura that you mentioned in your post, as well as others in this "community", will bring Moshiach.

Pintela Yid

YECHIDA ONLY HASHEM SEES THE TEAR DROPS ON MY FACE DESK AND KEY BOARD

YOU WENT TO GEHHENOM AND BACK TO BE MECHAZIK A POSHUTER YID LIKE ME

THANK YOU

GEVALDDDD TATTTTE IN HIMMEL BRINNGGG MOSHIACHHH!!

LOOOK AT THE TZADDIKIM HERE WHO CONSIDER THEMSELVES OVREI RITZONO!!!!

TATTE WHERE DO YOU FIND SUCH HELIGER YIDDEN

TATTEE GEVVVALLDDDDD!!!!

HELIGER BARDICHEVER ROOV ZTZ'L SHOW THIS POST TO TH E BOREI KOL OLAMIM!!!!


HUMBLE AND HAPPY
the smallest in this holy chaburah
bardichev

Dear brothers and sisters

With Hashem's help,with the tefilos we say for each other,and with the tools Reb Guard prepares for us here,all of you will pull out from darkness to great light.

For some it will take weeks or months,and for most of us it will be years,but you all will Bezras Hashem recover.we will always have a greater risk of sliding back,and for us it takes much more effort to stay healthy,but we will recover.For the most part,we will be fine.

And after pulling into recovery,looking back,this is the way Hashem wants you to see it.

This Dark Place,you needed to be there,but you won't go back there-ever.But take with you the lessons,the whole painful experience,have compassion for your brother's and sister's that are still there,suffering terribly.And yes,being addicted or being haunted by destructive thoughts and emotions is a very severe suffering,very intense pain.

Hashem says I want you to send to your hurt brothers and sisters a one-way ticket out of there.Only you can do this.because you were there yourself,and you know what it was like.and you know the route out.The pain of it is still in your heart,it will always be there.Why?because I never ever ever want you to forget your brothers and sisters that are still in that Dark Place.

They will come out soon,via the one way ticket you sent them with true ahavah.They will come out worn and battered,bruised and hurt,still haunted,still weak and emotionally spent.So you will help heal them,give them a place to rest their tired neshomah that just came out of a war zone,you cover them with a warm cozy blanket,feed them warm healing words of encouragement that comes from the depths of you heart,holding their hand,don't worry dear friend,it's over,you'll never need to go back there again because I won't let that stuff ever hurt you again.I'll help you.We will all help you.

And this, my dear brothers and sisters,is what Hashem wants us,needs us to do.

BLESSED IS THE DAY THAT YECHIDA JOINED THE GYE FORUM!!!!!

Divorim hayotzim min haliev......

There is a spot deep down inside each of us where all neshamos are ONE!
When someone says or does something from that deep "pnimoyos" it has an effect on the entire nishmas Yisroel

need I say more?

Yechida'leh, I think these AWESOME posts on this thread have touched the very "soul of the Nation" that's how touching they felt

With tremendous respect and fiery love
Noorah

Noorah

Every Yid here I mean every one has great treasures to contribute.Hashem lets me see the good in the Yid and that is what comes out.the giver and the receiver is one,the helper and the helped is one,it's a circle.On the outside it appears that different Yidin are on different levels,But deep inside,the real truth is that every Yid is part of the other.As Rev Tzadok says every Yid is a letter or part of a letter that without it the sefer torah is Passul.

Noorah without your letter,mine is nothing at all.By seeing the light within you,I can be allowed to see some of my own.And I thank you for that.

