Part of our problem is be don't begin to comprehend the value of even the most simple of us when we do a good deed or not look at something unhealthy or even when we shift our thoughts from the negative to the positive

so that even when we pass a test,avoid looking at something inapropriate,we sometimes think to ourselves.SO WHAT??!!It dont mean much (because I fail more than I pass,because God doesn't care,because I'm a lost case anyhow,etc etc....)

this is the depth of what the crux of sinas chinam really is,it's just that these thoughts are sometimes projected on oneself and sometimes on others ,but the result is devastating regardless

What is he really worth? nothing.What am I worth?nothing.

it's the Meraglim syndrome,we felt like grasshoppers in thier eyes,in our eyes,so what's the big deal when us little grasshoppers feel unworthy of the miracle of having this big giants being mowed down by the bnei yisroel ,but they were mistaken in thier lack of belief in God's percertion of us as being worthy of His Kindness

and so ,it is not arrogance to believe that every Yid has invaluable worth,not just the tzaddik,because in truth the true tzaddik is there for us,not for his own individual spiritual acheivements ,but for our sake-for the sake of the simple imperfect flawed Jew who is trying best to cope in this crazy world we live in.(its really not a crazy world but  a very good one,but our society has wreaked terrible damage to it)

and so Tisha Baav,we undo this grasshopper mentality,God does care about how we behave and act,and takes great delight when we overcome difficulties and do the right thing

Grasshoppers cannot build a Bais Hamikdosh but we can

We start with the section of the Bais Hamikdosh in our heart,building it up,as the rest of Klall Yisroel builds thiers until it is One Unified Structure.

That's why you cant have sinas chinam because you need this other Yid's built piece in order to complete the Binyan 

Yechida, thanks for sharing that, you are
קולע אל המטרה

It requires courage
To serve God
In darkness

Yet when we do
We are given
A powerful gift

The capacity of
Night vision
To see clearly
In the dark
As if it is day

as sad and as painful as this day is,we would not have it any other way

there is an inner sense of connection,we are tied to every Yid that has suffered through the generations

we are one with the soul of the one who saw the Bais hamikosh with thier own eyes,we are one with he who was murdered by the Crusades,we are one with she who was burnt at the stake during the Spanish Inquisition,we are one with all of those in the gas chamber as they breathed their last breath.

All these Yidin that suffered,they are not outside of us,they are within us, and that is both a terrible feeling but also an incredible hopeful one

A Yid never dies

The Yid lives forever.

we will be one again

we will see all the dead,all the murdered,all our dead grandparents and great-grand parents again,all those burnt in the ovens will rise up again and we will greet them, and we will rejoice together

no more anger,no more hatred,no more suffering.

As we live in the depths of galus,we need to have the geulah in our hearts

every time you look away from something evil,every word of prayer,of Torah, is building the Bais Hamikdosh in our hearts

With Achdus,everything can be accomplished much easier

we are one with each other,with all the generations of the past,we are not separate from them,we are one with them.

we did live through the Churban,through the Holocaust,we were born many years later but we were there because our soul has within it the connective soul of all of Klall Yisroel since the beginning of time

and we had the seeds of redemption within us too,we can see Moshiach in our day,God wants to send him here ,but we need to want to greet him together

and so suffering and joy are two sides of the same coin

we will rejoice infinitely because the suffereng has been so deep

Mosiach is born this afternoon,the keruvim embrace,the yom tov of Tisha Baav will be seen and felt by all

This day is a mini Yom Kippur,a day to decide how we will conduct ourselves until Rosh Hashana when God will bestow on all of us a new year of great blessing and healing to Klall Yisroel

Till Chatzos we mourn deeply over the past

After Chatzos,we turn our eye to the future,to hope,to our own personal renewal,and to our ultimate hope-God accepting us with open arms,telling us that all suffering is over,and that its time to rejoice

sons and fathers unite,mother and daughters embrace,brothers and sisters become best freinds,husband and wife become one once again

And it will be the way it was always meant to be








 

Indeed. Come, let's all put on tefillin together and let the light start to shine.

:'(

That was so beautiful...

Sorry I didn't see it before Tisha BeAv (for me it's already motzei).

OTOH, it's never too late.

May we be zocheh to see Nechamas Tziyon and Binyan Yerushalayim speedily in our times.

--EBD

Torah is the Map
Of the world

We study the map deeply
For within it
Lies the secret wisdom
To navigate the soul
Where it needs to be

Unlike the physical map
Where destination is primary
The Torah map
Places great importance
Not only to its final destination
But on the journey itself

The World is Perfect
Despite its disasterous state

How can this be?

