Forum

Welcome, Guest

shemiras einayim -non internet

(0 viewing)

A platform of recovery for Jews who find themselves struggling with addictions to pornography, masturbation or other sexual problems. Post anonymously about your struggles without fear of anyone finding out who you are. Ask questions, post answers and be inspired! Get tips and guidance from the experts who moderate this forum, as well as from fellow strugglers.

Reply Topic

New Topic

Page:
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8

TOPIC: shemiras einayim -non internet 1415 Views

Re: shemiras einayim -non internet 04 Jul 2010 14:11 #72973

Cleareyes613 Current streak: 272 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 399 Karma: 1	Kosher - what an amazing story. Thanks for sharing.
	Last Edit: by .

Re: shemiras einayim -non internet 04 Jul 2010 14:13 #72974

the.guard
Current streak: 805 days
OFFLINE
Moderator
Posts: 6438
Karma: 138

hopefull wrote on 29 Jun 2010 22:58:

whats really hard for me is street shmiras e'nayim
its so depressing for me when i see women in the street

im single and going crazy trying to get married
every time i see an attractive women in the street i get so jealous of her husband that he has that and i dont, it really kills me to see such women, its painful

is this my lust talking, if i really had that women would i be happy or would i want another women, ''variety''?

Please see www.guardyoureyes.org/?p=1733

Webmaster of www.guardyoureyes.org - Maintaining Moral Purity in Today's World. We’re here on a quest ; it’s really all a test. Just do your best and G-d will do the rest.

Last Edit: by .

Re: shemiras einayim -non internet 04 Jul 2010 14:16 #72975

destructive cycle	I do not have anything to add to this great thread. I just want o thank my friend Bardy for starting it. I have been reading at it has given me great tips and chizuk. This site in general has been overwhelming, but I love it. Thanks Mr. Admin. Or is that Rabbi Admin. Or Harav Admin. Or HaRav HaGaon Admin. To the Americans, enjoy the 4th of July BBQ, and save me a hot dog.
	Last Edit: by .

Re: shemiras einayim -non internet 04 Jul 2010 16:48 #72984

aish kodesh

if only we can remember that every day is a war between the yh and the neshama and we have to win the war no matter what ,in a war you have that adrenalin that drives you to do anything to suvive and win ,
so before you go out to the street or passing a pool remeber your in a war zone they are shooting from all sides so put on your protective gear and fight for your life ,
and if you win the war god will repay you to make it well worth it

Last Edit: by .

Re: shemiras einayim -non internet 04 Jul 2010 17:41 #72989

briut
Current streak: 3 days
OFFLINE
Platinum Boarder
Posts: 1425
Karma: 0

It's funny, but I've recently started working on shmiras einayim. Never before thought it was my challenge in life. But now that I'm getting into it, it's definitely having subtle but palpable changes in me. A little less jumpy, a little less worked up. Never thought that averting eyes from 80-year old women would change anything (yep, that's the halacha, unless maybe it's granny), but it's clearly something beyond MERELY erotica. Wow.

Last Edit: by .

Re: shemiras einayim -non internet 04 Jul 2010 19:29 #72998

bardichev	Kosher!!!! Wooodford in this world. In the next world you will be in a mechitza closer than the angels B
	Last Edit: by .

Re: shemiras einayim -non internet 04 Jul 2010 20:50 #73004

1daat Current streak: 126 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 713 Karma: 4	Kosher. Your plane trip story is such chizuk. It's an image I hope I will remember. Yhashercoiach for sharing that. A true air force general!
	Last Edit: by .

Re: shemiras einayim -non internet 05 Jul 2010 03:50 #73025

bardichev	Ok its hot like gehennomm I went to buy a pool for the liTtle b's Sam waltons retail place was NOT the greatest place too shop so we hopped over to the big red Target (Its amazimg how the two chains attract different clientele) Any way. Tell your YH. Yes its hot like hell. But its hotter in hell Gevaldiggggggg B
	Last Edit: by .

Re: shemiras einayim -non internet 05 Jul 2010 17:24 #73060

kosher
OFFLINE
Gold Boarder
Posts: 301
Karma: 1

In several different threads, there are discussions about what/how much to tell your wife.
My impression has been that in general, we do not need to discuss our challenges in all their details (or the extent of our falls), but it is certainly worthwhile discussing the challenges that every healthy man has walking in the street and perhaps that we are more sensitive to these issues.
Here is a good example or where it can help, Obviously everyone's situation is different, but my wife would not ask me to go shopping in Wal Mart, Target, or any such store in the summer. I think Home Depot in the winter is about as far as I'll go. (But then I get stuck in airport and airplanes where its a lot worse :-[)

I am not big enough to not do something I WANT to do because I know it is wrong, but I've been around long enough not to want to do many things, even though they are really enticing at the first glance.

Last Edit: 08 Jul 2010 02:55 by .

