I just (have not finished) watched a history movie about a certain story about a girl who was my age (few months younger) and i... well... she is very pretty and there are parts that are included about the physical changes going on inside and outside i wont go into more detail as not to trigger people like i have been. i am about to learn gemmara for an hour and i am hoping that that plus dinner will be enough time but we are finishing the movie after (in honor of yom hashoah) and i don't know if i can make it. we tape the movie yesterday but began watching it and i already had a "wet dream" my parents will be suspicious if i don't wanna finish watching because i love history so help! 

Wow...you're in a tough situation.

First of all, let me say this - you are incredible! The fact that you're seeing the danger, and are working against it, is just amazing.

Remember that this is clearly a test. And you can pass this. Tell yourself that you know that you can pass this - one day at a time, all you need to worry about it today. Remind yourself of how good it feels to pass this test.

If possible, you should try to avoid the rest of the movie. Tell your parents that you're not feeling well, that your eyes are hurting, that you need to get some fresh air...and go for a walk or a jog.

And let us know how you're doing!

One thing if i don't finish the movie tonight i will have to finish tomorow which means i will have more time to follow up in a bad way i think i will finish the movie and stay im my room posting or doing somethung to pass the time and go to sleep after. what do you guys think?

I found myself in a similar situation in class.  We were watching a movie that given the choice, I would not have been watching.  Everytime there was a scene that had questionable graphics a flipped my hat down and looked the other way.  If you have to watch I would suggest doing that, "guarding you eyes".  is talking to your parents about your concerns out of the question? 

I know this sounds bad but it was about the diary of     Frank. the actress who plays her in the movie is very pretty and does somethings that have to do with maturing teenage girl that i will not mention because they will trigger people. also the actress has similarities to the girl i had (have?) a crush on  :-[.  First of all my parents did not realize this would be in the movie and as soon as it started fast forwarded it but for me what i saw was too much. So in no way am i blaming them! but i told them that i wanted to let it sink in and generally i am sensitive to the holocaust stuff so we will either not finish the movie or watch a different time (one day at a time). thanx guys i will be on for a while to get myself on the right track.

Hashem is calling his Malachim and telling them "See, I was right! It was worth creating men in the world!" HE is extremely proud of you tonight!

Oh, come on, CA, you KNOW the answer to this one.

It seems so tricky, but you KNOW it's not.

The answer is called, honesty.
[ouch; I'm being blunt; I hope that's okay here; I mean well]

If watching her (sounds like Anne Frank-- aha your post in my mid-post confirms this) is a trigger, find a way to close your eyes. Or twiddle a pencil. Or something.

If you think your parents etc will notice this and wonder what the heck is up, you can just continue doing what you think you need to do to get through this. Either they'll let it pass, or they'll ask you what's going on.  In which case, gulp, honesty would mean, big gulp, "Well, you see, I'm not used to watching girls like that. I don't want to sound too ultra-frum or anything, but I just don't want to go around with those images in my head all day. And she's just about my age. I'm, like, a normal teenage BOY! So, er, could you watch the rest without me?"

If the triggers last too long afterwards, I know there are corners of this website with really really gross photos designed to distract you. Imagining the girl walking into the gas chambers would probably be a pretty extreme example.

YOUR PARENTS DON'T WANT YOU TO DO ANYTHING THAT'S UNCOMFORTABLE FOR YOU TO DO. They're probably just clueless how sensitive you are to it. I bet you'll find a way to tell them that someday. In the meantime, just say 'no.'

You know this. Just take a big gulp and do it, already.

Thank you every one! first off yes this is a movie about Anne Frank, two i mapped out my ideas and thoughts and here is what i came up with one, i felt terrible for lusting after even the actress who played Anne Frank it just seemed so wrong words cannot describe it, three i looked up how much of the movie was left and if there were any inappropriate parts i found out there a few minutes left and nothing was innapropriate. so my thinking was right now i keep thinking about her and not feeling good about it (talk about understatements) so either i should linger on it and keep going through the thoughts or i could finish the movie and see how it "ends". Well iwatched the last parts of the movie and right now i am not feeling lust because right at the end it goes through the list of the people hiding and where and when they died and the last person it says is Anne Frank who died in 1945 seeing it written out like that made my stomach drop and almost cry... i don't know how to explain what i am feeling and did a terrible job explaining my thought proccess but hey. so right now i am moping.all i can say is as much as there were innapropriate parts it probably did not need to show it did represent the story the way it was and that made the ending much more tragic. i don't know what to say even... but i hope this jumbled mess makes some sense to people. I am absolutely speechless...

