From Reb Shlomo

My Dear friends, Hashem blesses Avrohom Avinu this week, that those who will bless him will be blessed, but those who will curse him will be cursed, then it says that all the families of the world will bless themselves by mentioning his name, so what is not understood is, if there will be any person who curses him how can all the families of the world bless him?  Also the words are interesting, - it should say Umkallelecha Akallel.

To explain we will start with this amazing story… Reb Shlomo Zts”l was supposed to give a concert in Yerushalayim, and a Misnaged decided to get the owner of the hall to lock it up.  So, when they arrived they found it all locked, and in the last minute they arranged another hall for the concert to take place.

Reb Shlomo asked his close friend to find out who arranged to have the Hall locked up and was told its was a Yid in Yerushalyim with a large family but no proper income and is very much in need for some money, so when all the people gathered in the new hall, Reb Shlomo announces first, that as there is a very important case of a large family who need Zedokoh, everyone should if they can participate in this mitzva and someone went round with a bowl, raising a large amount, after the concert Reb Shlomo asked his friend to take all the money over to this family, but shouldn’t mention where it is from, and to this day they may not know who sent it to them.

So we learn from this, that if someone makes us upset, we should think and plan ways to take revenge? No, quite the opposite! We have to understand that’s it’s a sign from heaven that there is something we must to help this person, and make sure to only pay back with good deeds.

This is what the Holy Barditchver says uMkalelchu A’ohr, comes from the word Ohr - Light, Hashem says that I will shine into them they should see how holy you (B’nai Yisrael) are, so therefore all the families of the world will bless themselves to be like Avrohom Ovinu, Bezras Hashem we should merit to see it fast in our days with our own eyes, how all the folks of the world go towards our light, with the coming of Moshiach Omein.

That is an amazing story from R' Shlomo....
A real lesson.
In the end, you know who benefited most from the incident?


Kutan.


just kidding....

R' Shlomo....!

Instead of having to carry around resentment baggage, he turned it into a cool experience!

Intimacy

(every chosson & kallah needs to understand what is written here.this can save marriages,and save lives)

The Yid knows his essence
pure,untouched
no evil is there
only goodness
for that is where
our point of origin is.

Godly spark
that has the capacity
to regenerate diseased tissue
to become healthy once again

and so with addictions,
unhealthy impulses toward immorality and true sadness
it's a twisted version
the carnival's warped mirror
of what in reality is true and good

What many fail to see
is that the sexual drive
of a human being
has its powerful and noble purpose

Sex can heal,
can build,
can gently sooth,
can create a bond,
can be create inner joy,
can transform a person
into someone very special,
can touch us deeply
like nothing else in this world

You can breath the breath of life
into a wife full of inner pain,
if only this gift is given,
purely and solely
to her.

This is precisely why
the world has turned against true intimacy
sex the way it was always meant to be
misusing the gift
warping it
turning it into the destructive monster,
the maniac on the loose
that it has become today.

So that is our task
not to destroy
that precious sexual drive
given to us
as a Gift from God,
not to abuse what has kindly been given to us
by the most Loving Creator

Let us tap into its purity
allowing it to flow
into the realm of the physical
to create a special bond
for whom it was meant for
for our physical wife here on this earth
and for the pure soul residing deep within
and for what she represents
our Shabbos,our Kallah,
our Torah,our Beloved,
to create for her the truest and greatest joy
banishing all pain and sadness from her heart.

Who, may we ask, is the heretofore anonymous author of that lovely selection?
:

the One who put it into my head at 640AM this morning ,after the learning, and before the davening.

Wow!

:o

yechida that is a classic! vintage yechida

thanks

thank you for your kind words

and here is part of a letter that Laizer Brody wrote to someone on this subject

  The Almighty gave us a sexual urge for two good reasons: One, to procreate; and two, to bring happiness to our partner in life. Sex, like nuclear energy or anything else in G-d's universe, is a power that may be used for good or for evil. While some use sex to raise a family and to bring peace and happiness to their marriage, others use it to exploit other people, to make money, and to express their basest of urges. Such humans are spiritually inferior to animals; the vast majority of bird, animal, and insect species use their sexual drive only to reproduce.

The Almighty gave us the Torah to raise us above our basic animal selves. One who observes the Torah achieves a spiritual level beyond that of an angel.....


Now, Myra, people will be calling me a prude. That's OK; PRUDE stands for Proud Respectable Undaunted Dedicated Enemy of ignorance. Blessings always, LB

what I put in BOLD print is what many people forget

many young people make the mistake of overemphasizing the sexual part of thier relationship with thier spouse

while many people over 35 make the equally destructive mistake of underemphasizing the sexual part of thier relationship

people will not talk about this,and yet this is the root cause of many unhappy marriages that do not need to be that way.

a vital aish article

Beauty Industry Vs. Modesty
How the media is destroying our self image and what we can do about it.

by Gila Manolson

Jennifer recently went to a "diva" birthday party. In addition to receiving gift bags containing fashionable hair bands, she and her friends all made their own lip gloss and sparkly body gel.

Jennifer is five years old.

