yechida wrote on 12 Oct 2011 16:41:


At the same time, if we obsess about even the most special things we can abuse them too.

Have a wonderful Yom Tov and enjoy Hashem's shade.

you can kill a beautiful plant by drowning it in water,and you can kill a plant by starving it from water.

either method is an abuse of the plant

and we all need that inner wisdom from Hashem to help us know how to take care of that beautiful plant with the loving balance that it needs

that is why long term you cannot withold water from the plant out of the fear that you may drown it

that is why we all need hadracha in these matters by people wiser than ourselves

on Succos,we ask for a certain degree of withholding of water so we can observe the mitzvah in the ideal manner

but not indefinitely

for we ask that after that, rain should flow abundantly.with proper measure.but in healthy abundance

you cant withhold the water from the plant

just like you can't stop wearing tefillin

it's not optional

and it takes humility to recognize this

May Hashem protect all the plants of Klall Yisroel

May all of them thrive and healthy and well

That is what all of us hope for

yechida wrote on 12 Oct 2011 18:52:

Agreed. My only point was that if we start obsessing over the watering of the plant we could end up abusing ourselves.

The past of Klal Yisroel
Not only is not forgotten
Its past is truly present
For just as God is eternal
So are His children

Our forefather
Avraham, Yitzcok, Yaakov
Are not just great figures
Of an age gone by

They are here now
Living with us
Eternal
In the present moment
Bringing forth their unique light
From deep within us
Upon the World

The world around us
Are giving personal messages
To each and every one of us
Every single moment

The table we eat upon
Is telling us
To remember to appreciate
And recognize Whom it is
Putting forth the nourishing food
For us to enjoy

The bed is telling us
Remember the One
Who gives us
To rest our bodies upon
To renew and invigorate
The strength of the soul
To bond with love and purity
In that sacred union
Resembling greatly
The supernal union above

The shoes we wear
Are telling us
Give thanks to the one
Who gives our feet protection
And to guide them
In going in the right direction
Spreading light and joy to the world
As we travel through life

The holy books on our shelves
Are talking to us
With a love of all souls
A bond of unity
Connecting generation to generation
Our ancestors beckoning to us
For us to be their students
Imparting their gift of wisdom
As a gift to us
That will remain with us forever

Everything we see and hear
Whatever we experience
Is calling to us
As a message from our Creator
To even the “smallest” and most “insignificant” in us
Letting us know
That we are special
Unique in His eyes
 

We Jews
Minority in numbers
Yet the essence of true life
Lies deep within us
Via our connection to God
Channeling that energy
Within the world around you

Healthy Body
Can only be so
When it listens
To the voice of the soul
Whom the body encloths

It’s when both body and soul
Are in sync with their true reality
Clear, knowing, kindness overflowing,
At peace with each other
Fulfilling the sublime purpose
For which both body and soul
Were put on this earth
To be friends
Toward the One unified purpose
Bringing Godliness
Unto the world

Ocean Waves
Crashing across the shore
Raised high
Yearning for the heavens
To see the King
Only to recede again
Knowing
That their Master wills them
To stay within the border
Of their existence

So too
The soul soars upwards
Yearning to see its source
Only to be forcefully contained
Within the body
Where the soul’s great purpose
Is actualized

This yearning can be very painful
Yet exhilarating
Knowing our sublime purpose down below
Connected to Above
As a candle’s soft flame
Flickering upwards
Restless, yet serene
Trusting
That the flame of the candle
Is meant to be here
Sharing its healing warm light
With the World
Giving comfort
To those in darkness
Showing them the light
That will banish the pain
Forever

Aish article on empathy

can very much apply to spouse as well

Rare and precious is the friend who experiences your pain like his or her own.

by Emuna Braverman


Is empathy crucial to friendship? Can you have at true relationship with someone who doesn’t fully enter into your joys and your sorrows?

This was the question around our Shabbos table a few weeks ago – with mixed response. While the consensus was that every relationship is different and each friend connects with you in a unique way and provides something that isn’t available elsewhere, most people felt that a friendship that lacked empathy was missing a component.

We use the term “thought-provoking” cavalierly but this question actually made me think. Am I empathic? Are my friends? Does it matter to me?

The third question was the easiest to answer. Yes it does matter. And empathy is not as easy as you think; we don’t experience or express it as frequently as we would like.

