7Up wrote on 30 May 2010 08:43:


Mom I'm all for your conquering spider-phobia, but I've been trying to get over social-phobia for a few years now... it aint simple at all...

I have made incremental progress... but not enough to have me functioning normally...

I am thinking of doing a week-long program called "breakthrough at CARON" who knows maybe it'll help me somewhat....

I hope you conquer those spiders sooner than I get over this problem 

I fell very badly tonight....
I need help...

Oy! Im so sorry to hear that Tried :-\

The question is 'now what'?
Will you let the YH get you depressed or simply pick yourself up, dust of the dirt and keep climbing? Only malachim never fall. Our job is to keep on trucking!

Here for you throughout...

Last night I was very very down, broken, I couldn't talk or write or type how I felt.....

I got busy and put together a piece of furniture that I was planning on assembling....

It helped me cope a little...

I realized that I will not give up... I woke up today with a fresh start... May Hashem help me through this... May he help you and all of us....

Tried,

The Kotzker Rebbe used to say there's nothing so whole as a broken heart.

Being broken is the nature of our struggle. When we fall we feel broken. And even when we succeed we also sometimes feel broken because of our inner turmoil. There's a vort on the pasuk "And Yaacov saw there was Shehver (grain - but literally "broken") in Mitzraim", that the "Shehver" alludes to Yosef, who was called "broken" because of his midda of Yesod.

The vort continues that people are damaged emotionally from being broken. So the pasuk in Tehillim 147:3 says that Hashem "Heals the broken hearted (Shevurei Lev) and binds their depression". So we're assured that Hashem will heal any negative emotional effects of being shomer the bris.

It's so nice to read how you ended off your post saying:

Tried-123 wrote on 31 May 2010 13:39:

Cammando,

Your words of chizuk are much appreciated....

Part of the down I had last night after falling was about being afraid of the turmoil... being afraid of the emotional scars it will leave....

I hope you are right that it gets healed....

I am trying to be more understanding of myself and do the best that I can....

Tried-123 wrote on 31 May 2010 03:58:

I've never fell "not so badly", but can still imagine what you mean, friend. Sorry to hear it, but are you living today as best you can? Considering who you really are and what your track record is, are you doing a good job so far, today? For me, 'trying again', 'getting back on the wagon', or starting your 'day count' over again is fine, but it is not the ikkar. The ikkar for me is to live right today regardless of what kind of screwball I may be or what kind of horrible stupidity I was sold to yesterday. Like you said, it is a new day!! (yipee)

Hatzlocha with today, sweet chaver.

R' Dov,
Thank You so much...

I think I can say that I did start a new day this morning...

I'm a bit more positive and ready to continue trying...

Gevald Gevald!!!!
I hope I am improving
And Improvement can also be in the manner of the fall (did you get totally depressed? where you able to do some degree of damage control? At what point where you able to pull yourself out?)

A big Yesod is that achievement is not only on an up it is also on down...

Not only that but:
The Stiepler Gaon (in Kreina D'igrasa) writes to a Bochor that the MAIN achievements are accomplished during a down...
Everyone can do well on an up... It's when your'e down and the water get's hot that you need to flex your muscles....

Our goal (or at least mine) is about shifting the curve -not eliminating it... (V'hamaiven Yovin)

But I still hate when the Yetzer Horah throws curve balls at me.  >

Tried-123 wrote on 31 May 2010 17:57:

Dear TTWT,

The blue part reminds me of the way I feel in recovery.
The lime green part reminds me of when I am thinking too much.
The red part I can live with our without. Nu, if those kind of ideas really help you, kol hakavod!

I figure that it is what it is, and I cannot change the way things are. I can only do right by me, by my G-d and by His people right now. And for me that is not an intermediate phase or exercise, it is the way I must try to live today. I often stray, but have the steps and my friends to help to get back on track and do what I am here for today. To hell with yesterday, tomorrow, my madreiga, and with whether I am actually getting better or worse. That is how have come to see it.

Hashem gives us tools, tools, tools. We need to learn how to use Him and His tools.

Taking it easy, 

Dov

dov wrote on 31 May 2010 18:40:


Not sure exactly what you mean....
But then again I'm me and this is Doverish...

Nuthin', just that the issue of how sinking is really rising is not that relevant to me. I agree with it, mind you, but what matters to me is the value of what I am doing - not the value I put on myself or my madreiga. For me those considerations and preoccupations are just a waste of precious brain space.