true happiness if fulfilling one's personal mission in life-to find your true meaning-your true calling


every human being & certainly every Jew has his or her life filled with meaningful purpose


I would recommend very highly for everyone to read & internalize the books written by Victor Frank. Firstly, his book "Man's search for meaning" & for those who wish to delve deeper-his book "The Doctor & the Soul"  

It aligns with Torah & it is a thought provoking & life changing book(s) if one chooses to internalize the ideas written therein

here are some quotes from Viktor Frankl

please read slowly & carefully & give it deep thought

Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom

Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of human freedoms - to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way

Everyone has his own specific vocation or mission in life; everyone must carry out a concrete assignment that demands fulfillment. Therein he cannot be replaced, nor can his life be repeated, thus, everyone's task is unique as his specific opportunity to implement it

Ultimately, man should not ask what the meaning of his life is, but rather he must recognize that it is he who is askedThe more one forgets himself - by giving himself to a cause to serve or another person to love - the more human he is

For the meaning of life differs from man to man, from day to day and from hour to hour. What matters, therefore, is not the meaning of life in general but rather the specific meaning of a person's life at a given moment

Live as if you were living a second time, and as though you had acted wrongly the first time

Man is that being who invented the gas chambers of Auschwitz; however, he is also that being who entered those chambers upright, with  Shema Yisrael on his lips

No one can become fully aware of the very essence of another human being unless he loves him

Faith is trust in ultimate meaningEach man is questioned by life; and he can only answer to life by answering for his own life; to life he can only respond by being responsible

We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread

here is additional material on vikor frankl's logotherapyUnderstanding Logotherapy

Frankl believed that humans are motivated by something called a "will to meaning," which equates to a desire to find meaning in life. He argued that life can have meaning even in the most miserable of circumstances, and that the motivation for living comes from finding that meaning. Taking it a step further, Frankl wrote:

Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances.

This opinion was based on his experiences of suffering, and his attitude of finding meaning through the suffering. In this way, Frankl believed that when we can no longer change a situation, we are forced to change ourselves.

Fundamentals of Logotherapy

"Logos" is the Greek word for meaning, and logotherapy involves helping a patient find personal meaning in life. Frankl provided a brief overview of the theory in "Man's Search for Meaning."

Core Properties

Frankl believed in three core properties on which his theory and therapy were based:

1. Each person has a healthy core.
2. One's primary focus is to enlighten others to their own internal resources and provide them tools to use their inner core.
3. Life offers purpose and meaning but does not promise fulfillment or happiness.

Methods of Finding Meaning

Going a step further, logotherapy proposes that meaning in life can be discovered in three distinct ways:

1. By creating a work or doing a deed.
2. By experiencing something or encountering someone.
3. By the attitude that we take toward unavoidable suffering.

An example that is often given to explain the basic tenets of logotherapy is the story of Frankl meeting with an elderly general practitioner who was struggling to overcome depression after the loss of his wife. Frankl helped the elderly man to see that his purpose had been to spare his wife the pain of losing him first.

Basic Assumptions

Logotherapy consists of six basic assumptions that overlap with the fundamental constructs and ways of seeking meaning listed above:

1. Body, Mind, and Spirit

The human being is an entity that consists of a body (soma), mind (psyche), and spirit (noos). Frankl argued that we have a body and mind, but the spirit is what we are, or our essence. Note that Frankl's theory was not based on religion or theology, but often had parallels to these.

2. Life Has Meaning in All Circumstances

Frankl believed that life has meaning in all circumstances, even the most miserable ones. This means that even when situations seem objectively terrible, there is a higher level of order that involves meaning.

3. Humans Have a Will to Meaning

Logotherapy proposes that humans have a will to meaning, which means that meaning is our primary motivation for living and acting, and allows us to endure pain and suffering. This is viewed as differing from the will to achieve power and pleasure.

4. Freedom to Find Meaning

Frankl argues that in all circumstances, individuals have the freedom to access that will to find meaning. This is based on his experiences of pain and suffering and choosing his attitude in a situation that he could not change.

5. Meaning of the Moment

The fifth assumption argues that for decisions to be meaningful, individuals must respond to the demands of daily life in ways that match the values of society or their own conscience.

6. Individuals Are Unique

Frankl believed that every individual is unique and irreplaceable.

Logotherapy in Practice

Frankl believed that it was possible to turn suffering into achievement and accomplishment. He viewed guilt as an opportunity to change oneself for the better, and life transitions as the chance to take responsible action.

In this way, this psychotherapy was aimed at helping people to make better use of their "spiritual" resources to withstand adversity. In his books, he often used his own personal experiences to explain concepts to the reader.

Three techniques used in logotherapy include dereflection, paradoxical intention, and Socratic dialogue.

1. Dereflection: Dereflection is aimed at helping someone focus away from themselves and toward other people so that they can become whole and spend less time being self-absorbed about a problem or how to reach a goal.
2. Paradoxical intention: Paradoxical intention is a technique that has the patient wish for the thing that is feared most. This was suggested for use in the case of anxiety or phobias, in which humor and ridicule can be used when fear is paralyzing. For example, a person with a fear of looking foolish might be encouraged to try to look foolish on purpose. Paradoxically, the fear would be removed when the intention involved the thing that was feared most.
3. Socratic dialogue: Socratic dialogue would be used in logotherapy as a tool to help a patient through the process of self-discovery through his or her own words. In this way, the therapist would point out patterns of words and help the client to see the meaning in them. This process is believed to help the client realize an answer that is waiting to be discovered.

