Tried-123 wrote on 21 Dec 2010 20:41:


Not an easy question.  This is an idea I'm grappling with myself.

Someone explained to me not long ago that we call the shots in life.  If we've got nothing but objective pain and misery, and we thank G-d for the blessings we can see in our lives despite everything, then He says, "Wait!  You think THIS is good!  Let me show you what REAL good is..."  And, as our result, our lot in life might objectively improve.

The opposite also works.  If we indeed do have blessing and abundance in our life, yet we focus on those things that are still not exactly as we would like them to be, and we come to G-d with our complaints and our demands, then He says, "Wait!  You think THIS is bad!  Let me show you what REAL bad is..."  So, though I tend to look at the things I'm missing and the things that are aggrivating me, I'm tryong to do the opposite.

It's one of those things that, despite our past experiences, we can just try it and see what happens. 

Doesn't cost anything.

--Eye.

If only there was a simple answer to the very big question you are asking.
You asked for thoughts, here’s what was stirred in my mind:

You reminded me of a story:
A father got his son a bicycle and told him he can only ride it in the yard.
One day, the son was riding his bike and headed down the driveway. The father, who was standing by the open gate looked into the road and saw a truck coming one way and a car coming the other.  His son would be killed if he made it to the road.
With only a second to act, the father knocked his beloved son off his bike.
Hurt and upset, his son walked away, thinking “Why did you do that? Why did you hurt me when you said you would always protect me?”

There were many times when I thought God was not answering my prayers – but how do I know that? Perhaps the difficult situations I was in could have been far worse. My broken finger could have been a broken hand that never fully worked again. Being pulled over for speeding could have prevent me from being in a bad accident.
Look at all these attacks on Israel – One could ask “Why is God not protecting her?”, but this means that the asker is failing to see that out of the thousands of rockets that are launched, so few cause any real harm.

“I do believe that my suffering does have a higher purpose in the master plan of the universe” – That’s a very lofty thought. I had a big break-through one day when I discovered that God goes not just sit on a throne millions of miles away, running the universe for his own sake– but he is actually personally involved in my life, orchestrating my world for me. I realised that my suffering, my journey was planned specifically for me. He was answering my prayers, but I did not agree with the answers, so I did not see it. I was so conditioned to lust, I could not see love.

I agree with what David said about having the wrong concept of God. I was brought up in a secular home, which had a very Christian idea of God and their idea of what He is falls very short of what I now believe.
A big thing was that I was afraid to question out of fear of being called a heretic or a hypocrite.
Most of the questions I asked were answered “Just have faith” and this was usually just a cop-out because the person I was asking did not have the knowledge to answer properly.

I believe you are a good person, heading in the right direction. The path for all of us here is a difficult one, don’t be afraid to ask for directions. Don’t be afraid to question things you were taught to believe.
God can only help (read change) us if we let him.

Well, those are some of my thoughts. I hope there’s something in there for you.

I appreciate the time and thought that all of you (David/Rage, Eye, ToAdd) invested to respond to my question...

I hear what you guys are saying... I do believe that the suffering I endured was for a good reason which I don't understand..

But what is preventing G-d from answering my current prayers the way he always has.. by giving me pain that is ultimately for my benefit...
My emotions don't feel G-d as someone to turn to... Its like 'He has his own ideas of what's good for me....'

Good week Reb Tried
I 2nd ur question, and I'm searching some tools on how to deal with them right now, cuz I can't handle the pain anymore, if I find something helpful I'll share with & u of course do the same

Tried-123 wrote on 26 Dec 2010 00:59:


What makes things tricky is that 'We have our own ideas of what's good for us...'

--Eye.

Eye.nonymous wrote on 26 Dec 2010 18:59:


Thank You JIP and Eye...

The thing is that what I considered 'good for me' is very reasonable and understandable...

It included not being tormented by panic attacks, it included the ability to focus and not feel like I'm in a constant haze..
It included not being tormented by family members...
And just a few other things along these lines....

I think that every reasonable person would consider these things in the category of good... I honestly trust that G-d had a higher purpose for giving me those things I didn't want... But my issue now is that I don't feel like I can turn to him with my 'issues' since in his eyes those might be good things for me....

Rage;

BRILLIANT!!!

Tried-123 wrote on 26 Dec 2010 20:34:

Kudos to Rage (whatever Kudos are.  When I was a kid they were a snack food, sort of like granola bars).

I would also like to say, take ONE issue at a time.  Which is the worst one?  Why does it happen?  What is you part in it?  For example, if you moved away to Honalulu and left no forwarding address, your family would not be able to torment you.  (They might remain in your head, but that's something else to work on).

The truth is, it's possible to get them out of your head even though they're in the room.  But, if you can't do that, get out of the room.  To oversimplify.

My wife and I came to Israel, in part, to put some distance between us and our families.  We never see most of them and we hardly ever talk to them.  We escaped abuse.  The space, and the time, and being in a healthy environment around healthy people, has given us a chance to heal.  We have seen our family since then.  We have been challenged by them.  We have stood up to them when necessary, and even hosted some of them and had an enjoyable time, something that was not possible 10 or 15 years ago.

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

So, I know I oversimplify here.  But take one issue.  Analyze it.  Find a different approach to it, even if that approach has to be GETTING AWAY!

That concentration issue might actually be some sort of ADHD or MTV or whatever they call it, and it could just be your mind just has a ritalin inbalance.  Or something like that.  We had to look into it for one of our kids and it's really nothing to be scared about--it's basically overpriced coffee, but FDA approved and regulated.  (You may have looked into that already).

Just reading your post now, it struck me that there just may be some technical, logistical, practical element which, with a little thought and analysis and a bit of change, you might be able to make a huge difference.

Let me know what you think.

--Eye.

Thank you David/Rage, Mom (for stopping by), and Eye...
I appreciate what you've all contributed.. I hope to reply when I have more time...

Hi Tried,


There's nothing wrong with turning to G-d and saying: I know this burden you sent me is to make me stronger, but I'm really battling, it hurts.

Do you have much time for yourself? I sometimes just sit down and talk issues through with myself out loud. Doing it out loud really helps because then things become more real and the answers become tangible. I ask “How can I solve this problem without changing them?” What is in my power to change that will make this work better?

Hey guys lately things are intense but I am so grateful for so many things in my life...
G-d has allowed me to do some good and make some strides in the proper direction I am so thankful. May G-d grant all of us the serenity we seek....

I pray that G-d help me know and do his will for me. I deserve nothing but still want to be close to G-d. I need you so very much please keep me near. G-d, pray for me for the things I find it so hard to pray for. Stear me on the proper path keep me close. Help me progress in your service at a pace that is right for me if you so will.

Being connected to God is always a great step forward!

Tried-123 wrote on 04 Jan 2011 20:00:


Sounds good.

Have a good Shabbos,

--Eye.

Tried that  post was beautifull

Tried-123 wrote on 29 Dec 2010 21:30:


Can't think of what to post.

Just letting you know that I am also stopping by & rooting for you!



P.S. If all I can give is only a smile, it is also something.    " "