so this is a much different nature than any of my posts. (B"H I've remained clean past 90, and intend to keep up).
I am a single 22 yo BT. I had a bad relationship before I became frum, that left me with a desire to find a "rebound" relationship. A mixture of soical anxiety and realizing it was a bad idea kept me from acting on it (B"H). Unfortunately thats when I repicked up P&M (it was an issue before, but in the context of a monogamous relationship the issue wasnt noticable). fast foward a few years and I'm frum, aware and obviously looking for different things in a relationship, and not about to form casual, low expectation flings. That being said, I still find myself attracted to girls(frum or not) and wanting a desire to get married/find my beshert, but my daydreams about this are all from a more sexual nature, and I feel I'm more looking forward to a healthy outlet than the love that I once desired while releasing my desires vainly. This is not an issue that will likely come up soon, as I'm not at a point in my life where I'm ready for marriage, nor a location where shidduchim are prevelant, but IYH in a few years it may arrise and I like to plan ahead. Plus it ties into my still viewing women as objects, just not theyre objects that I must avoide as opposed to objects I want to utilize.
any thoughts?