Ever since Adam and Eve forfeited depth for superficiality, society has been obsessed with physicality. This obsession surrounds us – on billboards, in commercials, Internet ads, and popular magazines; and apparently even at kindergarten parties. It's the air we breathe. And we're suffering – especially females. Much more than males, females "self-objectify," evaluating themselves by outward attractiveness rather than inner qualities. And younger and younger girls are requesting not only cosmetics but cosmetic surgery.

Women are likewise displaying more and more to feel good about themselves. As the body dominates our self-image, perfecting it has mushroomed from feminine preoccupation to many young women's mission in life.

The religious Jewish world is not immune. Observant Jewish girls and women may show less skin than others, but bodies are occupying more and more of their consciousness – and tzniut (modesty) less and less. Many are caught in a tug-of-war between the Jewish value of downplaying the body and the secular ideal of flaunting it.


The media is largely to blame.

Related Article: The Non-Jewish World of Disney

MEDIA-INDUCED SKINNINESS

Media is one of the most pervasive influences in the world. In the U.S. alone, advertisers spend more than $250 billion annually. Advertising is our culture – and it's fueling our body obsession. One example is "the incredible shrinking woman."

The "perfect" female featured in ads today looks (and sometimes is) anorexic. The "perfect" female featured in ads today looks (and sometimes is) anorexic. Already in 2000, the typical fashion model was seven inches taller than the average woman but weighed 23% less. So much for an attainable ideal.

Yet this is the standard against which girls and women judge their bodies. In 1999, a study of fifth to twelfth grade girls discovered that while 29% were overweight, 66% wanted to lose weight. And body angst follows us into adulthood.

A Glamour survey found that while only one quarter of women ages 18 to 35 were overweight, three quarters believed they were. Even more shocking, nearly half of all underweight women thought they were fat. Losing 10 to 15 pounds was even more important to them than success in relationships or on the job.

Most females suffer from an extremely warped self-image, which leaves them criticizing their bodies for no reason. And the greater their exposure to the media, the worse they feel.

Perhaps the biggest distorters of our self-perceptions are women's magazines. Among the school students mentioned above, fashion magazine readers were far more influenced by the media's weight ideals and prone to diet. Likewise, college-age women exposed to ads featuring ultra-thin models experienced lower self-esteem, more negative moods, and greater depression than their peers – especially if the viewers were already unhappy with their bodies, as the overwhelming majority of women today are.

Television is no less insidious. The most dramatic example comes from the island of Fiji. Fijians long believed that big was beautiful. Large women were considered attractive, nobody dieted, and "You've gained weight" was a compliment. In 1995, however, television debuted in Fiji. After only three years of viewing American prime-time programs and commercials, 29% of adolescent girls were at high risk of developing an eating disorder, and 15% had made themselves vomit at least once. By 2007, 45% had thrown up in the last month. Today, eating disorders are rampant in Fiji.

MARKETING THE BODY OBSESSION

Advertising doesn't sell only products. It sells images and ideas, feelings and desires, dreams and values. It sells concepts of love, success, and normalcy. In short, it sells us an entire self that needs what it's advertising.

This self is externally defined. Superficial images of beautiful, thin women rewarded with fabulous lives become part of our psyches. We internalize the message that "I am my body, and perfecting and displaying it is the key to happiness." And since this self is empty, we're more likely to purchase products to fill ourselves up.

We're not thin enough, our stomachs aren't fat enough, our lips aren't full enough, our hair isn't lustrous enough. But this isn't all. Advertisers then "market inadequacy": We're not thin enough, our stomachs aren't fat enough, our figures aren't "sculpted" enough (as if women were sculptures!), our lips aren't full enough, our hair isn't lustrous enough, our lashes aren't long enough – in other words, we aren't enough. While males too are vulnerable to media mantras (their "abs" aren't tight enough, their biceps don't bulge enough, etc.), females are particularly susceptible. Puberty feeds a girl's brain with hormones programming her to obsess about her looks, and while this fixation will ebb, her appearance will remain a major concern. In addition, women are highly sensitive to social messages. Advertisers therefore consult psychologists, sociologists, anthropologists, behavioral scientists, etc., on how to encourage female anxiety. And they've been quite successful: Even more than two decades ago, most women were unhappy with their looks, and those deemed "pretty" were just as unhappy as those considered "plain." Female insecurity is alive and well.

Once we're dissatisfied with our all-important looks, advertisers sell us on "the core belief of American culture": Any and every physical part of us can and should be improved and upgraded, even re-created. (Indeed, the women advertising these products are themselves "re-created" to the point where their photos barely resemble their real selves.) And their products will do just that. "True beauty," the cosmetic industry tells us, "comes from within: from within bottles, jars, compacts, and tubes."

The beauty industry needs you always to be "not there yet." That's why fashions change so rapidly – just when you think you're "in," you discover you're "out" and have to go shopping again. The idea is simple: If you're still trying, you're still buying.

Men are equally inundated. Fewer messages tell them what they should be, but they're told in no uncertain terms what – in terms of women – they should want. Many males as well insist they can differentiate between media images and real women, but associations are inescapable. Once a man has been conditioned to view only flawless, fake females as attractive, he's less likely to be drawn to an actual, imperfect one.

