There is a woman I met at a recovery group that was kind to me and who I liked....

I want to keep up with her (It is lust-driven) via email...
I know that it may lead me to places I"d rather not go, but it's so hard, especially when I am down....

I erased her address from my contacts but I remember it...

A short while ago I wrote an email to her but than discarded it and never sent it...

I don't want to fall into this I know it aint good for me but the drive I have is scary....

I hope to turn to you guys if this comes up again which I think it will....

Tried,

That is one tough test ! Congratulations on what you've done so far.

You are really being self aware as to the source and where it can lead.
Hang in there!

I find it is good to be honest about my intentions, you are doing that. For me it is more powerfull to talk it out with someone who understands how people like me and maybe you think. If you have a sponsor call him, if not you could try Elya at the hotline. If it is a real emergancy email me off the site and I will see what I can do. If you don't have my email address IM me.

Also stay calm and try to do something that forces you to be honest, maybe think how you would explain it to your therapist or your Rav, if he knows. Or try to imagine explaining it to you wife.

LOL I am think about you I know this can be hard.

Hi everyone!!

I was having a difficult few days and I sent an email to the group I was with at CARON...
A few of them replied with some good advice and encouragement...\

There was one woman that I was attracted to and don't ask me why but she responded that I should call her. How do I politely decline without being insulting? Do I say that I can't talk to women?

Be honest. say you are not sure if your motivation is call her is to get help or to feed lust.

I'm an expert in messing that one up, but here's an idea:

I'm sorry, but I'd rather not go down a path that has lead me into trouble before.

Just a possible direction, quoting me may not be a good idea at any time.

When I was lonely I almost did something beneath me.... I emailed her to find out how her recovery was going.
She told me to call her and emailed me her number.

I knew not to cross that line. I didn't want to be rude so I explained myself. I responded the following:

I apologize for not calling....

The Jewish faith sees marriage and relationships as sacred.
To keep marriage Special, Committed, Powerful, and Romantic we are discouraged from any relationships outside of marriage.
In fact in my community virtually no one has any opposite gender friends....

This may all sound absurd to you but it's what I was taught, it's part of my religion so I stick with it.

From what I see it seems to work. Infidelity in my community is almost unheard of. Divorce is very uncommon.

I hope you"ll understand.

Wow, wow, wow!
Thats some response Tried!
its as honest as it gets,
and a tremendous Kiddish Hashem in the process.
I hope you are feeling really proud of yourself -
you earned  it!

Hey thanks so much 7up aka MOM.

You should come by more often. Do we need to clean the spiders??

It's quiet hot where I am, some (Chalav Yisroel ) ice-cream would work wonders.....

B"H I Haven't heard from this woman ever again (I guess I scared her off )

I am wondering what guys do at meetings during the serenity prayer (everyone hold hands..) when you are between a lot of women. It is very hard for me to be the odd man out who wont join the circle. I also am afraid that people will think that I place myself as one above everyone...

Anyone else have this dilemma?

Also what's the deal with a meeting in a church; are we allowed to go?

Lets see if we can get Reb Dov over here on this one...

just wanted to check in and say that your not chasing the opportunity with that woman is trully inspirational! none of us can estimate how BIG that is in shomayim! way to go!

Just wanted to add. For us since we generaly avoid even Casual contact with the opposite gender even the simplest touch for us will have sexual meaning. Since we dont have any other context to define this touch.

Tried-123 wrote on 17 Oct 2010 15:43:
OK. So if there is a lady in a recovery meeting I walk into, then I sit next to some guys instead. If I am there already and she comes in and sits next to me, then I do not hold her hand at the end of the meeting in the circle-thingy. Instead, I turn to her right at the end of the meeting before the serenity prayer, ask her what her name is (if I do not know it) and say to her, "(Christine/Shprintza-hentcha/Malwat/whatever your name is), it is not good for me to hold a woman's hands, sorry. I hope you do not mind, thanks." Then I stand in the circle like everyone else but hold my hands together like during davening and presto! Five seconds later the ordeal is over! And no one 'gives a flying pruta'!

Now, there may be heteirim for holding her hand, I do not know. But I really believe it will not be good for me, so I can honestly say that to her, and I do. If the sole reason you are not holding her hand is because it is ossur, then I ask you why you are subject to looking at schmutz in the first place? Obviously it is wrong to look at schmutz, but it is not necessarily a primary motivator for you or else you wouldn't do it - so I figure I cannot honestly hide behind the Torah here. So I don't.

Perhaps some folks will throw a pie in my face for even thinking this way. Well, I hope it is chocolate. Mmmmm....

As far as the church issue, ask your Rov. If he tries to convince you that as it is not truly pikuach nefesh you do not need to go and should "just please try to go to meetings that are not in churches, OK?" then I humbly suggest you find another Rov for these shaylos. Maybe one who has had a few affairs with 'computer women' (or with real ones), himself....oops....I shouldn't have written that.  :

- anonymous 

PS. There are like 3 women in my entire city who go to SA meetings regularly. Which lust recovery fellowship is this that has lots of women? I'd like to know....just kidding, really!! Ha-ha......he-he...hmmmm-hmmm.....never mind....pretend I never asked. :-*