30years wrote on 14 Apr 2010 09:40:
This is a tremendous post from another forum:
yehudaslegacy wrote on 14 Apr 2010 04:52:
firstly i would like to thank those who took the time to read and reply to my post, it really leaves one with the feeling that someone cares. And that i have begun recovery.
The most important thing that happened to me is the realization of what I/We are up against. It is not the need to masturbate that entices us to look, it is the looking itself that is addictive, and masturbation is merely a peak of those desires. We desire to let our eyes feed on an image. The best example is how we derive actual pleasure just by looking at a woman passing by on the street and continuing to stare as she passes by. Those few seconds are literally no different than the first few bites into a steaming slice of pizza which are eaten while still inhaling. During those first bites the mind is focused on and is thinking about nothing else other than that pleasure. masturbation is an extreme example of that because it requires your mind to focus so intensely on an image in order to imagine you are actually doing something to that image and that that image is responding to what you are doing, a tremendous amount of imaginative energy is put in to fooling your mind you are actually there and actually doing something which then brings about the result of masturbation. It is the ultimate actualization of that feeding, to reach that point of ecstasy you have to completely wrap your mind around an image and let it totally consume your conscience. It is that that we are addicted to. and only with that realization does it truly dawn on us that allowing ourselves to look at an image,or more correctly to feed on an image is just as bad as masturbating, because it is a less extreme version of the same thing. We can no longer convince ourselves that as long as we are not masturbating its not bad, that the fall is only when we have given in and masturbated. No you have given in to your addiction just as seriously if you have allowed your mind to feed on an image as when you have masturbated to an image. Just like a drug addict cannot ( or must not) fool himself into thinking, its not so bad its not a fall, its only a joint its not like I did heroine or anything, I think we would agree that both light and hard drugs are a fall for someone trying to free himself from a drug addiction, and if their mindset is not so then they don't really have a chance of recovery.
This quote, in my opinion, hits on sensitive stuff that is very easy to misinterpret depending upon exactly where
the reader is coming from. I do not argue with anything in it, basically agreeing with it all, but: On one hand, I know of not one addict who ever permanently "stopped himself" from using his/her drug because of any reason or attitude. In every successful case I know, it was a process of surrender and they know that a
Higher Power did it for them - and
keeps doing it for them. So, taking that power and credit into our own hand is probably suicidal simply because it's a lie. And lying (actively or passively) is the bedrock of addictive behavior. And the same goes for guilt - I know of no addict who got
sober, from guilt. Quit? Yes -
many times, but not sober.
On the other hand, even though I of course sense your sincerity, the kind of talk in the quote is so easy to hear almost every time one goes to an AA/SA (etc.) meeting. It can usually be heard out of the mouths of the guys who have been attending for one or two
meetings. Those who have not yet been sober for a month, or maybe even a day, often have it 'all figured out'. Preaching and philosophizing to anyone - even correctly - never really helped me at all. And I doubt it helped the other folks who heard it, either. The answer for me and those I know, may
not to be found in finally "understanding" the underlying roots of our problem, but in the
acceptance of that understanding, I guess. Now
that's a precious gift to get. Action speaks much louder than words, especially in recovery. Luckily, action doesn't have to mean anything like perfection!
Alei v'hatzlach!!