Is hair on a woman's leg objectively unattractive? According to Gillette it is. The beauty industry has honed "creating truths" to a fine art. Take this "fact," which virtually no one questions: Hair on a woman's legs is unattractive. An acquaintance enlightened me as to the origins of this notion. "Back in 1915, only men bought razors," she explained. "It occurred to Gillette [producer of razors] that if it could get the other half of the population to shave something, it could greatly boost their income. So it started marketing a new, feminine-styled razor called Milady Decollete to American women, featuring models showing off sleek, shaven legs - and the idea caught on." And Gillette doubled its sales. Today, or course, it's not only American women, and it's not only legs. Around the world, females shave, wax, and lase hair of more and more of their bodies. A growing number of men are doing the same. All this phobic hair removal is an expensive nuisance, and my skin-cancer-conscious dermatologist says it's unhealthy, but we can't imagine not doing it. We're sold – thanks to Gillette.

Living with all this pressure to have the perfect body, it's no wonder American girls' self-esteem plummets when they hit adolescence. To compensate them, we now have the concept of "girl power." However, as media critics have pointed out, "Almost as soon as the phrase was coined, girl power was snapped up by the media and just about everyone else was trying to sell [girls] something. What it sells is an image of being empowered. Once girls buy into that desire and go after that image, they're told that the way to get that power is through makeup, clothes and boyfriends."


The beauty industry urges you to show of your body so you'll obsess about it and spend money on it. Big business wants you to be a perpetual purchaser. So we have to ask ourselves: Who do I want to be? Who should I be?

Related Article: Girl Power?

THE ANTIDOTE

Thankfully, there's an antidote to the media, and virtually everyone attempting to counter their influence is promoting it. Filmmakers documenting the objectification of females in ads, feminists demonstrating outside Miss America competitions, mothers telling their teenage daughters they look more beautiful without all that makeup, therapists helping lost girls find their authentic selves – all advocate a simple yet powerful concept: modesty, in Hebrew, tzniut.

Someone who knows and loves herself needn't go on display to feel valuable. Indeed, in empowering people to reclaim their self-worth, tzniut can spark nothing short of a personal revolution. As one teenager wisely observed, "I think the power of modesty might be stronger than most kids think – I think it can reconstruct someone's entire life."

True, lasting beauty combines outside and inside. Judaism encourages women to be attractive. But true, lasting beauty combines outside and inside. For anyone capable of looking beneath the surface, tzniut reveals a beauty so compelling it can surprise us.

One summer here in Jerusalem, I spoke to a group of nonobservant, college-age women about tzniut. Afterward, one student raised her hand.

"The other night our whole program was taken to a religious wedding," she told me. "We were told to dress modestly, so we did. I took a picture of all of us there. And you know what? It's the strangest thing - we all looked so much more beautiful than usual."

Men appreciate a look that reflects what's within – at least when they're seeking a real relationship. After a young woman I know started dressing modestly, her ex-boyfriend told her she looked better than ever.

But real beauty comes from more than just covering up. In the words of two researchers, there's something genuinely attractive about "being real to yourself and others."

I know a young woman who laughingly describes herself as having the kind of figure popular a few hundred years ago. She'll never be a cover girl, but her self-confidence, sparkle, warmth, and deep sense of self make her extremely attractive. Conversely, many women could be beautiful, but that "inner something" seems buried under too much makeup, desperate dieting, or other fruitless attempts to meet an artificial standard - all stemming from essential insecurity. In pursuing shallow beauty, they forfeit the real thing.

Tzniut gives us our selves and the possibility of genuine happiness. It helps protect us from superficiality and misery. And once understood, it's very hard to knock down. But it also makes us far less profitable – so the media do their best to destroy it. Tzniut is the media's nemesis.

In April 2009, 47-year-old Susan Boyle appeared on the popular TV show Britain's Got Talent. Plump and unmade-up, unfashionably dressed and coifed, she didn't exactly look like star material. When she said her dream was to be a professional singer, the judges looked highly skeptical. The audience looked disbelieving.

Then she opened her mouth - and blew everyone away. This plain-looking, middle-aged woman had a magnificent voice.

Before she'd sung even four bars, everyone was cheering. And when she finished, she received a standing ovation. People couldn't stop applauding.

They'd all written her off. And then they'd been so thrilled to be proven wrong.

Deep down, we all want to get past superficiality. We want realness. "Knowing what is real," someone wrote, "requires that we remember that we are wearing glasses, and [that we] take them off. One of the great moments in life is the moment we recognize we have them on in the first place." Susan Boyle made us realize we were wearing glasses - and when we take them off, the world is so much more beautiful. For just as anyone can have a beautiful voice, everyone can have a beautiful soul.

Tzniut enables us to tune out media messages and tune into what's real.

From Reb Shlomo

Brooklyn, 5745. "SHLOMO ON LOVE" Transcribed by Rivka Haut for Connections Magazine. Listen to me, sweetest friends. Just to talk about loving people, loving G-d, about healing people, you touch the center of the world, the center of life. Because, what is the most G-dlike thing you can do to another human being? How does G-d give us life? Rav Nachman calls it "noam elyon" - high sweetness. There is nothing sweeter in the world than loving somebody. Even in this world, it's sweet. Rav Nachman says that heavenly sweetness is coming down into this world every second, every billionth of a second. It's flowing down. The only thing is, you must have the sense to pick it up.

