Commando 612, that was excellent!
Thank you.
For me, I find (along the lines of what you wrote) that if I am in an 'anivus' frame of mind, then the pull of the woman is less.
OK she's whatever, but what does that have to do with me.
k

Kutaaaaaaaaaan!!!!!

Papapapapapap paaa!!

Come right now to bardys pub ill pour u a glass of 7up (with a dash of vodka)

kutan shel hachabura wrote on 21 Mar 2010 20:59:


Kutan, thanks !!!
So if I'm understanding you correctly, by feeling that she's "out of my league" would lessen the pull ?

I don't know if that is a good approach.
What do you mean "she is out of my league"

1. I am a nobody and she would not want me anyways

2. she is a person not an object. Any urges I have about her are are in my mind and they are not because of her. She might be the trigger but the urges are all mine, caused by me and my body, mind etc. They are not because of how she looks or dresses rather they are because I am super sensitive to any stimulation.

the first approach is negative self esteem and in the long run can really hurt you. The second is the truth and will help you stay sane.

As we say 'she might be a problem but she is not my problem'

I think that many wives feel this way.....

Personals Reflections
by Rebecca S Russell

On a lark
I peruse
The personal ads
And find myself
Shocked and dismayed
By what I read there:
Men who want to dominate
Their partners,
Who could care less
About what she wants
Or how she feels;
Who, in short,
Are not interested
In what I have to offer:
A loving, tender, loyal heart,
A one-man woman
Who insists upon
A real relationship
Based on mutual respect
And interests
And honesty,
Who really does believe
That friendship comes first
And that sex is an extention
Of a loving relationship,
Not the relationship itself.
No, they want a submissive,
Brainless Barbie,
Physical perfection
Without morals,
Who makes no demands
As she fulfills
Their every base desire;
Then they complain
When Barbie proves to be
Something less than real,
Who lies with her words,
And her body.
And as I read the ads I realize
That there seems to be
No place in this world
For women such as me,
Except with other women.
It's really too bad
That I am not gay,
For maybe then
I would not be
So lonely.

Pushing away the thought and looking way has not worked for me, the thought just comes back, its like taking dirty laundry and dumping it in your closet and it will just pile up, the problem with us addicts we live in our head ( not just with lust) so what I do is make a call to someone in the fellowship and talk about it, just by bringing the feelings to the light has helped me, by doing that you admit powerless, and you say hashem I cannot deal this, please take it away from me, some ppl pray for that person that she should have what she needs.

I bedafke don't turn away right away but tell my self its okay you don't need it and then look away ( obviously don't stare ) 
Best of luck

guardureyes wrote on 20 Mar 2010 19:32:


can you give more detail? "praying for the woman you were triggered by"

I'd be worried that if I don;t get my mind off that subject it'll make things worse

5770 wrote on 24 May 2010 14:33:


Dov recently wrote more detail here:
www.guardyoureyes.org/forum/index.php?topic=2321.msg65538#msg65538

But if you can't pray for her, can you at least pray for me ? Pray that I'll marry a nice bas yisroel who happens to look like her.    :o :