Dear Friends,
We cannot do a single thing without Hashem’s help .So we always ask Hashem to help us do what we need to, and then Hashem in his Infinite Goodness allows us to do things that we didn’t expect that we could,
So I realize that anything I could do it’s because Hashem allows me to. So if I see in a sefer a wonderful concept that can help me, and in turn can benefit my dear friends here, then I need Hashem’s help to explain it the right way.
I have seen over the years Hashem deciding to take away certain abilities and gifts from people. Not just naturally, such as some physical ability waning in older age, but even in an unusual way. Wealth, talent ,health ,motion ,memory ,nerves ,thinking process , POOF!!-gone in a second. I’ve seen 2 vibrant people of relatively younger age having strokes and losing a lot of their physical and mental ability, living in constant pain. Us Yidin know that misfortunes like this does not chas veshalom take away any of the intrinsic value of a person at all nor does it remove our respect for him or her who suffers so, not even a drop. But it is still painful to see.
There were certain abilities that I had at one time or another that I do not have now. Nothing to do with age(I am now between 30 and 40,obviously I cannot run like I did at 22 but that’s not what I’m talking about)They were unnatural gifts that Hashem gave me but only for a brief time and then they were gone. This caused me a lot of distress and agony, knowing that I am totally unable to do something that I was able to do at one time. but now I realize that all is in Hashem’s hands. He wanted me to be able to do certain things at certain times so he allowed me those gifts to do so. When the situation passed, Hashem said you don’t need this anymore-so it’s gone He took it away. Hashem tells me don’t complain that you don’t have it now. Thank me that I gave you a great gift when you really needed it even though it was only there for a short while.
So I realize that I am able to write in a certain way that can help .but at the same time I know that I could wake up tomorrow and this writing ability could disappear like it never was. or other abilities Hashem gave me .They could disappear. I sometimes wake up in a panick when I think of any natural ability being taken away. Now I am a little more calmer about it. These gifts do not belong to me in the first place. Hashem gives them to me as a present. Hashem knows what’s best for me. He will give me everything I need at all times.
To start, I must tell you that I never learnt in the Mir Yeshiva. not in Israel, not in the US.Therefore I have never ever met this Yid by the name of R’ Rafael Shmuel Birnbaum ztl. Don’t even know much about him. To be honest, I must have been busy at the time and didn’t read the articles written around the time of his passing on 28 Teves 5768(2008).(interesting, I have a daughter that was born 28 Teves in a different year) .So I really do not know anything about him.
But in shul, where I daven Shabbos morning, there are 2 seforim written by his talmidim
,one on Beraishis,one on Shmos ,called “Bekorai Shemo”, taken from taped lectures of mussar. Unbelievable stuff. This Yid had a heart of gold, you could see how he loved his talmidim endlessly, how he talks to them, tries to help them, his dear talmidim .and more than anything else, he understood their struggles and dilemmas in their search of serving Hashem.
Again, I have no personal connection to the Mir Yeshiva, though I feel connected to all Yidin. So this is not a sales pitch. But truth is truth .I find truth in the Tanya ,in the Bais Avrohom, in the Chiddushai HaRim, in the Chofetz Chaim, in Breslov ,in Slonim,in Lubavitch ,in Satmar, in Kelm, in Navardok ,in Slobodka, in Telz ,in Radomsk ,in Bobov ,in Blushev ,in Ger ,in the Litvishe world, Chasidishe World, and yes TrYing, ,in the Sefardic world. Listened to a Amnon Yizchok, to a Raymond Bayde, to a Yigal Haimov, learned many of the works of the Ben Ish Chai and love to learn the teshuvos of R Ovadia Yosef, although as a Askenazi, our family doesn’t follow a lot of his rulings, but I learned a world from him. His sefer on Pirkei Avos ”Anaf Eitz Avos” is superb I went to a Litvishe school that had all types, have some Chasidishe ancestors and relatives.
Basically I fit nowhere and everywhere at the same time.
I try to find truth wherever it is ,in the biggest tzaddik to the simple Yid that runs the grocery store. truth is truth. it may look a little different in different places and in different souls but it leads to the same holy place.