Us mortal cannot comprehend
The inner meaning
Of the great suffering
In this world

But in the End of Days
When God’s Master plan
Will be revealed

It will then be known and perceived
How since the beginning of time
The World has been traveling
Towards its ultimate perfection

Rabbi Meir
No one could fathom
The depths of his mind
And yet,
The Mishnah is saturated
With his thoughts
Giving each one of us
The gift of a mind
That seems endless

The ability of the student
Who could “purify” a Sheretz
Comes from beyond our world

Within the confines of halacha
A Sheretz Remains as Tumah
And yet the Chazal say
That the logic of its purification
Is absolute truth

This is so that we can reach
The Source
For within the Oneness of Hashem
Everything is pure

We see this concept
Within the “Merkava”

A lion on this world
Is impure
And yet,its source
Is pure

We see Dovid Hamelech described
As having  “a heart of a lion”
Yehudah is compared to a lion
As well

Even the snake
As Dan is compared to
Has its pure aspect
The very opposite
Of the symbolic snake
Of today’s world

We need to be careful
Steadfast
Within the confines of Halacha
This is why
We don’t defile ourselves
With a Sheretz

And yet the very same Chazal
Who tells us that a Sheretz is Tumah
Also tells us
Of the inner reality
Of the aspects of purity
Within it

Inner Essence
Of “Malchus”
Is peace

This is why Dovid
Was haunted all his life
With strife against him

The forces of evil
Fighting against his “Malchus”
Repudiate true peace

The essence of Dovid
Through Shlomo
When there was peace
In the world

And so too
It will be
When Moshiach Ben Dovid arrives
That will be the true revelation
Of “Malchus”

important aish article for dating singles

How to know you're ready to tie the knot.

by Rabbi Dov Heller, M.A.


When you start thinking that he/she may be the one, make sure you ask these ten questions before you tie the knot.

#1: DO WE CARE ABOUT EACH OTHER AS GOOD FRIENDS DO?

When you’re getting serious about someone, don't ask: “Are we in love?” The question to first ask instead is: “Are we becoming good friends?”

“Being in love” often means infatuation, romance, and high chemistry – things that are essentially selfish. This type of “love” is not a good reason to get married, but friendship is. Friendship is not selfish. Real love is about giving to and caring about another person’s life. As Shaya Ostrov says in his book, The Inner Circle, “I’m watching you, hearing you, paying attention to you. I’ve put it all together and have arrived at the conclusion that you and your life means something to me." That’s why the essence of real love is friendship

In a Jewish wedding ceremony, the bride and groom are given seven blessings. Not once but twice, we bless the couple that they should become “beloved friends.” Make sure you’re friends first and then lovers. A lover who is not your friend can easily hurt you. A friend who is your lover will never hurt you. And if they do, they will make every effort to repair the hurt, just like you do with your best friends. Friends care about each others happiness and well-being.


#2: ARE WE EMOTIONALLY HONEST AND VULNERABLE WITH EACH OTHER?

Two people who cannot be emotionally open with each other can never have true intimacy and love. When we share our feelings with another we connect and feel close to them.

We tend to be afraid to share what we feel because expressing it makes us vulnerable; it’s dangerous. With the person you’re considering marrying you must be sure you feel safe.

How do you know if the two of you are emotionally open and honest? The next time you have a conversation with your partner, ask him or her, “What do you feel about me right now?” or, “How does what I just said make you feel?” If you can communicate like this with each other consistently, you have the potential for building an intimate relationship.

#3: DO WE CONSISTENTLY REACH WIN/WIN RESOLTUIONS TO OUR PROBLEMS?

To get married, you must be sure you have great communication. The reason is that marriage is nothing but problems! I know this doesn’t sound very romantic, but it’s very realistic. Couples often mistake good chemistry for good communication. Just because you can talk for hours on the phone and feel very connected, doesn’t mean you have good communication. The only way you know if you have good communication is when you have problems. When there is a disagreement of any kind, small or large, this is when you find out how good or how bad your communication is. The essence of good communication is that you can consistently reach win-win solutions to your problems and disagreements. This means when you are finished talking, both of you feel good about the solution. There are no bad feelings on either side.

Problems that don’t get fully resolved turn into resentments. And when resentments build, love departs. The problem is not the problem. The communication about the problem is the problem.

#4: DO WE TAKE CARE OF EACH OTHER’S NEEDS?

One of the most important principles of marriage is: If it’s important to you, it’s important to me. Taking care of each other’s needs is about wanting to give each other pleasure. Being a giver is probably the most important character trait to have for getting married. People are naturally takers. It takes a great deal of effort to become a genuine giver. Giving in order to get something back is being a taker. .

