eye- i dont know. im not gonna act like i know everything about this- im more humble than that. however, i think that i lust for the pleasure of lusting and not to cover any fears or anxieties up. while i understand that for a lot of people that is why they do it- for me most of the time at least its about pure physical taiva and haa'na.

dov- interesting. lemme know if u have any ideas urself

Yeah, write for just a few minutes about how you feel tonight while you are going to bed - or whenever the dangerous time typically is, for you. No particular topic and not to convince yourself to "be good". Just write your guts down b'ezras Hashem - and do not wait for perfection - and do not share it on the forum or with anybody else, for now. Maybe a month later. But not now.

And do it by hand, not on a computer. There is something magical in a pen on paper. Try it and let me know.

k thx. good shabbos.

StrugglingGuy wrote on 07 Apr 2011 21:32:


The question is, what is happening BEFORE acting out.

I very rarely decided, "Life is great, everything's fine, I think I'll just turn on my computer and look at some porn now.  Yeah, that's just what I'll do!"

Rather, I'd turn on the computer... have to do some work... but not quite feeling like working...  just had an unpleasent discussion with someone.... maybe my wife.... maybe something work related...  okay, I'm going to work...  but I don't feel like working... I'll just check my E-mail... okay... now there was something interesting I wanted to look up on the internet, something really work-related... and I remembered something else, maybe about home-improvements, maybe about some hobby, or may be some interesting current-events...  ... hmmm...

And after about a half hour or hour of this, I'd be checking the room that nobody was around and then start looking at things a bit more questionable, a bit more... and bit more...

That's just my experience, though, and you might not relate to it at all.

--Eye.

Reb Eye is right. We have all manner of pots cooking on the stove-top of our lives that we are not even aware of. We only become aware of them after they boil over.

That is what the 4th step is about. Addicts, say the AA's, are not like normal people - we cannot afford to harbor very much righteous indignation, resentment, fear, and other garbage. Normal people can suffer with these things and manage. We, on the other hand, tend to drink/act out over them, eventually.

So once a person has been sober for a while and is ready to seriously work the 2nd and 3rd steps, he sets out at clearing out his garbage in his 4th in order that he can maintain a spiritual condition that will keep allowing Hashem to help him stay sober.

Our simmering pots (and some of us have many) block Hashem completely. They make us sit ourselves in the driver's seat.

"Block Hashem!?" - sounds like apikorsus, no?

Well, Chaza"l (referring to normal people, not just addicts) mean exactly that, when they say that Hashem says about a ba'al gayvoh, "ein ani v'hu ycholim ladur yachad" and they call such a person a "docheik raglei haSh'chinah". The Kotzker used to say that Hashem only comes in "where people let Him in" - same thing. The steps are only, only about learning to live in a way that lets Hashem in. It's about getting ourselves enough out of His way so that He can really help us out.

eye- ok. I hear. i definitely experience that sometimes.

I am trying to live life, concentrate on life and nothing else, stay out of Hashem's way, and let Him help me out. God willing, I can continue to do so.

Sounds good.  Good luck.

--Eye.

thx guys

wlcm

I'm engaged! BH...

Mazel Tov.  You should be zoche to build a bayis neeman b'yisroel.

Mazel tubes!

really, i had the feeling...

Thank you both! Amen!

  I think that Master***** is tougher to deal with than p, bec. by p- if you have a k9 you are protected even if you want to watch p.
  But by m, you have to sleep in your bed. It is harder than p to think of ways to combat

I believe a good method is just to leave one's penis alone. If I look at or touch myself for pleasure, I will completely fail, guaranteed. Of course, being successful at doing this requires integrity, cuz no one is around, right?

Integrity is learned, not earned. We learn it from being open and honest on a regular and continuous basis with other people first, then with G-d and ourselves second. 

Hatzlocha.