There are two kinds of love in the world. can you imagine, I am walking down the street, don't feel any love in my heart, not hatred, not love - nothing. Suddenly, I meet a very beautiful friend and I fall in love with her. That means, I needed something to touch me, to bring about that I suddenly have felt love. This is the love after Creation. The Torah says, in Psalms, "olam chesed yebaneh" - G-d created the world with love. That does not mean that there is a world, and G-d loves that world. That is already the love after Creation. It means, G-d had so much love in His heart that He had to create the world.

Let's talk about children. There are two kinds of love you have for children. There is a love of after they are born; they're born, they are your children, and you love them. But, you only created them because you have so much love in your heart. This is like the love of before creation. Imagine, some people just get together without loving each other, and children are born. They are so angry, because they are missing tne most important part - you only create with love, because G-d created the world with love.

Now, I want you to know the deepest depths. Remember, when G-d made a covenant with our father Abraham, Abraham circumcised himself, and on the third day, he was really in pain. The Talmud says that the third day is somewhat dangerous. So, the sun came out very strong, and there were no guests. Abraham sent his servants to find him a guest. How can one live without guests in his house? But, there were no guests. So, three angels came. Abraham was welcoming guests all his life, the kind of guest who really needed to eat and to sleep. The Torah, however, does not record that. The Torah records that he took in three angels, who really didn't need to eat. The Talmud says that they just pretended they were eating. Abraham, after he entered the Covenant with G-d, didn't need a poor man to bring out the love in him, which is the love after Creation. After he entered the Covenant with G-d, he was so G-d-like, he just had to do good, like G-d. He was not in a state where, if you see a person you love them, you see a poor man and want to give him food. He was looking for a poor man. He was looking to love somebody.

The Talmud says that G-d came to heal Avraham; that means that G-d came to give him the secret of healing. Because, if you remember, the Covenant with Noah was only that the world will always exist. Noah was not concerned with how many people will live and how many will die as long as there will always be a world, there will be survivors. The Covenant with Abraham was that some day the world will be fixed, some day the world will be healed, the world will be cured. So, after G-d made the Covenant with Abraham G-d came to give him the secret of healing. The secret of healing is like creating the world There has to be not the kind of love there is after Creation. There has to be the kind of love before Creation. G-d has many names. G-d has the name "Hashem", and the name "Elokim". "In the beginning, Elokim created..." This is basically the name of justice, of sternness. There has to be "Elokim", there has to be order - day is day, night is night, winter is winter; there must be order in the universe. when candle-lighting is 4:20,  there is nothing you can do about it that's when it is. You cannot say, listen, I will be able to feel Shabbos better if I rest now and kindle the lights later. You cannot change when Shabbos is. You cannot say, "I am living by the name of "Hashem", I am infinite." You are not infinite. Don't kid yourself. G-d is infinite. The world is not infinite. You are not infinite. But again, the other side. The finite people are so disgusting, Gevalt, are they disgusting. They are murderers. You can kill somebody. You can say, "This person is a thief - put him in prison. He did this - shoot him." No mercy. The deepest secret of life is that you have to keep both together. There has to be Absolute order, and also the infinite. Both together.

When it comes to educating children, you have to be "Hashem Elokim". You teach them Day is Day, Night is Night. But, on the other hand, if that is all you teach them, you cripple them. You kill G-d's name, "Hashem", inside of them, that infinite name of G-d. You have to teach them both. G-d forbid, if somebody is sick, he is sick. Have you ever heard people whisper that if somebody is sick, he probably deserves it? People have excuses, people give lectures on why the six million had to be killed. Who are these people? They are murderers! They may not kill people, but they have murder in their hearts. What is their problem? They are not connected to G-d's infinite name. Sometimes, we love somebody in a measured love. We want to know how much money her family has, how many degrees she has. This is not love in an infinite way. This is not the love before Creation. Before Creation there was nothing, except for G-d's infinite love. There was nothing else. Only the infinite.

When you want to cure somebody who is sick, you cannot cure a person with the love of after Creation. When somebody is in pain, somebody is crying, and you tell them they are wrong, you think now is the time to educate them? Especially little children. The adults say: "Why are you crying? Your father hit you? He was probably right." Sure, he was right. But, if I talk this way to a child, I can't cure her. I make her sicker. You have to connect them with G-d's name that existed before there was anything in the world. When I want to cure somebody, it has to be on the level of before Creation. There is nothing there - and there is everything. I want to talk about healing with hands. Basically, our hands are finite. How much can you do with your hands? Everything you can do with them is finite. True? No, it isn't true. words are finite. Imagine, I tell a friend I love her very much. So, I told her, with finite words. But, imagine, if, while I tell her, I hold her hand. The hands have the power of giving over something infinite. The Talmud says that G-d created the world with His hands. There are the hands of before Creation. The hands of before Creation don't know of any limits, don't know of anything finite. The hands of before Creation don't do anything wrong, It's impossible. on such a high level, evil doesn't exist. If I love a friend very much, and I find out she is not so good, and I decide I won't see her anymore, the problem is not that she is bad, but that I don't really love her so much. If whatever she did wrong can destroy my love, then my love wasn't so strong! But, if I really love her, and someone says; "Listen, she is a terrible friend", I would say: "I don't care." It doesn't mean that I don't care for her being wrong, but that her doing wrong doesn't reach the place where I love her. My love is so high, that the wrong she did remains lower, and doesn't reach the love. So, there are the hands of before Creation, and there are the hands of after Creation, and there are the hands of Mashiach. "Mikdesh Hashem Koininu Yadecha" - "The Temple of' G-d, Your hands will fashion." The first two temples were built by us, by human beings. The third temple, for which we are waiting, will be rebuilt just by G-d's hands. Suddenly, it will appear. There is a kind of healing and there is a kind of love, which takes time. G-d created the world in six days. In six days! But then, sometimes G-d's hands heal in one second. So, there are two kinds of healing. There is the healing of the six days of Creation. With all the being infinite, it still took six days. When the Messiah comes, the hands that will rebuild the holy temple will do so in a second. When you love somebody very much, you can hold their hand and they will sense if it is the hands of before Creation, or the hands after Creation, or, are they the hands of Mashiach? Of the third temple? Children are carried in ones' hands; they are so connected to hands. Some children grow up with the hands of after Creation, and some grow up with the hand of when Maschiach is coming.