An important question to ask yourself is, “Do I enjoy giving to this person or do I find it burdensome?” Gary Chapman in his book, The Five Love Languages, suggests that each of us has a dominant love language or emotional need that makes us feel loved when another “speaks” that language to us. They are: gifts, quality time, acts of service, words of affirmation, and physical touch. What is your partner’s love language? Do you enjoy taking care of this need? Giving builds love. Taking destroys it.

#5: DO WE ADMIRE AND RESPECT EACH OTHER?

We need to respect and admire the person we marry. We respect a person's good character, meaningful aspirations and goals he/she is committed to, and the good deeds he/she has done, not the way he/she looks.

How do you talk to each other? If you truly respect someone, you talk to that person with respect and dignity. Do you criticize or put each other down? Are you patient or impatient with each other? Do you make jokes about the other person in front of others and then try to cover it by saying, “I was only joking?”

One of the biggest ways that couples demonstrate a lack of respect for each other is by playing games. Playing games is immature and childish. Mature people who respect each other don’t play games. They are consistently up front, open, and honest.

#6: FOR THE MAN: ARE YOU READY TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR A WIFE AND FAMILY?

When my three sons told me they wanted to get married, the first question I asked each of them was, “Are you ready to take on the responsibility of taking care of a wife and family?" If you're not ready to be fully responsible, you're not ready to get married. For a man marriage isn’t about getting his needs met. It’s about taking on responsibility and being a giver. Judaism understands that the essence of being a man is to give and provide. Boys are takers. men are givers. Are you ready to be a man?

The strongest need of a woman is to be cherished. The three A’s of cherishing a woman are: Attention, affection, and appreciation. Neglect destroys a woman’s spirit. Making your wife feel loved and cherished is not just a nice idea; it's a Torah obligation.

#7: FOR THE WOMAN: DO YOU BELIEVE IN HIM?

Your man needs your respect and support. He needs you to believe in him. Men today are under so much pressure and so many demands are being made of them. The one place he doesn’t need to feel more pressure is at home. He needs you to believe that he is trying hard to provide for you and the needs of the family. The cruelest thing a wife can do is nag her husband. If he’s a good man and he’s trying hard, give him your love, not your list of demands. So before you commit your life to him, make sure you don’t have any hidden agenda or unexpressed expectations. Be up front. And if you decide to be his wife, then be his friend as well. Don’t turn on him.

#8: DO I TRUST THIS PERSON COMPLETELY?

The emotional foundation of love is trust. Without complete trust, you can’t build love. (I highly recommend Dr.John Gottman’s new book, The Science of Trust.) The essential issue of trust is captured in the question, “Are you there for me?” A solid marriage is built on solid trust. Can I trust that you will provide a safe home for my feelings and needs? Can I be sure I can be vulnerable with you? Am I afraid you will abandon, reject, or shame me?

A key way to build trust is by respecting and validating another person’s feelings. Listening to another person’s feelings is one of the greatest acts of kindness we can perform. If you don’t trust each other with your feelings, think twice about getting married.

#9: DO WE WANT THE SAME THINGS OUT OF LIFE?

One of two things happens in a marriage: People either grow together or grow apart. Spiritual compatibility is one of the best ways to insure you’ll grow together. This means you are on the same page in terms of your values, priorities, and life goals. Rabbi Noah Weinberg, of blessed memory, would often teach that life’s most important question is “What am I living for?” He maintained that until you can answer this question, you have no business getting married. A soul mate is a goal mate. Marriage is risky. Two people who don’t know what they’re living for may have a difficult time growing together and staying together over the long run.

#10: DO I HAVE PEACE OF MIND ABOUT THIS DECISION?

To have peace of mind you have to identify and resolve the things that bother you about getting married or about marrying this person. To identify everything that bothers you, you must be ruthlessly honest with yourself and listen to your feelings. If you don’t have peace of mind about marrying this person, track down the reason. If you are diligent, you'll discover the reason why you are dragging your feet. And if you can’t track it down through your own efforts, see a competent therapist to help you.

thank you Yechida both for that great article and for your beautiful poems
you are providing multi-vitamins for hungry souls

and multi vitamins for myself as well....

The Baal Shem Tov says
There are times when a soul
Comes down to the world
For 70 or 80 years
So as to do one good deed
Towards his fellow man
Spiritually or physically

This does not mean
That one should be complacent
Or to hang up your hat and retire
After your first good deed

But what this lesson shows us
how infinitely valuable
Even one good deed
How precious and pure it is
In the eyes of Hashem

Remember this:

No Yid
Is devoid
Of value

Every Yid
Has infinite potential
Even within
The most humble kind deed

  The most deepest wisdom
And simple truth
Is one of the same
When serving our Creator

We need to pray to God
To give us the wisdom to know
When to give
Of the depths of the soul
And when to give
The most simple parts
Of ourselves