A letter to the wife of the GYE husband-written by a Yid

Before I start,I reiterate that this letter is written by a Yid-little mr. yechida here.Your husband did not know I would write this and certainly he didn't ask me to.It's important that you keep this in mind as you read this letter

Also,an important disclaimer.every life,every marriage is unique,and some may go through extraordinary situations.so if chas v'sholom one of you is suffering from a serious illness such as cancer or the like,or the illness and death of a child,then parts of this letter will not apply to you,because Hashem placed before you an extraordinary situation that requires a separate unique discussion,and with special sensitivity.so you must know that a letter such as this requires several assumptions,that you and your husband are in general physical good health,and that both of you are or were or is going or will be going through challanges that face our generation.some of these include struggle with parnassah,with chinuch of children of various ages,stress of daily living,or working together on common problems,paying bills,PTA problems,interaction  with parents,in-laws,nosy relatives and neighbors,shul members,the good stress of a simcha of a child born or bar mitzvah or marriage,the hard stress of an aged parent that takes ill and will soon leave this world.Almost every Yid,every couple will go through this,and please keep in mind that it is within this context that I am writing.

Now,let's start.First,an very important general observation.This world is an upside-down world.people's perceptions are way off.good is bad.bad is good.high is low.low is  high.So it's important when you assess a situation,you do not pay attention to what people say.You need to observe it yourself correctly,and then do what Hashem wants you to do.

One time,in my first year of marriage,someone close to me told me a negative aspect about my wife.a true negative aspect.and I did what Hashem wanted me to do.I threw the negative comment in the garbage.because Hashem gave me this neshomoh,my true zivvug,from 40 days before I was born.So either He wants me to ignore the negative or He wants me to look at the good in her and build on it.And even if you say that Hashem wants me to see this true negative trait in her,it is only so that I can help heal her not hurt her.like a doctor who looks at an ugly gaping wound.he is looking at it to find a way to heal it.,he doesn't spit at the wound in disgust or contempt.

remember this: a true thing,looked at the wrong way-is false.

Now,you may ask,why am I talking to you?I wouldn't be able to say why because I would start crying before the words came out.so I write it.because I love you like a brother who loves his one and only sister,yes,you who I do not know,you who I will never see nor want to see on this physical earth(after 120 or when moshiach comes-that's a different story),you whom if comes my way I would cross the street to the other side.I love you because you are a daughter of Hashem,and because you love my dear friend-your husband,whom I haven't seen either.

How do I love so intensely people I don't know and will never see?Spend time on this website.you will learn and you will understand.

So,your husband is here.either because he has within him an unhealthy addiction,or if not an actual addiction,he has within him an intense struggle,a strong pull toward unhealthy thoughts and emotions that he must battle with on a day-to-day or sometimes an hour-to-hour basis.You discover this.either because he finally tells you or you stumbled across it with hashgacha pratis,and he is forced to open up and tell you.then it's natural to feel very painful complex emotions,-anger,hurt,fear,confusion.If you husband is here at GYE, he aready understands that you have every right to feel this way. But what I need to tell you ,is that you need to look into yourself and try to understand that there are parts to these emotions that are in the wrong place.my dear sister,feeling hurt and upset is OK.but you really need to know,I mean really really know,why you feel this way.

How do I know your husband?let me tell you in this parable,this mashal.your husband and I are climbing up this very steep tall mountain.Then this heavy-weight full muscled 300 pound mobster appears suddenly and shoves the both of us violently down the mountain.We are both rolling down at great speed.Then I smash into a big boulder,a large rock.I suffer head trauma as well as several broken ribs.but it stops my fall.your husband,only several inches to my right,misses the boulder,and continues rolling furthur down the hill.He finally stops,much furthur down,suffering more,and now he finds inner strengh within him to get up and start climbing again.

Now my sister,this is what I meant about the world being an upside-down place.on the outside,it would appear that I am greater than your husband.After all,I'm higher up on the mountain.But isn't that absurd?do you not see how ridiculous that thought is?that large rock that stopped my fall did not come because of anthing good I did,did not come because of any special zchus.Hashem for reasons not known to me wanted me to be shoved down and to slam me into this rock.and your husband,also for reasons not known,was just at the path that missed that rock by inches.I'm not making excuses for wrong choices, but it is clear as day that your husband is greater than I and has more inner strengh.I look down the hill at him,fighting and fighting to climb up,and I am humbled.I see a greatness in him that you may not yet see-but you will.  


