Let's say that tomorrow you spend one hour preparing for davening, [for all practical purposes pesukai dezimra and birkos hashachar are included , that's why we do them, tos. berachos] . Now you come to birkas krias shma in such an awe and hergersh, that you shudder at the words 'Vechulam mekablim alaiher...' Now you finish ahava rabba, with a spent box of tissues, and crying so hard you can't even see the expression on peoples faces. Then you grab your tzisis in your laft hand, you gently cover your eyes...and you begin. S H E M A .....
You think that after such a tefilla you can't possibly choose to veiw shmutz... wrong. If you where right, you would be soter a zohar. Ok so I''m sure you're saying, nu I'm not noheig minhagim al pi kabbala. And be'emes we only pasken like the zohar in 3 places against the bavli. And we hold 'ain davar Haomeid bifnei hateshuva. And tos. haROsh in yevamos is forced to learn that even having a mamzer from znus, still has teshuva, mekoich the kushya of 'ain davar haomeid'. And, epes I realy could change myself cold turkey. And Reb baruch Ber stopped smoking cold turkey, and is among the many gedolim who stopped smoking cold turkey when they realized they realy learn better without it. And 'AIn davar HaOmeid bifnei Haratzon', and it's only when I'm chasser koach that I fall, but if I get the ratzon and chizuk I'm immune to the YH. And Barasi YH, Barasi Lo torah tavlin, and Mashcheihu lebais hamedrash. vechadome......
BUt the reality is.... [copied from my thread in the beis medrash]
Tzadok in his sefer Pri tzedek, vayechi, 4.
We say every shabbos, in pesukai desimra "hodu Lashem....Ki leolam chasdo". Within that kepitel of tehilim we say "leosei niflaot...", and subsequently go-on to mention brias haolam and yetzias mitzrayim, and finally kriyat yam suf. The question begs to be asked, how are these 3 an expression of "Leosei Niflaos"? I'll leave you to guess about brias haolam. But yetzias mitzrayim was a "peleh" of a geulah. In-that all other geolas, still left of with a stain of their respective gauls. As the gemara (megilah 14a) says, "we are still subjugated to achashveirosh", in that what his galus repsented still scars klal Yisrael today. However when we left mitzrayim, hashem said "Lo Tosifu lirotam oid", not just their physical decaying bodies, but everything they represented and embodied. And not only will we not see it in them, but we will not see it in ourselves, in our actions, and natural inclinations. This great rebirth happened at Kriyas Yam Suf, ad it was only at that great moment that we became freed. As we say every day in davening "Shira Chadasha shibchu geulim ... and when... Al Sfat hayam!"
The sefer ?Matnas kehuna? (mem,tuf"chaf) says that just as the geula of mitzrayim, and likewise the geulah HaAsidah was a 'peleh', so too parnasah is a 'peleh'. In exactly what aspect do we find the comparison?
The obligation/curse for man to seek a livelihood, stems from the cheit of the Eitz hadaas. And says r tzadok, the nature of that cheit was not merely in food, but in all areas of lust. When we derive pleasure from something, intended to be a keli for kedush vetahara, and we solely lust after it. If we where to eat, merely for the nourishment that our bodies require, for the performance of torah and mitzvot, even if that where our only 'holy' intention, we would be attaining new spiritual levels with every bite! {see kuntres Eit haochel - after vayachi} But when we desire food, "ki tov haeitz lemaachal, Vchi taavah Hu LaEinayim, Vnechmad haEitz Lehaskil" we are fortifying the 'zuhama' instilled within us by the nachash. When man makes a 'kosher' livelihood, and when he spends his money in a 'kosher' way, he is perfecting himself in this area. He is rectifying the pegam that was instilled into mankind by the nachash!
And being that the pegam hanachash is not only in food/money, but in all areas of tayvah, for the sake of lust (R Tzadok somewhere in vayechi), it also applies to sexual addictions. Shabbos is a prime time to rectify ourselves in this area in regard to both food and sexual desires. i didn't make-up this correlation, r tzadok crings it from a zohar chadash in this parsha. by rectifying one's lust for food, he also rectifies his pegam habrit.
We all know this well, but why not say davar beshaim omro? The zohar in noach (219,2) says that everything can be rectified with teshuva, except for this (bar Miha). Ay but ain davar omeid bifnei hatshuva??? So R tzadok bring another zohar (noach 73, 2) "if you do it once it leaves a mark, when you repeat it [SA] it strengthens it's mark, when you do it a 3rd time the stain spreads form one side to the other, as it says "nechtam Avonecha". Pretty scary, huh? Since the pasuk the zohar bases "addiction" on, implies that it cannot be undone. So r tzadok is medayeik in the pasuk. {sorry I don't know the source, check in a better printing} "ki im tiochabseini bineter vitarbi lach borit nechtam avonecha lifunai" if we try to 'clean' this stain, not only will we be unsuccessful, but the addiction/aveira will be permanently lifnei hashem!!! Since "Sheain moil hatshuva mitzad ha'adam livado rak tzarich levakeish mahashem yitborach shehu yitharenu" And if we use that approach, then "Ubikeish Tichabseini Umisheleg albin" !
If merely breaking free of our destructive addiction where not enough, R tzadok makes a beautiful diyuk in the lashon used by the pasuk to define our tshuva, "misheleg albin". If i am not misstaken, in the levels of tzara'as the whitest of them is 'sheleg'. When hashem tells us of the level we cain attain by putting ourselves in his hands, he says we will be 'whiter than snow', whiter than the purest of whites. This level, says r tzadok, is the Sha'ar HaNun of Bina that even moshe rabeinu couldn't reach. Because in order to attain it one must do teshuva meAhava. He must be 'a light emerging from the darkness'. As r Tzadok frequently quotes the zohar "leis nehora Ela DiAsi migo Chashucha"
When we reach this level of kedusha, and teshiuva meahava, even our aveiros will count for zechoyos! We will rectify the pegam hanachas, and bring the geula.
Addictions are a neiya zach. A new Din in Y"H. What you need to do is treat it as such! R twersky and other rabbanim have matched all 12 steps to mekoros in chazal. Chachma bagoyim Ta'amin, they merely found out the chachma that was already nisgalah in the torah, just that they compiled it into a program for addicts. Use it.
