thanks rage - good 2 hear im not the only one with the twisted mind...lol

Rage that was great. As Dov puts it Step One is not something we do once. Whenever we are faced with something. You turn to step one and realize if I do this I'm f...d (that means "finished" for the uninitiated). If we do that mental calculation it helps put us in the right from of mind.

well put david/rage! teddy - absoultely not! we're all in the same boat - the way rabbeinu steve, leader of the early-bird duvid chaim 12 step call, put it - 'our addiciton is out to kill us and make it look like an accident'.

Yesterday, while on the train home, a girl came on dressed in a way that really triggers me, i lingered on her as she passed me by and then i realised that i cant afford to stay in the same compartment as her so i ran into the next one (my own mini 'vayonas veyeitsey hachutsa'), but then when i got off, i stared at the train as it passed to get one last look.

I was upset with myself, i thought i messed it all up and undid what i had done. But, then i realised, perfectionism is part of the addiction. it makes me annoyed if i slipped a little and then paves the way for an all out fall much like reb david was saying.

I told myself to stop being a perfectionist - the victory will always be there and the slip, in the grand scheme of wht im capable of doing is very minor - 'keep on trucking' i told myself!

that's gevaldig!

you have the attitude worked out.

GYE Trucking Co. - not perfect and proud of it!

No, Reb An Honest Mouse, that slip was geferlich, terrible, disgusting, nauseating, etc. You shouldn't have done it. Does anyone disagree?      That is what we would be saying if this single slip is the entire complete story of your life!

If someone were to take a step back and analyze your episode, what would he see? A nice guy (who happens to be a dear friend of mine, but that is irrelevant here) was on the train. The Yetzer Horah tempted him while he was unaware. As soon as he realized what happening he averted his gaze!

Since this young man has a clear perception of himself, his strong spots, and his 'soon-to-be- strong spots', he was afraid of getting entangled again so he went to another carriage of the train! The Yetzer horah lost!

Not wanting to admit failure, the Yetzer Horah had him catch a fleeting glance after exiting the train. Now the 'Old Foolish King' is trying to have this last moment cast a shadow over this entire glowing episode.

Are we gonna fall for it???

Are we gonna bite his bait???

Yosef Hatzadik wrote on 09 Dec 2010 18:09:

did you forget AHM only likes flounder?

great perspective reb yosef, thanks! zemmy maybe i could provide flounder fish in your new bais hamedrash.

got a few more stories - 1) even though im only on my 3rd day of the current sobriety trek, last night i noticed my feelings again - i was able to get into the singing more and really feel love and appreciation for my family. acting out numbs my feelings, it takes away my life, thats something i have to remember.

2) an a&w - i went to get a takeaway at lunch time and i kept checking out the waitress, so i looked away and texted that to my partner and that i realise its dangerous and will only lead to doom and destruction, i asked Hashem to carry me through until i could leave. Literally as i sent the txt, she handed me my meal and i was free! unbelievable timing!

Alright, B"H!!

An Honest Mouse, you were mekayem the Three Second Rule lemehadrin! You saw the girl and it took you 3 seconds before you alerted yourself. Then you averted your gaze and then  your entire self to a different carriage. Step three is affirm your victory which you can do now if you didn't do it then.
You took one last glance? Every Chanuka hundreds of rebbies all over the world look around the Beis Medresh and say "The Yevanim have won." We answer that the Yevanim constantly win but we also constantly fight and we also win victory after victory. The real winner is the one with the most points at the end of the game.

Hi guys, bring on the cheese - the mouse is back!  8)

it's been a while - I've been crazy busy at work and started a night seder, so much less time to post, but this one i gotta make time for.

I've been doing a 3 month job in a law firm hoping it will lead to something more permanent, today i found out it probably wont and i felt myself starting to build up a desire to medicate - to escape and make myself feel better.

a&w - I had 5 mins spare after mincha so i called the early-bird call and i think michael or dov in israel (i hope thats right) were saying that we are like babies, we run away from life and that is the way we suck our thumb, we get upset when 'my better plan' doesnt work out. I'm 100% sure that Hashem let me hear that - the only 5 mins i've heard this week - to prepare me for the news of being out of a job. With that in the back of my mind, instead of running to lust and p*** i ran to my phone and called my partner - the earliest i've ever called in the onset of a lust urge at gate one as they call it.

we talked it through and i internalised that it's part of Hashem's plan and He's still at the wheel, He has a plan and I trust that it's for my best - i shared this with 2 of my good chaverim here (you should know who you are) and it intensified my feeling of security - i just felt a beautiful, secure trust in Hashem that is more warm and comforting than lust could ever be!

bH for recovery, for GYE, for dov  for duvid chaim & steve and all my good friends here who keep me going - and of course, thanks to Hashem!!!

beautiful AHM!
thanks for sharing that.

my mother often complains about seeing a mouse in the house. if she would only see you....

an honest mouse wrote on 22 Dec 2010 23:45:


Zemiros Shabbos, is this referring to you?

due to Disney's non-disclosure agreements...

i am afraid that i have a policy of 'mouse ambiguity'

I'm sorry about the job, but hopefully something else will come up, and in the meantime, look at it this way - you used this as an opportunity to grow!

i am leaving some tender bits of flounder fillet with Tomato Basil Jack cheese out in the hopes of getting our favorite and very honest mouse to grace us with a post or two...