Rare and precious is the friend who experiences your pain like his or her own, who holds your hand at the hospital and sheds tears at your side. If you are lucky enough to have a friend like that, cherish them. Hold on tightly and don’t let go. It’s a tremendous gift, not to be taken for granted.

What kind of friend are we? Do we behave the way we’re expecting them to?Everyone is busy; their own life is much more real to them. And before we feel frustrated or annoyed, before we rush to condemn, we need to do a little introspection. What kind of friend are we? Do we behave the way we’re expecting them to?

It’s not only during times of pain and challenge that we want empathy. Our joy is much less intense if it is not shared. We want true empathy for the happy moments as well. We want a friend who never “burns out” on our joy, never treats our special moments cavalierly or imagines that because something good occurred last week, this week’s good is less significant.

But frequently it’s treated as such. Let’s say you have a “bunch” of children. Was there more excitement for the first child? Were they much less enthusiastic about #4? What many of us fail to appreciate is that, for that parent, #4 is just as exciting and precious as #1, that none of the children are taken for granted and that all are equally appreciated.

That rare and empathic friend gets this and enters into your joy with fully and genuine enthusiasm. This is just as rare, if not more so, than the one who is able to experience your pain. And this is just as necessary.

This also applies in many areas. Your third child getting accepted to the college of his choice is no less of a relief and pleasure for his parents than when the first one did. The same goes for jobs, marriages, grandchildren – it’s a never-ending list and the bar is high.

It’s hard work being a truly empathic friend. Perhaps that’s why they’re so uncommon.

But this is really where true empathy resides; in the ability to treat each celebration like it’s the first. We’re lucky if we have one friend that does that for us (two is off the charts!). And we’re even luckier if we can be that friend who does it for someone else.

very very powerful short poem

Wordless
by Andy James Turner

If you can listen
Without using words
True love, attained
Will softly be heard

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        .

That was pretty funny

The Wisdom of the Butterfly
by Andy James Turner

A butterfly said to thee
Once I was lost, yet
Now I’m set free.

a poem I saw on line

Inner spark 

       
  I hide inside my little shell,
My heart and soul went through this hell,
Yet my heart kept my flame alight,
Darkness could not win this fight.

I stayed in darkness for days,
I did not deserve the light rays,
With darkness my light inside did fade,
Yet still a spark there remained.

Kindness, love, hope did break the spell,
And darkness did not feel so well,
As my inner light once more did glow,
Darkness found it had to go.

Aish Aricle about "Love"


Many believe love is a sensation that magically generates when Mr. or Ms. Right appears. No wonder so many people are single.

by Gila Manolson


A few years ago, I spoke to a group of high-schoolers about the Jewish idea of love.

"Someone define love," I said.

No response.

"Doesn't anyone want to try?" I asked.

Still no response.

"Tell you what: I'll define it, and you raise your hands if you agree. Okay?"

Nods.

"Okay. Love is that feeling you get when you meet the right person."

Every hand went up. And I thought, Oy.

This is how many people approach a relationship. Consciously or unconsciously, they believe love is a sensation (based on physical and emotional attraction) that magically, spontaneously generates when Mr. or Ms. Right appears. And just as easily, it can spontaneously degenerate when the magic "just isn't there" anymore. You fall in love, and you can fall out of it.

The key word is passivity. Erich Fromm, in his famous treatise "The Art of Loving," noted the sad consequence of this misconception: "There is hardly any activity, any enterprise, which is started with such tremendous hopes and expectations, and yet, which fails so regularly, as love." (That was back in 1956 ― chances are he'd be even more pessimistic today.)

So what is love ― real, lasting love?

Love is the attachment that results from deeply appreciating another's goodness.

Love is the result of appreciating another's goodness.The word "goodness" may surprise you. After all, most love stories don't feature a couple enraptured with each other's ethics. ("I'm captivated by your values!" he told her passionately. "And I've never met a man with such morals!" she cooed.) But in her study of real-life successful marriages (The Good Marriage: How and Why Love Lasts), Judith Wallerstein reports that "the value these couples placed on the partner's moral qualities was an unexpected finding."