Have you ever seen sometimes when a child is crying, and you pat her head and try to soothe her, and she still cries? Sometimes, you put your hands on her head, and she stops crying. It doesn't take any time - she is suddenly smiling. It is Mashiach's hands. It doesn't take any time. Some people do not have even a taste of the Infinite. Do you know who are the lonely, broken people? They don't have a taste of the All. Some people don't have the All, but, for once in their lives, they had a taste of the All. Imagine, I love my wife very much, and I buy her an apartment in New York one in Paris, one in Israel. I give her a lot of things. One day, I was praying at the Holy Wall, and, while I was praying, a little stone fell down from one of the Holy stones. I picked it up, and I brought my wife that stone. This is All. So much deeper. Sometimes, I give my child many things. But, where is the All? The Talmud says that G-d's presence, the Shechina, is above the head of a sick person. This has millions of meanings. When a person is sick, what do they need? They don't need little things. They need the All. When it comes to words, you can only utter one word after another. When it comes to hearing, you can only hear one thing at a time. The Gemarah says, "Trei Kolei Lo Nishmaain" - two voices cannot be heard clearly at the same time. You can hear only'one word after another, one. voice after another. But, when it comes to seeing, you can see many things at once. Seeing is connected to the All. When do people cry? When I miss particulars, I don't cry. When it touches my All, my eyes, then I cry. When you love somebody very much, you look in their eyes. You don't look at their ears, only their eyes. Eyes are so deep. With some people, when you look at their eyes, you see only dollar bills. With others, when you look in their eyes, you see G-d's presence. This is an Ishbitzer Torah. Animals eat exactly what they need - they don't overeat. Why is it that we human beings don't know limits, not only in food, but in everything? Why is that? Because, spiritually, I can reach beyond myself. What is so special about this world? In this world, everything is open. So much so that yesterday, although I was the lowest person in the world, today I can reach the highest level. fight with someone. Today we can be great friends. This world has something that is not finite. If you ever thought that heaven is infinite, you are mistaken. Heaven has the finiteness of heaven. Heaven is also finite. You know what really is infinite? This world! Right here, in the chair we are sitting on - this world is infinite.

There is a Torah from the Jikavor. The Jikavor says, the soul in heaven, before I was born, when I was dwelling in heaven, was beautiful, but - who needed me? Nobody needed me, and I didn't need anybody else. In heaven, who needs friends? Friends can't do anything for you. But, only in this world can you be a friend to somebody, and somebody can be a friend to you. Some days, I can walk on the street and hear somebody cry, and you know where I can reach in one second? Beyond myself. Let's assume if I work hard, I can reach a certain spiritual height. Let's say I'll be a million miles high. But then, there can be one moment when I am eternally high - beyond everything. So, the Ishbitzer says, every person has an absolute drive to reach beyond, to be infinite. The only thing is - if I don't know how to handle it, I want more food, more money, more clothes. You have this drive. The question is, there is "le-eiteh" - stuffing. What are you stuffing your self with - to be a better friend, to love people more, or are you stuffing your self with yet another good time? So, he says, what Hashem did was to take a Tzaddick, a holy man, and put him in charge of "le-eiteh." What are holy people doing in the world? To let the world know, don't put your drive for the infinite in stupid things. You should be searching for that absolute stuffing yourself, reaching beyond yourself, every second. When somebody is sick, they get in touch with the deepest depths of their life. What are they missing? If you ask a sick person if he wants to live, he'll say yes. Why does he want to life? He is crying, why didn't I reach beyond myself? I had such an opportunity, why didn't I do that? Why wasn't I infinite? What are friends for? What does it mean to love somebody? It means that that person puts me in touch with the Infinite, to reach beyond myself. A wedding begins when the groom covers the face of the bride. That means he is telling the bride that, because of her, he is becoming infinite. The eyes are infinite. I can reach even beyond the All; what I thought was All, is not.