You've got a lot of confused emotions. I just want to say 2 things:

1) I can understand the feelings you had (although I've never watched the movie, from your description, your responses seem natural),

and

2) I'm in awe of you. Truly.

Chazak Amenu wrote on 12 Apr 2010 23:04:


Just in case you watch TV ... stop ;-)

Stop watching dvds also - why not? Tell your parents that the girls arouse you. That's normal! Rabbeinu Bachya (I think) says that if a Jew has a lude thought it is worse than what Titus had done in the Kodesh Kadoshim (take a prostitute on top of a sefer Torah.) So in fact a Jew is not permitted to have lude thoughts for no reason. Only for the purpose of procreation with his wife. No other reason. Hashem just tolerates it. This is not to say that I have no lude thoughts, but for someone to make fun of you for not wanting them it's bad. And the gemara says in B"M that if your father tells you to sin you must not listen to him, because you are both obligated to serve Hashem first. If they make fun of you say "Ribon shel Olam, look how they ridicule me because of you." Use it to your advantage. It's money in the bank.

As far your current arousal, it's a punishment for a few moments of lusting. Averah goreres averah. Think again about the scene that triggered it, and focus on the fact that Hashem looked at you with chagrin at that moment. Regret it properly and confess for masturbating (even though you didn't do it, you will if you don't do tshuva for the thought) and the arousal should subside.

Briut wrote on 13 Apr 2010 01:19:


You know, I just want to say one more time for the record... that if you're now a teenager and your parents therefore one generation behind you, well, the world was a different place then. Much of orthodox America went through coed schools. Even public schools with 'cheder' afterwards. Like all "good Americans" they saw movies (they were cleaner), watched TV (it was way cleaner; think I Love Lucy), and even went down to see the big parades (which only rarely had the scantily-clad ladies; normally it was politicians). The supermarket checkout aisle sold Readers Digest, not People magazine or worse.

What I'm trying to get to is, your parents may really be clueless here. Not in the cynical teenage sense where all parents are clueless. Just really clueless as to how the increasing frumkeit of our oylam and the increasing pritzus of our golus JUST DON'T FIT TOGETHER AS NICELY AS IN THEIR DAY.

Believe me; I'm from that generation (in my 50s); I didn't know why I couldn't keep a TV set in the house until I started WATCHING some of that s(tuff). It's gone now. Not because I hate TV -- I don't -- but because it ain't your father's I Love Lucy anymore.  Same with movies.

Bottom line -- help your parents see the light on how much different your world is when it comes to exposure to pritzus. I still believe honesty is a good policy.

PS: I've got LOADS to say about your using the word 'addict' to describe your emotions. Like, how to distinguish addict from normal, warm-blooded American teenager. But I'll save that for another time.

30years wrote on 13 Apr 2010 02:35:

Well, this posted in my mid-post. I am speechless. I hope the poster simply doesn't realize that this is a 15 year old kid we're talking about. Trying his best to be a good Jew. Trying to reconcile Hashem's mitzvos with his hormally-ravaged 6'2" and counting body.  Asking good questions and bravely stepping foot in this forum with a bunch of tired old addicts like us.

Please, 30years, read the guy's story and earlier posts before you start throwing hellfire and brimstone his way. Arousal as punishment? Hashem looked on you with chagrin? Confess for m**g you didn't even do?

I don't know how to describe my reactions to those thoughts....  Perhaps if you re-read his story you'll reconsider your position.

I do not think that they are clueless they always talk about how there TV was so much better and cleaner than ours. This movie was really just supposed to  be something to help commemorate Yom Hashoah this was playing on PBS last night we decided to tape it last minute and watch it today the scene really was not expected and we fast forwarded it as quick as possible. my parents even show us all the time the old movies rather than what is on now. like Jeeves and Wooster, I love Lucy, The Honymooners etc. Thank you guys for replying it really helps i am glad i seem to have been able to avoid this close call.

PS.
i agree completely you guys had way better TV we actually have only one TV in our house and it is in our parents room so that is pretty non factor for us.

As the grandson of a Holocaust survivor whos life would probably have lasted longer had he not been in a concentration camp during the Holocaust i felt really ashamed at lusting even at the actress who playes such a lady someone who deserves much more respect but when you put a scene like that in a movie... i mean come on! I suppose it is time i move on but this stuff has such an affect on me and my mom was wise to tell me to wait a few days or even not finish the movie but i think finishing it was the best thing i could do for myself. that is really all that there is left to say i think. Thank you again everyone!

Briut wrote on 13 Apr 2010 02:50:


I like the guy. I don't mean to put him down. But I have a pessimistic view of this problem ...