Oy, so so sorry. Fell shmell, glad you're getting right back to work.

But you know, adopting that sick grandfather suddenly seems less strange. At 1 in the morning, he'd ask for a glass of water. You'd bring it to him. Before he makes a bracha and drinks, he'd say, "isn't each moment precious; I'm about to leave this earth but for now I can still make a bracha and hear you say amen. What a world!"

Do you think you'd be able to go back to bed and return to acting out after that?

Maybe I should investigate getting a job as a home health aide. Hmmnn.

Seroiusly, though, nice to see you can pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again. Shkoiach.

Hey Maccabee! I hope your day went well. Just postin' to see how things are going with you!

BH the YH doesn't know whats coming at him.

Don't worry, neither do we.

That's without question. The question is only on perspective. Are we looking at the glass half empty or half full.

ho hum

unfortunately i'm on a four day falling streak. I'm sorry CA. I was/am in denial. I'm sort of feeling like I dont want to get back up.

I'm in a major rut right now and have no interest in getting back up. I keep going online hoping to see someone online to talk to, and even if I do it still doesn't stop me completely.
Last night I was talking to SG and he got me to get off the computer and nevertheless when I lay down i took my phone after two minutes hesitation and fell.
ARGH!!!

hope u r doing better now. feel free to reach out to me.

Wow you’re a real mess like many of us, rut or no rut give it some gut (corny  ;D) and you’ll climb out.  Anther great strategy in Dovid Chaim phone conference, it changed my life.

Wow it took me a while to find my own thread. Sorry I haven't been posting much. Things are going alright. B"H I've started going to SA meetings twice a week and actually met someone from the community last night at the meeting. He told me he's starting a meeting in our community for shabbos mornings since there are none close by.

I have a bit of a problem in that I am not sure where I'm going to yeshiva next year and I'm afraid of going to one where I will be noticed missing seder in order to go to meetings and see a therapist. I think it will stir up too much interest. So I'm at a bit of a loss as to where to go for next year. As well as that I'm afraid the therapists won't take my insurance which will be very problematic.

Hey guys its been a while. Yosef Hatzadik encouraged me to post a bit more interesting stuff so here goes. First off I just came back thursday night from a kiruv [yosef -  ;)] trip to Germany. I had my ups and downs but let me say that Germany, despite its dark history, is a very nice place to be and visit. There are several thriving jewish communities there.
We had many interesting stories about which I may post at a later date if I find they are somehow relevant. On my flight back I had three seats empty next to me, so I stretched out to catch some sleep. I had an incredibly strange and interesting dream. I was on my third day of sobriety and had been struggling a bit until then, the dream I had was incredibly graphic and triggering. However, I remember in the dream, upon seeing the triggering sight I immediately tried contacting one of my online buddies to tell him what I was going through and to call for help. I woke up shortly after and still remembered the experience vividly. It was the most incredible feeling of strength when I woke up and realized that even in my dream i immediately ran for help.

Just a thought, seeing as we are in Elul now, I'm probably not the first to post about this, but there is a fairly well known parable which I will tell over. A parable of a King who sits the entire year in his palace and the only ones who can meet him are either high ranking officers and elite people. Once a year he goes out into the field and any subject who so desires is able to see the King and talk to him. During that time the King accepts his subjects with open arms and shows a smiling countenance to those who so decide to see the King.
Elul is that special time when HaShem is waiting out in the field and anyone who wishes may approach. The trick is that we must take the initiative, we must show Hashem that we want to repent and return to him. As soon as the King sees that he immediately accepts you with open arms.
What does this help? What do I gain by having Hashem accept me with open arms?
The realization that not all is lost and that Hashem still does want us to return to him and to start doing things right gives us the incredible strength to overcome obstacles, to leave the barren desert of sin, and to return to Hashem with a whole heart with the knowledge and reassurance that we will be welcomed.
In this way we will become those privileged individuals who enter the King's sanctum on Rosh Hashana and Yom Hakipurim.

Glad to see you back - I should point out that regardless of the yeshiva you're in, you can simply say that "you need to take care of something," or that you have another chavrusa, etc.