Reb Yaakov Emden & Reb Yonason Eibeshutz had a great and tremendous machlokes when they were alive. They were both great men, But after they died, Rav Noson Adler, the rebbe of the Chasam Sofer, placed both their seforim side by side on the shelf, and he said ”Now, in the world of truth, they love each other, and they are getting along just fine.”
True Tzaddikim, who fought tooth and nail in this world, are learning together in the World of Truth. It’s a mystery why tzaddikim have to fight in this world. This mystery goes all the way back to Yosef and his brothers.
Yechida is strange. Who else would read the Divrei Yoel of the Satmar Rav ztl-the most Anti-Zionist position, and then study the works of Rav Avrohom Kook ztl,and the torah of Meir Kahane-the most Pro-Zionist position both read and studied with great love and respect. I see the complexity of the issue and understand both sides.And I don’t care much for politics. Go figure.
In any case, I see this concept on Shabbos, I ask my Rav permission to borrow the sefer. permission is granted, so Sunday I pick up the sefer and take it home with me to review.
This concept from precious R’ Shmuel Birmbaum ztl
This is about self acceptance. being happy with ones Tafkid in life, even a life of terrible inner struggles and conflicts ,that we all know about personally and too well. the indispensability of all Yidin, even a Yid that has this insane war within him or her. Hashem must have this Yid around. That one of the main reasons he is here. He or she is here and is needed not despite this hell within but because of it. This can be proven from the words of the Tomar Devorah and others (but that is a separate discussion-with Hashem’s help, a later posting)
There is a possuk as follows. Moishe Rabbeinu was telling the Yidin about this Yid Bezalal. This Yid will make the Mishkan and it’s Kailim, The Aron, The Shulchom ect.. ”Reu Karah Beshem Bezalel ben Uri ben Chur” (Shmos 35-30)”See,Hashem has proclaimed by name, Bezalel, son or Uri, son of Chur, of the tribe of Yehuda”
This Torah has a lot of depth , ins and outs, so here is the basic idea .Rashi says that Chur is the son of Miriam who was killed by the incident of the Golden Calf. The Daas Zekainim explains that when Hashem told Moishe to make the Mishkan, Moishe thought he was going to make everything. Every single thing. So Hashem tells Moishe nothing doing. This Yid Chur got killed by the Golden Calf, I want his grandson Bezalel to make the Mishkan to atone for the murder of Chur.
Reb Shmuel ztl proves that this reason of the Daas Zekainim about Chur was not the real true reason that Bezalel built the Mishkan. That was just to calm down the Bnei Yisroel who were complaining who is this Bezalel guy who is doing everything? So they received this Chur reason that they accepted.
The real reason Bezalel built the Mishkan was no reason at all.
He was created for this purpose .
period.
That was his Tafkid.
Moishe Rabbeinu originally thought he would build everything. Why ?Because being an Anov doesn’t mean he didn’t know what time it is(that is also a separate discussion, not for now).He knew he was the most wise and holy person alive, the only one that ever spoke to Hashem face to face, the only one that went to the heavens and learned Torah from the mouth of Hashem. Hashem even showed Moishe the form and design of all of the Mishkan and its vessels, only the Menorah was hard for him to comprehend.
So Moishe very much wanted to build everything related to the Mishkan. No Bezalel.
Now, Moishe wanted this not for selfish reasons, to gain mitzvos for himself, or reward, that wasn’t it at all. Moishe thought that through his building of the Mishkan it would be made in the best possible way, with the purest intentions,for Hashem. for Kllal Yisroel, for the very essence of what the Mishkan represented.
Nothing doing Moishe Rabbeinu.I don’t want you to do this
I want Bezalel to do this.
Moishe couldn’t figure it out. Why Bezalel? Moishe knew he was moiser nefesh ,gave over his life for Kllal Yisroel more than anyone in the world, more than Bezalel.
But Hashem tells Moishe “See I call Bezalel by name “This is why he was created. He has to do this. Why? Because.
