My Dear Friends, special brothers and beloved sisters, (a long one, but a “life saving” one, for me, and for you, that will hopefully heal us and give us a very long and happy life)
I see in all of you parts of myself. Therefore, this hurtful emotion that is buried deep within me is in you too .I see it in me, and in you, this hurtful thing that clings to you, clings to me, and will not let go.
We have to let it go. Hashem wants us to let it go. It’s a terrible weight upon us. We let it go, it shifts off of us, and we soar upward, because we are no longer shackled by this hurtful thing, by this hurtful thing that tears at our hearts ,and drives a sharp knife deep into our soul.
We talked about the Tanya that tells us that tells us that Hashem forgives us immediately and completely and we need to believe it ,internalize it, and not let our past sins burden us and bring us down.
The concept here sounds similar, but if you read and study carefully you will see it goes much deeper, because even if we internalize the idea that Hashem immediately and completely forgives us, our minds and hearts and souls cling to the very essence of the sin of which we already have been forgiven. Even if we believe that Hashem forgave us and erased our sin, our minds refuse to erase this very sin that was already erased by Hashem.
And our minds not erasing the sin that Hashem already wholeheartedly erased for us—that is a very deadly devastating thing. It will destroy us. It is killing us.
Hashem tells us “I made this bad thing disappear—POOF!!—IT’S GONE!!” But no,no,no, our stubbornness, stupidity, twisted thinking, Mr YH doing his great shtick ,tells us ‘IT’S HERE!!”. Hashem says ’IT’S GONE!!”,and we defy Him and tell Him ”YOUR WRONG,IT’S HERE!!”
Hashem is pleading with you, begging you, ”please forget about this. Please. I promise-this thing that you are harping on, this thing that is driving you nuts for years, this thing that tortures you, maims you, hurts you, drags you down, it’s not there anymore, do you understand ME? It’s not here. Not now, not even in the past, not after 120, not when Moshiach comes.”
After 120, you come up, I bring you upstairs, and your’e a nervous wreck, you expect on the BIG IMEX SCREEN showing “MOVIE OF YOUR LIFE” and Hashem gives you a heads up ,He tells you “I already deleted completely all the bad parts .It’s not there. It’s as if it never was.”
But you are in a state of absolute panick ,pure terror, and the“ MOVIE OF YOUR LIFE” is shown in front of a grand audience, in front of all those that knew you, you fear that great deep shame that is about to come but it doesn’t come. You are very very relieved. Not bad .Not bad at all. as a matter of fact, it’s pretty good .Rated G.(even the private intimate parts of your life, channeled properly, used the way Hashem wanted you to use it, is Rated G upstairs. perfectly kosher and exceedingly beautiful)Even won Best Picture. Best Performance, not by an Actor or Actress, but by a wonderful special Yid.
You are very relieved but you are also an honest guy .or girl. So you turn to Mr Malach and tell him, excuse me, but this movie is missing a lot of shameful parts. Don’t get me wrong. I’m happy it’s not being shown, but this is the world of truth here. shouldn’t it be there? these missing files? the director’s cut? the not rated unedited version? and Mr Malach gives you this puzzled look and tells you, listen, we don’t make mistakes, I’m telling you no file is lost, we do not have this here, this what you tell us is missing, what file?we don’t lose anything, and it’s not here.As if it never existed.That deep shame never was and never will be.
And it’s very possible that you are in for a great delightful surprise. These deletions weren’t deletions at all. They are a great Light, that is stored away for you in the World to Come.
Please look at the Chiddushai HaRim on Yom Kippur. The very first torah written there.
I must admit to you that I read it several times and I couldn’t grasp it .I could translate every word but to me it was like a blurry mirror. Then a Yid explains it to me. After that, I look at it again, and the blurry mirror suddenly becomes crystal clear.
Dear brothers and sisters, I know I’m digressing, but this is extremely important to tell you. So I must say this now.
It’s very very important that you study and learn and try to understand the world and yourself through the eyes of the Torah. But part of your learning is listening as well. An “incidental” comment from a fellow Yid can open up your eyes and your heart and see things that you’ve never seen before. I have to tell you the truth. I do not have the time to view all of what you have to say but you have no idea how much I learned from many of the insights that you have said here. In one case, a single phrase caused a powerful thing to come out from inside of me and it is only because of you. Always remember this when you search for the truth .a little comment from another Yid may be the key that opens this great big door inside you .Do not estimate another Yid, specially the one that you think he or she is lower than you, because Hashem will place your precious key, the key that will open up your neshomah ,into this “simple” Yid who is really not “simple” at all. Your listening to him or her is the giving over this precious key that will unlock your neshomah. So you always need to listen to another Yid. And you will be blessed to witness many times the sacred and momentous act of the giving over of this precious key, from one Yid to another. and then you will realize that this Yid was always part of you, and that the key that was in him was in you as well because you and this Yid are one and the same.