And the real "holy" man,the ones that you think are great,whom in your anger  and hurt say"that's the one I should have married"-that "holy" man is the one that never experienced that violent shove,never felt the pain of being in a dark place,never had been shattered by a severe fall. Hashem only had him in safe protected places.Take them out of these safe places-and they fold like a cheap camera.

If your husband is here at GYE,then he is in a place that is like a brutally honest mirror.He already looked into himself with brutal honesty,however painful,sees in himself things that he doesn't like,doesn't like at all.He sees what he needs to fix,what he must fix,to become closer to Hashem again ,and yes my beloved sister, to become closer to you again,in a way that it is deeper and closer then it ever was before this began.

Men are men.he may have difficulty telling you this in words,but I know his heart.He loves you very deeply.He knows that Hashem gave you to him from 40 days before he was born.and he knows that he hurt you very much.and if he is here he feels that hurt as intensely as you do.because that's what this great GYE mirror does.To be here,even nameless,requires great courage,honesty,humility,and the determination to fix hurts,to fix what is wrong.

now,my dear sister,in this part,I have to repeat,that it's just a simple Yid,mr little yechida saying this,not your husband,so if what I'm about to say upsets you,then be angry at mr yechida here,not your husband,because he's not saying these words.All I can say is that I love you and I ask you to listen with an open mind.

The hurt you feel should only be when the act of faithlessness occurs.even if he fought with all his might,and was pushed down hard,you have every right to feel that hurt,that stab of pain,when this fall occurs.

But you have no right,no right whatsoever,to blame your husband for the struggle itself,this sexual urge,this very pull to look at attractive women,this need for intimacy.Be upset if he falls,but to be angry at the fact that he is in this struggle in the first place is wrong-very wrong.

So for example.you and your husband have a sheva berochos to go to.men and women separate.no mechitzah.or you are both going to an important appointment,and in these places,in the simcha hall,the train ,the waiting room,there are attractive women there,some dressed in immodest fashion.or your'e both taking a walk together ,and a group of girls appear across the street,one better looking then the other.

you are sharp and observant and as the saying goes you were not born yesterday.you know your husband well.you see him struggle with himself,looking at the floor,or saying tehilim quietly,or staring into a sefer or yated or hamodia or whatever.You feel this bitter anger coming up inside you,not because he is failing his test ,but because he has this struggle within him.Shouldn't I be everything to him?why should his mind and heart go in that direction?

This,my beloved sister is misplaced anger.If he stares at this beautiful woman across the street ,then yes, he has hurt you.But if he doesn't look,he is looking down,or in a sefer,is forcing himself to think of a dvar torah,or he is davening to Hashem to help him with this,or he forces himself to go to meetings which is the last place he wants to be,then you are wrong,even cruel for being angry at him.Complain to the Creator that created him!!!!!!you should be proud,he is fighting,he is a warrior,he's trying so hard for Hashem,he's trying so hard for you,his true zivvug,his dear wife.You should love him for this.not be ashamed of him for this.

If your husband is here,at GYE,he already feels great shame when he falls.as I said before GYE is full of Ahavas Yisroel,but it is also a brutally honest mirror.He is staring at his faults,it hurts terribly,it hurts so much,but he is not looking away.he is trying his hardest ,figuring out how to fix what is wrong.

so,my sister,I'm saying this with ahavah because...It hurts so much to say this,it's good I'm writing ,not talking,because the tears are coming,I don't want to say this but I have to because I love you.your husband's struggles do not give you the excuse not to look into the mirror yourself.A GYE type mirror.you may not have these unhealthy sexual-type urges,but like every human being on this earth,there are things that are wrong with you that you need to fix,you must be brave,you must stare yourself down,you must force yourself to see the ugly in you,and also look at the good and build on that too.There are many things you need to learn about yourself.It will hurt alot.But it's the only way you will heal,and become a better person,a better mother,a better wife.