Rav Shmuel Birnbaum ztl tells us a few amazing stories. Here is one of them
One of the talmidim of Reb Boruch Ber ztl came to Rav Moishe Feinstein ztl with a very complicated question in halacha, presumably a life and death issue. Rav Moishe gave an answer immediately, within 10 seconds of the question.
The talmid of Reb Boruch Ber ztl started screaming, is this how you answer a life and death question, just like that, in 10 seconds, how do you have the brazenness and wide heart to accept such a responsibility, to answer so hastely such a profound question?I remember my Rebbi Rav Boruch Ber ztl would never answer such a question unless he reviewed it again and again and again,for hours and hors and hours, until all the sugyos were perfectly clear. Only then he would answer hours later, weeks later,and you Reb Moishe answers immediately, in 10 seconds?
Reb Moishe answers calmly. not angrily.
This ability to answer life and death questions in 10 seconds was not the Tafkid of Reb Boruch Ber. But it is my Tafkid. It is not the Tafkid, the “segulah” he calls it, of Reb Boruch Ber. That was not his thing. That wasn’t his calling. That wasn’t what Hashem wanted from him. So the great Reb Boruch Ber couldn’t do it. The genius Reb Boruch Ber couldn’t do it, because it wasn’t what he was created to do. But it was Reb Moishe’s job –so he was able to do it.
Rav Shmuel Birmbaum explains the story further.
The talmid who had asked this question of Reb Moishe had a great point. Rav Boruch Ber was a greater “lamdan” then Rav Moishe was. Nevertheless, he was unable to answer the deep life and death questions with such speed and accuracy. So Rav Moishe understood this talmid,and explained to him that if you are to tell me that Rav Boruch Ber was a greater “lamdan” than I –you are 100% right. I agree with you. But one like myself ,a person whose Tafkid and Essence is dealing with these questions & halachos,a person like that can answer such questions even more accurate than the greatest “lamdan”.A “lamdan” mind cannot do this.But Reb Moishe was created to do so. that’s why Hashem gave him such a mind.
He talks about Reb Elchonon Wasserman ztl as well. Too long to write here. But basically there were greater minds then his in the era he lived. he admitted this, not with anavah, but in pure truth. Yet he became greater than them, his yeshiva more successful. Why?because this what Reb Elchonon was supposed to be.
Yes, Reb Elchonon worked on himself, so did Bezalel, so did Reb Moishe. still, this is what their Tafkid was.
And so it is with all of us.
We are no Bezalel, no Reb Elchonon, no Reb Moishe so who are we kidding.
But it doesn’t make a difference. in “levels” we cannot be compared to these great ones, we do not come to their toe nails. but in this aspect we are the same. We are just as indispensable as Yidin as they are, and the Hashem created them as great men because we little folk need people like that to help us. Hashem told Moishe I only made you great because I love Kllal Yisroel. If Kllal Yisroel goes down, so do you.
We have our special Tafkid, a “segulah”, something each one of us individually has ,that no one else has. I sense this “segulah”, this specialness in many of you, though I cannot exactly put my finger on it .But you can find it in yourself, you must. It’s there. Lust or no Lust, Addict or no Addict, Depression or no Depression, Anger or no Anger, Despair or no Despair-it doesn’t make a difference how bad things may be now. This “segulah”, this specialness in you is there, tap into it because that is your Tafkid, your contribution to the world, to your fellow Yid.
Your “segulah” ,this specialness may be in the very darkness you find yourself in. Like I said there is a Tomer Devorah and a lot of Chazals that explain the truth of this statement I just made. with Hashem’s help I hope to explain that better and clearer ,how it is the very struggle itself, that darkness, that terror in the black of the darkest night, that brings forth the light, the true specialness that is in each and every one of us. And that is the Tafkid we have.
So let me ask you my courageous brothers and my resilient sisters,
When I see your neshomos here, soar up high upwards, up to the our Merciful Father, is this despite the darkness ,pain, and turmoil you are in ,or is it because of it?
The answer may surprise you. It sure took me by surprise. to realize many of my greatests gifts in life came from Mr YH making my life a living hell .so go figure.
