wishing you the best AHM, hoping you find the right thing to do and the determination to stick to it

Good to see you again

if you feel you are in need of the sa meetings,
put in the work toward figuring out a solution.
Don't let this fall by the wayside.

just mind the gap and kot

No traps, no glue or poison just plain wholesome cheese.  Hope all is well!  Remember today is neither yesterday nor tomorrow.

Thanks for the cheese UAJ! It happens to be that I was planning to post today, you must have ruach hakodesh!

I don't have much time to post these days but i did want to share something with you guys. bH things seem to be a little different, I'm not sure exactly why but there are 3 things im doing differently which may have an effect.

1) Following from Dov's advice, at the end of shmoineh esrei, before oiseh shalom, i speak to Hashem in english about what's bothering me and i daven for help with it. It makes the relationship more real and practical.

2) My learning went up a gear bH, I'm learning more gemorah and holding in it. I think that makes me feel much more spiritually fullfilled apart from the fact that learning torah properly obviously does good things for our neshomas.

3) I'm working more efficiently at work, doings things quicker and gaining in confidence instead procrastinating (as much as i used to!) and pushing things off. That also helps me feel more fullfilled and when real life is fullfilling, there is less of a need to search out for the fake stuff.

In other news following from my pre - rosh hashonoh thinking about sa meetings, my wife expressed concern about me going to a local meeting, that if someone from the community is there that it could negatively effect our family at some point in the future, if he spills it to someone by mistake. She didn't feel she could take that risk.

So, we went to speak to our rov about it. This is a rov who deals with all the problems in our community, he is very well clued in and deals with lots of people who have addicitons, he is very practical about things.

He said to us that my wife's concern is a genuine concern and of course if it is pikuach nefesh nothing stands in the way, but if it's not pikuach nefesh it's best to avoid it.

How does one assess whether or not it's pikuach nefesh, I don't believe it is but im nogeah bedavar, who can make that decision?

I certainly need to find the right system and support for my journey. I'm gonna make a few phone calls. For the time being, as far as the last couple of weeks are concerned, so far so good (bli ayin horah).

Thanks everyone for your support!

If the cat has you by the tail, it's pikuach nefesh.

You may be the only one who could figure that one out.

why not try to find an SA meeting a liitle bit away from your community, maybe in the next town, or maybe even up to 45 minutes drive?

Whats with all the cheese and wine.??

Now i have developed a Taavah for cheese have to get some, mouth watering. hard where i live to get Chalav Yisrael.

Axctually my father was shoichet (now retired) so we always had meat B"H but had a lust for cheese never could get enough !!  we did not live in new york so not so easy...

Ah well, better cheese than ....you know......

still fattening though

Maybe that Rov is attending the same meeting himself and is afraid to be seen there by you! Trust me, stranger things have happened, and will continue to.

OK, that was tongue-in-cheek. Though I know at least one father who I was close SA friends with for a while, without telling him that his 25 year old son was coming to SA meetings, too. I am also recovery friends with two brothers who are going to SA meetings but do not know about each other's disease or recovery yet. Awkward is not really that bad. Eventually, all is set right.

But seriously, there are almost ten frum guys in the meeting I attend, and we all know each others families. As far as I know, there has not been anyone who has told about anyone else in the meeting to the outside. Could it happen? I guess so. But which guy will tell about another - how will they explain what they were doing at a pervert meeting themselves?

They say that "a conservative is a liberal who finally got mugged." Of course the feelings and the shame of my wife needs to be taken seriously by me. But why is this different than other piku'ach nefesh shaylos? Almost every posek is machmir with it, in the moment. We do not need to see the person almost die, get arrested or for them to have an affair, for the problem to be taken seriously - considered pikuach nefesh. I am not arguing with this Rov! I only suggest that you respectfully ask this posek if he has witnessed a family ripped apart by lust addiction yet. I have witnessed more than ten, so far, but I am am am ho'oretz. If he has not, then he might consider letting a Rov who has, be the one to listen to you and decide what is best. Then listen to him.

And like Shmeichel said: why not go to a meeting farther away from home for a while?

Recovery is worth paying a lot. And if it isn't to us, then that says a lot, too.

Hi AHM,
it's great to 'see' you. i hope you find the right course of action and then we'll both sing some zemiros

Maybe singing zemiros is the right course of action.  At least it will make you feel better . Keep smiling .

did you say 'maybe'?  >  >  ;D

Hey, I didn't know the gemach had  > s.

they're in the closet with the sign on the door that says 'employees only'

bH, I can report that for the 1st time in months, I am clean for 2 weeks. (It sounds pretty pathetic doesn't it...). Anyway the quality of my recovery these past 2 weeks has been really something bH. Everything is better, my davening, my learning, my working, music, my time spent with my wife and kids my spare time, my bedroom time with my wife. My quality of life is much better. Life is more beautiful, meaningful and that is not something i want to give up.

A major part of it has certainly been as I have said davening personally in english and talking to Hashem when im feeling lost and also davening for women who have majorly trigerred me. all advised by dov - so, thanks!

That sounds fantastic!
Continue shteiging.
You're doing great!