To the Jewish mind, it isn't unexpected at all. What we value most in ourselves, we value most in others. God created us to see ourselves as good (hence our need to either rationalize or regret our wrongdoings). So, too, we seek goodness in others. Nice looks, an engaging personality, intelligence, and talent (all of which count for something) may attract you, but goodness is what moves you to love.

Love is a Choice

If love comes from appreciating goodness, it needn't just happen ― you can make it happen. Love is active. You can create it. Just focus on the good in another person (and everyone has some). If you can do this easily, you'll love easily.

I was once at an intimate concert in which the performer, a deeply spiritual person, gazed warmly at his audience and said, "I want you to know, I love you all." I smiled tolerantly and thought, "Sure." Looking back, though, I realize my cynicism was misplaced. This man naturally saw the good in others, and our being there said enough about us that he could love us. Judaism actually idealizes this universal, unconditional love.

Obviously, there's a huge distance from here to the far more profound, personal love developed over the years, especially in marriage. But seeing goodness is the beginning.

By focusing on the good, you can love almost anyone.Susan learned about this foundation of love after becoming engaged to David. When she called her parents to tell them the good news, they were elated. At the end of the conversation, her mother said, "Darling, I want you to know we love you, and we love David."

Susan was a bit dubious. "Mom," she said hesitantly, "I really appreciate your feelings, but, in all honesty, how can you say you love someone you've never met?"

"We're choosing to love him," her mother explained, "because love is a choice."

There's no better wisdom Susan's mother could have imparted to her before marriage. By focusing on the good, you can love almost anyone.

Actions Affect Feelings

Now that you're feeling so warmly toward the entire human race, how can you deepen your love for someone? The way God created us, actions affect our feelings most. For example, if you want to become more compassionate, thinking compassionate thoughts may be a start, but giving tzedaka (charity) will get you there. Likewise, the best way to feel loving is to be loving ― and that means giving.

While most people believe love leads to giving, the truth (as Rabbi Eliyahu Dessler writes in his famous discourse on loving kindness) is exactly the opposite: Giving leads to love.

What is giving? When an enthusiastic handyman happily announces to his non- mechanically inclined wife, "Honey, wait till you see what I got you for your birthday ― a triple-decker toolbox!" that's not giving. Neither is a father's forcing violin lessons on his son because he himself always dreamed of being a virtuoso.

True giving, as Erich Fromm points out, is other-oriented, and requires four elements. The first is care, demonstrating active concern for the recipient's life and growth. The second is responsibility, responding to his or her expressed and unexpressed needs (particularly, in an adult relationship, emotional needs). The third is respect, "the ability to see a person as he [or she] is, to be aware of his [or her] unique individuality," and, consequently, wanting that person to "grow and unfold as he [or she] is." These three components all depend upon the fourth, knowledge. You can care for, respond to, and respect another only as deeply as you know him or her.

Opening Yourself to Others

The effect of genuine, other-oriented giving is profound. It allows you into another person's world and opens you up to perceiving his or her goodness. At the same time, it means investing part of yourself in the other, enabling you to love this person as you love yourself.

The more you give, the more you love.Many years ago, I met a woman whom I found very unpleasant. So I decided to try out the "giving leads to love" theory. One day I invited her for dinner. A few days later I offered to help her with a personal problem. On another occasion I read something she'd written and offered feedback and praise. Today we have a warm relationship. The more you give, the more you love. This is why your parents (who've given you more than you'll ever know) undoubtedly love you more than you love them, and you, in turn, will love your own children more than they'll love you.

Because deep, intimate love emanates from knowledge and giving, it comes not overnight but over time ― which nearly always means after marriage. The intensity many couples feel before marrying is usually great affection boosted by commonality, chemistry, and anticipation. These may be the seeds of love, but they have yet to sprout. On the wedding day, emotions run high, but true love should be at its lowest, because it will hopefully always be growing, as husband and wife give more and more to each other.

A woman I know once explained why she's been happily married for 25 years. "A relationship has its ups and downs," she told me. "The downs can be really low ― and when you're in one, you have three choices: Leave, stay in a loveless marriage, or choose to love your spouse."

Dr. Jill Murray (author of But I Love Him: Protecting Your Daughter from Controlling, Abusive Dating Relationships) writes that if someone mistreats you while professing to love you, remember: "Love is a behavior." A relationship thrives when partners are committed to behaving lovingly through continual, unconditional giving ― not only saying, "I love you," but showing it.