I think you are 100% right. The only problem is that for an addict this does not actually happen. The addict is the one who does not succeed at this "living real life on Life's terms" thing. He bucks it. It is, for one reason or another, unacceptable to him without his drug of choice. Gambling, lusting, drinking, taking heroin, overeating, over-religiosity (yup!), workaholism...whatever his drug of choice is, he never really breaks his allegiance to it - until he gives it up.
Then he begins to discover that his problem all along was never his acting out (yetzer hora, penis, desires, or whatever) - it was Life itself! It's sobriety that is his real problem. He just cannot tolerate real life without sweet sexual pleasure (or another drug) as its comforting backdrop! That was his problem all along. It was Life, not 'Desire'.
So distracting yourself from Desire is just going to leave you with your already unacceptable Life. Hmm, not much of a solution, is it?
True, distracting with Teshuvah, Torah and ma'asim tovim might change your Life and make it acceptable. But maybe not. I wouldn't know. You will find out one way or the other.
Take the frum guy (that's us, the good guys). He discovers that the only time that he really thinks clearly, that he really feels total dedication to Hashem, that the words of the Mussar sforim make perfectsense to him...is right after he masturbates. Oh, yes, then he has no yetzer hora, then he feels the hammer of his guilt and depth of folly come smashing down onto himself and is totally ready to give himself to G-d and to swear off (again). Case in point the madreigah and kavonoh of his davening a day after he acts out! Amazing. The tears, the clarity, the t'shukah for Teshuvah gemurah! Gevalt what deveikus!
No wonder he (we) ended up masturbating again a few weeks or days later. see, real life happens (it does, you know), but it is not according to the 'right script'. His wife is too fat, his kids are too wild, his pay is too little, his kavod is too small, his friends are too self-serving, his shul is too krum, his boss is too tight...His G-d is obviously not doing a good enough job taking care of him. If he'd (we'd) be running the show things would be working out better, for sure...If only he could fix his wife, kids and the people....and really daven hard enough to Hashem to finally manipulate Him into running things right (fixing Him, too)...then all would be OK. I mean, just look at the world. It needs fixing and who better to do the job than this drunk...?
So he has found a power greater than himself - a higher power called Masturbating. And it seems to restore him to sanity! Because lusting and holding back from masturbating or doing other sex stuff (cuz after all, they are big aveiros) builds up the pressure and confusion. Two weeks goes by and he has just gotta act out again. He can only hold his breath for so long...
And every time he does give in and masturbate, he painfully remembers how silly and useless the porn and stuff is, how silly and immature it is, how it gives him nothing in the end...gevalt! He is restored to sanity - to yiddishkeit, to Torah, and To avodas Hashem. By acting out. Like magic, he is sane again! Phew!
But in a few days or so he is again bombarded with boredom, desire, and discomfort, again holding his breath for 'sobriety', taharah, or to avoid gehinnom, and again very confused...and needs the drug even more than last time. And so the cycle goes around and around. Sometimes for decades. While a family (sadly, not just a guitar) gently weeps.
Was he really looking for sin? Was it desire driving the addict? Nope. He is a good guy, he is frum! I say he was probably looking for comfort, for warm, sweet acceptance - porn offers me that in spades...in my imagination. Isn't it that way for you? Shocking, exciting, yes - but warm, motherly acceptance and total selfless love is inside the fantasy, isn't it? Well, anyway, that is what it feels like. So that's what it is, for me. My reality. And Hashem knows that, of course.
But it destroys me.
You say you need to stay away from it "to save your soul." I say to heck with your soul - it's not a reality to you as much as you say it is anyway, probably. Save your marriage! Save your mental and physical health! And save your own skin. Your skin you do believe in for sure - we all know that. (Rabban Yochanan ben Zakai told his talmidim that they probably care far more about people watching them than they do about Hashem watching them - so we are in good company, there!)
So the first thing to do is to suffer enough to need to stop, no matter what the cost. Then to suffer enough to want to do anything necessary to stay stopped, no matter what the cost.
And then the trouble starts - if he or she is an addict. Because Life happens...and this time without the drug. Saying "Hashem will fill the void," is nahrishkeit - for where was Hashem all along?! This frum person's 'Hashem' concept is obviously not working for him - actually, it is certainly part of what got him all tied up with porn and masturbation in the first place! It must be untwisted somehow. That's what the second and 3rd steps are all about, and why the addict later discovers he needs a 4th through 7th steps, too.
V'ein chavush matir atzmo mibeis ha'asurim. Your own mind cannot straighten yourself out! We need positive action and positive recovery relationships, not just positive thinking. Our thinking is probably the very weakest and most corrupted part of us. This is all poshut, no?
So, is this take-able from my words, too?
