It is the past (I'm not happy with it) and the future (I want it to be brighter) that is driving me. Looking at the past can also help us figure out patterns, and learn from them. Hoping for a better future can also be a motivator.

It is like someone that is an over-eater. Right now, he is fat (from all the falls he had), he can learn from the past that walking into certain places/staying at a wedding past a certain hour/passing by a certain store causes him to fall and eat. He can look at himself in the mirror, not like the extra weight which can motivate him to watch over himself (and if he is out of control, find a program that can help him). Every time he falls, he will gain a bit of weight but if the trend is positive, he will loose weight. It is the end goal (future) that is driving him to succeed now....

In the other hand, if someone is negative, he can say, I'm so fat already, one more donut won't make a difference, I'm a lost cause, I'll always be fat... I guess it depends what you try to learn from the past and how you see yourself in the future.   

True, but if it'll get you down I don't know if it's worth it. Also, memory is both an intellectual function and a feeling, meaning that we can understand things and gain new perspectives based on past experiences, but we can also get stuck living there. When I way "forget" I mean more not to remain in the rut, but certainly to want to change like you said. And similarly for the future.

sitting with pants off writing this. pushed off yetzer to look at stuff on my unfiltered comp- just got it and my k9 friend hasnt come over yet. i texted him that i wanted to look a while ago and i busied myself with chess on the other computer, which is protected. i shudve gone to library to study for my misterm today but i did not.
  in the end i fell for the garbage.

StrugglingGuy wrote on 06 Mar 2012 18:40:


shoulda woulda coulda
send that garbage truck back home and keep on trucking.
you can use the darkness to sink into further negativity, despair, and justification.
Or you can use the new darkness as the opportunity to create all the more light.

after being frustrated with someothing i looked at some p...

i am getting my comp k9ed right now

frustrated smustrated
no answer
p******* is NOT a healing for frustration, its not a hiding place, its a GRAVE
(been there, done that)

Then what?

im k9ed now

now what? what du u suggest?

go outside and run - no matter - i did it yesterday I felt great - i didn't wait to get  a proper running garb on - i ran in my black pants and white shirt( i did remove my tie ) , oye the schvitz did me good - the lust and the anger and the pitiful feelings left me as i ran and ran, must have looked funny - lucky it was dark then i slept so good.  no lust.

Just wondering what your long term plans are... You are installing the K9, blocking yourself from yourself but not dealing with the root of the problem. I don't have suggestions, I was just wondering if you did. In other words, what are you trying to achieve by installing the K9? We both know that you can find a way around it or that you'll be on an unfiltered computer at one point. And even if you won't, nothing is really changing within.

I'm in the same boat as you and that is why I asked. I'm finding ways to stop acting out as well but I'm not doing any of the real hard work.

I made a Taphsic neder which kept me "clean" for two weeks. But I was thinking, so what? Has anything changed? Am I different as a person? No! I still have the same issues it's just that I found a way to block the symptoms for a while. So in the end, nothing was/is achieved.

Truth is I know what I should be doing but I don't have the guts yet. I should be calling someone (I have his number) and join a live group of people. I don't know if it would work or make any difference but that is one direction I didn't pursue yet and it worked for many.

wanna look at some bad sites now on an unfiltered YU comp...im just gonna type a little (poetry to pass the time

green grass
cattle grazing
sun high above in the sky
horses neighing
farmers planting
tractors moving across the land

concrete is hot
sweat visible on the faces of
basketball players in the park
on a stifling July day
sneakers moving quickly on the ground
ball whizzing pass the hands of the defender
into outstrectched arms of athlete ready to
jam
Back on D

never think ur done with your struggles.
the other day i felt good about myself- maybe even too cocky- and then BOOM- last night and this morning looking at inapproporiate pics and doing some m******....
YH keeps coming bak!
have a great night everyone

A fellow in the SA group fell after 2 1/2 years sober. As Dov has said so many times, today is the only day that counts and the only day I can impact.
Hatzlacha in all things GOOD.
chaimyakov

thx

fell and failed everyway possible today- pics, books, m**** etc.

i will look forward only.... L'Chaim to a good rest of the day!