The Heart of Kllal Yisroel is One.
The first thing about this amazing piece by the Chidushai HaRim, is the things he is saying to you “between the lines”, not what he is saying openly. He is telling us a life changing concept that will liberate us from tremendous pain and inner turmoil.
Because sometimes you think that Mr YH only deceives you with sheker-with falsehood. But here the Chidushai HaRim tells us that Mr YH sometimes deceives us with truth. Pure 100% truth,1000% truth ,the pure truth of pure Torah, pure words of Chazal Mr YH could even take that and make you nuts with it. Mr YH will try to murder you with the 100% true words of Chazal.This is when Torah becomes “Poison” And we will now give an example of this method that Mt YH brilliantly applies.
In the next paragraph, you will see true Torah. Every Yid must believe in it 100%,and every Yid is obligated to do what is written next. But here is the key. Hashem wants you to use it one way (the way the Chiddushai HaRim describes)and Mr YH, well he wants to torture you with it.
There is a special mitzvah of “Vidui”. the confession of one’s sins. Every Yid is obligated in this mitzvah. So if one morning a Yid commits a particular sin, he is obligated and right away ,to feel regret, and verbalize it, express explicitly and openly ,with a full heart, ”Hashem I am sorry-I did such and such(the details you tell Him briefly)-and I deeply regret it-and I am sorry” There are other factors in teshuva but this is “ Vidui” Being “Mefaret Hachet”-explicitly expressing the detail, yes I stared at that woman across the street for an extra ten seconds and committed the sin of “lo sosuru…”I’m sorry.You say this with full intensity to Him. This is “Vidui”
On Yom Kippur, or a Chosson/Kallah the day of the their wedding, this “Vidui” process goes even deeper. Many many “Al Cheits” are said. Listing in detail all different types of sins, and again, the same obligation applies. One must say each one with a full heart, deeply regret the sin mentioned in each one. This is “ Vidui”- a great mitzvah.
But this is the key, my friends. This is what Hashem is telling you. This is what the Chiddushai HaRim is saying. The “Al Cheit” of Yom Kippur”should be said “bimiherus’-which means “quickly”. Listen very carefully, he didn’t say not to concentrate on what you are saying, chas vesholom. that’s not what he means. you must say it with your full heart, with your whole essence--but you say it quickly..
10 seconds,15 seconds,20 seconds, you say that sin ,you cry, please forgive me Hashem, please,for the sin of immorality,of “Giluy Arayos”---after that, Hashem commands you, literally commands you NEXT!!!move on, move on, move on , Do you think I want you to spend 45 minutes or even 4 minutes on the holiest day of the year in the muck of your sins of immorality ?? NEXT!! move on ,move on ,move on. You are forgiven, I already forgave you with MY Full Heart, NEXT!! You will say this again 20 seconds by schachris twice, 20 seconds by mussaf twice, 20 seconds by mincha twice. I don’t need anymore, I don’t want anymore, You are completely forgiven, put your mind on the positive, both on Yom Kippur itself, and on those days you decide to make your personal Yom Kippur. I want most of the day of Yom Kippur(and your personal Yom Kippur),not to dwell on the filth of you old sins. I do not need to hear from you or for you to remember all the sick details of that movie that wish now you would have never seen. I know you are truly sorry. You told Me.So forget about it and think about “V’simloch Atoh Hashem Levadecho”—That You alone rule us all-kvod malchus shomayim-that is what I want you to focus on.
My dear friends, this is the key. Do not let Mr YH torture you, making you believe that you need to regret, regret, confess, confess, cry, cry, always be sick ,sick ,sick to your stomach over past negative deeds---24/7.
There is a point ,after “selach lonu”, after the 10 seconds of that “Al Chait”,that Hashem tells you enough ,now think positive, think holy, think good ,as a diamond cutter who screws up a special diamond ,he cries ,he screams ,he kicks himself once, twice, three times, then ENOUGH ALREADY!!!, time to work on the next diamond, and the next one ,and the next one, and the next one, and you will do a great job .I am proud of you already
My brothers and sisters, so much potential in you, so much beauty in you, so much love in you ,so much creativity in you, so much inner kindness in you, so much positive power in you .focus on that,Trust Hashem. He said OK, it’s enough, Now it’s time to move on in life .You have so much good in you. so much good in you. Move on with your wonderful life.Put your heart and mind to that which is so good and special about you,fill yourself with that,and then give it over to your brothers and sisters who need these great gifts that only you can give them
Your unique gifts ,the ones I see so so clearly in all of you, no one else can bestow these gifts upon your brothers and sisters.
Only you can do it.
Because there is no one else that Hashem gave these special gifts to.
He gave it only to you.
Because He loves you
:D ;D
