Don't wana disappoint anyone but I'm in the dumps again....
Lost Alone
I Feel that even people that supposedly do care about me don't really...

I have a therapist that I'm working with that was very good... I was very hopeful..
But I think he turned against me... I think it's all a hoax... I invested so much time energy and emotion and I feel like I was left deserted...

(he kicked me out in middle of a difficult session and then after wards told me that he got the time wrong...)

I feel like No one can really be trusted...
I don't know who to turn to....
G-d doesn't work for me right now...

Tried, I feel your pain.

I am down in the dumps again too. I fell again today (and last night) and just feel like I have no control over my own body or my own life. I know that G-d is watching this whole thing and I can't help but wonder why, if he hates it as much as I do, why he doesn't stop me before I go too far.

Right now, I feel like I'm doomed to porn and m**bation forever... Like I will have no choice but lie to my wife and children (when I someday have them) and to keep pretending to my friends and family. But, in the back of my mind, I know that I am wrong and that I will have my 90+ clean streak. All I have to do is keep working on it. Keep picking up my head, smiling to G-d, and telling G-d that even if he doesn't want a relationship with me - I won't take no for an answer!

I get a lot of chizuk from knowing that we are going through this together. Keep at it. Keep TRYING and before you know it, you can change your name to "succeeded".

Just read the last two posts. You two guys are awsome and beautiful, in my opinion. Please hang in there, never lose hope, and consider focusing at all times on what it is that you are supposed to be doing right now - what is useful. Thinking about how things are is just plain useless for me 99% of the time, so I try to avoid it except at certain times and when I see that it is likely to bear fruit. And only for a short amt of time, too.

I'm serious. All the cheshboning about how miserable we are feeling - even if it isn't techically "self-pity" - is usually just useless, and so: silly. So for us: very poisonous. Yes, it feels so normal and even so very important...but it is a lie. It doesn't help. It's just another lie we all seem to get used to. And therefore, like the others, it is painful to break free of it. The pain when avoiding it, tends to be misconstrued by our chickeny hearts as proof that we need it - yet another lie...

This is how I live, not a sermon. And I'd never be able to remain in recovery today w/o it.

Tried is in a very weird predicament....

I joined GYE as a not yet addict (Fell only 2-3 times...)

But I am embarrassed to say that my urges are much much much more frequent (Ma***tion, not Po**)

But I am trying in a much healthier way... and I am able to keep strong more than in the past...
But I also fall more...

Well Well... I think I'm moving forward

Either way it's like a piece of meddle in the shoe store.... Hu? ??? ??? ???

It can't hurt to take a breather from the forum. Perhaps look at what you are doing and see if you are going about things wrong...we all are, the question is just in what aspect. If you think about lust more often, you will likely have more trouble with lust. The steps are not about lust at all, so maybe getting into the steps in a calm, structured way might help. Maybe it's something else entirely. I
m entirely too sleepy, so goodnight!  :-*

wow!

such memories -

I've been there..done it...got through it...still did not receive my t-shirt yet, but maybe it will still come.

sounds like what i felt like with my ex-wife.
she was in overeaters anomymous (LOL - imagine that an addict marrying an adict) and reached a platoe in her weight loss for  long time - they suggested a therapist to find out what was wrong.

her therpist ( who I later found out was gay ) connived her there was no hope for the wedding and suggested she file for divorce...later I had to stop to my therapist (in teh same office) because he kept giving me ooglly eyes...and "checking me out".

I should write soap operas. Maybe you can write a few scripts too !

ok - so I hear you. and understand you.

question is what do do about it.
do you think you will EVER be able to trust anyone again ?

do you think you will EVER be happy again and out of the cloud of darkness and gloom?

Great - so lets do this...

borrow some happiness, trust and cheer from your self - and at some point in the future when you are feeling better just pay yourself back.

in other words - ACT-AS-THOUGH (versus ACTING OUT...which is just a matter of GIVING IN..but that is for another story) - act as thoguht you woudl when you are feelign better...and you will be surprised at the results.



you can also PM me too

Nice...very nice....

Thanks for your replies...

I just want to share that I used to spend a huge amount of time watching the news online... I found that I'd always be drawn to the news with woman anchors... or celebrity news etc....

I realized that It shouldn't be too hard to go on without this.... about a week or two ago I blocked out all News sights... I am managing OK and staying away from some triggers.... I am proud of myself...

Lechaim my Dear Brothers.....

good! i used to have a tv in the basement but we took it down when we were putting new furniture in and it has been a great help! at least you were able to block some of the stuff that would trigger you!

Here goes:

I can not control my desire to Ma'bate. I need help I can not do it alone.
I am meeting with a therapist about this problem later this week.

I have a few groups in mind that I can join and would gain from... My issue is that they are mixed (Men and Women). The people that I always trusted for advice are really frowning about being in a mixed group...

I'm stuck between wanting to do things to get better... and the prospect of it being mixed which is a bad Idea for me (based on people that know me..) although I am not fully sure why it'll be so bad for me...

In the mean time I plan joining Duvid Chaim's group...

My central issue is social fear... due to an abusive upbringing...
I am very lonely and have very limited interaction with others...

I did not m'bate today...

Hatzlocha with whatever you do, chaver.

hang in there..

love ya!

We're with you throughout!
And more importantly; so is Hashem.

Hey there Mr. Willing to Keep on Trying,

Bhatzlacha in whatever you decide,
and you're working this out,
so even if the road is bumpy,
very bumpy, or hilly,
you're still trying.

First of all - you were clean yesterday - that's a huge victory!

I would recommend talking the issues over with the people that know you - maybe even put them in contact with your therapist so they can have a clear picture of the issues involved.