i can't tell you how much i enjoy reading these posts there really are giving me more to think about and speaking what is on my mind,almost as if someone is reading it.
i spoke to my therapist today and he agrees that the time must be right. once we are connecting and well ahead on a solid emotion/connection based relationship then we can discuss the option of letting her in.
garden of peace it is- my wife will be away till next week or the week after, i will get the book and read it. this could be a good break to refresh and renew a little before the baby comes. any other tips guys?
  i realized that i am emotionally cut off and keep my wife out of things because i am afraid of the emotions,which i am usually not. any thoughts on bringing out more feeling and sharing,caring? From what i have read this is a common side effect of people who are into porn. one key to breaking my habits is to build a better marriage- this will make me happier and connected,and not trigger me as much to the internet. what can i do to bring myself out and be more relaxed and open to talking,when i am so closed up?
Thanks guys- i love you!

Be Holy

Time heals a lot of things, the longer you keep clean your feelings and emotions will normalize. Also by giving to your wife (read the book!) you will develop a relationship which will also help with your emotional detatchment and help you open up to your wife.

BTW I don't mean to minimize the struggle you have in front of you, people who have gone through the things you have experienced are often emotionally scarred for life. You have a real uphill battle ahead of you, but you can win.

Also all guys are closed up (besides maybe Briut but he's a freak  ;D) it's part of our stoic nature, but opening is an important thing, so keep trying.

We love you too  :-[

be holy wrote on 07 Jun 2010 17:53:

Thank you. Read it. Slowly. (I HATED it that first time.) Then...

Read it AGAIN. Even more slowly. (I was intrigued that second time, but not convinced.) Then...

Find the craziest notion you find in the book and dare to practice it. (Maybe, accept her stupid fin'l decision like buying new curtains, WITHOUT NEGATIVE COMMENT. INDEED, WITH POSITIVE SUPPORT. On everything.)

See how well it works. And then... try another one.

A little secret. I don't know if I've said this here on the Forum. Ever. I came onto this site because his book says we have to dump all po*n and se*ual improprieties. I told myself I had it all under control; indeed, that I needed it to have a married life. But I took his advice and came here to see what might be going on. Took on a 12-day kaballa to be "clean." And now, 6 months later, I'm finally seeing that intimacy is [perhaps] better when the ghost of the movie star isn't in the room with us. His advice is crazy. And magic. Simultaneously.

There's now a companion book for women, in English, by the way.