The Chazal explain that the promiscuity of the daughters of Moav towards  has a hidden agenda-to get the men to acknowledge & serve their idols-that was the condition places by them before actually allowing themselves to have sexual relations with the men of klall yisroel

we see from here what has been transpiring in human sexuality sice the beginning of time. sex being used as an agenda or a manipulative force as a means towards a selfish need which may not always be sexual pleasure-it can be money or control or for many other complex negative purposes.

this is why a married couple need to work on themselves to do everything possible to remove any hidden agendas or manipulations in their sex lives but instead to foster love,trust & healthy vulnerability & to treat each other with kindness & respect.\
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just as sex can be used for manipulated purposes, the denial of sex & the rejection can also be used to hurt & cause pain or to be used as a tool to get something else. It is certainly ok for a couple to decide not to have sex because of illness or stress or other normal reasons as long as these reasons are expressed & explained & have no hidden agendas-but sometimes denying sex is used as a form of inflicting pain or forcing the other party to give in to another different demand in their relationship  

This is why that together with actual sexual intimacy between a couple, there also needs to be inner work for the both of them to remove from their hearts & minds using sex (or denial of it) as a tool or weapon & instead use it for what it was meant to be used for-to foster love & trust & respect & healthy communication  & to grow closer together-not just physically-but emotionally & spiritually as well

Parshas Balak-Dvar Torah

wishing all of you a wonderful week!!

https://guardyoureyes.com/media/kunena/attachments/2149/balak-5779.pdf

Parshas Pinchus-Dvar Torah

Wishing all of you a wonderful week!!

https://guardyoureyes.com/media/kunena/attachments/2149/pinchas-5779.pdf

These 3 weeks,

outwardly painful

inwardly-full of hope & light

17 Tammuz-17= Tov-because good is hidden within it-Aharon's words will ring true-it's a Chag-it will become a True Chag

Parshas Pinchos-filled with pride in our great nation as be list our noble lineage,filled with blessing of peace, of Hashem defending our honor against Midian, the love of Eretz Yisroel & the abundance light of every Yom Tov including Shabbos & Rosh Chodesh!!!

These 3 weeks-commencing with such a light , a  Parsha of Light-illuminating our path so that we can transform these 3 weeks into 3 weeks of light & joy-the joy of being with Hashem , of returning to Him, our minds & hearts with burning love towards Eretz Yisroel like the pure burning hearts of the Daughters of Tzelofchod, our yearning toward the Beis Hamikdosh where will again arrive to on Pesach, Shevuous & Sukkos!! 

we can tap into the inner purity & holiness & potential joy of these 3 weeks even when our hearts still mourn in our exile. because within the olive there is pure oil,within the darkness there is great light

Baseless Hate -transformed into True Love that is boundless for every member of our nation-That is where we start. 

Dvar Toraj Matos -Masaei

wishing you all a great week

https://guardyoureyes.com/media/kunena/attachments/2149/matos-masai-5779.pdf

the parsha of nedarim teaches of the power & gift of words. even as we aren't on the level to risk making oaths & vows, we all have the gift & responsibility of using our words wisely

Rav Pam used to say that so much of marriage problems originate not from the specific challenge or challenges that a husband & wife have to deal with-but rather its the way one conducts oneself with the other & the way the husband & wife talk & communicate verbally with one another.Where a hurtful word or words snowball & makes a normal life stress situation into a crisis of major proportion

same with personal prayer with God, with communicating with siblings & co-workers,with the way one speaks on shabbos , the way one comforts the mourner & speaks to a sick or worried person.

pray to God to give us the wisdom to use our words wisely-to build, to heal , to bring light & compassion to our people & to the world 

Dvar Torah Devorim

wishing you all a wonderful week!!

https://guardyoureyes.com/media/kunena/attachments/2149/devorim-5779.pdf

Dvar Torah -Veeschanan

wishing you all a wonderful week & a great Shabbos!!!

https://guardyoureyes.com/media/kunena/attachments/2149/veschanan-5779.pdf

Eikev-Dvar Torah

wishing you all a wonderful day!!

https://guardyoureyes.com/media/kunena/attachments/2149/eikev-5779.pdf

Reah-Dvar Torah

have a wonderful week!!

https://guardyoureyes.com/media/kunena/attachments/2149/reah-5779.pdf

As we approach Ellul & the High Holy days, we need to remember that though the concept of Hashem as King is emphasized & that is very important in developing faith & awe & deep appreciation to our Creator-we must also not forget what is written in this week's parsha-that we are His children.

He is our Father in the most ultimate & perfect sense of the word

we are his sons & daughters-& we can always relate to Hashem in that way

This is true whether in our physical lives our fathers are not perfect or even dysfunctional -when it comes to Hashem-there is no dysfunction-the relationship-both ways -& we can be enriched & feel safe & loved by connecting always to our Loving Father

Dvar Torah Parshas Shoftim

wishing you all a wonderful & meaningful week

https://guardyoureyes.com/media/kunena/attachments/2149/shoftim-5779.pdf

Elul, with all its seriousness, is also a time of love & closeness & the hope of renewal.

it's not a time for depression or sadness over mistakes of the past

true, self -introspection & regret of the past is part of teshuva

however, that is only one aspect-& even that aspect is not meant to demoralize-its meant to motivate a person to renew himself or herself with joy & excitment

changing for the better-it does take work-its not always easy-but its not meant to be depressing or anxiety -ridden.

it's meant to fill a person with hope & trust in Hashem that He will receive us with Open Arms & with Infinite Kindness