When somebody is sick, the Torah says, our holy fathers had "Ba kol mikol kol" - they had the All. You know what Avraham taught the world? Before Avraham, there were a lot of holy people, but they taught the world that you can reach beyond yourself. Avraham is "bakol mikol kal", deeper. If you have the All, you are so full. If you have everything in the world, but the All is missing, qevalt are you empty. You are aching. I have seen people who have everything - family, money. But, they are broken. I have seen people who have nothing, no money, but they have the All, they can reach beyond themselves. When Jacob had a dream, he dreamt that there is a ladder going up to heaven. A ladder is finite - it has a beginning and an end. Even heaven is finite. But, then he saw "Vehenei Hashem Nitzav Alav" - G-d was standing above him. Do you know what he saw? That you can reach beyond yourself. You can do one thing, and suddenly, you are something else. When we see people crying, at that moment they are open for the All. At that moment, they are ready to reach beyond themselves.

When the Holy Temple was destroyed, it says "Aynai, Aynai, yorda mayim" - my eyes can't stop crying. What is the Temple all about? How can G-d be limited to one place? There are many people who say, "I am infinite I cannot limit myself to one religion." What's their problem? Between Infinite nothing and Infinite something, there is such a thin line. Gevalt, is it thin. You know, when you love somebody very much, you sit under a tree for an hour, and you know what you experience? Not the infiniteness of heaven, but G-d's infiniteness, which is only in this world. You can do a favor to one person, just be close to one person, and see what you experience; G-d's infiniteness, which is only in this world. Esau comes to us and says, let's face it, you know what G-d is all about? Do this, do that. He is holding a stick over us. I can't stand G-d's stick. G-d makes me so finite. In order to get out of it, I stuff myself. You know what to answer him back? You want to be infinite? When you pass by a street, and see one poor man dying from hunger, give him all the money you have. Be Infinite - just one person. When you pray to G-d, don't look at the clock. Be Infinite. When you have a chance to heal one person, you are not healing just one person. It's not finite. At that moment you can reach beyond yourself, reaching that love of G-d which was before Creation. Infinite. When you walk up to a person and give them a good word, when someone is heartbroken and you give them a good word, when you utter some words - sometimes they are your words, sometimes they are Mashiach's words. In one second, you can cure that person, you can give him back his self-confidence.

The world understands today that you cannot cure the body without the soul. What does that mean? You cannot cure their finite parts if you also cannot cure their infiniteness. What is my soul? My soul has this deep longing, because my soul knows that I am here in this world to reach beyond myself. I want something so deep, so glorious. You know friends, sometimes children are so angry at their parents, because all their parents talk to them about is the finite part of them - be a doctor, make money, have two cars. Children feel, how come you never talk to me about something deep, something holy? Where is the Infinite? Sometimes, parents and children have those moments that are just Infinite. You know, it is possible that somebody gives me a million dollars. I like them. But, one person gave me one handshake, and I love him forever, bacause, the million dollars was finite - the handshake was infinite. You know, sweetest friends, the closer we get to Mashiach's coming, the stronger the desire gets to reach beyond ourselves. Basically, medicine is the most finite science in the world. Somebody's body is sick you cure the body. if the feet are sick, you cure the feet. Now, something is happening to the world. They feel that if the feet are sick, the pain is felt not just in the feet, but al , over. The whole person must be cured, not just the feet. I can walk with my feet two blocks, and I was finite. I can walk with my feet to do somebody a favor and I was Infinite. You know, friends, sometimes a person needs just a finite friendship. Sometimes a person absolutely needs an infinite friendship. Sometimes children come home from school and they need just a peanut butter sandwich. Sometimes, they need an infinite peanut butter sandwich. The deepest secret of life is, if you are connected to a person only on the level of after Creation - you don't get it. If you are connected to them on the level of before Creation, you have a Covenant with G-d, you are like Avraham Aveinu. Before Abraham entered the Covenant with G-d, Covenant meaning I am completely given over to G-d in an infinite way, to serve G-d every second - before Avraham entered the Covenant he knew that if he saw a poor person he had to give them food, and a place to stay. After the Covenant, he had a different kind of welcoming guests. He knew that if a person has no home, he needs more than a place to stay. He knew that a person who has nothing needs everything. Suddenly, Avraham Aveinu realized that a person who has no home, nothing, has vessels to receive everything. And, when the angels who were greeted by Avraham told him that he will have children, suddenly Avraham realized that a child needs everything, everything

. I want to bless you and I want to bless all the people who heal people. We are all sick. When a person is, G-d forbid, a little bit sick, when things go wrong in our lives - at that moment, we have a vessel for everything. It says of the Holy Land: "Eretz kol be" - a land that has everything. We were 2,000 years in exile, and G-d didn't give the Holy Land back to us. You know when we suddenly had vessels for the Holy Land? When we walked through gas chambers. We had nothing any more. There was nothing left. Nothing. We have to see the Holy Land - G-d should give it to us completely. We still think we have something, we think we have Western civilization, we have the U.S.A., - we really have nothing. We have only G-d. The moment we have nothing, we become a vessel for everything. When I have Shabbos, I don't want a little Shabbos, I want the All of Shabbos - "Yom Shekulo Shabbos" - a day that is All of Shabbos. We don't need friends just to say hi to. We need friends who are infinite friends. Today we have a chance. G-d opens gates to us. We can reach beyond ourselves