Re: shemiras einayim -non internet 06 Jul 2010 00:08 #73086

strugglingandstrivngBT

Jooboy wrote on 23 Jun 2010 12:25:

shmiras,

Here's a thought on what makes street lust so difficult. For me anytime I can get lust without doing an action my diseased part of me is very happy. So lets say I'm in an airport magazine stand and someone is browsing porn. If I look over his shoulder my addict is happy to get lust and my good neshama side is not too upset because there is the rationalization that "Hey, I didn't take it off the shelf. I didn't do some type of action to get lust".

Of course this really is a nonsense argument but I know it works very strongly in me, especially as it regards street lust. My addict says YAY lust! and my good neshama says what can I do?

For me the sin factor never helped get around this particular mind game. What I have found helpful is the realization that I don't want lust for myself and my own comfort and wellbeing. I want to keep the Torah but frankly, I don't care enough about GOD right now to not do these things for HIM. I have to realize I don't want to do these things because it hurts me!

so this was actually the last post I read so I'm not sure how relevant my response is at this point:
I just gave a quick dvar on this at shul(omitting the extreme relevance to myself). Why did Moshe get angry at the officers for bringing the female midanites back? because they should have killed them, they were guilty! but deeper, by keeping a whole bunch of females hostage, the same that had caused us to fall HARD, we are putting ourselves in grave danger. That is why they gave the gold "in atonement", even though they didnt do anything! while it is incredible that you havent been acting on things, remember that if just being near, even disapproving with intent to punish a threat requires atonement, so much more should we try to guard what we see, and immediatly just destroy a threat or leave it. I dont mean this in an accusatory manner, just trying to share a relevant Torah insight to give strength and motivation!

Last Edit: by .

Re: shemiras einayim -non internet 08 Jul 2010 03:01 #73344

kosher
OFFLINE
Gold Boarder
Posts: 301
Karma: 1

The 100 degree heat wave in the NY area certainly doesn't make things easier. I'm practicing looking around as little as possible, but these days, it jumps at you from all angles.

I am trying to think of something extra to do just to get through this hot weather any ideas?

Also, I am afraid I am going to get into a car accident when I'm driving without looking around to much. B, how do you drive your truck safetly in this weather?

Last Edit: by .

Re: shemiras einayim -non internet 08 Jul 2010 15:07 #73401

bardichev

good question??

i must be open and honest

keeping my eyes kosher while driving is a tough job

i AM NO EXPERT

HERE ARE SOME TIPS

#1 THINK OF THE AMOUNT OF CAR ACCIDENTS WE CONSTANTLY SEE ON THE ROAD

that fleeting second of enjoyment REMOVES our siyatta dishmaya

#2 THE PLEASURE IS SOOOOO FLEETING

#3 LSTEN TO A SHIUR WHILE U DRIVE OR JEWISH MUSIC

#4 IN THE CITY WHILE AT A RED LIGHT LOWER YOUR GLASSES

#5 BE BESIMCHA THAT U CAN OVERCOME THE SILLY YH

alls aid and done it's hard work. we all need siyatta dishmaya

kot

b

Last Edit: by .

Re: shemiras einayim -non internet 08 Jul 2010 21:06 #73446

Holy Yid Current streak: 92 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Keep the mind engaged and the soul content Posts: 894 Karma: 1	I find that have something engaging to think about especially learning is very very important in this struggle. Also be content with life is very important also.
	זכרני נא, זכרני נא, וחזקני נא אך הפעם הזה, הפעם הזה, האלקים, ואנקמה נקם אחת משתי עיני, מפלשתים Last Edit: by .

Re: shemiras einayim -non internet 25 Jul 2010 23:35 #75307

an honest mouse
Current streak: 13 days
OFFLINE
Platinum Boarder
Posts: 600
Karma: 6

Thanks so much for starting this bards!

I wanted to start with some tips which ive found help me. I recently went to tel aviv where the streets are crazy! Instead of walking 15 mins, I would take the bus so I could bury my head in a book that Im very into (rav Yaakov kamenetsky's biography) that way i wouldn't have to look around.

Also, when I have to walk, like on shabbos for example, i sing to myself inspiring songs that make me feel closer to Hashem. If im filling my void with good stuff, then i can avoid looking at the bad stuff.

My main problem though remains the car. I used the car for lust for many years already and you have to concentrate on the road, which means that stuff is in your vision... plus, with internet or certain places you can just stay away, put up filters etc and then you're not 'getting in the ring'(to quote dov) the car is like the ring for me. not taking the car would be the best solution but just not practical. Has anyone got any eitsahs for the car?

thanks!

Last Edit: 25 Jul 2010 23:38 by .

Re: shemiras einayim -non internet 26 Jul 2010 00:03 #75310

kosher OFFLINE Gold Boarder Posts: 301 Karma: 1	Driving is definately a challenge! Last week I tried taking off my glasses while driving - the other members of my carpool were NOT amused! One small piece of advise, whenever possible take the highway route rather than the city route (e.g. GSP vs. US-9 when going from Lakewood to Brooklyn). The highway routes are always easier.
	I am not big enough to not do something I WANT to do because I know it is wrong, but I've been around long enough not to want to do many things, even though they are really enticing at the first glance. Last Edit: by .