single young men and women that are here at GYE,could and should read this.especially what I am writing next.I know your parents,your rabbeim,your teachers would have wished that you wouldn't be exposed to these matters just yet.But you have been exposed and you are here, so tough luck.There are alot of things that I would like to tell you if you are willing to listen with a open mind,things that would make your harsh,powerful struggles somewhat easier,to learn and understand why your'e feeling all this complicated stuff that is inside you.

I am a nobody.but in you zchus,because you are here and trying so hard to be good and loyal to Hashem,He allows me to see some little truths that may help and to have the honor to talk to you-but only if you want to.

Now back to my beloved sister.If you and your husband go and ask about issues regarding intimacy to ten rabbonim,you will receive 10 different opinions on the matter.It can be very confusing.and here is the general universal truth.(please keep in mind the disclaimer in the beginning).marriage is like a beautiful vase ,broken in two.It needs glue to become together as One.Too much glue,the vase becomes very ugly.too little glue,the peices do not connect and fall apart from each other.toomuch intimacy ,both of you will lose the main focus in life and things turn ugly.too little,you will be like two ships passing in the night.I've seen couples like this.It's heartbreaking.Children,especially teenagers see this in thier parents and it breaks thier heart too.You both need to talk privately to Hashem,asking him to help you both find a proper balance,a middle point that will make you both happy.You cannot do this yourself.You need Hashem's help.please ask Hashem to help you on this specific matter.He will help you.

My beloved sister,if your good,decent,precious husband opens his heart and expresses interest to be intimate with you,think twice before pushing him away in rejection.If he is here at GYE,then you see clearly it's not just a physical need.he wants to connect with you emotionally on a deep level.he wants to tell you things that he may be afraid to tell you and this is the only way he could.

Your dear husband is crying his heart out,desperately needs to hold you,his true soul mate,and cry on your shoulder.

Open your heart and your arms and allow him to do so.

because this,my beloved sister,is what Hashem wants you,needs you to do.

my dear friends

Please forgive me.I feel everything I write so I'm very overwhelmed right now.I need to stop writing for a few days.I'm sorry.keep up the great work.Hashem loves you with every effort you put in to be loyal to Him.always remember this

Yechida hagadol,

I feel I aught to be standing when I read your posts. How humbled I am. Your precious words are like the purest secrets whispered by malachim into the ears of Hashems beloved children.

How clear it is that your words flow from the deepest recesses of your heart, and anyone reading them, has no choice but to sense the tremendous ahavas Yisrael from which they stem.

Once again, I humbly hang my head, feeling so small surrounded by the kadosh neshamas on this forum. And once again, I thank Hakadosh Baruch Hu for my nisayon; for only through this hidden bracha have I been zoche to mingle with the giants of this generation.

This sister thanks you with all her heart, and begs Hashem to bring the geulah sheleima so ALL YIsrael may feel such Ahavas Chinam as is shared on this most kadosh of sites.

The only thing I can say is this!!

I know my place here,  nevertheless  I don't think that I'm out a line when I say that this magnum opus should get marquee billing in a thread of its own, on top of the Breakfree section not hidden away in  a klien vinkele in bais medrash:)

Speechless

Noorah

I'm with Noorah 100%!

The most beautiful letter I've ever read

WOW!!!!

now I really know I'm a kutan, and mighty proud to be part of such a chabura.

R' Yechida, WOW.

R' Guard, would you be brave enough to put it in the daily email...

You can add a blushing icon to it, if you wish. :-[

geloibt der heiliger bashefer

that sent us two giborei chayil

HEILIGER KUTAN AND HEILIGER YECHIDAH

KEEP ON INSPIRING
b