Yasher Koach for mentioning the Yesod HaTshuva! i hold it is required reading for all of us addicts. Letting go of our past and starting over on a path of recovery is putting us on the path of Teshuva! R.Y. holds that we even get schar for  k'vashas ha yetzer,even though by repating the chet,and giving in to the Y.H. over and over again,we made the nissayon more difficult for ourselves.Why should we get schar for this? The answer is that once we start over we are like a newborn and we are not liable for creating that difficult nissayon,so we get full schar for being kovash that desire! (heard from a very reliable source)
Gmar Chasimah Tova! Thanks for helping me get and stay sober!!!

Thanks everyone!

I had a battle last night and won (with Hashem's help)....

2 times on succos- once in the succa.

not much else to be said. I have been davening that Hashem should remove the lust completely, but I now know that when the lust is there, I tend to fall. So Powerful.

yes it's powerful but we know SomeOne who is a heck of a lot more powerful than It.

i find it helps tremendously, when i am lying in bed and fighting a losing battle with temptation to just call out to Hashem in english: please help me please don't let me do this. please, make me fall asleep right now so i won't fall. Hashem please help me stay pure and Kadosh for You, so i can serve you better.

i daven and daven until i fall asleep.

You are 100% right. Sometimes I daven but maybe not enough. Sometimes I dont want to daven, I just want the pleasure.

so say exactly that before you fall. say 'i know i should daven now but i just want to do this i don't want to think about right or wrong.'

the point is to acknowledge what you are about to do before you do it, clearly and verbally, and w/ Hashem in the picture.

StrugglingGuy wrote on 27 Sep 2010 21:35:


That is beautifully honest!

A trick the YH has been trying to hide... He desperately tries to hide this one...

your falls can lead to your aliya....

Yup!

learn to focus and remember what it is like to fall. How you feel... AFTERWARD.

like two cents, and that's after being adjusted for inflation.

Learn to keep that feeling... and let it propel you to REALLY want to be clean.

Just a thought...

k

Thank you for this discussion.So many times I have fallen while lying in bed trying to go to sleep.I don't have a solution at all.However I find by guarding my eyes ,staying away from all media that might have tempting things on it,and going on this forum every night  it seems to help so far.I know I must do the steps properly to get true progress.Hopefully I'll get there. Keep Fighting .I read in R Shalom  Arush  Bsdei yair that when you clarify some problem you can solve it better.Know well from someone who hasover 30 years of this madness that it destroys your brain,destroys your marriage ,destroys your ability to properly deal with the world so fight it with all your heart.Your little pleassure will eat you up.

worthless wrote on 28 Sep 2010 02:02:


Oy... sorry.

Its never too late! Dov is a living example... all the nuttiness he was put through by Hashem was actually for all our benefit... helps him teach the world. 

Soon you will be a 12 step Rebbi on GYE (guard has a big advertising campaign in the works, and we will need to absorb 100's of people and help them), and it will only be because of your difficulties that you will be so matzliach in helping people.

I was just trying to make the point that our yetsah horah convinces us that what we do isn't so bad .As stated on a program on the web site.We'd never eat a ham sandwich,has v shalom or be mechalel shabbos-so we just don't fully respect how bad it is and people normally who know won't go around talking about it.I once went ot an ivy league school .I had my share of difficulties but it is funny that you can trace the begunnungs if my difficulties in facinf life with my icrease un masterbation.I now know I was so out of touch with my feelings it was laughable  if it wasn't so sad.However it led me to yiddishkeit so baruch hashem.Know ell  that this is a silent and hiddden  killer .It works slowly inside of you till there is nothing left of you .

Point well taken!
THanks!

Thanks everyone.

I am not sure where I am right now though. I had (what I thought was) a very good simchas torah in a small community bringing simcha, etc.

My problem was last night. I didnt get to sleep early enough, which led to waking up really late. Staying in bed is a huge nisayon for me and I went back to sleep. I missed seder. You know what happened next...

I have asked Hashem to remove my lust many many times but it seems that whenver the yetzer hara steps up, I do not and I fall. I dont know if I am actually winning battles (as of know i have an avg of mstrbtng once every 5 days)- or if the YH just has me on a set cycle. If it is the latter, I have big issues.

I have meeting in a few hours with a new counselor here at school. I am not sure what we will talk about. I didnt feel bad about anything I did today- this is my problem for today at least. 

do you try some of the things mentioned in the gye handbook .Since reading it I have changed the way I go about my day in the following ways.I know this may seem radical to you but after about 48 years of shame I felt I was due for radical.If you get stasrted early It will help you so much earlier.
1)Remove glasses in all public situations(even when I am driving
2)avoicd walking behind women and always be aware to avoic seeing them as much as posssible.
3) No more watching movies ,basketball or fooball as there are always some spicey women
4)no more looking at regular magazines,newspapers or radioas they all sometimes will play up the sexual aspect

5Because of my diet I do not take any caffeine,or alchohol ,both I think might stimulate you in the wrong direction.
6)try to get out of the bubble -go on the forum find people to calll that you can be confortable about these things(eg from gye)


theses things are doing preety good for me  maybe they will help you
worth something

thanks worth. ill consider your words.

Had a very productove meeting yesterday with my new counselor at school. He seems to really understand my issues. We seem to both be analytical thinkers so we philosophized a lot about my struggles: how much progress have I made? Do I consider myself an addict? What is the best way to approach this problem? etc etc.

Only With Hashem's help I will move forward even though I may not see that I am actually moving.