Paying Bills a mundane chore
With great opportunity for growth
As I place the envelope in the mailbox
Or view the direct bank withdrawal
I thank Hashem for the service for which I paid
And His giving me the blessing
Of being able to pay it

Same goes with a paycheck
Whether an actual check into the bank
Or a direct deposit
It’s an opportunity to thank Hashem
For giving you
This financial support

We work hard
So it’s easy to feel
How we earned it ourselves
Certainly there is halachic basis
To consider what we work for as ours
But on a deeper MRI way of looking at it
It’s all God
It’s He who gives us the energy of our efforts
As well as its gifts

Many people
Who have a connection with God
Close the door on Him
When they enter the bedroom
Especially when planning
To engage in intimacy

At the door of the bedroom
They will tell God:
“Thank you for being there for me
Watching me & protecting me
Please continue to do so
But right now I have some
Private business to tend to
So see you in the morning”!!

Somehow
It’s often perceived wrongly
That consciousness & awareness of God
Deceases the joy & pleasure of life

We wrongly think
That it is only while enjoying the spiritual delights
Of a good davening
Or learning a Blatt Gemorah
Or doing mitzvos
That create joy while thinking of Hashem

So we often feel that it’s a “drag”
To feel God’s presence
When trying to enjoy a piece of cake
Or chulent on Shabbos
Or when embracing one’s wife

In truth
God’s wants us to fuse
Physicality with spirituality
To bind to Him
With both body & soul
And to know Him
In every aspect of life

Sex is not something outside of His Reality
He created it, and He wants his creations
Of flesh & blood
To enjoy it in the right way
For the right reasons
To thank Him for it

So don’t kick Him out of your bedroom
For you really need Him there
For the true & full enjoyment
Of both your physical & spiritual self
That was given to you
By the same One God

Fragmentation
With Klall Yisroel
Creates the collected national illness
Illness of separateness
& alienation, breeding
Anger & mistrust
That poisons the holy water
Its devastating effect
Reaches the highest places
So as to project
The tragic words
Of the prophets
That the wisdom of the wise
Have been lost
The blind leading the blind
So as to teach us
That we have no one to rely on
Other than God’s Himself

yechida wrote on 19 Aug 2012 02:39:


Disclaimer: Yechidah probably agrees with the following, and I agree with the piece above 100%! This is just a caveat to the beautiful piece he wrote above:

Oh yes! Of course, Yechida's words are not only exclusive for the addict, but for all married people.

And speaking as a married frum man who has had many years of experience lusting my brains out and sexually acting out, and some years of experience being sober...I want to say that any lust addict who thinks that he is actually bringing G-d into the bedroom even though he is still acting out his lust when he is out of the bedroom - is just lying to himself (again). We are all really good at that.

I want to say that doesn't matter if he really, really feels the sincerity, cries during or after the sex, feels holy and pure before during or after it...his holy feelings are most likely all shtus. This takes a lot of uncomfortable humility to accept. For the next day he will right back at chasing (or obsessing about fighting) the sweet porn or masturbation again.

Nothing has really changed.

And until something really changes, nothing really changes.

Feelings, shmeelings, kedusha, shmedusha....a married guy first needs to be clean for a few months. That is not a long time! Life is long...do you expect to live for only 90 days - or for 60-70 more years? Which is it? Do you want to die with 50-60 years clean time - or with only the good-old, '23 days again'? A few months clean is a short, short time in your real life. That's just the sad truth, for some. I wish for the reader to only then start looking for sincerity, love, kedusha, brocha and all the other beautiful things Hashem has hidden for you both in His gift to us marrieds' called 'sex in the bedroom'.

Is that party-pooping? I hope it is. For real life is a wonderful journey, not a party. It's not even a farbrengen.

well put,dov

one has to be honest with himself

it has to be real

I barely read the forum and I havent written in quite some time, but yesterday I read Yechida's post and it really struck me, something to strive for, etc... And of course along comes Dov to once again rain on my parade and bring me back to this worls, sigh...

But that one line of Dov's is pure Gadlus.

And until something really changes, nothing really changes

It's not my line, Me3. I learned it from hearing a (frum) recovering wife of a (frum) addict speak to a crowd of about two hundred recovering sexaholics and their spouses last year. She repeated that line about five times (it got quite annoying by about the fourth time, as do most things wives say ).

But thanks. And thanks to Yechidah for all of us.

It is not even her line either!

It is a line that is know to many 'Friends of Bill'.


"Nothing changes if nothing changes..."

Just as there is good & bad speech
So it is with silence

There can be the harsh cruel manifestation of silence
The “silent” treatment, the “cold “ shoulder
The menace behind the non-verbal
Creating tension , ill-will and hurt feelings
When silence is used
As a powerful deadly weapon
Such as the silence of solitary confinement
Or as a prisoner
“deleting” the essence of his soul
That has within the power of speech
The vindictive stripping of his humanity

Yet there is a silence that is beautiful
Healing wounds, connecting people
With each other and with themselves
A silence of overflowing empathetic listening
Of love & peace of mind
Being One with the Universe
When silence sooths & calms
Beyond what any words can
When love between husband & wife
Is so deeply felt
That it cannot be conveyed or contained in words
So as to look in each other’s eyes
Transcends any possible spoken word

This is the Art of Silence
Externally mute
Inwardly exploring the depths of the soul
Beyond distant mountains & beyond
The depths of the seas
Angel who taught us
In our mother’s womb
Sparks within us
A deeply beautiful wisdom
That we carry within ourselves
All our lives

Down Time”
Often a term that parallels “wasted time”
But need not be the case

Work & the mental occupation
Of productivity & effort
Are very healthy endeavors
Yet there are times space is needed
For rest, for walking, for meditating
For simply “being”
Such as gratefulness for God’s kindness
So often one needs time off
From those complex multi-task functions
To get back to the simple innocence
Of a human being living a life
Devoid of the mental & emotional gymnastics
That we often experience

Shabbos often can do this for us
But we often need such calm peace of mind
During course of the week as well

Elul
Meeting the King
Who is now not in his palace
But in the fields
Accessible to all
Open benevolence to all
Shining face to all

Mercy & compassion
Is the underlying theme
Behind this month of introspection
Even with the feeling of Awe
Of the days to come

Nevertheless
There is also this expansive
Being available
The King of Kings
Who allows everyone to meet him
Even when normally
A King is not seen
By a peasant in peasant’s clothing

But now he can see the King
In the fields
In the meadows
In the life of the peasant himself
Who knows that his benevolent King
Is open to talk to him
In this month of Elul
More than ever

We ask God for His protection
From evil men
So that despite their
Ill-used ability of free-will
We still remain safe & sound
For God’s kindness protects us
For all human deviousness
And from all of his warped
And cunning calculations

It’s hidden
Doesn’t mean its not there
When compassion is aroused
It’s revealed for a short moment
Then runs back into hiding
We need those short moments
Flickers of light
From time to time
To give us sharper & deeper awareness
Of what lies behind
That double veil

Mindful words
Are the building blocks
Of connecting soul to soul
As well as the vehicle
To bring into tangible form
The depth that lie within

To strive to be “nothing”
Is subtle arrogance
For then nothingness
Becomes a “badge of honor”
To take vain pride in