. Remember, Rav Kook says, the sign that mashiach is coming is that our children are so beautiful. The children coming down from heaven now are so beautiful, so special. We have to give them All. I want to bless you and me. There are so many children running around in the world, whose parents don't have the faintest idea what All is. You and I have to be G-d's messengers. We say, "Refaeinu Hashem Venerafeh" - "G-d, heal me." I want to be healed on a G-d level. When something hurts me, I don't want just to cure my body. I want to cure my life. A lot of times, we have these infinite moments. But, we are still living in a finite world. There is day, there is night, I have to make a living. I have to go to work. The saddest thing is, we don't incorporate these infinite moments into our finite lives. Many people stand by the Holy Wall and cry their eyes out. At that moment, they are infinitely Jewish. But, when they come back, they go back to the way they were. Their "Elokim" and their "Hashem" don't work together. Because we are finite, G-d created a finite world. G-d wants something more from us, even deeper. Mashiach is coming. G-d's name that will be in the world will be "Eheye asher Eheye" - "I will be what I will be." This means, not finite and not infinite. It's deeper than that. I want to bless you and me and all of us, when we are learning, we learn one page, but let that page be infinite. But, I want to hold the page in my hands, it's finite, it's one page, but it's infinite. A love letter is just a page but, it's really infinite. It's everything.

The world is so broken. The world has vessels for the unbelievable things that are happening. If only all the doctors, all the psychiatrists, would have enough sense, and maybe some day they will, to fix the All, really to fix, to give people the strength to reach beyond themselves ... Children want to reach beyond themselves. If you don't tell your children that they are the most beautiful in the world - don't talk to them. Then you'll tell me, but, what about my neighbor's child? She is also beautiful. Ah, on a finite level, it's a contradiction, but on an infinite level, my child is the most beautiful in the world, your child is the most beautiful in the world, for G-d, every human being is the most beautiful in the world. Maybe one ay we shall know that all of us, every single one of us, is the best in the whole world

aish article

Success in marriage hinges on consistent performance of six key habits.

by Rabbi Dov Heller, M.A.

HABIT #1 - GIVE EACH OTHER PLEASURE

Happily married couples are committed to the goal of giving each other pleasure. You must stay focused on the ultimate goal -- which is to give each other pleasure and not cause pain. It sounds simple enough, but can be very hard in practice.

For just one day, try to maintain a consciousness with everything you do, by asking yourself, "Is what I'm about to do or say going to cause my spouse pain or pleasure?"

To monitor how you're doing, each of you should make two lists: One for all the things your spouse does to cause you pain, and another which identifies what you would like your spouse to do to give you pleasure. Swap lists, and now you know exactly what to do and what not to do. No more mind reading!

HABIT #2 - CREATE MUTUALLY SATISFYING LOVE AND FRIENDSHIP RITUALS

Rituals are habits that build and strengthen a relationship. One couple had the following "greeting ritual" at night when the husband came home:

He would first greet the dog and hug the kids. Then he would go into his bedroom, change his clothes, and watch the news, followed by a visit to the bathroom. Finally he would wander into the kitchen and mutter something to his wife, for example, "Let’s eat fast so we can get to the PTA meeting!"

One might say that such a ritual was not exactly increasing their love for each other.

How are your greeting and goodbye rituals?So after watching how their dog greeted them every time they came home, this couple decided to come up with a new ritual. Elated dogs jump all over their masters and lick them. So they decided to greet each other like dogs. They started jumping up and down and hugging each other. They really got into it. They had fun and the kids got a kick out it, too.

Our actions affect the way we feel. How are your greeting and good-bye rituals?

Here are some rituals you and your spouse should consider working on:

* Daily e-mailing each other with a compliment.

* Daily phone call. (especially important for husbands to do)

* Anniversaries deserve special attention. Plan to do something both of you really enjoy, rather than feeling stuck two days before your anniversary arrives and then running out to get some flowers.

* Before you turn in for the night, try saying two compliments to each other. This means coming up with something new each night!

* It is essential to have a "date night" at least every other week.

HABIT #3 - CREATE A SAFE PLACE TO DISCUSS ISSUES OPENLY AND HONESTLY

Abusive relationships are ones in which you are afraid to express feelings and opinions. Happily married couples create a sense of safety that allows each person to feel comfortable expressing his/her feelings, problems, and dissatisfactions. This sense of safety is the foundation upon which a couple negotiates things that are bothering them.

It's common for each person to come into a relationship with certain expectations about how things will be. But without the ability to communicate and negotiate, these issues become sources for power struggles that almost always damage the relationship.

HABIT #4 - USE GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS TO RESOLVE HOT ISSUES

The technique that every couple must learn is called the "listener-speaker technique." The problem with the way most couples argue is that they try to find solutions before fully giving each other the chance to say what they need to say. The speaker-listener technique ensures that before you can engage in solution talk, each person feels they have been fully heard.

Only after each person has been fully heard, do you proceed to problem solving.Here's how it works: One person holds an object in their hand which symbolizes that he or she has the floor. While one person has the floor, the other person can only listen by repeating back or paraphrasing what the other person said. The listener can stop the speaker if s/he is saying too much for the listener to repeat back.

When couples use this technique, it automatically ensures that each person will be able to say everything s/he needs to say without interruption, rebuttals, criticism or attack. Only after each person has been fully "heard," do you then proceed to problem solving.

HABIT #5 - CONSTANTLY TURN TOWARD EACH OTHER, RATHER THAN AWAY

When you pass your spouse sitting at her desk doing some work, do you stop and rub her shoulders, give her a kiss on the cheek, and whisper something nice in her ear -- or do you just walk on by? This is the meaning of "turning toward" as opposed to "turning away."

Happily married couples have ways to constantly be emotionally close to each other. Marriage research shows that happily married couples do a lot of turning toward each other whenever they get the chance. They look for ways to be physically and emotionally close to each other. Turning toward each other means making each other your number one priority.

Another important aspect of turning toward each other is doing things together that you both enjoy. Taking walks together, drinking coffee together after dinner, learning Torah together, and listening to music together, are all examples of how couples turn toward each other.

A powerful way to turn toward each other is to show the ultimate respect -- by standing when your spouse enters the room. Sounds old-fashioned? It is. But it's a powerful way to turn toward your spouse, make him/her feel very special.

Couples who "turn away" from each other don't develop closeness. It's a basic principle stated in the Talmud, "A good deed begets another good deed. A bad deed begets another bad deed."

HABIT #6 - INFUSE YOUR LIVES WITH SHARED MEANING

I often ask singles the following question: "After you're married, what do you plan to do for the next 40 years?" And I usually follow-up by saying, "And besides having fun, what else will you do with each other?"

The ultimate in meaning is to share a common philosophy of life purpose.Human beings need meaning like we need water. Happily married couples enrich their relationship by sharing meaningful experiences with each other. The ultimate in meaning is to share a common philosophy of life and life purpose. This is why couples who observe Shabbat together, and learn Torah together, have great sources of meaning built into their lives.

Some other specific ways of infusing your relationship with meaning are visiting the sick together, making a shiva call together, or preparing a meal together for a mother who just gave birth.

When couples share truly meaningful experiences, they bond on a deeper level.

These six habits may seem small, but when practiced intentionally and consistently, they will form the backbone of a deeply fulfilling marriage.

(please read slowly and carefully-it is worthwhile to think about these things-and to feel it too)

Marriage –Part 1

He is advising us
The voice in our hearts
Truth piercing the veil
Spreading forth
Rays of Kindness

You have been married for a while
Time passes
Important lessons are forgotten
Or never thought of at all

First thing to know is
That a person is not
His or her body
It’s the soul that is
The essence of a person
The body is meant to be
A conduit, and outward expression
Of what is within the soul

You should not marry a woman
Until you see her
But you did not listen
For you have not seen

For both types of seeing are meant
Most only do the mindless part
Seeing the physical appearance
That often deceiving mask
So that when the external is appeasing
Little effort is made
To see beyond that
No real attempt is made
To see the heart and mind
That lies within

The problem then gets worse
For after years of marriage
Disillusionment sets in
Little by little
Discounting the external garb
Rejecting hurtfully

Even then
One does not bother
To see beyond
The diamond
The priceless jewel
That is deep within
Waiting to be uncovered
This beauty that should have been seen
From the very beginning

Instead what do you see
Of the gift I put before you?
Only the mud, the dirt,
The dust
The ugly.
This may be what you see
Everyone has some of that darkness
And I hate to break this to you
So do you!!!!

But that is part of life
To go through all that
Dig deeper
See what is beyond
I have given you the tools to do this
To know and feel
The precious oil
The purity
That is at the core
Of the soul that I have given to you.

Why did I want you
To get married
In the first place??

One big reason
But certainly not the only one
Is to procreate
Creating the continuance
Of a magnificent chain
Of sparkling links
To the end of time

That is certainly a big part
Of My plan for you
To have sons and daughters
Teaching them all about Me
So that they too
Will tell their children
And children’s children
Till the end of days
So that you too
Will be privileged and honored
To have contributed vastly
To the eternal chain
Connecting the holy souls
Of your holy ancestors
To the most beloved souls
Of your descendents

Yet this alone
Is not the sole purpose
Of your marriage
You should know this

For do you think
For even a moment
That I don’t value
The beauty of souls that unite
On this earth??

Do you think
For even a moment
That I ever neglect
Or forget
My eternal childless couple??

Each Link is beautiful
Short Links
No less
Than longer ones
Stunning in its beauty
My precious portrait
Of intertwining chains
Sparkling, stunning, interlocking
Those short chains
Forever engraved
In My heart

As for you
Who are blessed with children
Extending the chain onward
Do not abuse
Or damage in any way
The precious link
That is your own

Husband and wife
Are a world onto itself
Independent
Of what was before you
Or what is to be
With the passing of time

Your children’s part of the chain
Will need to understand
How beautiful their link is
By observing the bond that is above them
Their father and mother
Who love and cherish each other
Not inflicting damage
That would weaken the chain
Making it rusted and distorted
For your children

See the gift
I have placed before you
Don’t let your biased outer eye
Blind you
From seeing the brilliant light
That is beneath the surface
It’s there for you to have
If only you would really want it..

Beautiful, thanks again Yechidah.

Shkoach